FicWad

Do you know what it is like to have two things going on in your head at once? How loud and confusing it is? Okay, let me put it this way. Have you ever seen one of those dual-screen settings on the TV? like, when someone is watching football and want to see both games at the same time. It get’s loud and overcrowded. Sometimes you even lose track of what team is playing.

That’s how it is with me. I have two personalities, I can’t lie. It’s written right there in the papers and in the blogs for anyone to see. To read about. I’m entertainment, now.

I used to just work in entertainment, now I actually am it. Ironic.

“Mr. Way,” A nurse tried, walking in. I ignored her. Actually, I did nothing. I sat here and though, with my hands in my lap as my head turned towards her smiling. That wasn’t my smile.

“Hi, Joyce,” He greeted. I greeted. I’ve lost track. Was that me, or am I me? Or is me I but I is me that’s pretending to me so I is actually not me but is me? He’s/I has done that a few times to me. “How’ve you been? Did the pregnancy go as plan?”

As Joyce filled out a form saying she gave Gerard his medicine, then actually set all the pills into my/Gerard/Whoever’s cup she chatted about her baby named blah, and her brother named blah, and blah blah blah blah. I zoned out thinking about catwoman in a two-piece as the other me made small talk.

Gerard/Me/Whoever was good at that. Chatting.

Other me was so much better then me-me. Maybe me-me isn’t the real me and Gerard IS the real me, you know? Or maybe I really broke and Joyce really didn’t exist. But I did take those god awful pills.

They helped. I now can feel my headache and aching hand, and even that my bladder is full but I can’t move my body. Whoever/Gerard/Me is moving it, though. And pissing feels great.

But now, as I wash my hands I can feel how grainy it is and it's disgusting. I think about licking the soap for shits and giggles but I can’t control my neck to move down. There’s not a lot to do when you’re trapped in someone head.

I imagined it to actually be like being in someones head. You’d sit on their squishy,pink brain and look around. It’d be like a cave. The walls would come up like a big sphere and there’d be gross, yellow fluid around the brain that you’re sitting on but not on or near you. Like you’re sitting on a small, deserted island in the middle of yellow coloured water. Fun.

So, anyway. Now that the pills are kicking in I get to sit back into my favorite, horrible chair and watch outside my bar-covered window as birds fly by. It’s winter so they are migrating. Oh, and the bars are covered cause I made myself fly face first outside to kill myself seven or 20 times.

You know how it is.

The funny thing is how I ended up here. Not funny, really. Unless that’s the word me/him/whoever is going for. It’s hard to tell anymore.

Everything was fine, really. I had my band, kid, wife, friends, wealth, fame....I had the life. Anything anyone could ever ask for was at the tip of my tongue, a number programmed in my phone, or waiting for my credit card to be accepted.

But one day, I was online and I took a personality quiz. I was bored, so why not? But then...I couldn’t decide on the answers. Me and Lyn-z laughed about it for awhile, but then I tried again, and again, and ended up driving myself insane. Funnnnn.

You know how that is.

So now I’m sitting here, in my favorite,horrible chair and get to watch the birds fly by the window. It’s winter so they are migrating. There’s bars on my windows, but I can’t seem to remember why.