Categories > Games > Resident Evil
Help Me, Leon!
0 reviewsA silly musical skit featuring a parody of the Beach Boys' "Help Me, Rhonda." Ashley is lost inside of Salazar's castle and tries to keep herself calm by singing a song while she searches for Leon.
0Unrated
This script is rated PG for comic violence.
'nother (semi-) old musical script, fresh off the press!
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HELP ME, LEON!
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Ashley Graham
Zealots 1 & 2
Knights 1 & 2
Leon S. Kennedy
MUSIC
"Help Me, Rhonda" – the Beach Boys (1965)*
"Death From Above" – Resident Evil 4 (2004)
*this version does not include the second verse or the musical interlude
CLIP
"Movie 3-3" – Resident Evil 4 (2004)
SCENE – AN UNKNOWN ROOM
The curtains open. The stage is totally dark; the only visible object is a lowered projector screen. The clip is played. As soon as it is finished, the projector screen is raised while the lights turn on and brighten to early-evening intensity.
A small wall paneling of stone, located in the very center of upstage, is revealed. Accompanied by a grinding sound, it turns around and reveals ASHLEY, struggling against three old, metal braces. She breaks loose. When she gathers herself, she turns around to pound and tug on the wall.
ASHLEY
Leon! Leon, help! Leon!
She stops pounding and tugging on the wall. She presses her ear against the wall.
ASHLEY
It's no use; he can't hear me.
She turns to face the audience.
ASHLEY
Now what am I going to do? If I hadn't freaked out and run away, I wouldn't be in this mess! Okay, Ashley, just take a deep breathe and think. If I look around here, I might be able to find a way that leads to the other side of this wall.
She takes a step forward but shirks from taking another.
ASHLEY
But I'm so scared! What if those creepy men in the black robes see me? What if I get caught in another trap? What if I…
She takes a deep breath.
ASHLEY
I just need to stay calm. But how am I supposed to stay calm in a situation like this? When I was little and scared, Mom always sang to me, and it'd calm me down in no time. So I guess…I'll sing a song.
She takes another deep breath and steps forward. The music ("Help Me, Rhonda") starts to play, and ASHLEY starts to sing hesitantly as she looks around and starts cautiously toward stage right.
ASHLEY
Well, since they brought me here
I've been scared straight out of my mind
Waiting for the moment they
Inject in me that parasite
She jumps in front of the drawn curtain as ZEALOT 1 and 2, who are carrying a flail and a scythe respectively, enter stage right start across the stage. They don't hear her singing.
ASHLEY
Then, Leon, you charged right in
And I know that you can do it again,
Now the ZEALOTS are center stage and heading towards stage left. ASHLEY tiptoes away from the curtain and motions to exit stage right.
ASHLEY
That you can help me, Leon,
Help me, get me out of here!
Suddenly, the ZEALOTS take notice of her. ZEALOT 1 points at her and says, "¡Allí está!" They start towards her, weapons raised. As the chorus kicks in, she doubles back and starts towards the stairs that lead from stage right into the pit, but is cut off when ZEALOT 2 swings his scythe down in front of her. She jumps back, and the three engage in a choreographed fight in which the ZEALOTS try to attack her while ASHLEY evades their attacks.
ASHLEY
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
ASHLEY evades an attack from one ZEALOT and rushes past them both down the stairs she tried to descend earlier. The ZEALOTS run after her, but she has a head-start.
ASHLEY
Help me, Leon, and—
As soon as she's at the bottom of the stairs, ASHLEY heads left and ducks behind the stairs. The ZEALOTS run down the stairs and head up the aisle to the back of the theatre.
ASHLEY
Get me out of here!
Cautiously, she stands up, looks around, and starts towards the stairs that lead up to stage left. At this point, the wall paneling turns around to reveal a pedestal with a stone puzzle piece on it. Two KNIGHTS stand on either side of the pedestal, swords raised.
ASHLEY
We ran inside this castle,
Thinking that we would be okay
She ascends the stairs and moves to center stage. The ZEALOTS, who are now in the opposite aisle, head back towards the stage.
ASHLEY
But we got separated, and now,
Leon, I'm so afraid!
She notices the puzzle piece and wanders over to it. The ZEALOTS are now ascending the stairs.
ASHLEY
But, Leon, you're brave and strong
And I know it won't take very long
She picks up the puzzle piece. Immediately the KNIGHTS come to life. She drops the puzzle piece and starts to back away. By this time, the ZEALOTS are right behind her.
