Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Letters from the Asylum

Corruption At Its Finest

by LabRat 4 reviews

Secrets and corruptions revealed. Maybe a couple letters.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: R - Genres: Humor,Parody,Romance - Characters: Dumbledore,Harry,Hermione,Lupin,Narcissa,Voldemort - Warnings: [!!!] [X] - Published: 2013-05-03 - 33008 words - Complete

Disclaimer: You think I own Harry Potter? Albus Severus Potter...enough said.

First, you may notice that the quality was starting to slack around Ginny's birthday (August 11), that's because I was starting to get bored with this fic (blame my ADD), and wanted to get it finished with. If the epilogue seems not to follow this pattern, that's because it was already finished before I was even half finished with this chapter, back when I was still having fun with this.

Second, I like the idea of a Harry who was incredibly naturally talented in a class he never took, and so missed his true calling. For me, it's Runes, and I like to think of Runes in a similar manner to the art of fuinjutsu in Naruto. Harry's naturally gifted in the art, so he's taking to it quite quickly. In the week and some he's been sleeping with, and learning from Narcissa, he's practically learned the first two years of Runes, and is ready to start the OWL year. Yes, this is impossibly fast, but again, chalk it up to Harry being naturally talented, Narcissa's reward system for him learning, and a plothole the size of Buckingham Palace.

Also, I did some rechecking, and ironically enough, Snape's assessment of Harry's abilities were spot on with a slight exception. Aside from the Patronus, Harry really wasn't more than a mediocre wizard with a lot of power. Sure, he had the potential to be as talented and special as we all like to believe and write him to be, but the fact is, during his Hogwarts years, except for a few instances, Harry rarely lived up to that potential. Granted, the few times he did, it was pretty spectacular, but all in all, Snape was fairly accurate, if a little biased.



O_O passage of days where pov doesn't change

888888 passage of days where focus changes

888 passage of less than a day


August 1

Tom stared down at the letter he'd just received from his former nemesis. While he'd like to say that Harry was still his mortal enemy, he really couldn't anymore. The fact that he was exchanging cordial letters with the boy, as well as the fact that he was using their connection, not to torture him, but to actually teach him proper Occlumency and Leglimency was a testament to that. Anyway, back to the letter.

Much as he didn't want to admit it, he was actually jealous of the boy. While he'd enjoyed Bellatrix's bedroom talents on many an occasion, he hadn't ever gotten the chance to sample Narcissa. Sure, he could have ordered it, but really, what would that have said about him as a man. Murder and torture he could live with, but any man who had to force himself on a woman to get tail, was just pathetic. Anyway, the boy was right that he didn't want to hear about his sexual exploits, especially since he'd achieved one of the dreams of many a wizard in their world....having a threesome with two of the Black Sisters. Seriously, how lucky was that kid. Voldemort made a vow that if the brat ever scored with all three, he might be driven to wholescale slaughter to calm himself down; and if he got them all at the same time, there would be nothing to stop him killing the boy.

Voldemort smiled cruelly at the next section. Yes, he'd been rather impressed with that particular attack. Carving that little sentence into the grotesque woman's body had been a nice touch. He would have to see about rewarding those two servants, especially after they'd brought him this amazingly comfortable chair. Potter was right. Lay Z Boys were definitely the way to go in comfortable seating.

Being told that he was a better teacher than Snape...well, given the man's dour personality, and irrational hatred of all things Potter, he didn't doubt the boy's claims for a second. He also found himself interested in the section about proving the superiority of pure blood false. Given the minions he'd found himself saddled with, he'd often wondered himself, but he truly found himself wondering if it was actually possible to prove it. Still, the idea of teaching at Hogwarts was a great temptation. He'd never told anyone, but he'd actually hoped to gain the position for more than just a chance to increase his power base. He'd actually considered teaching as a profession after seeing how enthusiastic Professors Slughorn, Merrithought, and even Dumbledore had been about it, and how much they enjoyed it.

The next part caused the man to shiver. He'd accidentally made the boy into a Horcrux. That....that was just beyond disturbing. He could distinctly remember that portion of the book detailing why it was a bad idea to create a human Horcrux. By creating a human horcrux, you were giving them a part of yourself, which would allow them to bypass any and all of your protections. Not only would Potter have been immune to the protections surrounding his horcruxes, but the boy would have been able to bypass the very purpose the containers served.

To learn just how many times he'd been so close to death, and not even known it disturbed him greatly. Had it not been for Quirrel taking the brunt of the damage, the boy could have destroyed him his first year. Had it not been for the fact that the boy chose to try and escape, rather than take the chance to attack him, the boy could have destroyed him right after he'd been reborn. And even worse, if the boy had been taught proper Occlumency from the beginning, then he'd have been able to kill him at the Ministry months ago by trapping him behind his shields, and continuing whatever it was he'd been doing when he'd been forced to flee the boy. Thankfully, he'd dealt with that little problem. As a bonus, allowing the innate magic used to create it to assimilate within the boy would keep the connection between them alive, though not as strong. It was why now it took them both accessing the link for it to open enough to communicate.

As far as discussing that night...he'd have to think about it. Snuggling back into the Lay Z Boy, Voldemort thought over the request with a happy groan. He just might have to amend his stance on Muggles, because bloody hell they knew how to do comfortable seating.


August 2

August 2 found Harry relaxing in the plush bed that Narcissa had transfigured. Said witch was currently setting up a makeshift classroom, complete with lab for a Potions tutoring session. The idea had come about when he'd woke up that morning to find her laying next to him, naked as the day she was born, reading a very advanced Potions book. Without Lucius to stifle her interests, she'd decided to pick her passion back up. Once she'd gotten reacquainted with the subject, she planned to go for her Mastery in Potions. He'd been sort of fascinated by the idea that a Potions professor could inspire one to enjoy the subject.

At the moment, he was in a pretty good mood. Since he'd had a bit of free time, and he was due to anyway, he'd decided that maybe he'd send the Order a nice letter by way of Hermione. Let them know how he was doing, and that he was alright. He was almost finished with it, which was a good thing considering Cissa looked to be finished setting up, and was giving him a predatory grin.


August 3

The Order was worried. Harry's last letter had been extremely short- consisting of only two words aside from the to/from sections- and quite angry sounding. Not only that, but it had been several days since they'd received anything from him; and considering he'd lately been writing daily, it was cause for concern amongst some. Surprisingly, it wasn't Dumbledore that finally received a letter from Harry, but Hermione. To their great relief, it also featured the same unlocking instructions as many of his earlier letters. For the Order, and Dumbledore in particular, this was taken as a good sign that things were finally going to go back to as normal as they could hope given the situation that summer...or so they thought.

Placing her wand against the parchment, Hermione waited for the password to reveal itself to her, and when it did, her face developed a severe blush, and a fierce frown.

"Oh honestly!" She exclaimed. "No. You'll just have to do without this time because I am not saying that."

"What is it?" Several people asked at once.

Leaning over, Ginny glanced at the parchment, before shock took her as she found she could read it. That shock turned to amusement, and a fit of giggles as she read what Harry wanted Hermione to say out loud. Sure, she'd thought about just such a possibility, but she knew she'd be just as embarrassed to have to actually say it with adults present; even if she was willing to bet that it was the truth. Still, she didn't have to say it, so she wasn't going to show Hermione any mercy.

"Go on, Hermione, say it." She teased.

A frighteningly severe glare at the younger witch- and several minutes of encouragement later- Hermione finally caved, and spoke the password. It was plainly obvious why she hadn't wanted to say the password when she muttered, "I solemnly swear that Harry Potter has a basilisk stuffed in his trousers."

Needless to say, the reactions were very typical. Tonks' curious rejoinder of, "Does he really?", sent the table into a fit of mirth at her expense that had her face turning a deep crimson. Hermione was not at all amused, as it felt like once again, Harry was flirtatiously teasing her in a way that she wasn't sure she was comfortable with; though not for the traditional reasons. Deciding to use the time it was taking the group to get themselves under control, she quickly read the letter. The absolute shock written on her face by the time she finished quickly sobered the group.

"Hermione dear, what does it say?" Molly asked, worry in her voice at the girl's reaction to the letter. Taking a calming breath, Harry spoke.

Dear Order of the Flagrant Flamingo,
I know this is a little late, but I've been really busy the past few days. Learned some things about Blood Wards, lost my virginity and learned something about myself, and even got my new pal Tom to agree to teach me some things if I promised to do two things: 1. use them to piss off/annoy Dumbledore, and 2. give back his Death Eater. Since I'm quite sure that at the very least Hermione, Ginny, and Mrs. Weasley are either scandalized, curious, jealous, or some form of apoplectic rage, I'll explain.
You see, Voldemort sent Bellatrix 'I'm A Kinky, Horny Psycho' Lestrange to Privet Drive to try and capture me. For some reason, the woman was convinced that the most efficient plan of attacking me was shagging me into a stupor, and seducing my brain dead self into following her outside of the wards where she could kidnap me without repercussion. If you're wondering how she got close enough to me to shag me, then it's one of the loopholes in the wards. You see, so long as the magical- and I stress magical- person entering the wards does not wish me ill intent, then the wards are harmless, and practically useless.
Well, just like most of Voldemort's other plans in regards to me, this one thankfully failed spectacularly; actually backfired now I think about it. See, it seems that I happen to be naturally talented at every recreational thing I've tried that involves sweat inducing, physical exertion. By the time it was over, Bella- as she insisted I call her since I refuse to address her as Harry Potter's filthy whore cumdump- had decided that she was fully prepared to defect from Voldemort, and become my personal cock sleeve- and again, those were her words, not mine, Hermione. That's how I ended up getting Voldie to agree to teach me stuff.
So far, we've been concentrating on Occlumency and Leglimency, and once we're done with that, I'm going to be learning how to fly like Superman. How wicked is that? He even agreed to off Rudy Lestrange, Lucy Malfoy, and Petey Pettigrew, and let me have Narcissa if I gave back Bellatrix. Bella didn't want to go back, but reluctantly agreed after she was granted weekends off to come visit me- so long as her absences didn't interfere with his plans, or her ability to perform her duties for him. Can you say Black Sister threesome?...SCORE!!!! Best birthday I've ever had by far.
On a small side note, Tonks you might want to warn your mum; I think I heard Cissa and Bella plotting to kidnap you two. They're planning to bring you both here 'for a proper shagging', and so that I can 'complete the set'. Just thought you might like to know in advance so that you can make an informed decision on whether you want to try to prevent them or not. I happen to think you're an absolutely delicious young woman, as you probably figured out from previous letters, so either way you decide is fine with me.
By the way Hermione, Narcissa insists that I should marry you- and oddly enough both Bellatrix and Voldemort agreed. Given that her waste of an egg- her words- complains about you as much as he does me, that makes you a perfect candidate to be my wife, and I find myself agreeing that you're the one most suited. Now honestly, I'm quite open to the idea, but I know that your romantic interests lie elsewhere. The decision is up to you, but I'd be really grateful if you'd at least consider it since my prospects are kind of slim at the moment; although Bella did mention that if Ginny was anything like her mother, she might make a good plaything to keep around for amusement. I don't know if that was a compliment or an insult, so I'll just say sorry if she offended you.

When every eye turned to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley- the latter of whom was blushing even redder than her hair- the easy going man gave a cheeky grin. "I'm probably a bit biased, but I'd say it was a compliment."

Yep, you guessed it. Molly Weasley was a complete and utter whore when her husband got her really turned on, and damn sure looked the part once she got going. It was one of the reasons why he hadn't been so bothered by the rather weak love potion she'd given him their sixth year to catch his attention. There was a very good reason why she was so against foul language, and why her opinions on propriety in relationships seemed overly prudish.

Deciding that she didn't want to even think about what that might imply about Mrs. Weasley, Hermione decided to go back to reading the letter.

Hermione, Narcissa felt it prudent for me to inform you that she'd have me well prepared for our wedding night if you say yes. She also said that I should mention that she's willing and capable of taking care of some of your sexual needs as well. Since most heads of traditional pureblood houses are allowed mistresses, most girls from those same types of houses are bisexual. They're taught to please both men and women, to give them a shot at joining an influential house as either wife or mistress, so they have no issues with being intimate with both sexes.

A look at the blushing faces of Arthur and Molly Weasley, as well as a nod from Elphias Doge was a certain confirmation of facts. Kind of made a girl like Pansy a bit more appealing, eh? Nah, not really. Even if she was fairly attractive, she was still a foul hag.

