FicWad

-This kind of girl makes it rough, holding my breath while we touch.-



“It’s so quiet here.” Kassidy whispered. I could feel her jaw moving, since her head was resting upon my chest. It felt nice, and somehow in the heat of the room and situation she was cool… cooling me down. It was incredible how she could cool me down, and heat me up. She felt so damn good, and I wanted to stay tangled up in her forever but this was complicated. The kind of complicated that stopped things from happening.

Things like us, and our relationship.

“It’s nice.” I responded, as I felt for her hand with my own. In seconds I was holding on to her soft hand, clutching on to it for dear life. “In the silence we can hear everything.”

“That’s frightening.” Kassidy chuckled softly, “Like I want to hear Brendon and Marie having sex.”

“Or Spencer jacking off.” I joked.

Kassidy laughed, but it sounded shaky. Something was wrong. “What’s up?” I didn’t let it pass without acknowledgement. I was done with hiding things, and letting things be. Everything was out in the open now, and I was prepared to fight to keep it that way.

“What does the future hold for us, Ry?” Kassidy asked, with hesitation. It was almost like she didn’t want to hear the answer, like she wanted me to lie to her.

“I don’t know.” I answered honestly. She breathed it deeply. “What do you want to happen?”

“I don’t know.” She lied.

“Come on, you don’t think about it?” I prodded softly.

Kassidy nervously laughed. “It’s stupid. I don’t want to say.”

“Tell me.” I requested. “Please.”

“I want… to be with you, and I think about it all the time like maybe, in a different county… where people don’t know us. It wouldn’t be that far of a relocation, and since we kissed… despite my heart kind of being shattered, I’ve been wondering what it would be like, with college coming up and stuff. Like, maybe us getting a place off campus together and trying…”

“Trying an actual relationship out?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Kassidy whispered.

“I’ve thought of that a lot.” I admitted.

“Really?” Kassidy asked.

“Yeah, and like… rooming with Brendon part time in case we fight.” I chuckled. “I like to be prepared, and you’re pretty feisty.”

“You know me best.” Kassidy giggled.

“I do.” I agreed. “Are you upset with the way mom and dad are reacting?”

“Yeah, but I mean, I kind of expected it.” Kassidy admitted. “I kind of feel naughty, like I got caught doing something terrible… but I don’t think it’s all bad, and kissing you doesn’t feel bad… and I’ve had crushes, but nothing like this. It feels weird when I’m with you Ryan.”

I chuckled. “It feels weird when I’m with you too Kassidy, and don’t worry… Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out.”

“I’m scared of how they’ll react when they figure out…” Kassidy’s voice started to drop lower, “… when they find out that I kind of, love you.”

I listened to her words again and again, waiting until she fell in to a light snoring pattern.

What would happen when they found out that this was all more than just a few simple kisses?

That scared me too.

We had a long, hard road. We hadn’t made it very far at all, and yet still… I had to enjoy the small victories, and so did Kassidy because that might just be as far as we get, and each night we’d never know when we reached our end.





**



“Gonna wake sleeping beauty?” Marie teased from the kitchen table.

I gazed at each of my friends, feeling my heart beat erratically. “No. I think she deserves some peace before the coming storm.” I swallowed hard. “There is something I need to tell you guys, because I’m done with secrets.” They all looked up, and Brendon was even distracted from his food.

“We’re listening.” Spencer spoke up.

“Yeah, all ears.” Marie chimed in.

Brendon just nodded, but I think he already knew what I was going to say.

“This is hard to say.” It really was.

Brendon decided to speak up at that moment. “We aren’t going to judge you Ryan. That isn’t what we do. It never has been. All jokes aside this time, just tell us. We’re your friends. This is what we are here for.”

I swallowed around the growing bundle of nerves, which we urging me to let it go and just walk away from the subject. I couldn’t do that to Kassidy though. I’d already let her down once. I wasn’t going to do it again.

This would go public to my friends, at the very least. I owed it to her. She needed to know I wasn’t ashamed of how I felt, and I wasn’t… so long as she felt the same way.

“I have feelings for Kassidy.” It sounded lame coming out, and not as definite as I wanted to be. I was in love with her, yeah, but we hadn’t slept together and we weren’t sexually involved… so it didn’t make such a splash, but still… it was big news, and generally frowned upon.

