FicWad

Dear Ryan Ross,

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

Ryan. I love you. You know that right? Good, I thought so. I just can't take it anymore. I am getting tired. Tired of being what you want me to be. I feel so faithless. Like I lost faith in everything. I also feel lost. Like I'm under water and I can't get back up to the surface. Can't you tell what you're doing? Can't you see?

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I now know what this feeling is. Wait.. It isn't a feeling... Because I'm numb. I feel numb, you've drained away all my emotions. Now I feel nothing. Someone I cared a lot about could die right in-front of my eyes and I could care less. Just another dead body. I have become so aware. I'm aware to my surroundings that much for sure. I know, I live in your apartment, I know I sleep in your bed, in yourroom. I know I'm becoming like you. I don't want to be like you. I want to be more like me. How I use to be.

Can't you see that you're smothering me,
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take.

You're smothering me. Not like with a pillow or something, but you're holding on tightly making sure I'm going to turn into exactly what you want me to be. What? Are you afraid you'd lose control and I turn out exactly how you don't want me to be? You love control don't you? The more control you have, the more power you have. You love power. It's the one thing you wake up for. But, y'know. Everything you thought I'd be. Everything you thought I turned out to be, what you want me to be. Well, it's falling apart. I'm becoming more like how I use to be and you know it. You can see it. Everything I do know is just another mistake to you. I messed up in some way, shape or form. Every second I waste with you. Is more than I can take. I've got to get out... But how?


I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.

And I know
I may end up failing too.
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.

I may end up failing in being me again. I know, I may end up just like you. Just know. That I know that you were just like me. You like me, and someone was sorely disappointed in you. So you turned out like them, and the cycle continues. You turning me into you, then I turn someone else into me. I don't want that to happen Ry, I really don't.


I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware.
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.


I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)

I'm sorry Ry, I just can't take it anymore.

xoxo Brendon.

I left his room quietly and never looked back.