Also, does anyone know of any special sex based family magics that the Potters were prone to? The night she took my virginity, Bella commented on the fact that I was entirely too talented in bed to have been a virgin, even if I did exhibit the rather embarrassing quickshot tendency most of us are prone to. She also said that my recovery time was far too quick for a virgin, and that my stamina was much higher than even some experienced men could claim. I can't remember her exact words, but it was something like how it was annoying that I finished too quickly at first, but that at least it was good that I had enough rounds in me to get her off.
We- that is, Bella, Cissa, and I- were also trying to figure out why I went from about average for my age and size the night before, to hung like a bloody horse on the morning of my sixteenth birthday. Any information on that would be greatly appreciated as well.
Well, I have to go now. As I'm sure you've noticed, my handwriting has taken a turn for the worse over the last paragraph. Narcissa's gotten tired of waiting for me to finish this letter. Right now she's perched under my desk doing some very distracting things to me with her mouth. Thankfully she isn't as insatiable as Bellatrix was, or I'd have never gotten the chance to write this long a letter.
An ecstatically relaxed,
Harry Potter

It was as Hermione finished reading the letter, and sat it on the table that a frantic Severus Snape barged into the room exclaiming that he had critical news. "Headmaster, I have acquired some information that requires your immediate attention."

"Please share it with us, Severus." Dumbledore gently ordered. Even if he wanted to address Harry's letter, critical information from Severus could mean saving the lives of innocents from Death Eater attacks.

Much to the Order's annoyance, Snape gave his report...which was little more than a regurgitation of the things Harry had already mentioned in his letter. Upon noticing the glares, the surly man sneered.

"Why are you all looking at me like that?" It was a surprise that no one mentioned that they always looked at him like that. Instead, Hermione reread the letter.

"Apparently, your last report was a little off, Severus." Remus said, his eyes narrowed. "Perhaps you should have made sure of your sources when you told us that the brat wasn't writing to anyone."

"Severus, can you elaborate about what's going on?" Dumbledore asked, trying to stave off what he knew would be a very justified chewing out of the spy.

"I'm afraid there might be some truth to the letter, Headmaster." Snape said, still in shock that he'd been wrong about the boy, and his tone easily reflecting that. The rolling of numerous pairs of eyes heralded the thought, 'now there's a surprise'. "The Dark Lord has been receiving letters from someone, and freely admitted to sending Bellatrix to capture Potter. Apparently," Here, Snape paused and made a face as if not wanting to admit the next fact; clearly, he was remembering Bellatrix's disappointment at having to return to the fold. "-he and Potter did indeed make some sort of deal that involved Bellatrix."

Dumbledore was quiet for a moment as he thought before speaking. "That a known Death Eater has possibly found a way through the wards, has me worried." Various members of the order were now openly gaping at the display of senility. When Harry was miserable at Privet Drive, he was content to leave him there 'for his safety', but now that he was getting laid, and had the undivided attention of a Death Eater- whom he'd virtually shagged into defecting- and another's wife, whom could likely give them any information he asked for, he was worried. "What else can you tell us?"

"Well for one, Lucius Malfoy and Rodolphus Lestrange did indeed suffer some kind of accident." Snape said. "Although, the accident was intended for Rodolphus, and Lucius kind of accidentally walked into it. It has also been confirmed that Narcissa packed several trunks, left Malfoy Manor, and hasn't been back for several days. Bellatrix also disappears randomly as well, and was gone for several days around Potter's birthday."

"I see." Dumbledore said, now really worried. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to trust the Dursleys with Harry's well being after all. "I think maybe it's time to remove Harry from Privet Drive."

"Good luck with that." Snape snarked. If the contents of that letter were true, it would take some serious convincing to get the boy away. He knew if he'd been in that position, he'd have resisted every attempt to remove him from it. Of course, he'd never been in that position, and it was just another reason to loathe the arrogant Potter.

"For once, I agree with the old bat." Tonks said, earning her a sneer from the former Slytherin. "Think about it; you're going to be trying to remove a hormonal teenager from a place where he's getting as much tail as he can handle from a very fit older woman. He's not going to want to leave."

"Harry understands what is at stake." Dumbledore said, standing. "He will do as he's asked for the greater good." He then paused in confusion. 'Greater good? What in Merlin's name was I saying? Goodness, could I sound any more like a border-line evil, manipulative git? And to think just, just fifty years ago I was lecturing Gellert about that.'

With that, he left for his office to pen a note to Harry which he would send with Fawkes. Tonks, Remus, Fred and George, and even Snape all turned to Hermione- who along with Ginny and Ron had started being included for the last half hour of the meetings when they addressed Harry's letters- after Dumbledore left the room.

"He's fifteen, he's getting more physical affection than any teen would know what to do with; and because of this the wards around his aunt's home are even more effective than the ones here." Hermione said. "Harry's not going anywhere, and I feel very sorry for whoever is sent to get him."

Ron scowled next to her, a little jealous of his best mate. Narcissa Malfoy may have been a slimy Slytherin, who was the wife and mother of two even slimier Slytherins, but she was still fit. Shaking his head of those thoughts, he tried to focus on the positive. No matter what the letters said, Harry was his best mate, and knew that he fancied Hermione. With two fit, older girlfriends, there wasn't any need or reason for him to go after Hermione.

Finally coming to a decision, Remus addressed the table. "Forget what Dumbledore wants, I'm going to write back." Remus glared, daring anyone to go against him. Surprisingly, the one who would have made the most vocal protest- Molly Weasley- just nodded.

"Anything you all want to say to him?" Remus asked.

"Please send our love, Remus." She said. "We really should have written back sooner. I'll wait until he gets here to discuss the content of some of his letters."

"You think he'll find it amusing if we play along with the last letter?" Fred asked.

"He might." George replied. "It's a great prank, and it would be a waste to have it end so soon."

"What makes you think this is a prank?" Hermione asked.

"Well, if Harry is writing to You-Know-Who, then it shouldn't be out of the realm of possibility he'd set this up." George answered.

"And it wouldn't be too far out of the realm of possibility that You-Know-Who might be willing to help get one over on Dumbledore."

"Okay, but what if it isn't a prank?" Ron asked.

"Then rather than our letter being a continuation of the prank-" Fred started.

"-it'll be us responding to Harry's letter with reverence and awe." George finished.

"It's just a shame he isn't here in person so that we may prostrate ourselves before him." The twins said in unison, both planning to lay themselves at the feet of their little brother figure.

"Sounds like a plan to me, and it'll show Harry that we have been paying attention to what he's said. Half an hour later as the letter was being finalized, the grinning Marauder turned to the bushy brunette. "Hermione, what should I tell him about his proposal?"

The brunette blushed, but thought that maybe it might be fun to play along; and it would serve him right to be pranked back. "Tell him I'll think about it, but only if he starts living up to his potential." During her eye roll, she missed the deep scowl that appeared on Ron's face.


August 5

Harry was having a very nice it should be no surprise that something would ruin it. Luckily the thing that ruined it couldn't change the fact that there was a naked MILF snuggling into his side, so there was a definite cap on how bad the situation could possibly be. He was surprised how much better he'd been sleeping since Bella's first visit. Aside from the nightly lessons with Voldemort on Occlumency and Leglimency, his frequent romps with Bellatrix and Narcissa had ended up actually giving him very detailed versions of the types of dreams he'd mentioned in the letters to the Order while being petulant. While the stuff he'd said in his letters had mostly been him joking around and teasing his best friend, after the dream he'd just awaken from...well, he was starting to think of Hermione just a tad bit differently than he had before.

Though in all honestly, one really couldn't blame him. After all, dreaming of escorting his dolled up best friend to a Halloween ball that Dumbledore decided to randomly announce, then after having a great time, getting to peel the pretty brunette out of her well fitting dress robes, and then- along with Bellatrix and Narcissa- convincing her to marry him, it was sure to start him thinking about her in a new way.

His dream about all of the women in his life sporting baby bulges- and he seriously couldn't believe that he'd actually had a dream about what had initially been a joke- had awaken him in the middle of the night about twenty-four hours prior. Neither Bellatrix or Narcissa had gotten any more sleep that evening, or any rest for most of the next day.

Anyway, Harry turned to his window- his wide open window, mind you- to find the reason his dream was so abruptly ended. Said reason had backed up, and darted forward, again slamming into the window. Pigwidgeon. Bloody moronic owl, that one. He could still remember Sirius praising Hedwig and Crookshanks' intelligence, and commenting that the traits and intelligence a witch or wizard's familiar tended to exhibit tended to reflect their owners. If that was the case, he really didn't want to think about what Pigwidgeon reflected about his best mate. Sure, Ron could be thick sometimes, but there was no way he was as dim as Pig implied. Personally, he thought Pig had a previous owner.

Untangling himself from Narcissa, he padded over to the window, reached out, and snagged the bird as it was making another attempt at the window. Bringing the hyper owl up to his face, he stared it right in the eye.

"Pig, unless you want to wake Hedwig up, and get your arse kicked again, I suggest you behave." Both boy and owl turned to the perch that held the elder owl, one sleepy amber eye cracked just enough to glare. Pig gave a hoot that sounded suspiciously like a whimper and a shudder, before calming. When Harry set him down, he held out his leg, proudly displaying the letter he'd just delivered. Once relieved of the burden, the owl snuck over to Hedwig's tray, snagged a couple treats, and made a run for it. He'd find a drink elsewhere, no point antagonizing the mean old lady.

Sitting the letter on top of the one Hedwig had delivered from Tom the night before, Harry debated climbing back onto bed with the busty blond. In the end, he decided to just get up, and went to take a shower. Once he was refreshed for the day, he set about waking Narcissa in much the same way she and Bella seemed to enjoy waking him. A screaming rejoinder to the land of the wake for Narcissa, and an exceptionally enthusiastic reciprocation for Harry later, the last Potter was sitting at the large, beautifully stained, redwood desk in his room. While Narcissa was enjoying a nice bath, he decided to use the afforded alone time to read the correspondences he'd received. To his shock, the letter Pig brought was from the Order....or rather certain members of the Order and his friends.

Dear Harry,
You were right, we should have told Dumbledore to bugger himself, and written back. Feel free to keep in touch more often than just the required letters, Harry. Though I must say that I'm kind of glad we didn't at the time, as your current happiness would probably have not happened.
I honestly don't know how you obtained that kind of natural sexual prowess, but I'm guessing Karma is making up for you being Fate's bitch. I suggest just being thankful, and leaving it at that. The issue with your genitals, though...from what James told me, it was an old family curse that ended up becoming a blessing. I don't know all the details- I just remember James waking up the entire dorm with his bragging and cheering- but again, I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Now, what's this about sleeping with Bellatrix and Narcissa? It seems as if you've had a very interesting summer. I must admit to being just a bit envious of your accomplishment. Evil they may be, they're still very desirable. James and Sirius would be extremely proud of your accomplishment; your mother not so least until the grandbabies started coming along to distract her (and speaking of, I hope you're using birth control). I'd suggest at least a dozen to make up for the Cougar harem- especially since both women are older than her- or she might be very cross with you the next time you see her.
I have to tell you, the reactions you received when you revealed your size and bedroom prowess was rather entertaining. Snape looked ready to have a fit, the twins are wondering if they should make you a deity, and Molly, Ginny, and Hermione reacted much the way you guessed.
You should probably know that Dumbledore was horrified to find out that such an obvious loophole had slipped past him. The fact that you'd had visitors made him age about twenty years right before our eyes. Your mention of learning things from Voldemort also achieved the desired reaction, and he did seem rather annoyed. I have to admit, I'm rather interested in that method of flying myself. You should also know that he's less than thrilled at what's been going on, and plans are being made to 'rescue' you from the clutches of the dark, and bring you to the Burrow.
Ps. Oh, I asked Hermione what her answer to your request was, and she said that she'll think about it, but only if you start living up to your potential.

Harry didn't know whether to grin, blush, or express shock at the post script. Sure, he could admit that he certainly wouldn't mind settling down with Hermione someday- even if he'd been mostly joking in the letters- he'd never thought she'd actually consider him a romantic possibility; he'd always figure she wanted Ron. Still, Harry didn't dwell on it too much, as it was entirely possible she had taken it as the joke it was, and responded in kind. After another moment of thought, he realized that that was probably exactly what it was. So why did a sudden feeling of disappointment well up in him?

Clearing his head of those thoughts with a headshake, he turned to Tom's rather short note.

Dear Harry,
If you think you can prove it, I'd love to see it. If you succeed, then I swear on my magic that I will seriously consider it. As far as telling you what happened that night....I shall think about it and get back to you another time..
Ps. What's this about a Parseltongue trick?

Placing the letter on the table, he pulled out some of his trick parchment to write back, when he found himself distracted by a pair of soft lips on his neck, an incredible pair of breasts pressed into his shoulder, and teeth gently latching onto his ear. Sufficiently distracted, Harry happily engaged the blonde haired beauty in a nice, long, fantastic snog. While Harry would have been more than happy to keep going, Narcissa pulled away with a familiar smirk that just seemed to work a lot better for her than it did her ponce son. When he saw what she'd sat on the bed, Harry groaned, knowing exactly why she'd gone to the effort of giving him an erection. It was tutoring time again.

