FicWad

“Rachel?” Gerard called out again, this time with a bit of insistence to his tone.
I was stuck for words. My heart raced as a million different things went through my head. Answer him. Say it. Just say something. Anything. Even if it’s not relevant. Just. Say. It.
I looked at Gerard with my jaw open. He was still looking at me.
“I… I really don’t know what to say.” I whispered.
“Say anything.” He said calmly. How could he not be freaking out when I was starting to panic? “I really don’t know. But as soon as I walked into that English class and scanned the classroom, when my eyes laid on you I knew that there was something about you. I didn’t know what and I still don’t know what.”
My words choked up in my throat. I could feel the adrenalin being pumped around me, heart and thoughts racing, my breathing was slowly turning into hyperventilation. I expel so much self confidence in almost everything I do. I get good grades, I have good friends, I am friendly to everybody but if I am absolutely honest with myself then I can only say that I am absolutely terrified of everybody.
“I’m not sure what I feel, Gerard.” I looked at the ground. Maybe if I don’t look at him this will be easier? “I don’t know what to tell you, but this got really intense really quickly.” I stood up. The feeling of panic had reached boiling point, I couldn’t stand to be in this situation any longer. “I have to go.”
“Rachel, wait.” Gerard put his coffee down next to his bean bag and jumped up.
I put my nearly empty cup on the bench and walked fast towards the front door. He stopped me just before I opened it.
“Rach, I said wait.” He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back. He turned me around and put his hands on my shoulders. “I’m sorry. I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you or freak you out. Maybe it’s just me.”
What the hell is happening?
I looked up at him, confused.
“Sometimes I get myself in a trance. I don’t know how, but I get a bit car-“ He was cut off by me.
“Ireallylikeyou!” I blurted out as if it was one word. Gerard just stopped, and looked at me. “I don’t know how to explain it. I’m only sixteen and this has never happened to me before and I sure as hell do not feel sixteen right now. “
We both just stood there, confused. I tried to think of something else to say. What am I supposed to say? I literally just met this guy today, came over to his place for coffee, I asked him about his favourite band and suddenly everything got heavy and intense.
Does this sort of thing happen to people my age? I’ve heard of this love-at-first-sight crap, but they’re always in those stupid Hollywood movies. And the actors aren’t all that young, they’re always in their thirties or something.
I don’t feel sixteen anymore.
“I think I should go.” I looked up at Gerard. He had a frown on his face, concentrating.
“I don’t.. I don’t know what to say.” His eyes scanned the photos on the wall.
“Maybe we should sleep on it?” I asked.
“Yeah,” He answered in a near whisper. He shook his head and looked at me. “I think that’ll really help. This is just… I don’t know. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, definitely.” I turned and opened up the door, I looked out over to my house on the opposite side of the road. I didn’t want to leave this house, although things had taken a really fucked up turn and Gerard and I suddenly had no idea where we stood, it wasn’t as bad as the house across the road.
Every inch of me screamed to turn around and just kiss him. The whole situation isn’t as complicated as it seems, we’re just making it that way. Just kiss him. Just turn around and kiss him. It’s crazy, you just met him but it’s okay. Just kiss him.
I fought my urges. I turned around and looked at him, “Thank you for the coffee.” He nodded and half smiled. I walked back home.
I closed the door behind me and leant back on it. Shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck! I raced to the phone and dialled Bonnie’s number.

“Hello?” Adrienne, Bonnie’s Mum answered.
“Hey Mum, is Bonnie home?” I raced.
“Yeah she is hun, is everything okay?” She asked.
“Yeah, sure. I just… You know, went for a run to get a bit of exercise and I’m just a bit puffed out that’s all nothing to worry about I am fine.” I said way too fast.
“Okay… I’ll go get her for you.” She said sounding completely unconvinced.
I waited thirty painful seconds for Bonnie to get to the phone.
“Hello?” She finally picked up.
“Bonnie! I really need to talk to you! It’s urgent!” I yelled.
“Rachel? Rachel are you alright? What’s going on?” She sounded alarmed.
I filled her in with everything that happened from the events of arriving at my house to leaving his. I’m surprised she caught it all given how fast I spoke.
“I don’t know what to do or what’s going on!” I cried. “This has never happened to me before! Is this what it’s like with you and Frank!?”
“Okay Rach,” She paused. “The first thing you need to do is calm down. Take some deep breaths. You’re freaking out.”
“NO SHIT SHERLOCK!” I screamed.
“Calm down!”
“Okay! Okay!” I took some deep breaths. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. I did my best to mellow out. “Okay. I’m alright.”
“Are you sure?” She asked.
“No! I have absolutely no idea what’s happening! Yesterday I went to school and everything was normal, today has been a rollercoaster!”
“It’s obvious Rachel!” She yelled over me. “You like him, and from what you told me, he likes you. It’s as simple as that. What is so confusing about that?”
“I don’t know. It all happened so fast. I just met him and HELLO! IDONTKNOWWHATSHAPPENINGTOME!”
“RACHEL CALM DOWN!” She yelled.
I took a breath and slammed my hand against the wall, and took another breath. She was right, I really needed to calm down or I’d fucking lose it.
“It’s normal,” She said after a minute or two of silence. “It happens all the time. Some people just click really fast, others it takes a while. Frank and I were friends for ages and then suddenly it just sort of happened. Obviously you and Gerard just click. Don’t pull a Hollywood about it.”
“When he looks at me I feel like throwing up.” I said shyly.
“That’s what butterflies are!” Bonnie burst into laughter. “Look, remember what we learned in Science last week? That some chemicals just blend and fit together so perfectly without really needing to force the mix? And other chemicals are just absolutely diabolical? Think of it that way.”
“I guess you’re right. Just because it hasn’t happened to………… Is that your Mum in the background?” I asked. I could hear Adrienne in the background whispering ‘What’s going on?’
“Yeah, she’s just worried about you. She’s never heard you sound so frantic. Look Rach, all I can say is that it’s clear that you two like each other. Why don’t you just see where it goes instead of freaking out about it?”
Although Bonnie made a lot of sense, I still didn’t feel so sure.
“I told Gerard that we should sleep on it.” I sighed.
“Good! You have the whole night to think about it. But you cannot avoid this, Rachel. He goes to your school and he kind of knows where you live. If he wants an answer, it won’t be hard for him to track you down.” Bonnie chuckled.
“This really isn’t that funny, Bonnie.” I frowned. “But I get your point.”
“Seriously, just decide what you wanna do, and even if you don’t know what to do in the morning just fucking talk to him! What’s the worst that could happen?”
I sighed. “Okay. I’m gonna go to my room and think about this. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Thank you so much for your help. I don’t feel as … Weird as I did before.”
“Okay dudette. I’ll catch you tomorrow!”
I hung up and stared at the phone for a little while. Yesterday everything was so normal. I just went to school. I did my work and did my homework at school. I drew pictures. I walked home. I hung out on the roof top while Dad and Mum argued. I went to bed. And now today everything has just flipped upside down and turned itself inside out. Everything is just so fucked up.
I walked up to my room and collapsed face first into the bed, and screamed into my pillow.


