FicWad

Prologue.

It’s late at night, and the world is asleep. Only the moon is awake, ever-smiling and benevolent in her tender light. Somewhere in London, there is a little boy called Dan, aged seven only, and he can’t fall asleep.

He’s clutching a teddy bear and he can’t fall asleep, because he didn’t get a bedtime story. It’s not the first time this has happened. Lately, his parents have been getting more and more preoccupied with their business trips and social gatherings. So there’s nobody here to tuck Dan into bed, to give him a bedtime story, and to give him a goodnight kiss and wish him sweet dreams.

And, to be perfectly honest, Dan is scared of nightmares that may haunt him when he falls asleep. So he’d rather stay up with the stars that have come out to play.

Sometimes he wished he had a sibling. Or a best friend he could throw a sleepover party with. He wished he didn’t have to be alone all the time.

He feels a tear slide down his left cheek, hot and wet and real, and he hears a sob escape. He begins crying in earnest, too upset to hear the small thump when a pair of feet lands on the window sill.

“Why are you crying?” It’s a moderately high-pitched voice, slightly nasal, loud and curious. But it’s definitely a boy, Dan thinks, and he looks up slowly, rubbing his cheeks to rid the tears that still clung to his face. Before him stands an older boy, looking about fourteen years old at maximum. He’s balanced precariously on the window sill, but he looks at ease, hands on his hips, head cocked to one side. He’s got moderately tanned skin, thin lips, big hazel eyes, and a slightly upturned nose. He’s wearing what looks like an onesie without the zipper and cut short at the thighs. It’s green in colour and Dan swears it crinkles like leaves when the boy moves. He’s also sporting a rather funny-looking cap, which sits on top of a mop of unwashed dark hair that looks just as dishevelled and wind-swept as his clothes. That’s when Dan notices the boy’s not wearing any shoes, and there’s something like dirt all over his legs. Dan furrows his brows at that. Mom is going to have a fit if she finds the grime staining the window sill.

The boy’s still looking at Dan, and Dan looks away, bashful because his mom has always told him that staring is not polite. And then he realises the boy is still waiting for an answer, and, looking at his bed sheets, Dan mumbles a reply. “I couldn’t sleep… My parents aren’t home again… and I don’t have any siblings… I just – I’m unhappy.” Dan looks up with a pout. The boy has dropped from his pose, sitting on the window sill instead, legs dangling and swinging carelessly. The boy has a smirk on his face now, and Dan is puzzled.

“You’re unhappy, you say?” There’s a glint in the boy’s eyes, like he’s harbouring a secret he can’t wait to tell, and Dan’s curious.

“Well, I’m not anymore. I’m not alone anymore. You’re here. Um… What’s your name?”

“I’m Gerard. Some people call me Peter Pan.” Gerard shrugs, making a face, and Dan laughs. He likes him already.

“I’m Dan,” Dan answers good-naturedly, sticking a hand out, expecting Gerard to shake it. Gerard just stares at his hand, squinting quizzically.

“Why are you offering me your hand?”

“Um… I saw adults doing that and you’re s’posed to shake it?” Dan answers, feeling stupid.

“Pssh, adults.” Gerard says this almost disdainfully. “Kids don’t shake hands. At least, not where I live. We only shake hands when we make a deal.”

“Well, where do you live?” Dan asks, and Gerard gets this wide mischievous smile.

“I’ll show you. Come with me.” Gerard extends a hand, and Dan wants to take it, but.

“Will you bring me home before sunrise?”

“I will.” Gerard says with a simple nod, and Dan trusts him. “Okay, we’ll need to fly to get to my home. Wait, where’s my fairy?”

“Fly?” Dan squeaks, eyes wide in excitement, barely even registering the fact that there’s supposedly a fairy in his room. Gerard just hops down from the window sill and looks around the room.

“Frankie! I swear, if you’re hiding in drawers again –”

And out of nowhere, a brilliant shot of bright warm sparks flies and crashes into Gerard’s chest. Gerard picks the fairy off of his chest and sets him on his palm, rubbing his chest with the other hand. He shoots the fairy a glare that says /stop crashing into my chest, idiot, it hurts/, and turns to Dan.

