FicWad

I knew I needed to come out of the bedroom sometime, but wasting the minutes away just seemed like the easier option and I kept on trying to dig my way deeper into the bed. Mikey used to make fun of me and my 12 blankets, but it had started to really piss me off to wake up with feet so cold that I could barely walk.

There was something wrong with the windows in my room, and with the temperature being as low as 40 degrees in the night, I was lucky to not have suffered of hypothermia by now. The summer had went by okay, but the fall was starting to show it's nastier side.
I was quite sure I'd be dead by winter.

A slight sadness filled the room as I thought of Mikey. Who knew it was actually possible to miss the little fucker? Atleast I knew now that he was alright with what Gerard had told me..
My mind has been so irrational and faltering lately with all the mood swings an overreactions. Mikey was more than alright, he was safely living with his mama while still hating me with all the might he had in him. Which wasn't a lot, but that cow thing took me a little off guard, it was definitely more creative than what I'd gotten used to with Mikes.

I was tired of thinking about the guy, he obviously wasn't missing me much so having him in my thoughts felt like such a waste. If he was pigheaded enough to believe in his own stupid theories no matter who tried to talk some sense into him, all I could say that it was his own problem and for him to be dealt with. Be my guest.
Having the apartment all to myself wasn't too bad either, though it came with a nuisance called Gerard Way but after last night I wasn't sure what to think of him anymore, either..

He'd always just been Mikey's big brother. He scared the living hell out of me as a kid, like I said, I had recurring nightmares of him and his stuffy, lightless tomb of a room. Still, when Mikey dared me to go in and take a look, I never once chickened out. Before my first day in college, I hadn't seen him in years.

I remembered his Italian features and the tiny teeth that reminded me of a dolphin and could still picture the fourteen year old Gerard with a few extra pounds and smile that looked like he was about to burst into tears. He'd always been distant, unlike the big brothers and sisters of my other childhood friends, to whom I had always turned as a teenager whenever I needed cigarettes or booze.

Gerard was strange, and gloomy, and most of the time I wasn't even aware of his existence. I do remember his graduation. I hadn't yet dropped out of high school and my mother forced me to join her and the rest of the family with her when Mrs.Way invited us for Gerard's party. The guy himself was nowhere to be seen and the only reason I stayed for more than five minutes was the fact that I had seen my opportunity come to make my move on the punch bowl.

I smiled as I pictured myself trying to get as much punch as I could into an empty bottle of mineral water while Mikes held the watch, only to find out later on that the damn beverage was the non-alcohol kind. No wonder there weren't any teenagers in sight. Those were simple, innocent days.

After Gerard graduated I heard he moved to the city to study something that I knew by now was art. He never crossed my mind again.

He was no one to me.

I can't say that I hadn't thought of him as goodlooking when he walked up to me by the campus on the first day. I'd noticed his beautiful features and his dark honeysuckle eyes, but he'd simply been brushed off as a friend of Nick's. I didn't show much interest to anyone who hang out with Nick, basically. You had to be sort of an unremarkable, unoriginal personality to cope with his total normality and absolute absence of any colour in his dull life.

Later, the tables turned, and Gerard's supposedly good looks wasn't nearly enough to compensate his fucked up personality.

He'd rubbed me the wrong way the entire time, there was something about the guy that made me want to jump off a cliff everytime he came around.. And still, I could clearly recall the feeling I got in the campus café when I'd seen his bruised, swollen face. It had been anger, hurt, and a need for revenge so powerful that you'd think it would've been a family member in question. Actually, much more than that, since I didn't particularly like my family enough to lift a single finger for their benefit.

I'm not saying the very thought of him didn't still irritate the living hell out of me, but the need and the want I suddenly felt was breathtaking in its intensity and the fact that it had come out of nowhere amazed me to no end. It's like either someone took some weird distorting glasses off my face or I was looking through a pair of those as I speak. I had no way of knowing which.

I groaned thinking that I might as well get up and greet the day, lying here thinking about Gerard wasn't exactly the better option after all.