- Gerard’s POV -

I want to stop her from leaving. I’m not sure how I feel about her, or the situation but I know that I don’t want her to leave. I have the urge to grab her and drag her back inside. Maybe even kiss her. I don’t know! But I resist.
She turned to me and said, “Thank you for the coffee.”
I nodded and half smiled. Please don’t leave, please don’t leave, please don’t leave. I thought to myself. I watched her walk back to her house, and when she walked in and closed the door behind her, I walked back inside and stared into nothing down the hallway. This is just really fucked up.
I walked back down the hallway and into the kitchen. I looked at Rachel’s cup and scanned the room for mine. Right next to the bean bag where I left it.
I sat back down on the bean bag and picked up my cup, I took a sip.
I’ve gone from moving from Jersey to England and thinking it would be an interesting experience, to thinking that something fucking weird is happening here. This is not coincidence and I don’t believe in fate. What the hell? This really is some Hollywood movie shit right here.
I hated being so confused. Why can’t shit ever just be simple? I sipped on my coffee while I wait for my Mom to get back.
After what seemed like ages, and I had already half made up my mind on what I was gonna do I heard the unlocking and opening of the front door.
“Mom, can I go watch Ninja Turtles?” Mikey asked. God I miss the days where everything was THAT simple.
“Yeah, okay, but homework straight afterwards alright?” She closed the door behind her.
Mikey shut the lounge door behind him as Mom made her way up the hallway.
“Hey Gee,” She didn’t look up much, just a quick glance around the room. “Rachel gone home?”
“Yeah, she left about half an hour ago.” I replied flatly.
“She seems really nice.” She started unpacking some stuff in the kitchen.
“Mom, can I talk to you about some shit?” I asked embarrassingly.
“Is that language necessary?” She looked up.
“No, but that’s really not important.” I paused. “Rachel likes me.”
“Okay?” She looked at me weirdly.
“I mean, in that way, you know?”
“Oh.” Mom clicked. “And?”
“And… I think maybe I like her too…” I blushed a little and slid further down in my bean bag trying to hide my face.
“Awwww, my baby boy’s in love!” She chuckled.
“Mom, this is serious!” I sighed.
She clapped some dust off her hands and walked over to the bean bag Rachel was sitting on not too long ago, and piped herself down. She looked at me.
“Okay, well. I’m not entirely sure what it is that you’re trying to tell me or get from me?”
“Advice… Please.. I’m kind of confused. I don’t know if I do like her or not. But there’s… I don’t know.” I sighed.
Mom pouted her lips as she thought about what to say. “Well, what makes you think you do like her?”
I sighed in frustration and put my coffee down next to me. I frowned. “I don’t know. I just… I don’t know. I clicked with her sorta, you know. I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t even freak out when she told me she likes me. I just… feel different when I’m around her. Like I don’t freak out, or get nervous like I usually do with new people. You know what I mean? Like, it’s all good to talk to her about shit. I don’t know.”
Mom nodded. “Okay, yeah I get what you mean. What are you going to about it?”
“What should I do?” I looked at her.
“I can’t answer that Gerard. You have to find it out for yourself. Have you spoken to her about it?” She asked.
“Kinda. But it got really intense. Neither of us felt ourselves, and that freaked Rachel out. She left.”
“Yeah, well you two are still babies.” She said. I rolled my eyes and looked at her sarcastically. “I know, I know you don’t see it. But when you get to my age, you tend to look back and realize just how young you really were. Be kids, have fun. Don’t grow up too fast. That’s the only advice I can really give you, I’m sorry.”
I sat and thought for a moment. “Do you think it’s worth talking to her more about it?”
“Only if it’s what you want to do.” She smiled. “But if she’s still freaking out, don’t try to push anything. Just give her a little space and she’ll calm down. It might not be answer you want to hear, but if you try to drag something of it, it won’t happen. This is experience talking, okay?”
I nodded. “Thanks, Mom.”
She smiled. She got back up and continued to unpack stuff from the kitchen.
I went back to my room. I lay down on my bed. Tomorrow should be better.