FicWad

This is just another one. Another thing that i simply cannot control, the people around me, what they do to me, and how they make me feel. I cannot control how I feel at this moment because the feeling was not brought on by me, but rather by another person. I knew that everything was to good to be true, that somebody as perfect as frank couldn't like me as much I did him, but i convinced my self i was wrong,that he must do in order to speak to me that way, to touch me the way he did. And I hate that, my lack of control. I hate him for making me feel this way and I hate me for not being able to stop my reaction.


But most of all, above everything, above it all, I hate her. That conniving, scheming, whiny little... BITCH. I can feel anger coursing through my veins and a hatred towards her that I... that I... I can't even put into words how I feel at the moment, I hate her for corrupting my innocent Frankie, and for turning him against me. In fact, I don't even know why I am using the word hate. It is simply not enough. I detest her. I loath her. I just cannot stand looking at her pale blue eyes and matted blue hair. She's not even that pretty, She's not even that nice. What makes her think she's better than me? What can she give him that I can't?


You see, this is how every 'sane' person thinks, they choose not to blame it on the one that they care about,that they love, but the one that they believe has made the other commit the act. Gerard seems to have made himself think that his little Frankie has done no wrong, and that it's all the fault of Ariel. But did Ariel even know that they were together? Frank did. Did Ariel know about the passionate kiss that they had shared the very night before? Frank certainly did. Did Ariel know the way Gerard felt about Frank? Maybe. But Frank defiantly did. This is just another way we trick ours minds, make ourselves feel like we have gained control of an uncontrolable situation. But we don't have control. We never truly have control. Gerard just needs to realize this, and maybe, just maybe, when and if he does, all of this self loathing and heart ache will come to an end.


Oh god, I feel like I'm going to throw up... To punch something and watch it smash to smithereens. To punch her with all my force and watch the red liquid run down her face as she falls to the floor, cracking open her skull. To rip the place to shreds with my bare hands, rip all the prissy little paintings off the walls. To... To cry... I feel like I'm going to cry, a salted flood of tears streaming down my unprepared face, and I hate that.


I feel one single tear trail down my cheek. Just one tear. But that one, single tear, holds so much sorrow. So much pain. And so much hardship. I can feel myself falling, that horrible sensation of falling. The kind you feel when you're in a nightmare or being caught doing something you shouldn't have been doing. I feel broken. I feel torn, ripped apart. After I felt so whole. After he made me feel so whole. Like I'm covered in crimson scars, blood seeping from every orifice, I feel my mouth turning to ash, a stale tart taste of resentment overcomes my taste buds. I feel that bitter sting of tears, and I collapse onto the floor.


This is where we leave our protagonist. Heaving and crying on the floor. We are not here to say if everything turned out ok, or to find out the out come of the situation. We are not here to say what happened after this. That is not the point. Perhaps, if there even is a point, then it is that Gerard has never felt like this before, he has never felt such pain, such heartache, and that has to count for something, it has to.



AN thanks for reading guise!!! I LUV CHO FACES!!!!