ASHLEY
For you to help me, Leon,
Help me, get me out of here!
The music stops, and a different song ("Death From Above") starts. ASHLEY whirls around and runs right, screaming, into ZEALOT 2, who grabs her. ZEALOT 1 swings his flail and knocks her onto the floor. She tries to crawl away, but both the ZEALOTS and the KNIGHTS proceed to beat her to death with their weapons as she screams. With one last scream, she stops moving. The music fades out as the lights dim and then go out.
Both the ZEALOTS and the KNIGHTS freeze. A spotlight appears on ASHLEY, who is now standing up and smiling, clearly fine.
ASHLEY
Just kidding! A-five, six, seven, eight!
Colored lights reminiscent of a pop concert flash on as the chorus of the music ("Help Me, Rhonda") kicks back in. The ZEALOTS and the KNIGHTS snap up, and they along with ASHLEY break into the same dance (which is reminiscent of the dancing performed at a pop concert) with ASHLEY as the star and the ZEALOTS and KNIGHTS as back-up dancers. LEON enters from the rear of the theater and heads down the aisle towards the stage, gun raised.
ASHLEY, ZEALOTS, & KNIGHTS
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
LEON is near the stage now. He sees what's happening on it and, angrily cramming his gun into its holster, ascends the stairs. ASHLEY, the ZEALOTS, and the KNIGHTS do not notice him. He stands by one side of the stage and watches the musical number continue.
ASHLEY, ZEALOTS, & KNIGHTS
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, and—
ASHLEY jumps into the arms of the nearest ZEALOT, who swings her around once.
ASHLEY
Get us out of here!
LEON approaches the ZEALOT and ASHLEY. They don't notice him. He taps on her shoulder. She twists her head around to see him.
ASHLEY
(grinning sheepishly)
Oh! Hi, Leon! I was just—
LEON grabs her by the wrist, yanks her out of the ZEALOT's arms, and proceeds to drag her stage left. The ZEALOTS and KNIGHTS watch.
ASHLEY
Ow, Leon, that hurts! Leon! Leon—!
LEON and ASHLEY exit stage left.
The ZEALOTS and KNIGHTS look at each other, shrug, and stalk after them with their weapons raised, exiting stage left. The music ends as the curtains close.
THE END
==================
Once again, any and all feedback is welcome. :)
'nother (semi-) old musical script, fresh off the press!
==================
HELP ME, LEON!
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Ashley Graham
Zealots 1 & 2
Knights 1 & 2
Leon S. Kennedy
MUSIC
"Help Me, Rhonda" – the Beach Boys (1965)*
"Death From Above" – Resident Evil 4 (2004)
*this version does not include the second verse or the musical interlude
CLIP
"Movie 3-3" – Resident Evil 4 (2004)
SCENE – AN UNKNOWN ROOM
The curtains open. The stage is totally dark; the only visible object is a lowered projector screen. The clip is played. As soon as it is finished, the projector screen is raised while the lights turn on and brighten to early-evening intensity.
A small wall paneling of stone, located in the very center of upstage, is revealed. Accompanied by a grinding sound, it turns around and reveals ASHLEY, struggling against three old, metal braces. She breaks loose. When she gathers herself, she turns around to pound and tug on the wall.
ASHLEY
Leon! Leon, help! Leon!
She stops pounding and tugging on the wall. She presses her ear against the wall.
ASHLEY
It's no use; he can't hear me.
She turns to face the audience.
ASHLEY
Now what am I going to do? If I hadn't freaked out and run away, I wouldn't be in this mess! Okay, Ashley, just take a deep breathe and think. If I look around here, I might be able to find a way that leads to the other side of this wall.
She takes a step forward but shirks from taking another.
ASHLEY
But I'm so scared! What if those creepy men in the black robes see me? What if I get caught in another trap? What if I…
She takes a deep breath.
ASHLEY
I just need to stay calm. But how am I supposed to stay calm in a situation like this? When I was little and scared, Mom always sang to me, and it'd calm me down in no time. So I guess…I'll sing a song.
She takes another deep breath and steps forward. The music ("Help Me, Rhonda") starts to play, and ASHLEY starts to sing hesitantly as she looks around and starts cautiously toward stage right.
ASHLEY
Well, since they brought me here
I've been scared straight out of my mind
Waiting for the moment they
Inject in me that parasite
She jumps in front of the drawn curtain as ZEALOT 1 and 2, who are carrying a flail and a scythe respectively, enter stage right start across the stage. They don't hear her singing.
