Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > My Invisible World
My Invisible World
1 reviewDon't keep scrolling. Read this. Don't be upset when you see it's not really about them. I posted this here because i want people like you to read it. It's a story about this girl she has her own...
0Boring
My Invisible World
INTRO
Hidden, unseen, undetected, unknown, unnoticeable, unheard of, unidentified, unrevealed, unnoticed, unspecified, undetectable, unapparent, overlooked, disregarded, disguised, masked, concealed, too small to see, faint, nameless, ignored, indiscernible, indistinguishable, imperceptible, Invisible.
That is how I am explained and seen to this fucked up world we live in. It is sad but true, my presence has very little meaning, and I wish it did but it doesn’t and it never will and that’s just the way it is.
I believe that everyone creates their own world in their head; I don’t think we mean to make it but it forms as we grow up. I think the way their world works in their head is the way they think. I have my own world, my world is in my head, and it’s a hard place to explain I’ve always been here for as long as I can remember, my invisible world has changed a lot as I have gotten older. To be perfectly honest with you I hate this world that’s in my head, I would actually call it my own personal hell. If I could leave it and start new, I would, and I most certainly have tried to but I can’t.
I have moments when I pause and close my eyes, at those moments I can see my self in my world, there are a few different places I see my self when I look into my world. Sometimes I look in and I see myself, all alone, I’m sitting in an empty meadow high up in a mountain with bright green grass and colorful flowers all around me. It all seems very calming, except I feel lost, I feel like I’m missing, I feel empty and there’s no one to find me. When I look up I don’t see a sweet blue sky, I see red, red all around me, closing in on me. There are dark red flames around the meadow, building up on the trees and getting closer to me, then I’m at a loss for air, there’s no oxygen, I can’t breathe. I look around trying to find help and I see no one, there’s no one to save me, so I stay seated in the grass that is slowly burning away, I stay calm, I just wait, I don’t speak, I just wait, I can’t feel the pain of burning, but I feel the pain of emptiness and want to let a scream escape my throat but I can’t I stay calm and I wait.
That is what I see when I look in to my world but what I hear is far worse, what I hear is screaming. I hear the scream I so wish I could voice, but is locked up so deep inside me that I will never be able to. I hear the insults I tell myself every day, “Fat, Ugly, Hideous, Mean, Bitchy, Stupid, Dumb, Obsessive, Unlovable…” and so much more. All of it repeated over and over again, convincing myself that it’s all true. Then I hear other voices, from other people confirming what I think of myself, and adding on to the insults, all telling me how horrible I am. Then I hear the expectation in my life and I know I will never live up to them, the grades I will never get, the weight I will never be, the friends I will never have, and the love I will never find. In my world I am told of the life I want but I will never have. In my world I am forever alone.
In my world I never see my death, I will never die just suffer. In my world I dream of my death, I beg for my death, I just want everything to stop falling and crumbling, all I want is it to be silent for once. In my world I only dream of breaking down but I am never allowed to, everything is swallowed up inside and covered by calm.
For years I have felt trapped in this world, never being able to breath real air, never feeling the touch of another on my skin. You might say emptiness feels numb, like there’s nothing there. That’s not what I feel, I feel the increasing emptiness in my body, and it hurts, I feel like I’m dying but my death will never come. Every second of the day I can’t breathe in the real air, I can’t feel real emotions, I can’t think real thoughts, all I want to do is fall to the ground and sob. I want to cry so hard it hurts, I want to scream so loud I loose my voice, and I want to throw every thing insight.
In my invisible world all I want is to finally breakdown. That is where my invisible world and the real world mix for me, I want to break down, I want to express how I feel, but I can’t. I think that if I have a big break down instead of staying calm and holding it in then maybe I will finally be able to breathe. Maybe I could finally live.
I’m not saying I don’t have breakdown or panic attacks, because I most certainly do they are a weekly thing for me. But I never express myself completely; no one ever knows or hears me. It’s all done in the dark, with my family in the next room over. All of my breakdowns and panic attacks are done in my invisible world, where no one can see.
I have different locations in my invisible world; all of the places in my world are torture except for one. Different times in the day I think of different locations in my world. When I have my breakdown I can see a place in my invisible world where I can have the breakdown I dream about.
