FicWad

I can't forget it, though I've tried.
All the images, the nights of them together.
Fingers gliding over eachothers' sweating skin, breathing harsh and jagged, blood lithe with adrenalin.
The 'I love you's that meant nothing.
Or maybe they were more than what we had.

He's the only one that I've ever loved.
He made me trust him, adore him.
But he still hurt me more than i should have let him.

Why couldn't they lose eachother in the dark?
Why did their lips find the others, kisses fierce and meaningful.

Those kisses meant more to you than our own.

Did they make your heart beat faster than mine could?
Or were you just sick of mine.

Couldn't I give you what you hoped for?
Did it all make you feel good?
Did it make you feel like a man?
Did it make you feel loved, adored, worshipped?

No.
You already had that from me.

I gave you everything.

You were all I had after everything fell apart for me.
You were all I needed, all I wanted.
And I wasn't enough for you.

And you couldn't keep your hands off eachother as I watched, completely unaware of my silent sobs from the doorway as your bodies moved perfectly as one.
And how you cried out eachother's names, as though mine was completely forgotten.

And that wasn't the only thing you forgot.
You forgot the way I looked at you adoringly, and the nights we had had.
Everything you had promised me. All the lies you told me.
/]
[/'I love you'

Do you regret it?
Do you wish that it had never happened, that you had never hurt me?
Or were you looking forward to the discovery.
Waiting anxiously for it even. For every kiss counting down to our last so that you could lie to me again. To tell me that you loved her instead.
Were you even sorry about it all?

Did you really love me, or was that part of a game too?
Were there others before her?
It wouldn't be the biggest surprise you had for me.

And I still blame myself for it.
For not being exciting enough for you, beautiful enough for you.
But you're happy with her now.

I guess you never needed me.