Categories > Original > Humor

When hobo's attack

by CrimsonInHumanBlood 0 reviews

Laura and Ashley take the short cut home on the wrong night!

Category: Humor - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama, Humor, Parody - Published: 2006-07-26 - Updated: 2006-07-26 - 1692 words - Complete

When hobo's attack!
By CrimsonInHumanBlood

One night Laura and her friend Ashley were walking home from a barrel racing practice. Brandi, Laura's Girl friend for the past 3 years, and Megan, Ashley's Girlfriend for the past 2 years had offered to take their horses back to the barn, letting Laura and Amber to walk home under the nice warm night sky.

Kissing their lovers good-bye and telling them they would meet them back at the house along the back roads of Minnesota. Laura wanted to take a short cut through the back roads. So they did.

So they were walking along the back roads of Minnesota when Ashley started getting worried. "Laura, I dunno if this is a good idea... I saw on the news that the hobos are really bad this week. I don't think we should be taking the back roads tonight. Maybe we should just turn around and just call the girls..." Ashley said as she looked around spotting a few hobos up ahead.

Laura laughed nonchalantly, "Ash, you're too paranoid! We'll just give them some cash and they'll leave us alone." Laura looked at her friend Ashley who clearly wasn't buying it. "And if that doesn't work, you have me too protect you. What is better than a vampire chick protecting you?!" she asked grinning cracking a cocky grin revealing a short set of fangs.

"Yeah... Right... They'd probably use the cash as fire paper," she mutters watching Laura pull out her wallet from the back pocket of her tight fitting black jeans. "As for a vampire idea..? Well I know how you are Laura... Of course you would love to fight them... but vampires do get rabies. God knows how much we need a rabid vampire on the loose," Ash snorted as a funny picture of her friend Laura foaming at the mouth and chasing the towns people. The cash idea came more appealing and she also pulled out her wallet and opened it, pulling out a twenty dollar bill.

Tossing the bills to the hobos they walked on grinning with satisfaction that Laura's idea worked. It seemed to them that they were just out of the woods. But it was just the beginning.

So they were walking along the back roads once again as if nothing were a mist. The hairs on the back of Laura's neck suddenly stood on end as the feeling of someone maybe following them. "My vampy senses are tingling!" Laura joked. "No, but seriously... I feel like something is following us."

Ash nodded as her own senses kicked in. "Very funny..." she commented dully rolling her hazel green eyes.

Laura snorted lightly.

"Laura... I think it's the hobos!"

Ashley glanced at her friend knowingly. Nodding they increased their strides. "It's a no brainier, duuuuuuurrr! Gods Ash..." she commented rather annoyed that Ash didn't realize that before.

"Well sorry! I'm not Miss. Vampire Psychic!" Ashley grumbled as they stared to walk faster as they could hear the hobo's feet move quicker.

Laura and Ashley suddenly found themselves jogging as the hobo's were gaining on them. Laura and Ash could hear the swinging of what sounded to be the swishing of stick's and the cans in a sack, which they usually carried as they were whorled in the air.

"Laura! They're gaining on us!" Ashley cries.


Ashley was suddenly struck in the back of the head with something hard and made of metal. It was a can Laura observed as she suddenly broke out laughing; slowing her down.

"That really hurt!!" Ashley said rubbing the back of her head while she maintained her speed, not waiting for Laura to catch up, knowing Laura had no trouble on gaining speed.


Suddenly Laura was hit with a can too. She stops laughing and looks back snarling. "Ouch!" she growled looking a head and caught up with Ashley again. Ashley just rolled her eyes hiding her mirth.

They kept running as the hobos whorled their sacks and the sticks in the air as they made a swoosh like a helicopters blades. Suddenly there was a 'Thump, Thump!' something soft and fuzzy hit the backs of their heads and clung to their hair.

"Laura! What the fuck!? Did they just hit us with fucking hamsters!?" Ashley exclaimed in disbelief. Crunch! "God damn it! It bit me!"

Laura's eyes widened in horror as she reached back and grabbed a fluffy hamster with wings and with an innocent look. Laura knew better and she hurled it back at the hobos. "Ahhhh! Rabid hamsters of doom!! They've come to eat us alive and throw poo at us!" She had heard of these scientist running experiments on hamsters that were hybrids with birds and some how they had developed rabies mysteriously. The scientist had been over taken by them and the hamsters had gotten out of the lab and bred with other birds and hamsters; spreading the dieses. Hobos had soon teamed up with the hamsters giving them an unlimited amount of garbage in which the hamsters prized.

