Categories > Original > Humor


by beatus_quinn 6 reviews

Vic makes Kellin angry. (PTV/SWS) *not Kellic*

Category: Humor - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Published: 2013-03-13 - 997 words

The sound of the front door closing very quietly echoed throughout the house, followed by very faint footsteps, made by a woman who had chosen to take her heels off for this very situation.

Katelynn Quinn thought that her times sneaking into the house late at night had ended during her teenage years, but that was apparently not the case.

The house was dark; Copeland was definitely fast asleep, if it was this late at night. There were no sounds, no lights on, Katelynn noticed as she entered the living room.

Huh/, she mused to herself, /I think Kellin must be asleep right n-

"Hello, Katelynn."

The lights in the living room flickered on. Katelynn screamed as she saw the younger man sitting on the couch.

"So, Katelynn," Kellin began. "Where've you been all night?" His eyes were wide, nearing the brink of insanity.

Katelynn checked her phone. "It's only 11:48."

Kellin continued to stare at her with a suspicious expression. "Riiiight. '11:48' you say? I CALL BULLSHIT!!!" He stood, slowly making his way over to her.

"It's really 11:48 though."

"Okay, okay. Say it really is, '11:48'. You have been out this late each Saturday for several weeks now. What's up with that?" Kellin's face was now inches away from Katelynn's, a single eyebrow raised quite comically, but in his case, what he thought was extremely serious.

His wife shrugged. "I've been out with friends. You know that Saturday is Girls' Night Out!"

Both of Kellin's eyebrows rose, along with his chin, as he stalked backwards back to the couch. "Right, right. Because of course you and your friends haven't grown fucking sick of each others' faces yet, /of course/."

Katelynn's face wrinkled in annoyance yet she decided to let that statement go.

"So tell me," Kellin continued, "Why you smell like tacos!"

Katelynn's eyes widened.

"GUILTY!" Kellin screamed manically.

"I FUCKING ATE TACOS FOR DINNER, KELLIN!" she screamed in response. "And what do you mean, /guilty/?"

Kellin's eyes narrowed. "You know who I'm talking about. The Mexican!"


"Yes! Him! Answer me! Tacos are his natural scent! Now tell me, why is the scent of tacos smeared all over your body?!"

Katelynn gaped. "You... you think... you think I'm cheating on you with Vic?!"

Her husband nodded harshly. Then he broke down into tears. "I've seen all the signs!" he bawled. "You're growing so distant from me, you always disappear on a certain night of the week and I trust you but I never know where you are and we hardly ever have sex ever since Copeland was born and it's because he's older than me isn't it!"

"I... what the fuck?"

"HE'S OLDER THAN ME!" Kellin wailed. "And you're older than me... like, what are you even doing with a guy like me?" His eyes were brimming with tears.

Katelynn was shocked. So she hugged him. "Shh... you're perfect, okay? I love you, Kellin."

His sniffles quieted and she rubbed soothing circles on his back. "Come on, let's sit down first."

The couple settled down on the couch. "I am not cheating on you with Vic, or anyone," Katelynn informed Kellin. "I would never cheat on you." He beamed.

"But, I have something to tell you."

Kellin's face fell. "Okay... lay it on me, then."

"I smell like tacos because... for the past few weeks I've been meeting Vic every Saturday night to eat Mexican food."

Kellin jumped up. "WHAT?!"

Katelynn nodded, took a deep breath, and continued. "Vic makes really good burritos, too."

Kellin was distraught. "But... but... I can make burritos for you!"

The older woman turned her face away, ashamed. "Not like he can."

Kellin screamed and paced around the room. "I'm... I'm gonna..." he panted. "I'm gonna kill myself! With fire! After I kill that Mexican!"

Katelynn sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"I'm never gonna do guest vocals on another fucking Pierce The Veil song ever! And he won't to guest vocals on a single Sleeping With Sirens song if I have any damn thing to do with it!"


"And I'm gonna take his fucking burritos and shove them up his fucking ass! Oh! Bet he won't see that coming, would he?"

"Kellin, shut up!" It had no effect. Kellin continued ranting.

The doorbell rang.

Kellin shook his head angrily and ranted all the way to the door. He opened it mindlessly. "WHAT?!"

A small Mexican man, Victor Vincent Fuentes, stood on his porch. Before Kellin could register what was happening, Vic had silently placed an enchilada in Kellin's mouth.

The anger on Kellin's expression faded. "That's... that's good. Really good."

Vic placed a finger to Kellin's lips. "Shh, shh shh," he said softly. He moved his finger under Kellin's jaw. "Chew." He pushed the jaw up and down, aiding Kellin's chewing. "Swallow."

He stood silently in anticipation as Kellin's eyes widened in wonder and amazement. A strange thing happened.

Kellin's heart slowly began beating to the music of a distant mariachi band. His vocal cords rearranged themselves, and a mustache began to grow on his face.

Vic sprinkled him with fresh lime juice. "I now baptize you as Beatus Quinn," he said mystically.

Beatus turned around to face a very confused Katelynne.

"See, this is the kind of shit Vic pulls!" Kellin said all of a sudden, angrily. Vic was laughing, doubled over and clutching his torso, red in the face. Katelynn just looked cometely bewildered, glancing between each of the two boys with "what the fucking hell," written on her face.

"I'm going to bed," she announced loudly. Kellin continued yelling about killing Vic and Vic writhed on the floor, howling with laughter. Katelynne left the room, shaking her head and yawning.

Kellin fumed until Vic calmed down, his breath slowing down and his grin fading into a smile.

"You want some tacos?" he asked. Kellin threw him an evil look, then his resolute expression softened and he replied, "... Sure."

lol idk where im going with this
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