He couldn't wait to see Hermione's reaction to learning that he was almost caught up with their year in Runes; and he could admit that he a little disappinted that he'd likely not make the O required for NEWT Potions, as he'd love to see see Snape's reaction to learning that Harry's skill in the subject had dramatically improved. Narcissa's- and to a slightly lesser extent, her elder sister's- carrot and stick approach to their tutoring sessions saw him learning at a very rapid pace. The carrot they'd chosen was anything from a chaste kiss to Narcissa suppressing her gag reflex as she buried her nose in his pubes. The stick was studying until he got the carrot.

Oh well, he'd just have to write back later. Almost unbidden, the question of whether his grades would have been better if Hermione had chosen such a form of encouragement, came to mind.


August 6

Harry woke up covered in warm, naked flesh on both sides, and feeling absolutely brilliant. The day before, Harry had finally finished with fourth year Runes, and Narcissa had felt a highly debauched reward was called for. Given that it was also a weekend, Bellatrix had popped up, and the celebration had become even more spectacular. From the way he was feeling right now, he didn't think anything could ruin his mood. Sadly, he was Harry Potter, and tempting Fate really was a bad idea. Though to be honest, Fate really didn't need a reason to mess with Harry Potter. A soft trill brought his attention to a seemingly amused red and gold bird sitting on his desk.

Giving him what amounted to a sly grin, as well as what amounted to the phoenix equivalent of a double thumbs up, Fawkes dropped the letter he was carrying, and flashed away. Grumbling, Harry glared at the letter for several moments, before making up his mind. Rather than untangle himself from the sexy sisters, Harry gently nibble them awake, and got himself a little morning happy before seeing what the cock-blocking old man had to say.

Between Bellatrix insisting on a morning protein shake, and Narcissa wanting to get him started on fifth year Runes, Dumbledore's letter lay forgotten until well past dinnertime. Bellatrix had just left, having been summoned by Tom for a job, when Harry remembered the letter from Dumbledore. In all honestly, he probably wouldn't have remembered it at all, but staring at Bella's arse as she bent over to pick up one of her boots brought his attention to the letter that had fallen to the floor- likely at some point during that half hour he'd had the two sisters bent over his desk.

It was shocking the old thing had lasted as long as it did considering how much use it had gotten before Narcissa had replaced it. He was glad that she'd done so or it likely would have given out on him; especially as much as Bell seemed to enjoy incorporating it into their kinkier fun.

Putting that thought aside, he picked up the letter, read it, and paled.

Dear Harry,
I'm writing to inform you that the Order will be arriving this evening to retrieve you from your relatives home. I'm sorry that it took so long, but we've only just gotten things settled. Be packed and ready to go by seven please.

His reaction immediately caught Narcissa's attention, who came over, and took it from him, reading upon receiving it. The plan she came up with- and on the fly at that- made Harry realize that engaging in a prank war with a real Slytherin was highly inadvisable. He grinned as he watched her adjust the privacy spells her sister had erected around the room, a changed swish or flick to alter the intent just a small bit.

"Too bad Fawkes already left, because there's no way Hedwig will get this there in time." It was then that he remembered someone who could deliver a message for him, and began kicking himself for not thinking of the little guy sooner; well, for this purpose anyway. "Oh Dobby~" The elf appeared instantly. "I've got a job for you, my friend."


That evening, the Order was assembled to decide who would go and retrieve Harry from his relatives at Privet Drive. Just as the debate was about to begin, a rather eccentric elf popped into the room with a letter for Dumbledore.

"Great Harry Potter sir ask Dobby to give letter to Professor Goat Humper." Dobby said, excitedly. Giving a loud sigh at the amusement of his club subordinates, Dumbledore took the note, and opened it. He made the mistake of deciding to read it aloud.

Dear Bearded one,
Blow me! You've spent all of this time and effort nagging me about why I had to stay here, yet when something good happens, and I don't mind being here, you want to take me away from it. I'm not going anywhere. Not only am I getting laid like crazy, the wards are stronger than they've ever been before because I'm actually enjoying my time here. If you want the Order to actually do something useful, then have someone pick me up some naughty costumes, and I'll pay them back when we go school shopping.
Narcissa requests naughty schoolgirl, naughty nurse, and slutty office lady outfits, all in a size three. Bellatrix asked for a maid costume, and a sleazy auror's uniform. She likes the irony of it, and wants to play Death Eater kidnaps and molests the pervy auror, and yes, she plans on playing the part of the auror. Those outfits should be in a size three as well. Yes Moony, a size three is definitely going to be too small on both Cissy and Bella. Feel free to envy me.
By the way, I felt it prudent to mention that if your people do come and kidnap me from my happy summer, I'm going to make you regret it.
Ps. You know what's funny Hermione, I wish I would have thought of Dobby earlier. That way we'd have been able to send letters to each other without worry of them being intercepted. Guess we all kind of screwed Sirius on that one, eh?

"What's this about screwing Sirius?" Remus' snicker brought all attention to him. "Well?"

"It's a Muggle saying, 'screwed the pooch', which basically mean making a huge, and rather stupid mistake." He lectured. "So, the letter?"

While several members of the Order had plenty to say to the message delivered by the exuberant elf, Snape was oddly silent on the matter.

"I wouldn't worry too much, he's just a bit agitated at the moment." Dumbledore said. "I'm sure he'll be calmer once we bring him here."

Hermione ignored him in favor of the surprisingly silent Potions Master. "Professor, you've always been of the opinion that Harry's mere presence is a bother, and this is with him not even trying. How much worse do you think it will be with Harry actually trying to make a nuisance of himself?"

It was at that moment that Severus Snape decided that he was going to make himself scarce as much as possible as soon as the brat arrived at the Burrow.

A mere ten minutes later found Hestia Jones, Remus Lupin, and Nymphadora Tonks knocking on the door to #4 Privet Drive. The three had been agreed on by the others for quite reasonable reasons. Remus and Tonks were chosen as the only two adult Order members Harry was least likely to resist, who were unanimously vouched as responsible adults. Hestia was chosen because she was the only other auror in the Order who wasn't on duty- Moody as guard for the temporary Minister of Magic, and Kingsley with the Muggle Prime Minister. Still, as a ten year veteran of the auror corp., she was nothing to sneeze at with a wand. As before, the door was opened by an overweight Dursley, only this time it was the younger one.

"What do you want?" Dudley asked in a surprisingly civil tone, considering who he was speaking to.

"We're here to pick up-" It was at this point that Remus Lupin was interrupted a loud shriek. Fear etched onto their faces, the two witches and one wizard barged in, and ran up the steps towards Harry's door, confusing Dudley to no end. Shrugging, he shut the front door, and reentered the sitting room where his parents were. When prompted, he reported that the people at the door were there to pick up Harry. With a snort of disdain from Vernon, the three went back to watching the tele as they had been before the bell rang.

Meanwhile, the three magicals had reached Harry's door, and were about to barge in for the rescue, when another piercing shriek echoed through the house. Now outside the door, they finally realized their mistake. Rather than being under attack, Harry and Narcissa are actually hot and heavy in their love making. What they'd thought was a scream of fear or pain was actually the opposite, as evidenced by Tonks' face turning a deep crimson. Her eyes and hair joined her face when she heard her aunt loudly regale them with her glowing opinion of Harry's size and prowess.

Deciding that they'd rather not interrupt, and see something they didn't want to, Remus, Tonks, and Hestia decided to just wait until Harry and Narcissa were finished, never realizing that the eldest witch currently in the house had quickly brewed a stamina potion that Harry had ingested before they'd started. It would be another three hours before the sounds of sexual exertion came to a break; three hours that they were forced to listen to Narcissa Malfoy scream in pleasure. Had they been less distracted by the rather vulgar screams of adulation- something that the three Order members would never know was for their benefit/torture- they'd have wondered why the Dursleys didn't seem to be bothered by the screams. Surely they couldn't have become immune to them, as loud as they were; in point of fact, they didn't seem to even realize such loud and filthy screams were echoing throughout their house.

Ahh, the joys of tweaked Silencing Charms. It was amazing what one could do with an alternate twist, slash, or flick...things like alter the block so that only people with active magical cores would be able to hear what was going on.

Finally the noise quieted, allowing the two witches and one wizard to confront the coupling pair. What they found upon entering the room brought them up short, however. Having seen Harry's bedroom just a couple weeks before, both Tonks and Remus were familiar with the size and layout of the room, and found themselves shocked at the alterations that had befallen it. Then again, considering that Harry was playing host to an adult witch who'd become accustomed to living lavishly, it shouldn't really have been a surprise. Simply put, it was nothing like it was before, having undergone some major reconstruction. Thanks to Dobby- with instruction from Bellatrix and Narcissa- the room was now over three times the size it had been before, and the changes only got bigger from there.

The wooden floor had been repaired, and polished to a glossy shine, and the walls were adorned with a rather tasteful, autumn themed wallpaper. Along the far back wall, where the small wardrobe had sat before, was now a massive walk-in closet big enough to house several outfits belonging to Bellatrix, Narcissa, and Harry, each with its own section.

A few feet away, and off to the side, sat what looked like a make-shift classroom, and the professor in Remus took a moment to analyze the set up. There was a simple lecturing board set up next to a decent sized table, and in front of that sat a rather comfortable looking chair, and another table that looked to be able to seat two comfortably. Remus had to admit he was impressed with the set up. It was just enough for a qualified adult to tutor a student, while not skimping on the needed necessities. At about the same depth in the room, but off to the other side sat a small Potions lab. From what he could see of the classroom materials, the lecture board and chair could easily be moved from one station to the other suggesting practicality had been preferred. And if he wasn't mistaken, much of the equipment- aside from the cauldron, stirring instruments, and ingredients- had come from one of the more advanced chemistry sets available in the Muggle world.

Decorating the room nearer to the doorway they'd stopped in- though on the other side of the room by the window- was a large, stained, redwood desk, whose color, and polished shine seemed to match the floor, and further set off the new autumn theme of the bedroom. Upon this desk sat a rather ornate looking perch- in a deep, striking mahogany- that twisted and spiraled in a rather appealing way. Upon this perch sat Hedwig, who was giving them a most amused look- or as much as once could tell from an owl. With a bark that sounded vaguely insulting, she leapt from her perch, and flew out the window. An intelligent person might have taken this as a bad sign- and had this been just about any other members of the order, it would have been- but given the current company, it wasn't nearly as serious as one might think.

Finally, the room was home to a large king sized bed, which- much like everything else- Remus guessed was chosen more for practicality than appearance. The wood of the bed, much like the floor and desk, were a beautiful stained redwood. He couldn't readily tell what kind of mattress it held, but given the soft indent the two people sitting on it made, he was willing to bet it was soft, and brilliantly comfortable. And speaking of the two people.......

Harry and Narcissa were both sitting in the bed, naked as the day they were born, without a shred of shame between them. Both were still sporting the signs of what they'd just finished doing; Narcissa the more obvious of the two. She was heavily flushed still, and had a slight sheen of sweat still lingering upon her which glistened from the twilight filtering in through the window. Her hair was lightly matted to her forehead, and sufficiently dishevled everywhere else.

Now Remus Lupin was no virgin. Sure he was a werewolf, and there had been a healthy deal of fear of what he was from any woman he'd tried to form a relationship with. Even still, there were just as many adventurous women who'd been curious as to whether he was as much of an animal in the sac as his affliction seemed to imply. Given that being a werewolf gave him a great deal more stamina than the average bloke- although he was willing to bet that Harry could probably give him a run for his money- he had done his fair share of shagging birds into exhaustion. The last Marauder couldn't help feeling just a hint of pride in James' son at the obvious signs of thoroughly shagged that Narcissa was sporting.

About the only thing they'd bothered doing to protect their modesty- and Moony was sure that was for their benefit only- was pull the golden bedsheet up far enough that it covered her obviously bare chest. Narcissa was sitting between Harry's legs- who was sitting up against the headboard of the bed- with her back to his chest, and her head leaning back on his right shoulder. His arms wrapped around her chest- and based on the imprint, were probably cupping her breasts- while he planted soft kisses and nips on her neck.

Tonks was in a state of shock. She'd heard of pureblood witches having clauses in their marriage contracts that allowed for them to take lovers. She'd even been told by her mother that all contracts involving daughters of the House of Black included such clauses, but she'd never actually put much stock in them. She was well aware of the fidelity that most magical marriages enforced, and had never thought that a witch would actually want to be unfaithful to their husbands, and vice versa. Until that evening, when she'd heard- and seen the aftermath of- her aunt committing Class 5 adultery, she hadn't really put much stock in the power of the clauses- not that she'd ever use one herself. Still, it was fairly jarring.

"Can we help you?" Narcissa asked through a soft groan as Harry teased a particularly sensitive spot he'd found on her neck days before. When she arched her back in response to a gentle bite at the area, Remus found himself just a bit distracted by another sign of her obvious arousal that was quite prominently visible through the sheets. Given that Hestia was far too scandalized to react- really, the woman was quite the prude- it was left to Tonks to respond.

"Uh, nice room?" She tried.