Laura and Ashley ran as the hamsters kept coming.


Shit hit Laura in the eye. Laura screams as poison enters her eye. "My Eye!!!! Omg! My left eye!!! The fiend threw its shit into my eye!" Laura cries.

Amber laughs. Laura stops panicking as she hears the roar of her girl friends truck coming to the stop at the end of the road, 200 feet from them. Now wasn't the time to stop they had to keep going!

Ashley suddenly trips as a large stick hits her behind the knee causing her feet to give way and trip herself. "Ashley!!!" Laura calls stopping to make a start back to her friend.

"No! Save yourself Laura!" Ashley cries as she is soon covered in hamsters in which she tries to fight off.

Laura can see Brandi coming for her. Brandi grabs her girl friends arms and pulls her into the truck. "Brandi! I have to go back for Ashley!" Megan cries as she grabs the shot gun from the rack in the rear view window.

"Megan! No! There are too many! Good gods! Where the fuck are they coming from! They're multiplying like mice!!!" Brandi says as she gives a draconic hiss. Her eyes flashed yellow as they looked down at Laura who was clutching her left eye in pain.

"Sorry Brandi! I have my own human girl friend to save!" Megan says cocking the gun with a Chhh-chhht! Sound before heading out the door.

"Megan! Wait! Here!" Laura called out handing her a broom with mini barbs and hooks on it meant for harming hamsters like these. Brandi always kept something like this for times like this. "If you use the gun you could hurt Ash! You damn fool!"

Megan blushed with embarrassment before taking the broom and slammed the door shut. They watched for a moment before Brandi looked down at Laura who still clutched her left eye. "My mate, as tempting as it is to leave them too it, we cannot have them abandoned." Laura nods in understanding.

Brandi looked back in the bed of the truck and saw the weapon that would work nice. A large 1,000 gallon tank with a hose attached to it. The tank read: "Warning: highly concentrated soapy water." It was perfect! Hobos hated water and soap! Hamsters couldn't swim or fly in water, nor did they like it!

"If I don't make it out alive, I love you!" Brandi said kissing her girl before climbing out of the truck with a wink she quickly moved to the back and turned on a valve and grabbed the 100 foot hose.

"Watch out Megan!" Brandi called turning on the spray. "Ashley! Cover your face!"

Megan who was also being attacked by the hamsters that were covering her pant leg put her arms up and covered her face as a powerful hose sprayed them with soapy water. The hamsters flew back and fell off drowning in the power of the water that hit them at full force. The water hit the hobos too. They instantly fled as soon as the water drenched them.

None of the hamsters or hobos stood a chance.

Megan relieved of the rabid hamsters picked up her girl friend and rushed into the truck. Both were soaked to the bone as Brandi entered the truck and moved the clutch into Drive and started to the hospital so they could be checked out.

"Good thing ... we didn't wear white today, Laura!" Ashley said before fainting.


At the hospital, Amber and Megan were treated with major bite wounds. All ove them were treated with rabies shots. Except Laura who refused to get near a needle.

"No!!! I'm not getting one!" Laura said snarling at the needle the doctor held up. There was a whole row of needle required for vaccination of rabies as well as the counter poison that caused blindness and paralysis. "I'm not doing it! I'm more scared shitless of them than I am of a hobo with a stick and a can!"

"And rabid hamsters!" piped in Ashley.

"C'mon babe! Won't you do it for me!?" Brandi said hugging her girlfriend in a tight dragon hug as she winked to the doctor who took action as Brandi held her mate in place as she snarled and struggled to thrash around. Ash and Megan were instantly obliged to help out and pin Laura down as the doctor injected her with more needles, while she snarled and cursed.

"This should teach you Laura to not take short cuts when hobos' are this bad!!!" Megan and Ashley said nodding as they held her down.

The paralysis soon hit her and she couldn't move as they inserted the last few shots that would take away the paralysis.

"That wasn't bad at all now was it babe?" Brandi asked sweetly. "Come now, I'll take you all out for dinner. It on me!"

Laura was soon released with eye drops to be sure that she didn't go blind. They were all confident that she was no longer at risk of rabies. That was the last thing they needed... A rabid vampire...
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