I grabbed my clothes off the armchair next to my bed and shuffled into the bathroom. I remembered, again too late, that I was dressed in nothing more than a pair of panties and was very relieved to see no one nearby. I wasn't remotely proud enough of my body to happily show it to every man available. I thought of Frank seeing me like this and shuddered. I thought of the same thing with Gerard and... Wait. That wasn't a half bad idea... I grinned evilly, wondering what the hell had got into me, but all I could think about as I showered was ways to get Gerard to finish what he'd started.

If he had planned on leaving me hanging, he had another thing coming.

A strange, dripping sound interrupted my train of smoking hot thoughts and even though I was half way done shampooing my hair, my hands froze as I tried to listen to the sound and identify the source of it. It wasn't as much as dripping sound as it was a purl, and I was positive it didn't come from the water in the shower flowing into the drain. No, it was louder and it came from somewhere.. left.. I opened my eyes tentativelly, and drew back the shower curtain enough to see the rest of the bathroom.

"Morning" Frank sang and I jumped in horror, pulling shut the curtain as thoroughly as it would go, shrieking and screaming like a pig being slaughtered.

"AAAWGGHH!!" I couldn't get over the stratle, I kept on screaming and trying my best to regain my balance after being scared silly.

"Frank! Fuck, ow, I got soap in my eyes, crap" I rambled after I'd managed to stop the scream fest. I rubbed my eyes feverishly under the shower but the itching wouldn't go away.
"What the hell are you doing here?!... Ow.." I exclaimed while still trying to get the shampoo out of my eyes.

"Taking a leak." he answered lightly.

"While I'm showering?! What the hell is wrong with you man?!" I finally felt like opening my eyes was safe enough and drew back the curtain only so I could fit my face in the opening. I had a tight grip on the fabric and I held it in place for dear life.
I stared at Frank with what I hoped to be a very convincing, very meaningful I am going to gut you -look.

"I can see your nipples" he stated, winking at me and exited the room, leaving me there to panic as I realized the fabric had stuck to my wet body and though it was quite dark shade of blue, it didn't leave much unseen. It was as if I'd just showed him a very detailed sculpture of my naked body.
I felt like crying.

"Motherfucker" I muttered with glassy eyes as I finished washing my hair as fast as I was physically capable of and hopped out. I toweled myself dry in record time and after declaring the clothes I'd taken with me dirty as hell, I ran into my room, making sure to properly lock the door, and got dressed. My hair was damp, but not wet enough to soak my shirt so I decided to let it dry off like that.

My worn out light blue jeans were also in desperate need of washing and my black tank top wasn't exactly presentable with all the holes and tears on it. I threw on an old grey flannel shirt and walked into the kitchen, half embarrassed, half furious.

"I am sick of living with boys!" I yelled "Honestly, my heart can't take it anymore!" I let out a dramatic huff as I poured myself a great portion of coffee.

"You can see my naked body in return if you like?" Frank suggested. I studied his face, and realized in terror that he was being serious about it.

"Oh, sure, that'll solve it!" I replied icyly. "Seriously, if you don't get your act together, you're both out!" I muttered, spilling some of the hot liquid on my hand.

"I didn't do a thing!" Gerard whined.

"You've done your part" I disagreed, shooting a meaningful look at him. Instead of shameful, or mad like he had been, he looked a little smug. I felt like... Can I throw up now?

"Alright. You-" I pointed at Gerard "How long were you planning on staying?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answer. In fact, I wasn't even sure I knew what I wanted him to answer anymore. Less than a minute, or for as many night as it takes to finish what has been started?

"Until Mikey lets me go to temporarily live with Ma, or until Mikey comes back so I can go temporarily live with Ma without needing his acceptance"

I nodded. "And you-" I turned to look at Frank

"Hey! You invited me here!" He protested immediately.

"I know, and I want you to stay but you gotta fucking behave. It's not just a bunch of smelly, ignorant boys living here that have no problem walking around pissing while people are showering. There's a smelly lady in the house as well in case no one noticed and I don't want you to ever-" I couldn't epmhasize the word enough "Ever, mention my nipples again"

Gerard choked on the coffee he was sipping, getting some of it on his lap and the newspaper. He got up to get the dishcloth and cleaned it up with a very inappropriate grin plastered on his face.