It’s dark, I can’t breathe, and I can only see glimpses of light through the dark blue water. I’m in the middle of nowhere alone, with no one to save me but myself. I’m in the ocean, it’s cold I’m almost freezing, I’m slowly sinking to the bottom. I get half way there when I scream, no one can hear me because water fills my throat, I curl up into a ball and shut my eyes tight, and then I release and scream louder. My body opens up and spreads apart, I look up and I see the sun shinny through the thick water, I can see things blowing in the air, and all I want is to feel the sun on my skin and the air in my lunges. I reach up, I’m so close to break loose from the hold the water has on me, when I’m brought back to the real world and leave my invisible world there stuck, never getting to feel the sun on my skin and the air in my lunges. I am forever suffocating.
I never get to the top, I’m always getting cut short and press rewind and it starts all over again. I push it all inside so no one can see my invisible world, I never get to breathe because to get make it those last few inches to the surface I know I would have to express how I really feel to the real world. I never get to breathe in my invisible world because I never get a real breath of air in my real life.
Everyday I have the thought about what would happen if I did tell someone. What would happen if I told someone how I feel, and what I do? What would happen if I told someone about my invisible world? Maybe they could help me; maybe they could help me get that breath of air. But I know I never could, I couldn’t put my burden on them, I couldn’t ask them to save me. So I continue on all alone, having no one to save me but me.
Then I have a place in my invisible world where I can say what I want to say, and yet I am never satisfied because it’s not real its all just a lie. I am in an empty room, the walls are gray there are no windows and no doors, it’s all just gray. I stand there in the middle and I yell. I mostly yell at my family even though their not there. I yell at them for all the shit they have put me through. And finally I yell at myself, I yell at myself for never standing up and actually say what I want to say. I yell at myself for not being myself. I yell at myself for eating too much, for being mean, for complaining to much, for not being what everyone wants me to be, I yell at myself for hurting everyone around me. I yell at myself for not being able to love. I want to continue and just yell at everyone but I am always brought back to the real world. And I leave my gray room in my invisible world behind, while I continue to try and breath in the real world.
I have a desperate need for that breath; I dream about the day I get to breathe. I dream about how good it’s going to feel, how nice it will be to hear my heart beat again, to have the emptiness filled. I can’t see my solution I am trapped in both my invisible and the real room. I am suffocating in both.
Over the years I have come to find ways to escape both my invisible world and the real world, although it isn’t permanent I always end up back suffocating like before. There’s a relief for a short moment when I feel something else other than the pain of emptiness, in that moment I can breathe. I feel a new kind of pain; it’s the kind of pain that lets tears fall from my eyes. It’s the pain I can express, I love the feeling because for once I feel real. I don’t feel transparent I don’t feel as alone. I know I shouldn’t but I have to how else am I going to be able to breathe even though I only get that one breath that feels so good, there’s nothing else for me to do. This is how I save my self from the emptiness, I let myself bleed and that’s what relieves me, that’s when I know I’m fine.
Although deep inside in my invisible world I know I’m anything but fine. I know I need someone to come save me. I know no one will, I know it’s only me, I need to save myself, although I’m to weak. People may say it’s I’m strong to keep a straight face, but I’m not I’m weak I crumble inside and never express how I feel. I’m not strong enough to let someone in.
I will share one more location with you from my invisible world; this place is so deep inside me no one would be able to get there but me. In this place I’m not alone, there’s someone with me. This person doesn’t have a face, I can’t picture them because they aren’t real, and if they are real I just haven’t met them yet. Even though this person doesn’t have a face I know they are beautiful, they are perfect. There is only one way to explain how I feel about them, and that’s love. I love this mysterious person, and they love me. When I’m here I feel safe, I feel happy, I never want to leave. Although there is a catch to this person and this place, all around me are lies. The love they tell me I know is a lie, the beauty they see in me is a lie, and the compliments they give me are all one big fucking lie. I know it can’t be the truth because I see myself and I see what I really am, and I am a monster; no one could actually love me. My happiness there last for so little because then I move, the happy scenery leaves me as I see all the lies, and the truth comes out. In the end I am always left in the black suffocating all alone begging to be saved.
My worst nightmare is to be left alone in my invisible world, left to become invisible my self. I know I am on my way there, I know I need to save myself, because no one is coming to save me.
I don’t belong anywhere I am an empty soul. I have accepted my fate even though it’s not one I like. I will continue to bleed I will continue to suffocate. I won’t get to really breathe. I accept that I won’t be saved, I don’t have the strength to save myself and there is no one else but me I am alone, in both my invisible world and the real world. I will always wait, I will wait for love, for happiness, and I will wait to be saved.