“Okay. Dan, this is Frankie. Frankie, meet Dan.” Dan’s still partially in disbelief – there’s a fairy, in his room! He looks at the fairy, who won’t stop buzzing around, full of energy and enthusiasm, its wings merely blur of shimmery gold. Dan can’t really see its face clearly, but he does manage to see that instead of a dress, the fairy’s wearing cropped pants and a plain t-shirt. He also seems to be waving at Dan excitedly. And then Dan hears it, a series of tinkling sounds, like the quietest of bells being jingled.

“That’s the language of fairies,” Gerard explains. “Frank says hi. Anyway, we better get going if you want to be back by dawn. Now, to fly, we’ll have to borrow some pixie dust. Frank will help, right, Frank?” Gerard glares at Frank again, and Dan looks between the two of them curiously. They seem to come to a compromise after a series of pointed looks exchanged, and then Frank’s flying up and out of Gerard’s palm. He circles around Dan, and there’s a shower of golden dusts falling around Dan. Suddenly, Dan feels like he’s floating. He looks down to find that he really has levitated off the ground!

“Wow!” Dan pinches his skin and finds the pain real. He’s not dreaming. He really is flying! Dan gets a rush to his head, feeling giddy and pretty invincible. He looks to Gerard, and they share a grin.

“You ready?” Gerard whispers, like they’re in on the same secret now, and Dan nods, grin hanging wide and big on his face. Gerard coaxes him closer to the window, hands tugging on Dan’s wrists. “Think happy thoughts.” That’s all Dan hears before he feels swept away by the wind, and he’s ten thousand feet off the ground. He’s right next to the blinking stars, and he’s soaring through the night-sky with Gerard and Frankie. He looks back, and sees that his house is only another unimportant speck in the distance, just like all the other houses on his driveway, all standing in solemn silence and way below Dan.

“Second star to the right, and straight on ‘till morning, alright?” Gerard shouts over the wind, and Dan nods. Gerard whoops. “Here we go!”

*

“You’re home, Dan.” Gerard says with a smile, his feet touching the ground almost soundlessly as he lands gracefully. Dan wishes he could fly just as well.

“Will you come back again? I’m always lonely.”

“Sure. Here, have my button. That way you’ll know I’ll always come back.” Gerard hands Dan a slightly tattered button, nondescript-looking, but it’s Dan’s new favourite thing.

Gerard turns to jump out of the window, but Dan calls out. “Wait! You should take something from me too, so it’s like a promise you can’t break.” (Also because his mom always said you should give a person gifts too if they gave you a gift once.) Dan surveys his room, racking his brains and trying to come up with something small Gerard could take with him. He spots his teddy bear, still smiling goofily and dressed in its winter gear, and Dan has an idea. He unties the teddy bear’s yellow scarf and gives it to Gerard. “Here. Then you’ll have something to remember me too.”

Dan smiles, shy and innocent, and Gerard returns the smile, tying the scarf onto his wrist.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night.” And then he dives out of the window, Frank the fairy following him, and suddenly, all the commotion’s gone from Dan’s room. It’s empty and dark again, but Dan’s able to curl up with his bear and fall asleep now. He dreams of Indians and mermaids and the Lost Boys.

In the morning, he’ll know it was all true when he finds the bear’s scarf missing. He’ll also be hiding a knowing smile when his mom puzzles over the dirt on the window sill.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~




When Dan is ten years old, he meets a boy called Phil. They sit next to each other in every class at school, and they both like the same comics and the same TV shows. Dan’s never got on so well with anybody else before.

In a matter of two weeks, they’re already best friends. They explore the neighbourhood together, Dan showing Phil what he’s found growing up and Phil doing the same for Dan. That summer, they set up camp in Dan’s lawn and tell each other ghost stories.

Dan doesn’t forget about Gerard. But he’s found a friend now, a friend that doesn’t live far away in a land that can only reached by flying.

So when Gerard takes Dan to Neverland again just before school starts, and asks Dan if he’d like to stay, well.

“I’m not lonely anymore, Gerard. I think I’d like to go back.”