"Your compliments are graciously accepted." Narcissa replied, thankfully snapping Remus out of his distraction. "Although I can't take full credit. Bella was the one who did the furniture shopping after Harry completely ruined her. Funny how she came with the intention of kidnapping him, and three hours later, she didn't want to leave. I thought she might have been exaggerating when she recommended I come get me a 'proper shagging', but now I'm convinced that the Potters have some kind of family sex magic. Any news on that front?"

"Like I said in that letter, I honestly don't know." Remus admitted. "Sirius might have, but I never got the chance to spend that much time at the Potter home. Because of an attack when James' father was a boy, their home has some very unforgiving anti-werewolf wards."

"Oh, okay." Harry said.

"Right, as much as it pains me to do this, we're here to," He pulled a slip of parchment from a pocket. "- 'rescue' you from the clutches of this vile, scarlet seductress." He read dully.

"Molly Weasley, yes?" Narcissa teased. "If only she would be honest with herself, rather than trying to hide behind that prudish facade."

"Be that as it may, we're here to remove Mr. Potter from his his relatives' home." Hestia interjected, finally overcoming her initial reaction to finding their target in bed with Narcissa Malfoy.

Pausing in his teasing of Narcissa, Harry spoke. "Did Dumbledore get my note?"

"Yes," Remus said. "-and he also read it aloud."

"So you're aware of the futility of this endeavor?" Harry asked.

"We could force you, you know." Hestia said.

"Could you really?" Harry asked. "I doubt that, because Remus isn't going to force me, Tonks is unlikely to force me, and Narcissa wants me to stay. There's also the fact that the wards Dumbledore placed here are stronger than they've ever been, and should you make a hostile move against me, they're likely to react very badly."

"But Harry, don't you want to see your friends again?" Remus asked.

"First of all, I'm sure they'd understand." As a bloke, Harry knew that Ron would definitely understand. Hermione would understand, because she knew how difficult it was for him to find any joy in his life. Besides.... "It's not like they can't come and visit me."

"Well damn, he's got a point there." Tonks said.

"How about this?" Harry said. "I'll agree to go to the Burrow with you, if I'm allowed to bring Narcissa with me. If not, I'll pass."

Tonks and Remus both sighed. Both of them knew that not only would Molly forbid it, and all four of them knew no one would trust her at the temporary headquarters for the Order. Hestia didn't really count, as she was still in shock over not only being told no, but effectively being told there was nothing she could do about being told no in a very logical manner.

"Well, now that that is settled, do you mind giving us some privacy?" Narcissa asked with a sultry grin. "It appears my little stud has recovered, and mama's ready for round..... I've lost count." She admitted with a smug little smile.

"Well, looks like this was a bust." Remus said. "We'll just have to report back to the Order that we failed. Tonks, Hestia, let's go. Harry, behave yourself, and make sure there aren't any little Potters running around before you finish school."

"Aye aye, Moony." Harry replied.

"Oh, and if possible, those outfits we requested earlier would be really helpful." Narcissa added. "And ask Granger if she was really serious about her answer. After all, I am bisexual, Harry really is well endowed, and enough of a stud to easily deal with my sister and I."

"We'll see." Whatever else he was going to say was cut off as Narcissa turned and straddled his friend's son.

The three adult magicals barely made it to the edge of the property before they heard a passionate cry from that had Tonks' face and hair again matching a fire engine.


When Remus, Tonks, and Hestia arrived back at the Burrow several minutes later- which just so happened to be several hours after they'd left- it was to an empty kitchen. Apparently, everyone got tired of waiting, and decided to go do other things until they got back. The only ones that seemed to be still waiting were Molly Weasley, Albus Dumbledore, and the three younger teens. Upon giving confirmation that they were who they said, the door was snatched open to find an expectant Molly ready to wrap Harry in a massive hug. Just behind her, Hermione was waiting just as enthusiastically for her turn to greet her best friend, with Ron and Ginny sitting at the table; not quite as enthusiastic, but clearly expectant.

Sadly, the three adults were forced to report failure. It was sad seeing Molly deflate the way she did, but he did notice an amusing bit of byplay behind her. While Hermione looked a little disappointed that Harry wasn't there, she didn't look all that surprised. The most amusing bit, was when Ron and Ginny gave their headmaster a smug grin, before holding out a hand apiece.

An annoyed Dumbledore handed a knut over to each teen, before addressing the three rescuers. "Where's Harry?"

"He decided that he'd rather stay where he is." Remus said.

"Can't say I blame the lad," Moody grunted. "-even if I don't trust her or her motives."

With a huff of anger at being defied, Hestia broke in. "I think we need to summon the Order to figure out how to deal with this."

"It's probably a good idea, as there's quite a bit of new information that you might like to know." Remus added. "I'd also suggest that Hermione, Ron, and Ginny sit in as well."

Dumbledore felt a spark of token protest and asked, "Do you really believe it imperative that they do so?" Remus nodded. "Very well, Molly, if I could trouble you to borrow your fireplace?"

It took about a half hour to get everyone reported and settled, but once they had everyone there, Remus was prompted to report. "I would first like to start by saying that Harry really doesn't want to leave," He said, barely able to keep the amusement from his voice. "-and in all honesty, I find myself sympathetic. I also shudder to think how badly Sirius would be railing on me for being a cockblock."

"What happened?"

"Well, we arrived at the property on schedule, but as soon as the uncle opened the door, we were immediately set upon by the sound of a woman screaming." Hestia reported, causing everyone to gasp in shock. "We burst in, and were all set to try and help any way we could, but upon nearing Potter's bedroom door...." Hestia paused with a scowling frown.

"-let's just say that what said woman was screaming became more clear." Remus finished. "Harry and Narcissa- though we didn't readily recognize it as her at the time- were rather busy at the moment."

"Busy doing what?" An unimportant enough member to not be named, asked.

"According to one of Harry's letters, getting him trained up for Hermione." Tonks teased, grinning at the blush that rapidly covered the girl's face.

"Yes, that, so we decided to wait until they were finished." Remus continued.

"You didn't stop them!" Molly all but shrieked.

"Well of course not, that would have been awfully rude." Remus said, highly amused. "Would you want to be interrupted in the middle of that?" It was rather clear what that answer was.

"Anyway, once they were finished-"

"-which was about three hours after we arrived-" Tonks interjected.

"-we made for Harry's room to confront them. Harry made it very clear that he did not wish to leave his relatives' home." Remus continued smoothly.

"Were you able to find out anything else?" Dumbledore asked. He really wanted to know how Death Eaters and sympathizers had gotten past the wards.

"Well, we did manage to confirm a few things." Tonks said. "The least of which, is that my aunt is a fabulous interior decorator."


"Yep, we managed to confirm that first, and foremost, Harry Potter is no longer a virgin." Tonks said, grinning at the shocked and scandalized looks. Knowing that Tonks wouldn't be able to resist taunting the others, and Remus was far too amused to do it, Hestia took over the report.

"Narcissa also confirmed that Bellatrix was indeed sent to sleep with Harry, and maybe kidnap him if she got the opportunity. After being dominated by Potter-"

"Shagged her into a stupor, more like-" Tonks threw in, earning a glare from Hestia.

"-Lestrange convinced Narcissa to visit Harry for what she called 'a proper shagging'. She's been there ever since keeping Potter also confirmed that the request from the last letter, and the two inquiries from the one before that, were genuine."

"Elaborate please, Hestia," Dumbledore seemed to plead.

"That would be the request for naughty outfits for Bellatrix and Narcissa, size 3," Remus interjected. "-genuinely wanting to know if the Potters had any inate sex based magic to explain his prowess," Here he turned to Hermione. "-and wondering if you were serious about considering marrying Harry if he lived up to his potential."

The attention she received- both positively amused from some, and very negative not from a few Weasleys- caused her to flush in embarrassment.

"Aunt Cissa also felt it prudent for me to remind you- or Hermione and I at least- that she's bisexual, and that Harry really does have a basilisk stuffed down his pants."

"I see," Dumbledore frowned. "Is that all?"

"Well, by that time he'd recovered." Tonks said. "When Aunt Cissa climbed on top of him, and it became apparent what she planned to do, we left. No matter how curious I am, I really didn't want to watch Harry shagging my aunt rotten."

"Very well, I shall go and retrieve Harry myself.." Dumbledore said. "Feel free to head on home." Maybe he could recruit Harry into helping him convince Horace to return to teaching.


Thirty minutes later- it took him several to floo to Arabella Figg's house, and walk to #4 Privet Drive, then he'd spent nearly twenty minutes staring in shocked awe at how strong the wards were- Dumbledore approached the Dursley's door, and knocked. Upon opening the door, and seeing another freak, Vernon was nearing the end of his patience.

"What?" The obese man snapped.

"My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I'm here for Harry Potter." Dumbledore said kindly, trying desperately to ignore the loud, passionate screams blaring throughout the house that none of the Dursleys seemed to notice.

"The boy's upstairs, but I doubt you'll be able to pull him away from that tart he's with." The man snapped. In truth, he was highly jealous of his nephew for getting such an attractive woman in bed with him. It was almost impressive enough to make his dislike the boy less.

"Thank you for your indulgence Mr. Dursley, I shall only be a moment."

Dumbledore slipped past the man, and up the stairs. Unlike Remus, Tonks, and Hestia, Dumbledore was indeed enough of a cockblock to interrupt a coupling couple. Without any thought or care to what he might see, Dumbledore barged into the room- although he was admittedly shocked by the quite pleasant change in decor, giving the pair enough time to finish- and magically separated and clothed the pair. With a casual wave of his wand, he transfigured the soft sheets into robes for both, before turning the disappointed grandfather routine on max power.

"I'm very disappointed in you Harry." He said with a pained, sigh. "And you Mrs. Malfoy, should know better than to be sleeping with an underage boy."

Sadly, neither of the two targets were affected. "For your information, Harry is sixteen- the age of lawful consent- and more than capable of making his own choices about sex. Besides, can you blame me for wanted to get the shape of my pussy rearranged by his huge cock?" Harry found himself shocked- though he didn't show it- by Narcissa's words. That was more along the lines of Bella's style of vulgarity. On the other hand, Cissa was a Slytherin, and maybe she felt being obtuse and dirty was the way to go.

"Harry is but a child, and here you are taking advantage of him. An impressionable young man can be coerced into anything by an older, much wiser woman willing to show him a good time."

Narcissa glared at her former headmaster, and when she spoke, her voice was cold. "I have made him do nothing aside from continue using birth control with my sister."

"What?" Dumbledore paled when he saw the quite sheepish look that crossed Harry's features.

"As soon as he found out about her ex-husband's death, Harry- sweet boy that he is- intended to impregnate and make an honest woman of her, which as you know would have emancipated him. I convinced him not to do so, as marrying a Death Eater- even if she was ready to defect to be with him- wouldn't be good for his reputation with the fickle public."

Another thirty minutes of tedious conversation- that lead nowhere slowly- later, Dumbledore still hadn't given Harry a good reason to want to leave. Sure, Dumbledore had given him any number of reasons that he wanted Harry to leave, but none that would make Harry want to. Finally, Dumbledore decided he was done playing.

"Harry, I must insist that you come with me to the Burrow." Giving the man a calculating eye, Harry shrugged.

"Okay, I'll go, but only if I'm allowed to bring Cissa with me, continue meeting up with Bella on weekends, and continue my correspondence with Tom."

"I don't think that is a wise course of action, and I fear that you're being secretly corrupted." Dumbledore replied. "Harry, you must trust that I know what's best." Had that been the year prior, Harry would have caved. Hell, had it been before he'd gotten laid it might have worked, eventually. Now though, Harry wasn't too fond of Dumbledore.

"Looking back over all of your decisions in regards to me, I'm seriously starting to doubt that you do." Harry said. "And if you think I'm being corrupted, then I think you're a bit more out of touch with things than I thought. I shagged one Death Eater into wanting to defect, made her ask Voldemort to arrange accidents for two of his Inner Cirlce, then shagged her sister into defecting as well. Not only that, but I've actually gotten Voldemort to the point where he's seriously considering defecting from his own camp. If anyone is having a corrupting influence, it's me, and for the better."

"You know, he makes a very good point, Dumbledore." Narcissa taunted. "If there's any kind of influence being bandied about, it's coming from Harry and that magnificent willy of his."

"Harry-" Dumbledore tried again, only to be interrupted.

"You know what, never mind, since I know you're just going to kidnap me if I don't go willingly." Harry replied. "And knowing my luck, the fact that you created the wards will probably mean that they won't respond how they should if you try to make me, and that display from earlier says I'm probably right. If you'll excuse me for a few minutes, I need to pack and say goodbye to Cissa."

"Harry, I don't think-"

"And I don't care." Harry replied, his tone now showing some bite. "If you're going to blatantly ruin what's left of the first stretch of time I've ever enjoyed here, the least you could do is allow me to say goodbye to my girlfriend."

With a heavy sigh, Dumbledore agreed. Much as he was against the idea, he knew his relationship with Harry was far from friendly at the moment. If he was going to guide Harry to his destiny, then "Very well."