INTRO
Hidden, unseen, undetected, unknown, unnoticeable, unheard of, unidentified, unrevealed, unnoticed, unspecified, undetectable, unapparent, overlooked, disregarded, disguised, masked, concealed, too small to see, faint, nameless, ignored, indiscernible, indistinguishable, imperceptible, Invisible.
That is how I am explained and seen to this fucked up world we live in. It is sad but true, my presence has very little meaning, and I wish it did but it doesn’t and it never will and that’s just the way it is.
I believe that everyone creates their own world in their head; I don’t think we mean to make it but it forms as we grow up. I think the way their world works in their head is the way they think. I have my own world, my world is in my head, and it’s a hard place to explain I’ve always been here for as long as I can remember, my invisible world has changed a lot as I have gotten older. To be perfectly honest with you I hate this world that’s in my head, I would actually call it my own personal hell. If I could leave it and start new, I would, and I most certainly have tried to but I can’t.
I have moments when I pause and close my eyes, at those moments I can see my self in my world, there are a few different places I see my self when I look into my world. Sometimes I look in and I see myself, all alone, I’m sitting in an empty meadow high up in a mountain with bright green grass and colorful flowers all around me. It all seems very calming, except I feel lost, I feel like I’m missing, I feel empty and there’s no one to find me. When I look up I don’t see a sweet blue sky, I see red, red all around me, closing in on me. There are dark red flames around the meadow, building up on the trees and getting closer to me, then I’m at a loss for air, there’s no oxygen, I can’t breathe. I look around trying to find help and I see no one, there’s no one to save me, so I stay seated in the grass that is slowly burning away, I stay calm, I just wait, I don’t speak, I just wait, I can’t feel the pain of burning, but I feel the pain of emptiness and want to let a scream escape my throat but I can’t I stay calm and I wait.
That is what I see when I look in to my world but what I hear is far worse, what I hear is screaming. I hear the scream I so wish I could voice, but is locked up so deep inside me that I will never be able to. I hear the insults I tell myself every day, “Fat, Ugly, Hideous, Mean, Bitchy, Stupid, Dumb, Obsessive, Unlovable…” and so much more. All of it repeated over and over again, convincing myself that it’s all true. Then I hear other voices, from other people confirming what I think of myself, and adding on to the insults, all telling me how horrible I am. Then I hear the expectation in my life and I know I will never live up to them, the grades I will never get, the weight I will never be, the friends I will never have, and the love I will never find. In my world I am told of the life I want but I will never have. In my world I am forever alone.
In my world I never see my death, I will never die just suffer. In my world I dream of my death, I beg for my death, I just want everything to stop falling and crumbling, all I want is it to be silent for once. In my world I only dream of breaking down but I am never allowed to, everything is swallowed up inside and covered by calm.
For years I have felt trapped in this world, never being able to breath real air, never feeling the touch of another on my skin. You might say emptiness feels numb, like there’s nothing there. That’s not what I feel, I feel the increasing emptiness in my body, and it hurts, I feel like I’m dying but my death will never come. Every second of the day I can’t breathe in the real air, I can’t feel real emotions, I can’t think real thoughts, all I want to do is fall to the ground and sob. I want to cry so hard it hurts, I want to scream so loud I loose my voice, and I want to throw every thing insight.
In my invisible world all I want is to finally breakdown. That is where my invisible world and the real world mix for me, I want to break down, I want to express how I feel, but I can’t. I think that if I have a big break down instead of staying calm and holding it in then maybe I will finally be able to breathe. Maybe I could finally live.
I’m not saying I don’t have breakdown or panic attacks, because I most certainly do they are a weekly thing for me. But I never express myself completely; no one ever knows or hears me. It’s all done in the dark, with my family in the next room over. All of my breakdowns and panic attacks are done in my invisible world, where no one can see.
I have different locations in my invisible world; all of the places in my world are torture except for one. Different times in the day I think of different locations in my world. When I have my breakdown I can see a place in my invisible world where I can have the breakdown I dream about.
