Categories > Original > Drama

Spilling My Fucking Guts

by Sam41 3 reviews

Why not?

Category: Drama - Rating: G - Genres:  - Published: 2013-04-26 - 477 words

Okay, I was like "Fuck this shit! I WILL DO THIS"
So don't like it, you don't have to fucking read

-I'm pretty much a fucking anorexic
Yeah, I go to school; eat almost nothing
Usually a slushee, a bottle of pop or a sammich if I feel like
I almost never eat.
I never have breakfast (only a coffee, but bear with me)
I rarely have a true to life lunch
my attempts like this at losing weight
I'm still a fucking fatass.

-I am extremely suicidal
Yeah, for the last month or so, I've been waking up throughout the night. Laying awake, suicidal as fuck
Almost actually went through with it
But I fucking fell asleep's terrible
I could be in a happy as hell mood and be thinking "I want to fucking die. I want to fucking kill myself"

-I am losing everyone
Lost like 3 best friends
Saddest thing
One of them promised he wouldn't stop talking to me
Wouldn't suddenly quit without giving me a fucking reason
Once again I was fucking lied to

-I'm honestly afraid to skype/videochat with any of you guys
I hate the way I sound/look
I'm scared that if I ever did
You all would be like "HELL NO" and stop talking to me
Or like in Ash's case
Look/hear me
Hate everything about it
break up with me

-I feel like I've been living a fucking lie
"I'm fine"
"I didn't cut"
"I don't want to kill myself"
"I don't feel totally alone"
"Life is fucking good"
"I'm just tired"

-I can't stand looking at myself
It's like ew

-I want so desperatley to keep a fucking notebook
I can't
I can't just spill my guts into a notebook, drawing/writing things down
Because my fucking family would probably fucking read it
I get jack shit for fucking privacy

-I put up with "YOU DON'T FUCKING PLAY ENOUGH. YOU FUCKING SUCK" on a regular basis
Either about bass (which I do play, like bloody hell)
Or whenever I make a mistake, it's I suck
Or not even, just walk into a room "oh you suck"
But it's all a fucking joke

-I am giving up
Self explanitory

Well enough fucking whining
Cause who really gives a shit?
So many people are sitting there like "dammit! STOP FUCKING PITYING YOURSELF BITCH!"
Yeah, tonight it's self pity
and re-do the parts of my hair that didn't dye fully
LIKE, the right upper layers/my bangs are like the same shade blue as 2d's hair (the blue haired guy from the Gorillaz)
and the rest, is a dark blue (like the kind of blue Josh Ramsay had in his hair when it was black/blue)
I link everything back to music guys
Like fuck.Reality
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