“But you’ve got everything you need here!” Gerard flails wildly, vaguely gesturing at the tree-houses above them, the magical birds, and the shimmering blue sea just a few feet out of Neverwood. He doesn’t understand why Dan’s saying no. “Going back would mean growing up. Would you like to grow up and become an adult? Take on all those mundane responsibilities?”

“But I’ve got to go to school. I can’t be a kid forever.” Dan says softly, his mind made up.

“What do you mean, you can’t be a kid forever?” Gerard looks thunderous now, his face red from anger. Uh-oh. Dan wants to take his words back, but Gerard’s already gone straight on yelling. “If you don’t like me, you can just say it! There’s no use beating around the bush.”

“It’s not that, Gerard. But I’ve got Phil now. I don’t need to come to Neverland anymore. I mean, I like the Lost Boys, they’re great friends, but this isn’t real. When I wake up, you’ll all be gone.”

But it looks like Dan’s said the wrong thing again, because suddenly, Gerard isn’t angry anymore. He looks withdrawn, and his voice is cold when he says, “Fine. Go home. I’m not real anyway. I’m just another fairytale to you, aren’t I?” He says with a scowl, and he’s walking away from the edge of the wood.

“Gerard! Gerard, I’m sorry!” Dan calls, desperate, but Gerard will have none of it.

“I said go home, Dan!” Gerard whips around, and Dan can see angry tears streaked across his face, shimmering under the bright blue moonlight. “And don’t ever come back to Neverland!” And with that, Gerard breaks into a run, off into the depths of the forest.

