FicWad

Chapter Two

Gerard had never been more glad that he abandoned his drawing when the doorbell rang. If his mother had opened the door, she would have sent his best friend away.

Gerard found the sight of Frank standing there, red faced and with eyes so swollen, leaning to the right from the weight of his backpack, heart-breaking.

“Frank!” He gasped. “Are you alright?”

Frank was looking down in shame. He didn’t want to meet Gerard’s eyes, because he knew he would break down right there in the doorway. Instead, he shifted from one foot to the other uncomfortably, examining his worn out, dirty converse.

“Could I, erm, could I possibly stay here tonight?” He finally choked out.

“Of course! But… shit. I got into a fight with my mom, I’m grounded and she’s not letting me have friends around…” Gerard bit his lip, looking down thoughtfully.

“That’s okay, I’ll just-”

“No! Just…” Gerard thought for a while, then finally finished the sentence, “Just come with me, I’ll hide you!”

He took the backpack and Pansy off Frank and quietly carried them up the stairs, Frank right at his heels.

“You don’t know how much I appreciate this! You are the best friend I ever had!” Frank whispered once they were in Gerard’s room.

The walls painted gray, almost completely covered in posters and drawings, and the curtains drawn, letting very little sunlight into the room. Frank found this calming for some reason.

In response, Gerard flung his arms around Frank and gave him a tight, friendly hug.

Frank’s heart leapt. At first he had no idea what to do or say, but in less than a second, he found himself melting into the hug, all his problems leaving him alone. To his own surprise, he found that he was actually disappointed when Gerard let go, two or three seconds later.

“Frank, what happened? I want to help you if I can.” The sympathy in Gerard’s soft, caring voice made this even harder for Frank.

Help me? If anything, you’re the reason this started! Frank thought, though he never said this out loud. How could he? He took a seat on Gerard’s soft bed. Gerard sat beside him.

“It’s just family stuff, nothing important. I just had to get away from it all,” Frank lied, looking down at the carpeted floor guiltily.

“There’s something you’re not telling me. Something important. Am I right?” Frank hated the fact that he loved how Gerard could see right through him.

‘You mean right through your clothes,' The voice in his head joked. Frank was now incredibly agitated. He wished the voice was a real person so that he could punch it.

Shut up, you know that’s not what I meant! I’m not interested in Gerard! He argued with himself.

‘You sure? Because you know that’s what you want!’

Get out of my head, you motherfucker!

‘I can’t, Frank. I’m you!’

“Frank?” Gerard placed his hand on Frank’s shoulder, tilting his head to look into his eyes, hidden behind his fringe, hiding the secrets they held.

At that point Frank couldn’t help it. It was too much, everything was spinning and the voice wouldn’t leave him alone. Was his father right? No. He tried his best to look down and blink it away. Guys didn’t cry, not in front of people. However the sudden build-up of emotions was close to suffocating him, closing up his throat. He gave in, tears, black from his eyeliner, running down his face. They felt like lava, burning through his skin. Burning off the mask he’d been wearing to hide the person he didn’t want to be.

Gerard said nothing. He simply put his arm around Frank’s shoulders and let his head rest on his shoulder.

Frank sobbed helplessly, and hated himself for it. He was crying because he just didn’t know. Or even because he knew, he just didn’t want to believe it.

Eventually his sobbing was replaced by hiccups. Embarrassment flooded over him. How could he be so weak?

He straightened up and wiped the tears from his face, still avoiding Gerard’s gorgeous, hazel-green eyes. They weren’t like anybody else’s eyes. They were unique, not just in color. It was as if there was light behind them, always giving Frank the strength he needed when something was wrong. But this time they were the problem. He was the problem. And at that moment, Frank came to a realization that Gerard was more than just a friend to him. He realized that his father was right. He realized he wasn’t who he thought he was.

“Okay, Frankie. Can you tell me what happened? Please, you know you can trust me, and I will always do my best to help.” Gerard smiled at him warmly.

“My father,” Frank began, “he insists that I must be gay.”

“And are you?” Gerard’s voice was incredibly calm and full of understanding.

“I’m-” Frank paused as he remembered what he had realized just under a minute ago. “No, I’m not.” He looked down.
“I don’t see the problem. I mean…” Gerard trailed off, then looked down as he remembered what Frank’s father was like. “Oh, right.” He added.

“Yeah… And then I found out my parents had been discussing it behind my back! Is it really that obv- I mean, does it really seem like I am?” Frank hoped that Gerard didn’t notice the mistake he’d just made.

“Frank, people will always say all kinds of things, even your parents.” Gerard sighed.

He didn’t deny it. Frank took the response as a yes.

“Right…” Frank sighed.

“As long as you know what you are, that’s all that matters.” Gerard smiled, placing his hand on Frank’s shoulders.

This wasn’t helpful to Frank. He wasn’t sure himself. But instead of telling Gerard that, he just smiled and nodded.

Gerard responded with a wider smile, and for a minute or two, Frank felt like everything was going to be normal again when he returned home. He forgot that it was never going to be quite the same.

*

Neither Frank nor Gerard had any idea what time it was, they just knew it was late. And trying to read a clock with this amount of alcohol in their blood would be near enough impossible.

They were sitting on the floor in Gerard’s room, in the cozy warmth of the electric fireplace.

They started off with a cup of coffee each, then Gerard decided to make the second cup a lot better by adding a shot of vodka to each one. The alcoholic coffee soon turned into alcohol on its own.

Surrounded by dirty coffee mugs of various shapes and sizes, piles of empty junk food wrappers and a large amount of scrap paper, with lyrics scrawled carelessly on the back, stained and crumpled, Gerard swallowed the last of the vodka, then dropped it, letting it roll away under his bed.