And so I waited for the blow up.

“Well, yeah.” Brendon replied, as he took a large drink of his orange juice.

Spencer shrugged.

Marie giggled. “You didn’t think we’d know after yesterday?”

“Yesterday?” I couldn’t remember being all that obvious.

“I think you almost murdered me.” Brendon answered.

“After I dared him to kiss Kassidy.” Marie finished, since Brendon had trailed off.

“Plus, it makes sense.” Spencer broke in. “I mean, your girlfriends don’t last… and you rarely seem interested anyway. How does Kassidy feel?”

“She wants to give it a try.” I replied, feeling fairly surprised.

“Oh my gosh!” Marie squealed. “So like, are you guys dating now?” Instead of disgust… she seemed genuinely excited.

“I… think so.” I wasn’t entirely sure. “I mean, it would be a secret because of our parents obviously and because of the whole incest thing-”

“But she was adopted. Technically you guys aren’t blood related.” Spencer pointed out. “So it isn’t like, gross or anything.”

I was overwhelmed with their support. I guess in the back of my mind I always expected that even they would be disgusted with how I felt, but they weren’t… and that was big. “Is that why…” Brendon gestured to his own face, asking about the fight I’d had with my Dad.

“Yeah.” I answered. “He caught us kissing.”

Marie just about melted.

I rolled my eyes.

“I really like her guys, like a lot. I guess I always have.”

Brendon nodded. “Spencer, you really need to get a girlfriend. You really are the odd one out now!”

And just like that, it was normal.

Kassidy and I were normal, around our friends anyway.



**



I woke up alone, though the scent of Ryan clung heavily to the air. He had a very distinct smell, one that thankfully wasn’t something out of a bottle. Heavy cologne wearing men always irritated my nose.

Ryan’s smell was natural, though the clean kind of natural.

Again the house was quiet, even though it was the afternoon. It was the weekend, and so school wasn’t a problem. Still, I needed to check in with Lily before she went looking for me at home.

With that thought on my mind I quickly texted Lily before getting dressed, and heading out in to the hallway, which is where I bumped in to Ryan.

“Good… morning.” I eventually got out, finding myself slightly flustered. It felt different now. I felt like we were different now. Yeah, we were definitely different after last night. I could feel his fingers all over me, and I liked it. I missed it, and I wanted to experience it again… and again, and many more times after that.

If I had any last lingering doubts about my feelings for him they were now gone. I knew he was what I wanted, and I knew I wasn’t making a mistake. Not a bad one anyway. I wanted him, despite whatever consequences came my way.

Maybe that was selfish, but if it was… then I wanted to be selfish because I wanted to be happy, really happy. I’d spent so much time feeling guilty, and now I had what I’d always wanted. I didn’t want to continue to feel guilty about it, because then I felt like I was telling Ryan that he should feel guilty too- and I didn’t want him to.

“Sleep well?” Ryan asked.

“Very well.” I answered. “What about you?”

“Comfortably.” He nodded. “Are you hungry?”

My stomach grumbled in response, as it often did once I woke.

Ryan chuckled, “It seems so.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty hungry. Did you want to, like go out, and eat or something?” It felt awkward, and I guess I was asking him out on a date.

Gutsy.

It felt right though.

“Like a date?” Ryan cracked a smile.

“Yeah, something along those lines.” I sleepily smiled in reply.

“Sure, but how about a movie date instead? Breakfast is downstairs waiting.” Ryan answered.

“Bacon?” I inquired.

“Of course.” Ryan chuckled, as he turned and headed back down the stairs.

We almost reached the kitchen table when Ryan reached towards my hand. I paused instinctively, at the entry way of the kitchen. Ryan’s fingers became entwined with mine, as he gently held on to my hand… it was almost as if he was unsure, but as I stole a glance at his face I could see nothing other than confidence.

So many questions hung at the tip of my tongue, but with one reassuring smile he killed all of my worries, and with a gentle squeeze from his hand I began walking towards the table again.

No one even blinked.

As I placed a few slices of bacon on my plate Ryan leaned towards me, whispering such sweet words. “They know.”

And then his friends smiled, and our attempt at romance felt normal and natural… and accepted. I felt accepted.

So I smiled.

And Ryan smiled back.





**



(It’s fluffy, but I think some fluff in this is beyond due. I’m hard at work on the next update!)