Dan doesn’t know how long he stands there, helpless, until Frankie comes along and brings him home.



~~~*~



Dan is fifteen when he goes to his first party. With alcohol.

It’s a lot less fun than he’s always thought, but then again, it’s a party the seniors threw. It’s not the sort where you’ll play Twister with someone without there being some sexual undertones.

He gets drunk fairly easily because he’s never consumed so much alcohol all at once before, and before he knows it, he’s taken up a round of Truth or Dare and he’s kissing a boy. That’s when Dan knows he’s attracted to boys too.

See, he’s always got the sneaking suspicion that he’s bi ever since Phil turned fourteen and Dan started to look at him differently, finding him hot now that he’s got a better toned body. But holy shit, he’s actually making out with a boy now.

He guesses he must have been drunker than he’d thought, because he passes out before they get any further.

*

A month or two later, Dan’s going out with Phil. Apparently Phil is also bi, and a timid question is really all it takes for Dan to discover that Phil has been harbouring a crush on Dan since, like, forever. Dan still laughs at that sometimes, because Phil is totally cliché, but at least he’s sweet.

They’re sitting on Dan’s bed now, making out, and they’re totally breaking a few rules because Dan’s mother has made it very clear that Dan can’t have anybody stay over in his room until he’s eighteen. It’s just easier than making sure Dan wears a condom, he thinks, but it’s really embarrassing because it’s not like he’s a horndog and will go after anything that can walk on legs.

But hey, at least Dan’s drunk enough to pass out before the making out is even done again. At this rate, there’s no way he’s gonna get rid of his virginity any time soon, so his mother probably should worry more about his alcohol consumption than his son’s sex life.

He falls asleep with his legs still tangled in Phil’s.

*

In the morning, Dan sneaks a few crumpets up to his room, rushes breakfast with Phil, and sends him off before his parents notice anything.

(“See you on Monday, yeah?” And they share a brief kiss on the porch.)

Dan takes a shower in the hopes that it will soothe his hangover (it won’t, he knows, but any sort of comfort is welcomed at the moment) and treads slowly back to his room to sink back into the bed-sheets. He intends to spend the whole day just like that.

To his surprise, when he rounds the corner and enters his room, he finds a familiar-looking boy sitting on his bed, legs crossed, Indian style.

“Uh, hi?” Dan stays standing by the doorway, not sure whether to tell the boy to get lost or ask him how he got into the house. But then the boy’s raising his head, and Dan sees his messy dark curls, big hazel eyes, upturned nose, and thin lips where there used to be a mischievous smirk all the time – and Dan remembers.

“Gerard?”

*

But this is impossible! Gerard isn’t real. Peter Pan isn’t real. It was all just a childhood recurring dream, wasn’t it?

But then Gerard had been sitting on Dan’s bed, looking not a day older than when Dan last saw him five years ago. He’s also still wearing that yellow teddy bear scarf Dan gave him, and when Dan checks his bedside drawer discreetly, he sees Gerard’s button. God, how could Dan have forgotten the boy?

Dan’s seriously too hungover to deal with this.

And now, Dan’s turned away from his room in search of a cup of hot chocolate and a towel. He figures he might as well be a good host if Gerard’s going to stay. Earlier, he’d asked Gerard why he’s still here, and the only answer Gerard had is, “Couldn’t think of happy thoughts.” So he can’t fly home. There’s also no boy-fairy in sight, and Dan’s seriously burning with questions. He’s never seen Gerard in London without Frankie in tow – at least, not when he was still a little kid and Gerard still visited his house at night on a regular basis. Something is wrong with Gerard.

When Dan returns to his room, he sees Gerard holding the button. Guess he’d found it after all.

Dan sets the hot chocolate on his desk and stands awkwardly in the middle of his room, not sure how to approach Gerard.

“You kept this. My button.” Gerard finally says, looking up. He sounds more like he wanted to say, /You remember me/.

“Yeah. Uh, I made you hot chocolate.” Dan gestures at the cup on the desk, and wrings his hands nervously.

“Thanks.” Gerard says quietly, and reaches for the cup, taking a sip. Dan feels like he’s towering over Gerard, so he sits down on his spinning chair instead, careful not to move abruptly lest his headache flares up.

After another few seconds of uncomfortable silence, Gerard speaks again. “You grew up.” It’s quiet, sad, and there’s something accusatory in the tone.

“I – yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Your voice is all deep now. It’s weird.” Gerard muses out loud, and takes another sip from his hot chocolate. After a while, he says, “I kept this too, you know.” He waves his arm a bit, bringing Dan’s attention to the scarf on his wrist. “I never forgot about you.”

Dan feels something tug at his heart. He swallows and looks away.

It’s a while before Dan can bring himself to say anything again. “You said you can’t think of happy thoughts. Can I… may I ask why?” The last words get caught in a whisper, but Gerard hears him clearly.

“I was gonna just take a look and fly back, but then I looked through the window and… You were… You were…" Gerard is blushing now, and it’s a moment before Dan realises that Gerard is trying to imply he’d had sex with Phil. It’s probably what Gerard meant as well when he’d said Dan’s grown up.

Dan splutters, incredulous. “N-no! It’s not what it looked like, alright? I’m not ‘grown up’ that way, Jesus. I’m still a virgin.” He sees Gerard flinch at the word ‘virgin’, the blush on his face deepening. It’s actually pretty cute and hilarious to watch.

And then Dan groans, head in hands, because he just shouted too loudly and his head’s pounding twice as hard in vengeance. “I am never drinking Tequila ever again,” he mumbles under his breath.

“Oh my God, you didn’t!” Gerard exclaims, “You got drunk!”

Dan feels like his head could explode. “Could you please not yell?” He says weakly, and pulls his legs up onto the chair as well so that he’s curled up into a ball.

“Sorry. But beer is so nasty!” Gerard says, wrinkling his nose in disgust, and then he lowers his voice in anger, “You said you weren’t grown up! But you drank beer! Only adults drink beer!”

Oh God, here we go again. “Would you please stop?” Dan buries his face against his legs. When the burst of pain has subdued into the consistent buzzing of before, he raises his head warily. Gerard is still looking at him indignantly. “Okay. Yes, I did get drunk. Yes, I did make out with Phil. But I’m fifteen. Those things are pretty obligatory for a fifteen year-old these days, alright?”

When Dan finishes, Gerard just looks at him in horror.

“I’m sorry, Gerard.” Dan can’t help but feel like he’s betrayed Gerard, too. Gerard just shrugs. He hangs his head and picks at the hem of his shirt.

Dan feels his heart sink. It hurts him to see Gerard sad and unresponsive. He’d rather see Gerard get angry. “But you know I still like you, right?” Dan almost pleads, but to his disappointment, Gerard only scoffs.

“You like me now? I thought you liked Phil?”

Dan stops. Oh. So it’s not just about growing up. It would also explain why Gerard can’t think of happy thoughts, then.

“Gerard, that’s not fair. You know you’re different.”

When Gerard answers, he sounds tired. “But Phil’s been there since you’re ten, right? He’s known you longer than I have. So don’t lie to me, Dan.” Speaking, Gerard gets up from his bed and walks out into the hallway.

“Gerard! Jesus, where are you going?” Dan rushes out after Gerard, because he doesn’t need his parents to ask why there’s a stranger in the house. Dan rushes downstairs to see the front door ajar, and he sighs.

Gerard doesn’t come back by nightfall. In fact, he goes missing for the entire weekend. Dan leaves a few bags of junk food out on his desk when he leaves the house for school on Monday, afraid that Gerard will eventually get hungry and wander back to the house.

When he comes back home, he finds some of the snacks on his desk eaten, but no sign of the flying boy. He waits another two weeks, all the while getting increasingly insomniac. When Gerard doesn’t show up anymore, Dan figures he’s gone again. For good.

Dan breaks up with Phil about a week later. He doesn’t offer an explanation.