It’s dark, I can’t breathe, and I can only see glimpses of light through the dark blue water. I’m in the middle of nowhere alone, with no one to save me but myself. I’m in the ocean, it’s cold I’m almost freezing, I’m slowly sinking to the bottom. I get half way there when I scream, no one can hear me because water fills my throat, I curl up into a ball and shut my eyes tight, and then I release and scream louder. My body opens up and spreads apart, I look up and I see the sun shinny through the thick water, I can see things blowing in the air, and all I want is to feel the sun on my skin and the air in my lunges. I reach up, I’m so close to break loose from the hold the water has on me, when I’m brought back to the real world and leave my invisible world there stuck, never getting to feel the sun on my skin and the air in my lunges. I am forever suffocating.
I never get to the top, I’m always getting cut short and press rewind and it starts all over again. I push it all inside so no one can see my invisible world, I never get to breathe because to get make it those last few inches to the surface I know I would have to express how I really feel to the real world. I never get to breathe in my invisible world because I never get a real breath of air in my real life.
Everyday I have the thought about what would happen if I did tell someone. What would happen if I told someone how I feel, and what I do? What would happen if I told someone about my invisible world? Maybe they could help me; maybe they could help me get that breath of air. But I know I never could, I couldn’t put my burden on them, I couldn’t ask them to save me. So I continue on all alone, having no one to save me but me.
Then I have a place in my invisible world where I can say what I want to say, and yet I am never satisfied because it’s not real its all just a lie. I am in an empty room, the walls are gray there are no windows and no doors, it’s all just gray. I stand there in the middle and I yell. I mostly yell at my family even though their not there. I yell at them for all the shit they have put me through. And finally I yell at myself, I yell at myself for never standing up and actually say what I want to say. I yell at myself for not being myself. I yell at myself for eating too much, for being mean, for complaining to much, for not being what everyone wants me to be, I yell at myself for hurting everyone around me. I yell at myself for not being able to love. I want to continue and just yell at everyone but I am always brought back to the real world. And I leave my gray room in my invisible world behind, while I continue to try and breath in the real world.
I have a desperate need for that breath; I dream about the day I get to breathe. I dream about how good it’s going to feel, how nice it will be to hear my heart beat again, to have the emptiness filled. I can’t see my solution I am trapped in both my invisible and the real room. I am suffocating in both.
Over the years I have come to find ways to escape both my invisible world and the real world, although it isn’t permanent I always end up back suffocating like before. There’s a relief for a short moment when I feel something else other than the pain of emptiness, in that moment I can breathe. I feel a new kind of pain; it’s the kind of pain that lets tears fall from my eyes. It’s the pain I can express, I love the feeling because for once I feel real. I don’t feel transparent I don’t feel as alone. I know I shouldn’t but I have to how else am I going to be able to breathe even though I only get that one breath that feels so good, there’s nothing else for me to do. This is how I save my self from the emptiness, I let myself bleed and that’s what relieves me, that’s when I know I’m fine.
Although deep inside in my invisible world I know I’m anything but fine. I know I need someone to come save me. I know no one will, I know it’s only me, I need to save myself, although I’m to weak. People may say it’s I’m strong to keep a straight face, but I’m not I’m weak I crumble inside and never express how I feel. I’m not strong enough to let someone in.
I will share one more location with you from my invisible world; this place is so deep inside me no one would be able to get there but me. In this place I’m not alone, there’s someone with me. This person doesn’t have a face, I can’t picture them because they aren’t real, and if they are real I just haven’t met them yet. Even though this person doesn’t have a face I know they are beautiful, they are perfect. There is only one way to explain how I feel about them, and that’s love. I love this mysterious person, and they love me. When I’m here I feel safe, I feel happy, I never want to leave. Although there is a catch to this person and this place, all around me are lies. The love they tell me I know is a lie, the beauty they see in me is a lie, and the compliments they give me are all one big fucking lie. I know it can’t be the truth because I see myself and I see what I really am, and I am a monster; no one could actually love me. My happiness there last for so little because then I move, the happy scenery leaves me as I see all the lies, and the truth comes out. In the end I am always left in the black suffocating all alone begging to be saved.
My worst nightmare is to be left alone in my invisible world, left to become invisible my self. I know I am on my way there, I know I need to save myself, because no one is coming to save me.
I don’t belong anywhere I am an empty soul. I have accepted my fate even though it’s not one I like. I will continue to bleed I will continue to suffocate. I won’t get to really breathe. I accept that I won’t be saved, I don’t have the strength to save myself and there is no one else but me I am alone, in both my invisible world and the real world. I will always wait, I will wait for love, for happiness, and I will wait to be saved.
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