ASHLEY
Then, Leon, you charged right in
And I know that you can do it again,
Now the ZEALOTS are center stage and heading towards stage left. ASHLEY tiptoes away from the curtain and motions to exit stage right.
ASHLEY
That you can help me, Leon,
Help me, get me out of here!
Suddenly, the ZEALOTS take notice of her. ZEALOT 1 points at her and says, "¡Allí está!" They start towards her, weapons raised. As the chorus kicks in, she doubles back and starts towards the stairs that lead from stage right into the pit, but is cut off when ZEALOT 2 swings his scythe down in front of her. She jumps back, and the three engage in a choreographed fight in which the ZEALOTS try to attack her while ASHLEY evades their attacks.
ASHLEY
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
ASHLEY evades an attack from one ZEALOT and rushes past them both down the stairs she tried to descend earlier. The ZEALOTS run after her, but she has a head-start.
ASHLEY
Help me, Leon, and—
As soon as she's at the bottom of the stairs, ASHLEY heads left and ducks behind the stairs. The ZEALOTS run down the stairs and head up the aisle to the back of the theatre.
ASHLEY
Get me out of here!
Cautiously, she stands up, looks around, and starts towards the stairs that lead up to stage left. At this point, the wall paneling turns around to reveal a pedestal with a stone puzzle piece on it. Two KNIGHTS stand on either side of the pedestal, swords raised.
ASHLEY
We ran inside this castle,
Thinking that we would be okay
She ascends the stairs and moves to center stage. The ZEALOTS, who are now in the opposite aisle, head back towards the stage.
ASHLEY
But we got separated, and now,
Leon, I'm so afraid!
She notices the puzzle piece and wanders over to it. The ZEALOTS are now ascending the stairs.
ASHLEY
But, Leon, you're brave and strong
And I know it won't take very long
She picks up the puzzle piece. Immediately the KNIGHTS come to life. She drops the puzzle piece and starts to back away. By this time, the ZEALOTS are right behind her.
ASHLEY
For you to help me, Leon,
Help me, get me out of here!
The music stops, and a different song ("Death From Above") starts. ASHLEY whirls around and runs right, screaming, into ZEALOT 2, who grabs her. ZEALOT 1 swings his flail and knocks her onto the floor. She tries to crawl away, but both the ZEALOTS and the KNIGHTS proceed to beat her to death with their weapons as she screams. With one last scream, she stops moving. The music fades out as the lights dim and then go out.
Both the ZEALOTS and the KNIGHTS freeze. A spotlight appears on ASHLEY, who is now standing up and smiling, clearly fine.
ASHLEY
Just kidding! A-five, six, seven, eight!
Colored lights reminiscent of a pop concert flash on as the chorus of the music ("Help Me, Rhonda") kicks back in. The ZEALOTS and the KNIGHTS snap up, and they along with ASHLEY break into the same dance (which is reminiscent of the dancing performed at a pop concert) with ASHLEY as the star and the ZEALOTS and KNIGHTS as back-up dancers. LEON enters from the rear of the theater and heads down the aisle towards the stage, gun raised.
ASHLEY, ZEALOTS, & KNIGHTS
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
LEON is near the stage now. He sees what's happening on it and, angrily cramming his gun into its holster, ascends the stairs. ASHLEY, the ZEALOTS, and the KNIGHTS do not notice him. He stands by one side of the stage and watches the musical number continue.
ASHLEY, ZEALOTS, & KNIGHTS
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, help, help me, Leon
Help me, Leon, and—
ASHLEY jumps into the arms of the nearest ZEALOT, who swings her around once.
ASHLEY
Get us out of here!
LEON approaches the ZEALOT and ASHLEY. They don't notice him. He taps on her shoulder. She twists her head around to see him.
ASHLEY
(grinning sheepishly)
Oh! Hi, Leon! I was just—
LEON grabs her by the wrist, yanks her out of the ZEALOT's arms, and proceeds to drag her stage left. The ZEALOTS and KNIGHTS watch.
ASHLEY
Ow, Leon, that hurts! Leon! Leon—!
LEON and ASHLEY exit stage left.
The ZEALOTS and KNIGHTS look at each other, shrug, and stalk after them with their weapons raised, exiting stage left. The music ends as the curtains close.
THE END
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Once again, any and all feedback is welcome. :)
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