Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > A Lifetime Like This (Spell Out My Denial)
I ahven't updated this for a while D: I;m so sorry. I;ve just literally had no ideas for it at all. But, here is a shitty excuse for a chapter.
xoxo
I needed the control. I can’t believe I thought I needed it, but for some stupid fucking reason I did.
Ow.
I should’ve thought about punch that wall before I did, eh? That’s irrelevant though. I’m sorry. I just hate myself so much for what I did. I really do. I had no right, none at all. I don’t even deserve to be alive. I’m a monster. We were about 21, I think, when I first hit him. I-I was drunk. Not so drunk that I’d forget, but drunk enough to bring out my violent side. I punched him square in the jaw, and I remember laughing as he looked at me with wide eyes, like a deer caught in headlights. He couldn’t understand why I’d do that to him.
I still don’t understand why I did that to him, either.
At first, I was always drunk. Every time I hit him, kicked him, pushed him around, I was drunk. In the morning, I’d take it all back, I’d apologize constantly and I’d tend to his wounds with tears in my eyes.
I grew to hate myself again, just like I had during my teenage years.
But, instead of trying to love myself again, I took all of my anger, all of hatred out on the man I loved.
I don’t deserve to be alive.
xoxo
I needed the control. I can’t believe I thought I needed it, but for some stupid fucking reason I did.
Ow.
I should’ve thought about punch that wall before I did, eh? That’s irrelevant though. I’m sorry. I just hate myself so much for what I did. I really do. I had no right, none at all. I don’t even deserve to be alive. I’m a monster. We were about 21, I think, when I first hit him. I-I was drunk. Not so drunk that I’d forget, but drunk enough to bring out my violent side. I punched him square in the jaw, and I remember laughing as he looked at me with wide eyes, like a deer caught in headlights. He couldn’t understand why I’d do that to him.
I still don’t understand why I did that to him, either.
At first, I was always drunk. Every time I hit him, kicked him, pushed him around, I was drunk. In the morning, I’d take it all back, I’d apologize constantly and I’d tend to his wounds with tears in my eyes.
I grew to hate myself again, just like I had during my teenage years.
But, instead of trying to love myself again, I took all of my anger, all of hatred out on the man I loved.
I don’t deserve to be alive.
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