As soon as the door shut behind the old man, Narcissa pulled Harry into a heated kiss. "That was absolutely brilliant. Morgana, seeing you talk down to that old patroniser the same way he does to others has gotten me so hot I could jump you right now."

"You know, it felt surprisingly good to do it." Harry admitted, pulling Narcissa into a kiss, but breaking it before it got too intense. "But as I said, this is goodbye for now."

"How long before I can see you again?" Narcissa asked, internally grumbling at how cliche their conversation sounded.

"Only about a couple of days." Harry replied grinning as he began packing. "I do want to see my friends again, and I'd like to spend a couple of days hanging out with them. After that, I'll be back for some more learning."

"And just what kind of learning would that be?" Narcissa said, striking a sexy pose on the bed where she was now laying.

"Well, to be honest, I'd like to get a few more of our Hogwarts lessons done." Harry said. "But if those lessons happen to result in a lack of clothing, and sweaty naked fun before, during, and after, then all the better."

"I'll miss you, love." Narcissa teased, spreading her legs just a bit.

"Merlin, am I going to miss you too." Harry said, finally closing his trunk. "Mind pausing in your teasing me long enough to give me a hand?"

"So I'm your girlfriend, now?" She asked.

"I really only said that because I knew it would bother Dumbledore." Harry admitted. "But I can admit to hoping...if you don't mind, that is."

"Heh, I've got a famous boyfriend, Bella is going to be so jealous." Narcissa sing-songed.

With a smirk, and a negligent flick of her wand, Harry's trunk lightened and shrunk small enough to fit into his pocket. Stowing it away, Harry gave his lover one last kiss, before exiting his room, and heading down the stairs where Dumbledore was waiting. He followed the man to the edge of the wards, and took hold of his arm, before feeling as if he was being squeezed through a tube. When the sensation ended, Harry found himself in a neighborhood that he didn't recognize. Having explored Ottery St. Catchpole with Ron and the twins a few times during his visits, he knew that he wasn't anywhere near the village in Devon.

"Where are we?" Harry asked, annoyed.

"This, Harry, is the charming village of Budleigh Babberton."

"What are we doing here?"

"Just a small pitstop." Dumbledore said, smiling lightly. "I seem to find myself once again in the position of being a staff member short. I was hoping that you might help convince an old colleague of mine to come out of retirement and return to Hogwarts?"

"And just how am I supposed to do that?"

"I'm sure we can find a use for you." Dumbledore replied.

"I see, so you're already going back on your word to stop keeping secrets that involve me, from me." Harry taunted. Dumbledore gave a great sigh, not liking at all being called on that statement. He was really starting to miss pliable, easily influenced Harry. Deep in his gut, he was already dreading the upcoming discussion about Voldemort's Horcruxes.

"Horace likes his comfort." Dumbledore admitted. "But he also likes the company of the famous, the successful, and the powerful. He enjoys the feeling that he influences them."

"And as one of the most famous people in the country, you want me to pander to his vanity." Harry guessed.

"I wouldn't quite put it like that." Dumbledore protested. "But yes, I'd like your help convincing him."

"No thanks, I'll pass." Harry started, shocking the old man. "After you take me away from the best summer of my life, you have the audacity to bring me here against my will, and use me to trick some leech into coming to Hogwarts? Bugger that. You took me from my brilliant summer to take me to the Burrow, so take me to the Burrow."

Letting out a disappointed sigh- that to his chagrin had no effect on Harry- Dumbledore relented. "Very well, Harry."

"It's your own fault." Harry chastised. "If you'd been a bit more willing to work with me, rather than force or order me about, I might have felt more inclined to help you."

Taking Harry by the arm, the squeezing tube sensations came again, before they found themselves at the edge of the Burrows' wards. A quick trip, which actually took a few minutes due to Dumbledore's pace- and they were at the back door. Reaching up, Harry knocked.

"Who is it?" Mrs. Weasley's voice came from the other side.

"It's Albus Dumbledore with Harry Potter." The old man said calmly.

"Prove it." Before Dumbledore could reply with some code, Harry blurted out.

"Open up woman, I've got a basilisk in my trousers, and I'm not afraid to use it." The locks came undone, and the door snapped open so fast, Harry thought it might have set a new record.

Almost immediately after, he was engulfed in the ample bosom of Molly Weasley as she tried to hug the life out of him. Molly had what Harry often called the Mythical Maternal Bosom of lore. Being smothered in it when she hugged you made you feel like a bloody six year old, and even now he was having to resist the urge to stick his thumb in his mouth. He was fairly certain that if Hermione or Ginny had Mrs. Weasley's endowment, his reactions to their hugs would have been a sight different than to hers, but she did possess the mystical bosom of legend. Thankfully, Molly hugged herself out rather quickly, and pulled him back to get a good look at him. She seemed happy that he wasn't overly thin, and seemed to be eating better; and Harry had to fight back commenting that frequently licking Bellatrix to loud, messy orgasms could put some meat on anyone's bones.

He was also glad she'd taken the time to look him over, as it gave him time to catch his breath after her near suffocating hug, and gave him time to prepare for what came next. As soon as she let him go, and stepped aside, Harry found himself the target of a brown haired missile. Hermione's just a bit slighter frame collided with his in one of her special tackle hugs reserved especially for Harry, and tight enough to rival Molly's. Normally, his former aversion to such things would have caused him to flinch, and therefore be unprepared for the sudden impact and weight, thus knocking him off balance a bit, causing him to stumble.

Much to the surprise of the exceedingly happy brunette, rather than stumble like he normally did when she went for one of her tackle hugs, Hermione surprisingly found Harry gripping her just as tightly, returning the hug. And if that wasn't enough she also found herself picked up, and spun around in a circle by her chuckling best friend.

"Harry, you-" She started, only to be cut off as Ginny mimicked her, and was pulled into a spinning hug. Hermione smiled at the wide grin that Ginny sported after being put down, and even the freaked out look on Ron's face when Harry held out his arms to him. Not surprisingly, he declined. She had to force back a laugh when Harry turned to Mrs. Weasley and held out his arms. She couldn't hold it back when Molly gave him a jokingly chiding rebuke.

"I'm alright dear," Mrs. Weasley said. "I daresay I'm a bit more stout than Ginny and Hermione, so I don't know if you could actually get me up and around."

To everyone's shock, Harry walked up to Mrs. Weasley, and proved that he was quite a bit stronger than he looked. Still, it was fun seeing the shocked, and surprisingly girlishly happy look on the mother of seven's face when Harry picked her up and spun her around. Granted Harry didn't get Mrs. Weasley as far off the ground as he had she and Ginny, he got her a fair bit up. She found herself shockingly curious about how Fleur would have reacted to being picked up and spun around had she been in the house, rather than patrolling the perimeter of the Burrow's wards.

Seeing that Harry's mood seemed to have taken a turn for the better, Dumbledore decided to take a chance, "Harry, may I have a moment of your time, please. There's something that I wished to discuss with you that I didn't feel comfortable discussing in the presence of Mrs. Malfoy."

Turning to Hermione, Harry said. "I know you have questions, and I promise I'll explain everything after I see what Dumbledore wants."

Smiling at the way Harry had been able to so easily read her, she retorted. "You better, Harry Potter." Giving her a nod, Harry followed the Headmaster into the sitting room.


Harry joined Dumbledore in the sitting room just as Dumbledore was putting his wand away, and from the utter silence coming from the kitchen, where Molly, Hermione, and Ginny had been giggling, he guessed Dumbledore had cast a privacy charm. Once he had been seated, the old man decided that beating around the bush might not serve his purposes at the moment, as it would give Harry's good mood time to sober up.

"Sirius' will was discovered a week ago." Dumbledore started. "He left everything to you; were you aware?"

"I thought it might be a possibility." Harry admitted, since Sirius didn't have any children that they knew of, he was the most logical beneficiary aside from Moony or the Tonkses.

"Well, the main part is fairly straightforward," Dumbledore informed him. "You added a reasonable amount of gold to your vaults, as well as all of Sirius' personal possessions. The problematic part of the will, and I daresay the part that is causing the Order just a bit of difficulty, is that Sirius left you Grimmauld Place as well."

"I see." Harry replied, causing Dumbledore to inwardly frown. He'd been expecting Harry to claim he wanted nothing to do with the place, and to offer it to the Order.

"Well, we've vacated the building temporarily, as you've probably been able to tell." Harry nodded. "While Sirius' will makes it clear that you are to inherit, there is the off chance that there are enchantments that would make it so that only a Black could inherit it. Since his brother predeceased him, the house would likely pass to his eldest living relative, Bellatrix Lestrange."

'Well that shouldn't really be a problem, should it?' Harry thought as Dumbledore continued to drone on about the hows and whys this was bad. 'Especially since I pretty much shagged her into defecting. It won't be hard to get that final push.'

"There is, however, an easy test we can try to see if you're allowed to own it." Dumbledore revealed. "You see, if you inherited Grimmauled Place, then that means you also inherited something else."

He drew and waved his wand, and with a loud crack, the deranged old elf that had seemingly haunted Sirius' home all of last year appeared.

"Kreacher," Dumbledore began.

"Kreacher won't, Kreacher won't, Kreacher won't," The elf croaked loudly, throwing a tantrum.

"Give him an order Harry." Dumbledore said. "If he follows your orders, then you own Grimmauld Place."

Harry glared at the little creature. He wanted so desperately to hate the bastard, but he knew he couldn't. His gut told him that there was something off about Kreacher, and that he wasn't all right in the head. Not only that, but it would be incredibly hypocritical, especially considering who he was shagging. Hating Kreacher for his part in Sirius' death, yet forgiving Bellatrix for her definite, and Narcissa for her likely part in the same was about as irrational as the hatred Snape had held for him before he'd even met him.

He wouldn't hate him, but he'd have to think of something for him to do that would keep him out of his way until he could get over his feelings for the elf. Shagging Narcissa and Bellatrix had helped with his issues with them, but he couldn't see himself taking the same recourse with Kreacher. He would have liked to have a bit more time to put thought to things, but Kreacher's cries were getting even louder, and much more annoying.

"Shut it, Kreacher!" Harry snapped. To both his and Harry's shock, the elf fell silent, and he looked for a moment as if he were going to choke. Kreacher's hands shot to his throat, where long fingers grasped, his mouth still working furiously as his eyes bulged.

"Well that certainly simplifies things." As Kreacher continued throwing his tantrum silently.

"Yes, it does." Harry agreed, thinking of everything owning a House Elf would mean, as well as a way to make Hermione accept it.

"Well, now that that is settled, would you mind lending the Order your home for our headquarters?" Dumbledore asked, putting on his best grandfather look.

He certainly wasn't expecting, nor did he particularly like, the smirk Harry gave him. "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that I cannot."

"Why not?"

"Because the number of people that I know and trust in the Order is far less than the ones I don't." Harry revealed. "Not only that, but I refuse to give someone like Mundungus Fletcher unrestricted access to my home. I'm fairly sure he'll take every opportunity he can to sneak in, and steal everything that's movable.

"Harry, I trust Dung-" Dumbledore was quickly interrupted.

"Yes, and look where that got me last year. I'm sorry, but the fact that you so implicitly trust Dung and Snape- whose never made it a secret that he despises me for having the audacity to exist- means that I cannot trust you. And if I can't trust you, what makes you think I'm going to allow anyone from your group into my home unchaperoned."

"Now Harry, I'm sure-"

To Dumbledore's shock, Harry turned to the silent, but visibly fuming Kreacher. "Kreacher, lock down Grimmauld Place. I don't want anyone besides you, me, Hermione, and Dobby to be able to get in that doesn't have expressed permission from me, and you're allowed to use any force you deem necessary to follow my order." Kreacher glared at him for several seconds, before nodding his acceptance, and popping away; but not before Harry was able to get out. "Thank you, Kreacher."

Harry would likely have found the look of shocked awe, and slight adoration that fell across the elf's face as he popped away amusing had he not turned back to Dumbledore beforehand.

"Is that all, sir?" Harry asked.

"Are you sure that I cannot convince you to allow-"

"I'm sorry sir, but that would be like someone asking you to allow Rita Skeeter into your home without a leash and muzzle." Harry compared. "Not a truly threatening request, but an incredibly unwise one to agree to."

"I'm terribly sorry you feel that way," Dumbledore said, truly feeling said remorse. "-that will be all, thank you. Now I really must be going. I have to see if I can still convince Horace to take up his post again at Hogwarts."

To let him know the bridge wasn't completely burned- even if it was in serious disrepair, Harry decided to throw the man a small bone."If it'll help, you can tell him that I was curious about meeting him, and maybe some of his Auror or Quidditch oriented friends."

"Thank you dearly, Harry." Dumbledore gave a smile that all was not lost between the two. "I daresay that might help more than you realize. Though I will warn you-"

"Don't worry, he won't be adding me to his little collection." With that, Dumbledore undid his privacy charm, and exited the Burrow via the floo. Taking a moment to compose himself, Harry stood, and headed back into the kitchen.