This was their typical sleepover. Alcohol, music, and just talking about nothing and everything all night long.

Gerard giggled loudly as Frank attempted to play a tune on his guitar. But his fingers refused to stay on the right frets, and it seemed to have three times as many strings.

“It’s not funnyyy!” Frank whined, his voice slurred and barely understandable. He wrinkled his forehead in concentration and looked closely at the neck of the guitar as he attempted to play F-minor. The sound is produced was painful and surreal, invading Frank’s eardrums and causing him to drop Pansy.

Both of them giggled pointlessly as Frank picked up the empty glass bottle and tilted it above his open mouth.

“Awh…” He responded to the lack of alcohol which he had expected to come pouring out of the bottle. “We’re out of coffee…” he mumbled, placing the empty bottle beside him, his eyes half closed, vacant and emotionless.

“Pickles…” Gerard had an expression of sudden realization as he stared straight ahead at the wall.

“Pickles?”

“I’ll be back right…” He murmured, not even noticing that he switched words around, then stumbled out of his room, holding onto the wall in order to keep his balance, leaving Frank and his thoughts alone.

‘You should go for it while you’re both drunk, Frank!’

This time the voice seemed more real than ever.

“No. Can’t do that ‘cause… ‘cause…” Frank forgot what he was talking about before he had the chance to finish his sentence.

‘Exactly, you have no reason not to!’

“Shu’up!” Frank leaned forward to stop himself from falling onto his back. “He’s my friend…”

‘Make him an even closer friend.’

“I can’t!” He hiccupped. This amused him, and he grinned, then shook his head and returned to the conversation. “Gerard can’t knooooow!” Some words seemed to come out louder than others.

At that point Gerard appeared in the doorway, holding onto the wall with his right hand and hugging a large jar of pickles with his left.

“Can’t know what?” He stumbled into the room and set down the jar of pickles, then sat back in his place.

Ignoring the pickles, Frank replied, “Nothing…” after which he hiccupped and giggled to himself.

“Are you…” Gerard paused to burp silently, “Are you okay?”

Just tell him you’re tired, Frank thought.

“Yeah, I’m just-“

‘Gay. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay!’ Sang the voice in his head.

“Just gay…” Frank finished the sentence, confused by the imaginary voice. “Wait, no… No! I meant tired, he just said that to con-”

Frank didn’t have a chance to finish because Gerard’s hand was suddenly covering him mouth. He looked down at the hand, then back up at Gerard, who had a massive grin plastered onto his face.

Frank’s thoughts were all over the place.

Shit. Did he believe that? I need to tell him that I’m not! But what if… what if he is too? I like him. No. He isn’t. He can’t be. He’s Gerard. But, I’m Frank, and I turned out to be… Why did he cover my mouth? Am I going to be sick, maybe I should stand over the toilet, just in case... Should I tell Gerard I like him? What? No, you idiot! Crap, this is taking a long time…

“Wanna know a secret?” Gerard giggled, his hand still on Frank’s mouth.

Frank snapped out of his daze and looked up with Gerard, wide eyed. He nodded innocently.

Gerard leaned in close, so close that Frank could practically hear his heartbeat, until his lips were right next to Frank’s ear.

Frank’s heart was pounding, racing. The smell of Gerard’s hair, shampoo and cigarettes, twisted his stomach into knots. He wanted nothing more than for the gap between them to close.

“I am too…” The three words, spoken so softly, made their way to Frank’s ear. The alcohol slowing down Frank’s body meant it took several seconds for him to realize what he’d just heard. But as he processed the words, they sent a shock through his entire body, causing his eyes to go wider than ever before, and his jaw to drop slightly. He could do nothing other than stare straight ahead, paralyzed.

Gerard giggled drunkenly, then began to back away slowly. But instead of going back to his old sitting position, he stopped halfway, his face now directly in front of Frank’s, so close that he felt the warmth of his breath, gazed right at the flames of the electric fireplace reflected in his deep, honest eyes, could hear the pounding of his heart, fast but steady.

Frank couldn’t describe how he felt. He could hardly feel the alcohol being pumped through his veins now. He was overcome by amounts of joy and nervousness he’d never experienced before.

As Gerard leaned in, Frank let his lips part, his eyelids drop, his thoughts disappear.

This is it.

Their lips collided, sending waves of ecstasy through his body.

Gerard’s lips felt like candy cotton, his hot breath, contaminated by alcohol and cigarettes, was calming somehow, his long, slender fingers wrapping around the back of his neck, drawing him in. He didn’t want this to end.

As they both slowly pulled away, Frank almost felt like his life was complete. Nothing else mattered, and it never would.

Gerard smiled, his face about an inch away from Frank’s once again.

There was a pause filled with silence and tension. That wasn’t enough. Frank missed it already.

“I-” He uttered, but he was cut off as Gerard leaped forward, meeting his lips once again.

Frank fell back, hitting his shoulders on the wall. He didn’t care. Gerard’s hands were now on his chest, his legs on either side of Frank’s.

They kissed until Gerard shifted Frank’s shoulder’s, causing him to fall to the floor. Frank pressed his hands against Gerard’s chest, feeling his heartbeat speed up, much like his own.

Gerard broke off the kiss, slowly pulling away. Breathing heavily, they stared into each other’s eyes for what felt like hours.

Frank wanted to remember this for the rest of his life. He couldn’t stop smiling. He gave into the voice, and suddenly it wasn’t there anymore. It finally left him alone. It got what it wanted. Frank got what he wanted.

Smiling, Gerard lowered himself to the floor next to Frank. They stared at the ceiling until the world went black in their eyes.

Frank was finally happy.