"Are we clear?" I practically yelled, getting worked up again. Note to self - never live with a single man again. Except for Mikey, he's endurable. Compared to these guys.

"Yes m'am" They muttered in unison but as soon as I left the room I heard a whisper follow, sounding very much like Frank, say

"Her nipples were showing through her shirt"

A roar of uncontrollable laughter escorted me out of the house, and I slammed the door closed as hard as I was able to, which, sadly, wasn't all that much.
I was going to strangle them. I had so many people on my hit list now that I had a hard time trying to recall the magical who, what and when for the most part.

Nick's face I still wanted to remodel. Bad. Even though I'd already continued hating Gerard once or twice after my vow for vengeance, and at the moment I was very fond of the idea of striking several flies at the same hit, Nick, Gerard and Frank, I hadn't changed my mind about anything.

Nick had been butting in my business for far too many times now and honestly, I thought the big break up thing would be the end of it. Obviously, I was wrong.
I wanted to teach him a lesson, a big fat one that taught you a little something about the way this world worked. His days of getting everything he wanted were over.

The fluffy, self-righteous crap he'd been feeding me all this time was starting to taste like exactly what it was - bullshit. I marched down the street, realizing that for once I wasn't running late. I had all the time in the world to walk and express my distaste for shit by kicking every stone on my path, hitting every lamp post within my reach and spitting on things that I decided were somehow responsible for all the problems in the world. The swing set in the park I crossed, the window of a fancy art gallery, plants and flowers just about to bloom, even my own shoes, but that was purely accidental.

I had had enough of people interfering in my life, and everyone who'd dared to do just that in the past couple weeks were going to pay the price. Starting with Nicholas, and his twisted idea of having the right to beat up anyone he thought I slept with, even if it was his former friend Gerard with whom he thought I had some kinky, steaming sex affair.
I fucking wish.
I stopped dead on my tracks. Why did I say that? I mean, think, what did I think that? Do I wish? For real? Oh god.

My head spun just a little as I tried to listen to the things people always told you to listen to, you know, your heart and your soul and all those vital advisors that in my case, seemed to either not give a flying fuck or had some technical problems going on..
Nope, no messages from my inner self. I would have to figure this out using my head only. I groaned at the thought, knowing perfectly well the fabulous outcome of me using my goddamn head for anything.

I continued walking and thought about whether I actually wanted to sleep with Gerard or not and deep down having serious hysterics over the fact that I wasted my life on thinking about such a thing.

What a damned way to spend a beautiful morning.
By the time I'd reached the campus, I heard footsteps cathing up with me and as I instinctively turned on my heels, I saw the problem in question approach me.

"Wait up!" he called, slightly out of breath.

I sighed "Funny you should appear, I was just thinking of you"

He looked at me, incredulously, question marks all over his pretty face. "Oh?"

"Which means you basically owe me ten minutes of my life. You can pay up whenever you like" I stated, and hurried away.

As I reached the main entrance, I glanced behind me and saw Gerard throwing his arms in the air in frustration. I disappeared quickly into the building before he would focus enough to notice me standing here looking back.

Concentrating proved to be even more of an impossibility than on an average day. I could not get Gerard out of my head. I tried everything I could think of, I was even desperate enough to ask the professor for his opinions on some essay I found in my book, just to try and keep my mind occupied. He had given me an approving look and started a never-ending ramble about the pros and cons about the main influences on popular artwork in the 16th century. He lost me at 'I think that...'

Instead of the tiny Mikey figures I'd drawn on my notes days before, my papers were now quickly being covered by doodles of faces that resembled Gerard. I say resembled because I'm quite honestly a horrible artist. What I was doing in art school to begin with, I had no idea, but I did know whose fault it was... I drew a single sketch of Nick in the middle of the paper and stabbed it repeatedly with my pencil, until it broke and spilled ink all over the desk. I left a page on the stain to avoid getting yelled at, and silently left the classroom while rest of the students glared at me for making them listen to the professor's tiring monologue.