"Harry dear, what did the professor want?" Molly asked as soon as he entered.

"He wanted to tell me that Sirius left me everything, and ask me if he could use Grimmauld Place as Order headquarters again."

"Oh, and what did you say?" Molly asked. Normally she'd have just assumed he did, but given the letters the past month, she had her doubts.

"I told him no." Harry answered. "To be perfectly honest, there's a lot of trust issues that need to be dealt with, the least of which is who he seems to implicitly trust. No offense to anyone else, but I don't want to chance someone like Mundungus Fletcher taking that permission as a blanket go ahead to loot my home as he sees fit, and I can't trust the headmaster to not stop it."

"I understand dear," Molly said, nodding. "-never did like that man anyway."

"Okay, now you have some splainin to do, Harry Potter." Hermione said.

"Yes, I'd like to hear how you explain those letters, your behavior, and cavorting with those two.....women." It was plainly obvious from her tone that she wanted to call them something else, but since Harry seemed fond of them, she didn't want to upset him.

"Well, I think I've done a lot more for the war effort than the Order has in the past two months."

"What's this?" Molly asked, unsure how his antics had actually helped the Light side.

"Let's see, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna, and I stopped Voldemort from getting the Prophecy, and we exposed that he was back. It might have been a trap, but we handled ourselves pretty well, and if it hadn't been for the fact that we weren't seasoned enough fighters to realize that stunning the enemy before we reduced their numbers was a bad fighting strategy, we would have probably been able to deal with them ourselves."

Molly huffed. Her opinions of children fighting were well known, but she'd already had this discussion with Hermione, Ron, and Ginny. She'd had it explained to her that the Death Eaters weren't going to leave them alone because she thought they were too young. She'd also been reminded that Harry was a major target of the Dark Lord- exchanged letters aside- and was forced to admit that Harry wouldn't be able to avoid fighting, and that the three teens would never abandon Harry. About the only way to truly keep them safe would be to feed them all Draught of Living Death, and lock them up in the tower of an impregnable castle under the Fidelius Charm with that hyper elf as the Secret Keeper. Well, if not the fighting, there was surely one thing she could make a stink about.

"And what of those two child molesters?" Harry almost snickered at how she was referring to Bellatrix and Narcissa.

"They're not child molesters, Mrs. Weasley, I'm past the age of consent."

"I'm well aware of that, but those two women are far older than you." Molly protested. "Bellatrix and Narcissa were both at Hogwarts when I was a student."

"So your problem is with their age, or would you have raised a fuss from the fact that I'm being intimate with someone regardless?"

"While I personally feel that you should wait until you're older to go all the way, Harry, if you had been with someone your own age like Ginny or Hermione," The two girls blushed, and Ron scowled. "-then it wouldn't have been so bad. I was young once too, you know, so I know what you're feeling, and the urges that come with puberty and growing up."

"Well, would it help if they're helping me to prove that the Sorting Hat may have had a reason for putting me into slytherin?"

"Well I can't see you having anything to do with blood purity crap, so do explain your ambitiously cunning plan." Hermione teased.

"Well, considering I shagged one of Voldemort's Inner Circle into wanting to defect, as well as the wife of another of his Inner Circle, I'd say I've got two very good sources of information inside his camp."

"But wouldn't You-Know-Who be suspicious of Bellatrix?" Ron asked. "I mean, she admitted to wanting to be your- sorry mum- cumdump."

"You would think so, but she's done a fair job of convincing him that the only interest she has in me is for the great sex." Harry revealed. "There's also the fact that over the course of our correspondence, he's seem to have mellowed out a bit. If things keep going as they have been, I may be able to rehabilitate and turn Voldemort himself from the Death Eater camp."

"Well I guess that's convenient." Hermione replied, to which Molly grumbled.

"It is, and aside from my war efforts, there's been some other good things about me sleeping with Bellatrix and Narcissa."


"You'd be amazed at what kind of psychological childhood issues shagging two women old enough to be my mum helped me deal with."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked confused. "How did that happen?"

"Well for starters, you won't have to worry about me flinching away when you try to hug me anymore." Harry said. "And as you probably noticed earlier, I'm more comfortable initiating physical contact as well."

So happy for her friend, Hermione wrapped him up into another tight hug, and smiled when his arms encircled her. She sighed, enjoying the feeling of love, warmth, and safety Harry's hug elicited, so much so that she was taken by surprise when Harry kissed the top of her head. Harry had never- as long as she'd known him- kissed her anywhere. Leaning back to stare him in the face, she gave him a look of askance.

"Many issues resolved, remember."

"Well as unsure as I was before, I have to say I approve of the results."

Much as Molly didn't want to, she found herself agreeing, and said as much "As much as I don't want to, I'm inclined to agree with Hermione, dear." Everyone else agreed as well.


Harry spent much of the rest of that evening, and most of the next morning reconnecting with his best friend, and his best mate; although the latter item was a bit difficult at first. Almost as soon as they'd been shooed off to bed, Ron decided it was time to confront Harry about his intentions towards Hermione. While he knew Harry was capable of pranks and practical jokes, the letters also implied that he wasn't completely joking. Little did they know, their conversation would be eavesdropped upon by Hermione and Ginny who'd come to say goodnight.

"Harry, mate, be honest with me, are you going after Hermione?" Harry gave a sigh, knowing that this conversation was coming after everything he'd said in those letters. He also knew that this wasn't going to be an easy one.

"No, Ron, I'm not going after Hermione," He started, noticing the look of relief on his friend. He really hated to burst that bubble. "-but neither will I resist if she decides to make a move herself." Seeing Ron's reddening ears, he decides to nip that explosion in the bud quickly. "Ron, despite what your familiar may suggest, I know you're not stupid. You and I both know that there's only one girl who truly knows what being with me would mean. One girl who knows the good, the bad, and the freakishly disturbing shite that encompasses my life. Who is that?"

As much as he wanted to say Ginny, he knew that wasn't true. There was only one person who knew Harry as well as could be know. Reluctantly, Ron admitted, "Hermione."

"Yes, I'll admit that she's a safe choice, a crutch if I'm really honest, but after everything, I just don't think I'd want my relationships to be a bloody battle as well."

"But what about Ginny."

"I'll admit Ginny is very hot, and I'm also sure that she could easily reach the point Hermione is at as far as knowing the ins and outs of the craziness that is my life, but she has a boyfriend. Besides, I don't think she even likes me that way anymore." Outside, both Hermione and Ginny rolled their eyes at that. "Look, I'm not saying that Hermione and I will get together, that's for her to decide. I'm just saying that if the opportunity presents itself, I'm not likely to turn it down. If you really like her, then do something about it, rather than just acting like a git every time a bloke shows interest in her."

The evening after Harry arrived found him hugging Hermione, Ginny, and Mrs. Weasley goodbye. He'd had Dobby return his trunk to Privet Drive a few minutes earlier, along with a message to Narcissa that he'd be back soon. He apologized for leaving so soon, but told them that he respected the Weasleys too much to have their home be the site of his personal battle with Dumbledore. Surprisingly, Molly understoods, and wished him good luck. They'd all graciously accepted Harry's invitation to come and visit him, and even volunteered to host a small sleepover for Ginny's birthday with the promise that there would be no promiscuous activities while Ron and Ginny were his guests.

Soon it was time to leave. Since as a bloke he really didn't want to be hugged up with Ron, and Hermione hated flying, it was up to Ginny to fly him to the edge of the wards. Of course, there was a bit of a detour before heading that way. Having always been a fan of Harry's flying, Ginny had wanted to experience it for herself, but wasn't exactly sure of her ability to pull off some of the things Harry did. Shrugging, Harry mounted the broom, and Ginny climbed on behind him. With a grin, Ginny scooting up close behind him, and wrapping her arms tightly around him. Harry shot off into the evening sky, a pleased grin on his face as he put Ginny's broom through its paces. Ginny whooped and cheered as Harry flew her around the Burrow's property like he did on the quidditch pitch.

After a few more rolling loops, Harry righted the broom, and directed it towards the ward boundary. Ginny let out a slightly content sigh as she snuggled up against Harry's back, her arms low around his waist to allow for the best grip. It was as they were nearing the treeline, that she felt something pressing against her forearm.

"Harry, is that what I think it is poking me in the arm?" She asked.

"Sorry, but after the week I've had, my body is starting to react to the opposite sex like a normal teenage male does." He answered. "And with your chest pressed into my back like that, well..."

Ginny gave a rather undignified snort of laughter, but let it least until they reached the ward line, and Harry brought the broom to a hover near the ground. Just as he was about to climb off, Ginny decided to let her inner deviant out for a bit. With a smirk Harry couldn't see, she reached between his legs, and gave the lump that had been pressing her arm a good fondling squeeze.

"Gin!" Harry exclaimed.

"Just sating a curiosity while I had the chance to. It really is quite big." As it stood, Ginny knew that Hermione was likely one good row with her brother away from deciding to take up Narcissa's suggestion. She'd seen the effects Harry's letters were having on the older girl- they were having the same sort of effect on her, and she had a boyfriend- and the absolute contentment on her face when Harry had held her the night before, right before he kissed her head, had been very telling.

Upon leaving the edge of the ward boundary, Harry quickly called the Knight Bus. Half an hour later, Harry arrived on Wisteria Walk, and quickly made his way over to Privet Drive. Having heard the telltale sound of the Knight Bus, Narcissa was already at the door waiting for him when he knocked. The door was quickly snatched open, and shortly after, Harry was pulled into the house by his collar and into a passionately heated kiss. While she'd have been content to strip right there in the hallway, and have Harry take her against the door, an impatient voice from the top of the steps derailed Narcissa's lecherous ambitions.

"I see someone is just as selfish as they were when we were girls." Bellatrix's teasing voice came, earning an oddly cute pout from the 40 year old blonde. "Now will you stop messing around, and bring boytoy upstairs? You know I don't have much time off for these kinds of things; what with the lessons I'm being forced to give your bratty son."


August 8

The morning of August 8, Dumbledore arrived at the Burrow, and in his gnarled hands were held four envelopes. Three of which held OWL results, while the last held the scores from end of year exams. Each OWL envelope also contained a list of available classes that each student had qualified for, as well as the book lists for each class they might decide upon. Upon seeing him, Molly immediately summoned the teens in the house, and Dumbledore found himself shocked when only three appeared.

"Excuse me Molly, but where's Harry?" With his attention focused on the matriarch, he missed the exceptionally amused looks the teens were giving the back of his head.

"I'm afraid that Harry has returned to his relatives." She answered with a straight face, feigning worry. "He said that he didn't want the Burrow to be the site of his quarrel with you. What did he mean by that, headmaster?"

With a deeply frustrated, and slightly annoyed sigh, Dumbledore headed to the fireplace after sending off a Patronus message. After fishing around for a couple knuts, he dropped them into the 'replace the floo powder' jar he'd insisted upon; especially after the Order meetings started taking place at the Burrow, and their supply of floo powder started getting used much more frequently than normal. Tossing a handful of powder into the fireplace, Dumbledore stepped in, called out Arabella's floo address, and disappeared in green flames. Stride unbroken, he stepped out and exited the house before swiftly making his way to #4 Privet Drive, not even bothering to change his robes into a suit like normal.

Upon reaching the house, he found Remus and Tonks already there waiting for him; both of whom looked decidedly amused. Something told him they'd be little to no help at all. The trio entered the Dursley home without so much as a 'by your leave', prompting Tonks to mutter viciously about the irony of how she'd broken more laws- specifically breaking and entering a Muggle home- since she'd joined the Order than she ever had previously. The three magicals- well, Dumbledore anyway- didn't bother with knocking on Harry's bedroom door, just simply barged in as if they owned the place.

Luckily, as a result of the night they'd spent with Narcissa's eldest sister, neither Harry nor his girlfriend were in a condition to shag that morning. As a result, after cleaning up, and a nice wake up cuddle/snog, they decided to resume his lessons, this time focusing on Potions. It was as they were going over the ingredient properties that could turn a healing draught into a poison, that they were interrupted by Dumbledore, Remus, and Tonks. The old man, who was still beyond awed at the new set-up of the room, stared in shock at Narcissa Malfoy in full on Professor mode. She was even dressed the part....well, she would have been if she were going for the insanely sexy Muggle teacher look.

"What's going on here?" Dumbledore asked.

"Well, since Severus has decided to screw over every nonSlytherin student he's ever had, I've been helping to catch Harry up in Potions." Narcissa replied. "I must say, Dumbledore, you allow that man far too much leeway in regards to his lessons. I find myself wondering if he is the reason why we have so few Potions Mastery apprentices, and increasinly fewer auror and healer applicants each year since he's been hired."

Dumbledore couldn't hold back the wince at that. He'd noticed the trend himself, but had been hoping there was another cause for it. Having someone else notice and point it out, well, it made him wonder if trying to hire Horace, and move Severus to Defense was such a good idea, especially in these dark times. Be that as it may, he was here for a reason....although, the academic in him couldn't help the curiosity of finding out how good a teacher the former Slytherin was.

