Categories > Original > Drama


by cRaZyD3z 1 review

Not a story. Just a rant.

Category: Drama - Rating: G - Genres: Angst - Published: 2013-04-09 - 991 words

Hello everyone. I'm not sure how many people have actually read my story Imaginary cause so far I only know about two people (thanks a lot, by the way) but if you have been waiting for an update im sorry to say I believe it's not going to come. I began writing this story a long long time ago when I was really not ok... I kind of felt like writing was a way for me to let everything out, everything that I couldn't say and that I found was eating at me.
My writing during those two years that I spent in darkness was very depessing, now that I've reread some of my stuff I've noticed. But I don't want it to be like that. I still feel like writing is my therapy and I turn to it very often, whenever I feel bad about something, needing to take of the weight on my shoulders that is not being able to speak about your feelings, because it's something I've been fighting with for years, and if I don't let it all out one way or another I feel like what is left of my heart and my mind will explode. Sometimes life is just to grey, or too sickening. Other times it's just plain boring and I have the need to escape to another world, a world of my own that I've been creating throughout the years and which I know better than the palm of my hand. And I know I can write much better stuff than what I've been writing so far if I manage to rip apart that veil of darkness that has been covering my mind all this time.
And it's slowly happening. A lot of things have happened recently and I have recieved several more punches from the world but I'm slowly learning how to get up and fight. More importantly, I'm learning about myself who so far I've considered my worst enemy. But I want that to change, and I know I can. I have been writing a lot. Not anything huge or actually planned. Just letting everything out on the paper: my feelings, my thoughts, my obsessions... Some stuff I like, and may become a story in the future, who knows. Other stuff I loathe and crumple into a ball before throwing it across the room to the trash can (usually failing at that and having to stand up and get it in order to put it in properly [ giggles ]), but at least it helps me to let everything out and I also get to know my own feelings better.
I don't know if this has ever happened to anyone but I often get this feeling that my heart is all over the place and I'm sure no one thinks this way and oh my god, I'm going insane... all because I don't have my feelings clear. So, writing is a therapy for me in that sense. Because when I grab a pen and a paper and just pour my heart and mind out on those lines (or squares... whatever) I suddently feel like "Crap, now I get it. Now I know why I feel like this." and all of a sudden it doesn't seem like such a problem anymore. I'm not sure if I explained myself correctly. I probably just sound crazy but, hey, that's how my mind works [ laughs ].
Anyway, all this huge ranting was basically just ment to explain you guys (if there's someone out there who is actually going to read this) that I defenitely haven't stopped writing, I just needed a break to get my own thoughts clear and my heart settled. I have a couple wonderful ideas for new stories that, if you enjoyed reading the first couple chapters of Imaginary , I'm sure you will love. I can't promise anything since lately I've also been so busy I barely feel like I have time to breathe, but I will surely try and write something on here. I really miss working on Imaginary and I'm sorry for those of you who were expecting me to go on -I haven't even got to the plot and the interesting stuff that I had planned for it yet!!- but I'm afraid that story is permanently stuck. I may rewrite it someday, if I find the inspiration and the strength to do it (after all, it was written during probably the worst period of my life so far). I'm not going to delete it though. Having it there kind of gives me courage in a way. Reminds me that I have rose up from a lot of hardships and that I'm ready for whatever comes next.
Writing this has also helped me a lot. Now I feel like I've given an ending to a part of my life that I had left open and which I sincerely want to forget about, and I'm ready to move on. To those of you that have managed to read this long-ass rant from beggining to end, thank you (and I also envy you for your patience [ smiles ]). I hope these wounds that are slowly healing don't leave any scars, and I certainly hope to write more -a lot more!!- and for you guys to love it. Until then, take care.

And remember that, no matter how lost you think you are or how dark and difficult life looks, there is always a way out. You just have to believe in youself, run forwards when you see a light in the darkness and, when you fall, gather all the courage and all the strenght that is left in your body to stand up and go on. It may not be easy, but it definitely is not impossible. And it's worth every single tear and drop of sweat.
There is always hope.

Once again, thank you.

"Dry your eyes and start believing" - MCR
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