"Hey, aren't you on Friedrich's class as well? Did it end already? Oh my god, I'm so late" A voice a did not recognize came up from the left and I felt a slight tug on my sleeve. I yanked my arm away, as socially correctly as I managed, and turned around. There was a girl standing in front of me, about my age if not a year or two younger. With my constantly exhausted looking face and the frown I loved to wear, it was hard to compare. Her light hair was unintentionally messy and her cheeks were flushed pink.

"Yeah"

"Is it cancelled?" She asked in confusion.

"Naw, I just couldn't take it anymore. But you'd better skip it altogether than interrupt him, trust me, I learned the hard way" I smiled half-heartedly and prepared to leave when I suddenly remembered this uncomfortable task that had I'd been dreading quite a lot, whenever I remembered it.

"Can I copy your notes from yesterday?" I put on my best I'm a friend, like me -smile and she almost dropped her bearings trying to find the papers I'd requested. I'd like to think I dazzled her with my striking smile, but I had a feeling she was just getting a little panicky over missing the class.

"Oh - here you go" She handed me a neat stack of notes, all carefully written in such perfect handwriting it made me want to puke.

"Right, I'll just.. copy.. and" Shit, I was going to have to actually read all this and make it shorter to avoid any kind of physical damage on my wrist for writing a gazillion paragraphs. "Can I return them after lunch?" I bargained

"Oh, I'll copy them for you. I've got time, in case you're right about interrupting the class. I wouldn't want to waste a minute of the day that could be used to something productive instead" She smiled angelically.

Did I mention I wanted to puke?

"Come" She said and grabbed the fabric on my sleeve again, tugging like a tiny piranha ready to start cooking. As much as it annoyed me, I followed, I had my hopes up about not having to write a single word myself. She lead me to the café and I sat down beside her. She worked in silence, while I got more and more uncomfortable for using her like this.

After ten slow minutes, I spotted Gerard getting a cup of coffee by the counter. For no lack of trying, I couldn't restrain myself and let my gaze wander over to his direction every few seconds. He went to sit on the stool at the end of the counter and I got a pretty nice view of his ass on his way there. Stop. Now. I looked away. My eyes were as restless as my mind and soon I found myself staring at him again, unable to snap out of it. His bruises were already fading, you couldn't see any discolouration from this distance. His face looked worried, or deep in thought perhaps, as he gulped down his drink. He had a strong jaw, I noticed, a feature that I find extremely attractive and appealing in a man..

I wonder what it would feel like against my lips, planting urgent, hot kisses along his jawline, eventually finding his lips and feeling his unshaven cheeks brush against mine oh crap. It was one thing letting my mind picture erotic scenes with Gerard but it was a whole other thing to come up with something as retarded like that - oh geez I wonder what his ragged beard would feel like against my skin- I mean, what the actual fuck. I concentrated on picturing him naked now instead. I thought of his hand on my throat, gripping tighter. I thought of what I had felt against my thigh last night.. So hard.. So ready..

Holy hell, I can't do this! I need fresh air, a cold shower or some serious fucking therapy!
I tried to look away, for the tenth time, but my eyes were drawn to him. My entire body was drawn to him.

It shouldn't have surprised me that this girl whose name I didn't even know, noticed that my attention was perfectly elsewhere and she followed my gaze until she spotted him, too. She was bound to notice with me sitting here practically drooling all over the chair.

"Do you know him?" she asked quietly.

"No" I lied, though for the life of me I can't say why. It just slipped.
Denying shit was like a second nature to me.

"Oh, well, I wouldn't waste my time dreaming of him if I were you" she shrugged and went back to writing.

I hesitated, but placed my hand on her palm to make her stop and back up just a little "No, wait.. why not?"

She bit her lip, weighing her options and lucky for me, opened her mouth to speak the words that, even though could easily be shrugged off as rumours and all-hear-say, I could not make myself forget. I blinked, all blood evading my face, and swore to write her name on my hit list as well, just because I couldn't think of anyone else to blame for the news that I'd received that had sent my very being into a brand new turmoil.
I couldn't believe what she was saying..



"He's gay"