"If you don't mind, may I sit in on the lesson?" Neither Narcissa nor Harry cared, so the three Order members conjured chairs, and took a seat. With that, the lesson resumed.

Tonks sat through the Potions lesson in near awe of her aunt's teaching ability. Having sat through only half an hour with her, and seven years of Snape, she could easily say that she'd have had less trouble with the subject if she'd had a professor like her. The scholar in Remus had damn near fallen in love with the woman as she instructed his friend's son. The professor in him was just as impressed with her ability and confidence as a teacher, as well as with how engaging her lesson was.

Dumbledore was in a state of entranced awe at what he'd seen; and he had to admit that she was most definitely a better teacher than Severus. Her method of discussing the potion they were brewing both before and after attempting it was certainly refreshing, and allowed for one to gain a better understanding of the brew upon seeing it first hand. Maybe he could hire Narcissa on to help tutor the students in Potions; and if he couldn't get Horace to accept the position, maybe he could hire Narcissa to instruct the first two years instead. It almost made him regret taking Harry away if he was getting this kind of tutoring...almost.

"I must say, I'm impressed with your teaching ability, Mrs. Malfoy." The aged headmaster said. "However, as much as I would like to leave Harry in your capable instruction, I must think of his safety first and foremost. As such, we must immediately relocate Harry."

"Am I going back to the Burrow?" Harry asked with a hint of annoyance. They were going to be working on OWL Runes after this, and he'd been admittedly looking forward to it; especially given how excitable Hermione had been about the subject last year. "Because unless you're putting a Fidelius Charm on it, then Privet Drive is actually much safer."

The three adults were shocked to realize that Harry was actually right, though Dumbledore hid it much better than the other two.

"I was thinking that we could relocate you to the old headquarters, along with your friends." Dumbledore replied. "It is much safer there, don't you think.

It would also make it easier to keep an eye on him. By providing less space for Harry to wander around unwatched, it would decrease the chances of him slipping away again. It would also possibly convince Harry to allow the Order use of the townhouse for its headquarters again, since there would be someone there to 'chaperone', as he said. Harry, who wasn't really about to argue with the senile old man, just shrugged. He hadn't unpacked anything, just for this reason, so it wasn't really a bother to have his trunk shrunk.

After a rather intense snog- which again had Tonks marveling at the strength of infidelity clauses in marriage contracts, and had her staring out the corner of her eyes at Remus with a hint of envy- and a whispered declaration to his lover that he'd be back within an hour, Harry followed the three adults away from Privet Drive. Arriving at #12 Grimmauld Place, the three wizards and one witch entered the home. Kreacher immediately appeared, ready to evict the trespassers, but Harry quickly informed him that they were to be given a temporary pass. He also decided to deal with Mrs. Black's portrait. Walking straight over, he snatches the curtains open, and spoke before the startled portrait could get going.

"Mrs. Black, I'm going to give you two choices." Harry said firmly. "Either you behave in a civil manner, or I'll get rid of you."

"You can't get rid of me," She started, only to be met by a deviously grinning Harry.

"I may not be able to pull your portrait off the wall, but that doesn't mean that I can't just get rid of the entire section of wall you're contaminating."

And just like that, she shut up, but not before. "Hmm, maybe you might be a worthy Clan Head after all."

"Well, now that that is settled, what say we get down to business." Dumbledore started. "Now, since you'll be here to keep an eye on things, I was hoping you might grant the Order permission to use Grimmauld Place as its headquarters, and to allow for a few Order members to relocate here, to help keep you safe."

"Hmm, okay, I'll allow a few Order members here." Harry agreed, shocking the three adults. Dumbledore recovered quickly.

"Thank you, Harry, we are most grateful." Dumbledore said, before reaching into his robes. "Before I forget, your OWL results, and Hogwarts letters. Be sure to contact Professor McGonagall about what classes you'll be taking for next fall by the twenty-fifth of August."

"Thank you, sir."

"Now if you will excuse me, I have a couple errands to run." Harry rolled his eyes, figure that the old guy was about to run out and find some 'trustworthy' order members to act as minders for him. As soon as Dumbledore left, Harry grinned.

"Kreacher," He called. The formerly crazed elf- who was rapidly regaining his sanity- appeared. "Kreacher, Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin are allowed to come and go as they please, so long as they understand that everything here belongs to me, and removing anything without my permission is akin to theft from an Ancient and Noble House."

"As young master wishes." Kreacher said, snapping his fingers, causing a soft green light to envelope the two remaining adults.

"But Harry didn't you just-" Tonks started, missing the exasperated sigh of amusement from Remus.

"I said that I'd allow a few Order Members to relocate here." Harry said, the grin not leaving his face. "You two are Order members, and I've allowed you to come and go as you wish. I never said anything about the entire Order. It's not my fault that he assumed."

"Heh, a prank worthy of the Marauders." Remus admitted.

"Thank you, and it will be an even better one if he comes back, and finds himself unable to enter." Harry said. "You're not going to ruin such a good prank, are you?"

"Don't worry, I won't." Remus promised. "While it's a bit late, I think you've gotten the hang of this teenage rebellion thing."

"Have to make up for lost time." Harry said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a sexy Runes teacher, and fifth year Runes to learn."

"You're leaving?" Tonks asked.

"Yeah, I have Runes tutoring scheduled, like I said." Harry said. "What, you didn't think spent all of our time shagging, did you?"


"Sure Narcissa, and Bellatrix to a lesser extent, are really randy women, but we don't just spend the entire day having sex." Harry said. "Like you saw when you came, she's been tutoring me as well. That classroom is not just there for show. We found that I have a natural gift with Runes, and with her reward system, in the couple weeks she's been visiting me, I'm already up to a fifth year Runes level. With my progress, she thinks I could take the OWLs by the end of summer."

"Oh, well then I guess I'd be a bad uncle figure if I tried to stunt your educational growth." Remus said.

"Thanks, and I'll see you later." Harry said, as he exited the house.

"You're just going to let him go?" Tonks asked.

"He's certainly safer at Privet Drive than he is here." Remus answered. "Besides, he's doing a lot better now than he was when we saw him at the start of the summer, and he seems to be happier than his early letters implied, so why not?"

"Huh, good point." Tonks said, before hinting quite strongly. "Maybe a good shagging is what we all need about now."

Unfortunately for Tonks, Remus seemed to completely miss the hint.


As for Harry, he casually made his way a couple streets over from Grimmauld Place, and called for the Knight Bus. Again, Harry hopped on, passing on the toothbrush, and made his return to Privet Drive. He'd barely made it onto the top step before the door opened to reveal his aunt, uncle, and cousin. He also noticed that they were all dressed up.

"Going out?" He asked.

"Dudley's report card came back." His aunt said. "We're going to celebrate."

"Did well, did you?" Harry said, smiling.

"Well, better than I could normally expect." Dudley replied honestly, and civilly, surprising everyone there.

"Good on you, then." Harry said, then patted his own pocket. "Just got my own GCSE's."

"You'll have to tell me how you did when we get back." His cousin said.

In a voice that bordered on gruff, and annoyed- and Harry had to hide his grin, and pretend he didn't see his aunt elbow his uncle- Vernon said. "Yes, we'd love to hear. Now if we can get going, we have a reservation."

Stepping aside, Harry watched his relatives pile into the car, and leave. Shaking his head at the craziness of having a civil conversation with his relatives, and the sheer insanity of any of his relatives taking interest in his life, Harry entered the home, and locked the door. Making his way to his bedroom, Harry opened the door to find Narcissa lounging in his bed with a book. From the way she was engrossed enough in it that she hadn't even noticed his return spoke of it being either very good, or of particular interest to her.

"Honey, I'm home." Harry called out teasingly. She barely spared him a glance- blowing him a kiss- before turning back to her book.

Deciding to just let Cissa enjoy her book, Harry sat down at the table, and pulled out the envelope that Dumbledore gave him. Opening the envelope, Harry pulled out his OWL scores. Giving them a look over, he found that he wasn't all that surprised by his scores. He'd scraped an OWL in Astronomy, he'd done poorly in History and Divination, he'd easily surpassed the bar in Defense, and everything else was an E. Seven OWLs with mostly E's wasn't bad considering that he wasn't exactly a model student. So what to sign up for next year.

Well first of all, he could scratch Potions, because he hadn't qualified for that class. He wondered if Dumbledore knew that Snape had such a large hand in there being so few auror and healer candidates. After all, requiring an O for his NEWT class, and then being such a piss poor professor almost guaranteed that there would be very few students taking NEWT Potions, and therefore very few candidates for Healer, Auror, and Potions Mastery Apprenticeships. Tch, knowing that senile old man, he probably knew, but thought that it was for the best somehow. Oh well, if he wanted to take the NEWT to screw with Snape, he could always get tutoring from Hermione and Narcissa.

That just left Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Care of Magical Creatures, and Herbology. In all honesty, he was really only interested in taking the first three. While Care of Magical Creatures had been interesting to say the least, he didn't think he could take another two years of the dangerous, vicious monsters that Hagrid liked to call 'sweet little beasties'. Given what they'd had the past couple years, he didn't even want to know what he'd be bringing them for NEWT classes. Then again, if he only took three classes, possibly four, he knew that Hermione would never let him hear the end of it. And the same could be said for Herbology as well. Oh well, he could always ask Neville for help in the latter, and maybe getting some tail from Madam Maxime will have tempered his love of dangerous beasts a little.

While he'd like to have taken Runes, he didn't have an OWL score that would qualify him, or even an attempt for that matter. That meant that he wouldn't be able to take the class....or would he? Maybe if he sent a letter to Professor McGonagall. With that in mind, Harry pulled some writing supplies out of the large desk in the room, and set about writing his letter.

Professor McGonagall,
I was wondering if it might be possible for me to take Runes starting next term. I am currently taking a very accelerated Runes tutoring course, and my instructor seems to think that I should be ready to test for my OWL by the end of the summer. If I were to take the OWL and score high enough, would be possible to keep that option open as a possibility?

Just as he'd finished his letter to his professor, Hedwig flew in through the open window. Harry grinned at his owl, only to receive a series of irritated barks which he was somehow able to interpret as meaning, 'Do you have any idea how tiring trying to keep up with your constant moving has been? You better be glad I love you, or I'd have just stayed at the bacon hut, and left you to fend for yourself for the rest of the summer. Even if I have to deal with the hyper flying rat, it's better than all of this useless running about.' How he knew that, Harry didn't know, and to be perfectly honest, he didn't want to. Still, Hedwig allowed him to tie the note to her, and left the way she came after a quick water break.

"She seemed upset with you." A teasing voice whispered into his ear, just before a pair of arms wrapped around his torso, a pair of full, round breasts pressed into his back, and a chin settled onto his shoulder. "What's this?"

"Seems nothing, she is." Harry answered. "And these are my OWLs. I'm writing to Professor McGonagall in the hopes that she'll let me take Runes if I can get the required OWL before the end of the summer."

"Hmm, if you keep improving, then it's doable." She said, then picked up his results. "You did alright, but I can't help but be a little disappointed in your History score."

"Well, I'm not all that bothered by it." Harry replied. "This is also the OWL I was taking when I got that vision from Voldemort about Sirius, so I was a little distracted by being in a fit. Besides, Binns' class is boring, and what I did learn from that class, I learned from Hermione and reading the books. You know, if I got mine, then Draco probably got his as well."

"Hmm, you're probably right." Narcissa admitted. "It has been awhile since I checked in on Draco, and I'm curious how he did." As Narcissa's hand slipped into his lap, she nibbled on his ear, and whispered. "I guess we'd better get started, then. Not only do we have a Runes lesson to get done, but you're going to have to give me a very thorough loving to last me while I'm away. Oh, and I'll contact Miranda in the testing center, and see if we can schedule old Professor Tofty to perform your Runes test."

"Thanks love, now let's get started."


When Dumbledore returned to Grimmauld Place an hour later, it was to find that he was once again barred from the premises. Unable to contact anyone inside, and not wanting to make a spectacle that would draw attention to the group standing in front of the townhouse, he apparated to the Burrow after dismissing the disgruntled group. Upon arriving, he found that he was given a surprisingly cold shoulder from the teens, as they quickly left the room without even acknowledging his presence. Heaving a great sigh, he turned to Molly.

"Would you mind if I used your floo to call upon Grimmauld Place?" He asked. Receiving permission, and again placing a few knuts into the sidedish, Dumbledore tossed a pinch in, and made his call.

In the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, Remus just so happened to be having himself a cup of tea, when the fireplace erupted into green flames, and Dumbledore's voice came through.

"Remus, would you mind retrieving Harry?" He asked. "I seen to have been barred from entering again, and I would need his permission to return."

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that." Remus replied.

"Remus, I know you take your duties toward Harry-"

"Actually, aside from that, I really can't do that." He said, grinning. "Harry's not here. Matter of fact, he left shortly after you did."