~~~*~



Dan looks at the stars sometimes, when he can’t sleep. When Gerard had shown up in his room again, he’d sort of wanted Gerard to ask him to go with him. But he guesses that’s impossible now.

He’s also made an ugly necklace with suede leather strings and Gerard’s button as the pendant. But it’s the best piece of jewellery Dan has ever owned. He wears it almost every day.

Some days he feels like a fool. A lovesick, schizophrenic fool, because he’s hung over a boy that only exists in children’s stories, what the fuck. But Dan can’t stop his mind from conjuring up Gerard’s face when he dreams. Cute and mischievous, and so, so out of Dan’s reach. It gets pretty ridiculous after a while, but there’s nothing Dan can do.

It’s almost half a year after Gerard’s gone when Dan’s sat on his bed, staring wistfully at the stars again, when what looks to be a flying boy in the distant black sky comes into his line of vision. It couldn’t be Gerard, could it?

The answer becomes clear very quickly when the boy swoops down, and stops right outside Dan’s window. It’s not Gerard. He’s got a pair of oversized glasses perched on top of his nose, and a beanie over his hair instead of a weird cap. On top of his head sits a mop of dirty blonde hair in lieu of dark hair, and it rather resembles a bird nest. He also looks a lot younger, and a lot paler than Gerard. But he looks familiar.

The boy smiles wide and raps on the window with his knuckles. Dan hurries to open the window, and in tumbles the boy as well as a fairy.

Dan squints. The fairy is a pretty lady, not Frankie.

“Hi. Dan, right?” The boy speaks, and Dan nods. “Wow, you’re all tall and grown up now.”

Dan doesn’t know what to say to that. Because the boy may recognise Dan, but he still has no idea who this boy may be.

“I’m sorry, but you’re…?”

“I’m Mikey. Don’t you remember?” Mikey looks a tad sad, and Dan feels bad. He’s about to shake his head, but then he stops. He flips through his memories, trying to go back to when he was just a kid, and suddenly, it hits him. Mikey is one of the Lost Boys. He’s Gerard’s little brother.

Dan says this much, and Mikey’s whole face lights up with a blinding grin. “You remember!” He says, thrilled. And his smile must be contagious because Dan finds himself grinning back.

“Yeah, I do. But I didn’t know you had your own fairy?” Dan looks at the lady fairy that’s flitting around the room, and Mikey giggles.

“Didn’t Gerard ever tell you that every child has their own fairy? Or did you forget things again,” Mikey looks at Dan suspiciously, squinting behind his glasses, and the sight is actually pretty funny. “Anyway, this is Alicia. Say hi, Alicia.”

There’s a small tinkling sound, lovely as the sound of wind chimes. And yeah, Dan remembers the whole thing about ordinary children not understanding the language of fairies.

“But why are you here? Doesn’t Gerard usually do the flying around?”

