Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco

A Loners Lament

by xxPanicFanxx 8 reviews

/Oh how sorry I am it has to end this way. I love you all./ -Cameron

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: G - Genres: Angst - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2013-01-12 - Updated: 2013-01-13 - 1041 words - Complete

Hi, it's Christian here. Last night at about 10 or 11 Cameron, also known as xxPanixFanxx, hung herself. She was my closest friend and I don't know how I'm going to handle her being gone. I'm so sorry to be the bringer of bad news. I'm going to post her suicide note, hopefully it'll comfort some people on here.

Dear friends, family, anyone who reads this really,

I'm sorry it has to be this way.

I'm sorry it has to end this way, I really am.

If you're reading this, then you're probably either Christian, or someone very close to her. there's a tear mark

I've decided, due to recent events, to do a recollection of my life.

It all started when I was 5. Any normal kid would be playing outside, but not me. I preferred to stay inside and play by myself. I was the youngest of 6 boys so you'd understand that I was constantly picked on by them.

Fast forward to being 7. My parents started fighting, and my brother ran away. My only friend I had was gone. I think that's about the time I started cutting myself.

I was raped when I was 11 to when I was about 13. It was always the same guy at my school. We started talking in I think 5th grade. We would occasionally hangout, pass notes in class, and steal kisses on our way to class and under the bleachers at school assemblies in 6th grade. Then he decided he wanted more. Simple hugs and kisses just wasn't working for him anymore. there's some red dots which I'm guessing are blood and some scribbles You can guess what happens next.

Now let's move forward to me being 13 shall we? This was, oh I think, a year ago? Two years? I had just discovered Panic! At The Disco. Ryan's lyrics saved my life. As soon as I heard Camisado I didn't feel so alone with the whole abuse thing. Then I met Christian. The most wonderful person I've ever met in my entire life. My only friend for the longest time.

I remember the first time I met her too. Short pink hair and purple eyes and I thought she was the weirdest person ever. I can imagine she was laughing while writing that part, or at least I want to imagine it I was sitting alone on the school steps, waiting to get picked up. She bounced (yes literally bounced) over to me, asked me what was wrong, and I explained everything to her. All about how terrible my life was. I asked her about her life, and she told me how she was adopted and never met her parents. We shared stories and by the time my mom came to pick me up I felt like I had just made a new best friend.

Then I moved out of my parents house and moved in with my oldest brother. If you wanna know how it all came to that just go on ficwad and read the story.

Around the time we got really close my half brother, Jason (the one my father had without my family knowing) came into the picture. He was the best brother I could ever ask for. He was funny, smart, about exactly like me in every way. We even listened to the same music. He moved in with Andrew and I.

I won't get into that anymore because it might change my mind about this whole suicide thing.

Then Christian got pregnant. I don't want to get into that I really don't, but I felt like I was losing my best friend. We started fighting more and were both completely exhausted due to school and just pretty much everything. I felt alone again. Fuck Cameron, why didn't you tell me?

Alright enough with the sob story, I reckon it's time for me to say my goodbyes.

Bec, Liz, whatever you go by now I'm just gonna say Obsessive-Fangirl because that's your name on ficwad, I'm sorry I have to leave you like this. I don't want to. You were my best friend (or the closest thing I could get to a best friend due to the circumstances) and I love you. Keep your stories going, they were fantastic. I read all of them last night. I loved The Runaway Returns, I think that's my favorite. The note at the very end, about everyone who reviewed it I almost started crying. I'm sorry we never reviewed it or even told you how wonderful it was. It was an amazing story and I'm sure Christian will love to read the rest of Why High School Sucks. I'm going to miss you. there's some more tear marks and a black ink dot you would get if you hold a pen down too long

the next paragraph is completely scribbled out and I can't even read what she was writing but I'm guessing it was something to her family

To everyone else on ficwad, I can't specifically remember all of your names right now but you've all helped me through so much. You're all amazing writers. Please don't stop. If you were looking forward to reading the rest of my stories that I could never seem to finish, I'm sorry. I love you all so much.

And finally,

Christian, I love you so much. Please remember me. Tell your daughter about me. Show her pictures, videos, anything, just let her know I loved her too. I will Cameron. I love you. Don't forget to keep writing. You have a talent I wish I could possess. I think I can hear your car pull into the driveway so I better make this fast.

I'm sorry it's come to this. Remember, keep running and stay strong. Sadness isn't permanent, scars are. Things will get better for you. Cameron you fucking hypocrite

I love you all so much and I'll miss the fuck out of every one of you.

Goodbyethe word has a line through it I shouldn't say that. I hate goodbyes's. This isn't even goodbye. I'll see you all eventually. Then we can all share stories and hugs and you can all tell me how your guys' stories ended.

Until next time,

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