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We Are the Kids from Yesterday (An excerpt for Awake and Unafraid)

Until the end of time…or at least that’s what I thought would happen. We always said forever, but here I sit in a cold and colorless boardroom, full of executives and just people I don’t want to see or talk too.

Frank is sitting next to me and at the end the table on the other side of me is Ray; Gerard is across from me and Mikey is next to him.

I sit there silently waiting. Watching Gerard. Gerard staring back at me, his short dark hair a mess from the strange LA weather. I tug my hoodie closer to my body. March is awfully cold this year.

This has been coming for a long time. I could see it during the May show in New Jersey last year. I could see it. The acting, the sadness seeping back into everyone. The feeling of being a commodity to be bottled or processed for mass production. The television makes us feel the pills we ate. The lights are coming down and the persona was taking over and we were not ourselves. Something has changed. I can see it their eyes. I can feel it in my bones. Gerard’s lost the magic. The will to keep going with the band. It was bound to happen sooner or later, I just didn’t realize how soon.

We are the kids from yesterday.

“Is this really what you want to do?” An executive asks.

The five of us stare blankly at first and then the tears start to fall down my cheeks. I can’t help it. It’s the end of a fucking era. Twelve Years.

Gerard grabs my hand across the table in a comforting manner, but the tears fall even harder. There is nothing I can do to stop it. Frank is sobbing quietly next to me. Mikey tries to remain composed but is defeat. Ray leans forward and puts an arm around me. We all don’t say anything.

The room is completely silent.

Silence is deafening.

“It’s ok,” I choke out before rushing from the room and into the hallway. I couldn’t breathe. This can’t be happening. Please tell me this is some cruel joke. Please.

I throw my back against a wall and let loose. I cry and heave unable to breathe.

Gerard followed me after finishing the meeting in a quicker manner than intended.

“Tristan…” Gerard wraps his arms around me and pulls my head against his as he leans down to my level. Our foreheads are touching and he leans to where we can see each other’s eyes. I can’t compose myself in the least bit. I can’t handle the loss of this band. It’s all I’ve ever known. All I wanted to do for the rest of my life. No band I do will ever come close.

“Tristan….please calm down…sugar, please, I can’t handle your crying,” Gerard’s hazel eyes are glazed over with fresh tears, now falling down his cheeks. “Please. I love you so much. I never meant for this to happen. I just did.” He’s right. I knew too, but I never wanted to admit it. I knew he couldn’t keep pretending like everything was ok. Like everything was the way it should be. I wasn’t. He wasn’t. Frank wasn’t. Ray wasn’t. Mikey wasn’t. Nothing was ok. Nothing.

I latch onto him for dear life. Never did I need him so much till now. This band saved me from my self destruction countless times; more times than I’m proud to admit and now it’s ended. Perhaps, forever.

“Shhh, Trist, please. I can’t take you crying,” He’s sobbing now. He leans down and kisses my lips in desperation. I can’t do anything but cry and kiss he back the same way. He pushes me against the wall and holds me there while still kissing me.

The passion was still there between us. We were so in love with each other. I knew it. I could feel it with every kiss he gave me. Gerard Way would always be my love. My life. My hero.

Mikey, Ray, and Frank walked into the hall with us after we parted. I dried my eyes and looked up all those me. Those four glorious men. Those men, without which I wouldn’t be alive today. Without them, I would be nothing. I stare at them, knowing they would always be there for me no matter what happened in life. We may not make music together anymore, but I knew they would always be there in my life.

I pulled them all into a group hug, all were silent.

Then- the group pulls away quickly.

“Really! FRANK! Really?” Ray cries as we all plug our noses.

“What? Sorry! I’m a little gassy when I’m upset!” Frank defends himself and laughs.

I am crying and laughing against Gerard. All of us are laughing.

We all laughed until our sides hurt and finally we all walked out of the building together, before parting and going our separate ways for now.

Ray went home to Christa and his new son.

Mikey went home to his new fiancée, Sarah.

Frank went home to Jamia, Lilly, Cherry, and Miles….and all the dogs.

Gerard went home with me and our daughter, Bandit.

This isn’t the end.

Just you wait and see.