FicWad

Freak Show
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You could never feel this pain,
A million miles away,
How can you cry for me when you don't even know my name?
Crying hopeless tears,
Mentally dying over here,
I can't breathe for fear of the thought of this not leaving me.
No one heard the girl cry,
No one saw her dig the blade in.
No one heard her whisper words that shouldn't have left her beautiful lips.
No one could ever feel her pain,
And how she wasted away every day,
No one should have to be in her place.

She took over,
Leading herself into disaster.
She took control,
And fucked up her life and all that was in it.
She's trying,
To get out.
It's not working,
And she regrets it.

She's a mess,
Protruding ribs and danger hips,
Her heart's breaking in a soundproof shell.
She can't speak for fear of crying,
Mind controlled by the thought of dying.
She's so broken,
And she thinks she's alone out there.
Too scared to face it all,
She feels so alone.

She's shattering,
Eyes crying,
And no one hears a fucking thing.
So concerned with their daily life,
Stop and look at the freak show, baby.
Look at her freak show eyes,
Run your fingers up her freak show thighs,
Making her feel like more of an outcast than she really is.

You wouldn't know how it feels to cry,
Nowhere else to go at the end of the night.
Nothing left to feel 'coz the vodka steals it all away.
She's breaking down.
She's so alone, even though she's not,
Drowning in a world of demon thought,
Someone fix her,
Someone tell her it's okay.

Tell me it's okay,
Tell me it's okay,
Tell me I'm skinny and tell me I'm pretty.
Tell me I'm a freak, tell me I'm a monster.
I don't know who I am anymore.
Who am I inside?

-

This is very heavily based around my bulimia and on-off runs with anorexia, and self-harm and shit. I read an interview with Josh Ramsay, in which he said stuff about his run with most of these things, and I guess he's my main idol now. He and I have a lot in common - early depression, bulimia, anorexia, self-harm and (I'll probably have) drug addiction. Have I ever told you my family has a history with drugs and alcohol? Yeah. I know I'm gonna end up addicted at one point, I'm not even denying it. I named it Freak Show because, to be completely fucking honest, that's what I feel like, a freak show. Anyway. I'll stop with my rambling. Please, review and rate and shit. I work really hard on shit like this and don't get much feedback, and I have this thing where if I don't get feedback on my work, I go incredibly self-conscious and are like "dear God I'm such a failure no one actually reads my work I'm never gonna make it" and adding that worry to my infrequent panic attacks, body image issues, depression and the like, it's not something I need.

-Ash.