“Yeah. But he wouldn’t move even if you kicked him.” Mikey says with a sigh. “He’s not doing anything at all. He’s very upset. And it’s scary, because he’s been sad like that ever since he came back, but he’s not saying much. All I got is that it has something to do with you.” Mikey eyes Dan suspiciously again. “Did you do something?”

“I – yeah, actually, I think I know what’s wrong with Gerard. I think he misses me.”

“I figured. He was like that when Wendy left, too.” Mikey shakes his head, but in the next instant, he perks up, expression bright. “But now I’m here, so you can come with me! Look, I’ve got a fairy too. Alicia can give you some of her pixie dust.” Mikey says that all with glee, like he’s got the answer to end all the problems in the whole world. Children are always so simple-minded, and however adorable it may be, it’s proving to be a problem here.

Dan fights off a scoff. “Well, yeah, but Mikey, your brother is very stubborn. No offence, but he can be. He’d kick me out of Neverland if he so much as sees me lay a foot on the soil,” Dan finishes in resignation. That last bit is exactly the reason why Dan hasn’t been faring very well for the last couple of months.

“I know he said that before, but I’ve known Gerard forever. He didn’t really mean it.”

Dan is still doubtful, but he’s been waiting for an opportunity to see Gerard for months now. Only a few seconds pass before he says yes to Mikey’s earnest face.

“Awesome!” Mikey says happily, and before Dan knows it, he’s doused with pixie dust and whisked away into the night-sky.

*

Gerard sits alone in his tree-house, fumbling with the yellow teddy bear scarf. It’s not where he or the Lost Boys live – they only use the tree-houses when they need to hunt, so Gerard knows he’ll be left alone here. He also knows for a fact that Frankie’s gave up trying to cheer him up in the second week of Gerard’s moping. (Nobody calls it moping, but that’s really what it is.)

So Gerard is really sitting in complete silence. Well, silent save for his occasional sniffs. But he is not crying over Dan. He isn’t. He’s just got a cold, is all.

A slice of sunbeam cuts across the wooden floor, and Gerard looks up, out of the glass-less windows. It’s dawn. Gerard’s spent another night doing nothing and hiding out in the tree-house, again.

He sighs and climbs down the branches. Like it or not, he needs breakfast, and the food stash is right next to the Home Underground.

When he’s walked out of the woods and is near the entrance of the Home Underground, he catches sight of the commotion. All the boys have already woken up, and they’re crowded around something. This is unusual, because they never wake up early. Gerard usually has to go around kicking them all out of bed. What could it be that’s interesting enough to get them all out of bed at once?

When Gerard approaches the circle of boys, he almost flees. Because there’s Dan standing in the middle of the circle, clad in nothing but a simple pair of shorts and a plain hoodie, and the sight is so familiar it hurts. And Gerard would yell at Dan, tell him to leave Neverland, but the boys are welcoming him already, hugging him like long-lost friends, and Gerard doesn’t have the heart to. (He also doesn’t have the strength to fight anymore, although he won’t ever admit that out loud.)

So he stands to the side and waits. It doesn’t take long for the boys to notice, and it’s only a matter of second before the clearing is devoid of Lost Boys, all of them scampering off to God knows where.

Dan looks at Gerard, and their eyes meet. “Gerard,” says Dan, softly, and Gerard swallows thickly. He can’t answer, and he can’t move from his spot. Dan looks just as tense as Gerard feels, but he makes the move and walks across the lush green grass, until he’s right in front of Gerard. He unhooks something from around his neck, and he takes one of Gerard’s hands from his sides and places the thing in the middle of Gerard’s palm. It’s the button necklace.

“I missed you too, you know,” Dan says quietly. When Gerard looks up, his vision is suddenly all blurry, tears clouding up in his eyes. Without a word, he lunges forward and pulls Dan into a hug, locking his arms around Dan’s back. He feels Dan’s arms come up to rest on his back too, and finally he gets rid of the lump in his throat. “Dan. /Dan./” His name is all Gerard can say, over and over, and Dan understands.

Later, when Gerard invites Dan up to his tree-house and asks Dan to stay forever this time around, Dan will say yes.