"And you let him go?" Remus, deciding that Dumbledore didn't need to really know that, answered.

"No, I offered to make a pot of tea for us and Tonks came to help me." He said. "Harry said he'd join us after he went to the loo. When he hadn't shown up after half an hour, I went to check on him, and Kreacher told me that the master had gone back to his female."

Heaving another great sigh, Dumbledore thanked the man, before exiting the fireplace to find Molly standing there. "Is everything alright, Albus?"

"It would seem that Harry has once again slipped his minders, and returned to Privet Drive." As he turned and headed towards the kitchen and backdoor, he missed the amused smile that slipped onto Molly's features. While she didn't approve of a woman Narcissa's age engaging in such acts with a boy Harry's age, she couldn't deny the good it had done for him, so was willing to look the other way for now. If any of her children brought home a woman that age, though....the frown that marred her features was telling of how she felt about that notion.


Upon returning to Privet Drive for the third time, Dumbledore was decidedly less amused by Harry's antics than he'd been before. He wasted no time entering the Dursley home, marching up the stairs, and bursting into the smallest bedroom, not caring in the slightest what state of dress Harry- or any of his guests, for that matter- were in. As it was, Narcissa had popped away only seconds before Dumbledore had arrived.

Entering the room, Dumbledore found Harry sitting at the ornate desk that now occupied the room. "Harry, at the end of term you asked me to treat you more like an adult. It is hard to do that when you behave this way."

"Actually, you just said that you'd stop hiding things from me." Harry replied. "And yet when I ask you questions, I seem to get the same evasive responses as I got before, only worded so as to seem that you've let me in. Besides, as much as you wanted to preserve my chance at a childhood, I thought you'd be happy that I'm acting my age."


"Or are you just annoyed that you've become the target of my teenage rebellion, rather than others?" Harry teased, before standing and facing him. "I'll tell you what, sir, I'll start acting more like an adult, but know that things aren't going to be the same. I'm not going to pretend to be a child to placate people's egos anymore. This means that I will be calling people- especially Snape- on their bullshit."

"I understand, Harry." Dumbledore replied, not realizing that he was included in that as well. "Shall we return to Grimmauld Place?"

"Sure, why not, and I'll even start showing some maturity by not running away again." He replied.

After heading out of the wards, Dumbledore apparated Harry to headquarters, and entered the building. Remus, who'd been coming from a side room, greeted them. Harry only spared him a nod before calling.

"Kreacher!" The elf immediately popped in. "Kreacher I'm reopening Grimmauld Place to the Order," Dumbledore smiled, while Kreacher scowled. Their expressions switched when he amended. "-but only conditionally."

"Harry?" Dumbledore asked, surprised when Harry turned to face him with a fiercely determined look.

"I'm allowing you to use my home as your headquarters, but that does not mean that I'm giving you free reign over it like Sirius did. First, unless there is an emergency meeting, I want to know when you're planning on having meetings."

"Harry-" Dumbledore started.

"No offense sir, but if I have plans for something like a friend's birthday, then I'm not going to be particularly happy about someone just randomly barging in, telling me to reschedule because they need to have a meeting."

"I understand." Dumbledore said.

"Second, you do not need the entire house to hold your meeting, just a single room. You can either use the room you used before, or choose a new one. If you continue to use the kitchen, then understand that I won't be banned from using it, meeting or not. If it's that much of a secret, you can alway use privacy charms."

Since Dumbledore was too shocked to respond at the moment, Remus asked the pertinent question. "Would you be opposed to loaning out a couple rooms?"

"Hmm, good point. The bedrooms on the first floor I'm willing to let out to you as a semi-dorm, or safehouse just in case. Since I don't see any reason for them to be elsewhere other than the first floor, I'll trust you to inform them of this restriction. Second, this free access to the house is open to everyone except for Mundungus Fletcher."

"Harry, Dung is a-"

"If you say that you trust that...thing, after what happened the summer before my fifth year, I will ban you and everyone else in the Order indefinitely." Harry snapped. "He is a lying drunk, and a thief, and he will undoubtedly steal anything he can get his hands on."

"I understand the distrust, but the information he can provide is valuable."

"Fine, I'll give him access, but you're responsible for his actions and behavior," Harry said, causing Dumbledore to sigh. "-however, there will be some severe restrictions on his admittance, and he won't be allowed inside until he returns everything he's already stolen from the house."

After some thought on the subject, and knowing that he could convince Mundungus to behave, Dumbledore agreed to Harry's terms. With the Order headquarters once again squared away, the headmaster went to the floo, and made a call to the Burrow. Harry could almost hear the relief in Dumbledore's voice when he informed the Weasleys that Harry was at Grimmauld Place, and that he would be staying there. From what he could overhear, Dumbledore was trying to convince Molly that she should wait a few days to allow Harry some time to get settled before sending the others to visit.

After everything they'd just discussed, he was still doing things his way without even considering anyone else's feelings. Oh well, he'd just have to revert to his rebellion, and show the old man the error of his ways. He could only hope that Hermione would decide to say bugger it all, and come visit him. The Weasleys were still too loyal to Dumbledore to defy him on something like this.


August 9

Harry got his first chance to make a nuisance of himself the very next day. Dumbledore had called an impromptu emergency Order meeting to discuss a trip to Diagon Alley for Harry Hermione, and the Weasley children to acquire their school supplies. One thing that Harry had noticed- and that Hermione and the others had confirmed, was that they always took at least two hours in a meeting, even if a solution to the topic of the meeting could have been figured out and decided upon within half an hour. Like he'd told Hermione before, the efficiency of the Order- and even worse, the Ministry- made it plainly obvious why Voldemort had been on the verge of winning the last time.

Waiting until they were an hour into their brainstorming session, Harry knocked politely, before entering the kitchen as if he owned the place- which frankly enough, he did. Having been the closest to the door, Tonks had been tasked with seeing who was at the door...though really, it should have been obvious who it was, as any other order member would have just barged in, and Harry was the only other person in the house. As such, she was standing just far enough away not to get smacked in the face when it swung open to admit the owner of the house.

"Tonks!" Harry cried, before running up to the slightly older witch, and wrapping her up in a tight hug. What happened next caused her face to burn a bright red. "Oh come on, cousin. Give us something for a proper-like snuggle." Harry grinned innocently from her bosom- where he'd quitely blatantly snuggled- as he angled his head just a bit to see Tonks' bright red face. Her narrowed eyes, almost made him let go.

"That better?" Tonks asked as her bust area shifted, earning a severe frown from Harry.

"You're evil, you know that?" Harry muttered from the depths of Tonks' replica of Molly Weasley's freckled bosom. Now while Harry was as fond of big breasts as much as the next bloke, Mrs. Weasley had mythical mum boobs. Unfortunately, mum boobs weren't exactly what a bloke wanted to snuggle against when they were hugged up with a hot witch, and didn't need that mummy hug. "Pure evil."

No one moved or made a sound as Harry disengaged the young auror, and went about fixing himself something to eat. They waited quietly and patiently while Harry did his business, hoping that once he'd finished fixing his meal, he'd leave so they could continue. Dumbledore had a feeling that things wouldn't be that easy. Harry was rebelling, and hadn't taken his earlier actions very well. Therefore, he decided to just continue on with the meeting. After all, it wasn't like Harry wasn't going to be given the details of the meeting in a few days anyway.

Dumbledore tried to get the meeting back in swing, but Harry sitting at the opposite end of the table of Dumbledore was certainly a elephant in the room. It certainly made for an awkward atmosphere, but still, no one said a word. They had remembered that Harry had allowed them the use of his home for their headquarters, as well as the rules and conditions regarding their use. Most of them liked or respected Harry enough that they were willing to agree, and most of the others had decided to go along with it as a respectful gesture as guests in another person's home. There was one person, however, who refused to do so.

Normally, Severus Snape- while horribly biased- could be a very sure-minded and logical individual. Sadly, when involved in anything dealing with Potters, a red mist seemed to descend over his head, and all reason and common sense just seemed to vacate his person. While he would have been willing to respect the rules of another person's home- as he had a fair few in regards to his own- he refused to be dictated to by not only an arrogant brat, not only an arrogant Gryffindor brat, but especially not the spoiled, arrogant, Gryffindor, spawn of James Potter.

Giving his most potent sneer, the one that always seemed to bother the brat the most, Snape spat. "Your presence is not wanted or needed here, Potter. Please do us all a favor and leave."

Unfortunately, getting laid had made Snape's attitude seem rather childish and petty. It certainly helped him keep his cool when responding to the man's barbs. "Actually, it's your presence that is being reluctantly tolerated in my home, professor. If you- or anyone else, for that matter- have a problem with my house rules, you're more than welcome to make yourselves scarce."

"You arrogant little-" Snape was quickly cut off by a very stern Dumbledore.

"Severus-" The man's mouth snapped shut. "-remember that we are guests in Mr. Potter's home. As such, we must abide by his rules, just the same as you would expect of guests in your own home."

Snape's menacing black eyes shot to Potter, expecting the arrogant brat to be giving him a look of smug satisfaction. To his astonishment, the boy wasn't paying him the slightest attention, but had returned to his paltry meal. To his own great surprise, Severus Snape didn't know which scenario would have bothered him more. Potter's smug look as he was chastized by the headmaster, or the current scenario featuring Potter ignoring him as if he wasn't there, or was too insignificant to bother acknowledging. With a vicious sneer, Snape resolved to avenge the insult during the school year where the boy couldn't fight back. He would take great joy in tormenting the brat, and making him suffer in his 'favorite class' as soon as Dumbledore conned Slughorn into returning.

Eventually, the Order was able to continue their meeting despite Harry's presence. It helped that Harry didn't feel the need to impose himself or his opinions upon them...even if he had come up with several different- and most of them better- alternatives to what the Order came up with. Seriously, some of the shadowing and guard plans they came up with were unnecessarily complicated, much like their plan to bring him to headquarters the year before when he thought about it.

Why didn't they just portkey him somewhere, go a bit aways under disillusionment, and apparate to where Grimmauld Place was? Flying the way they had would have given them plenty of time to pick up a tail, and regardless of the numerous switching of directions, and persistent tail would have easily been able to follow them. Not to mention, all of the floo calls and travel, plus the Order members portkeying and apparating to and from Grimmauld Place, it's not as if moving Harry the same way would have made much of a difference.

As luck would have it, Harry's next chance to make a nuisance of himself came after the meeting was over. While Harry actually liked Tonks, and didn't want to do this at her expense, she was the only person who might play along with the joke, and honestly, he couldn't just let that prank with the Molly boobs stand. Harry didn't know why she'd been leaning over, but aside from appreciating the rather spectacular view, this was almsot like a sign from the heavens. It was almost as if the woman's amazingly delectable rump- something that he was starting to think came standard on Black women- was sitting there screaming, 'smack me, I know you want to'. And Harry really did want to. Drawing his arm back to get some torque behind it, he swung forward.

Whack! ...came the sound of Harry's hand colliding with Tonks' behind, followed by a firm squeeze of the amazingly firm, yet still fairly pliable tush meat. Did he mention before just how bloody amazing her arse was, and how spectacular arses had to have been genetic. Given how famulous Bella and Cissa's bottoms were, he was fairly certain that the Blacks married their cousins not for the purity of their blood, but to ensure that the gorgeous booties prevalent in their witches bred true.

"Brilliant!" Harry whispered in awe as he gave Tonks' beautiful behind another molesting squeeze.

Hair and eyes flashing red, Tonks turned to Harry. "Harry, did you just smack and squeeze me on the arse?"

"Yep." He replied easily, giving her a moments pause. "I wasn't allowed to bring Narcissa with me because no one trusts her. Since I'm being isolated from my friends again, and I'm gonna die from boredom soon enough anyway, I figure I may as well go out on my own terms; maybe get a little happiness out of it too. Hell, I would have snuck up behind you, and grabbed your boobs while grinding my winky into your delightful derriere, but I figured that might have been a little overboard, and rather than kill me quick, you'd have probably drawn it out painfully. By the way, you have a really, really, really spectacular arse."

Not really sure how to respond, Tonks just turned, and walked out of the kitchen. Turning back to the other Order members, who were still loitering in his kitchen for some reason even if the meeting had been over for nearly twenty minutes, Harry shrugged.

"Well bugger, I think I might have shorted out her brain." Harry said addressing them. Giving the other female Order members a devil may care grin, he asked. "So which of you lovely ladies' bum does a bloke have to smack to get brutally, but swiftly, murdered around here?"

While Harry was down in the kitchen trying to convince one of the women to give him a free swing at their rumps, Tonks had left the kitchen, and headed straight to the library where she knew Remus was. Upon reaching it, she locked the doors, cast several privacy charms, and sat in Remus' lap.

"Don't talk, just listen." She ordered, seeing him about to protest. "Getting spanked is a serious, and I mean extremely serious turn on for me. Now, while I'm sure he just did it to be an annoyance, it doesn't change the fact that when Harry smacked me on the bum a few minutes ago, it jump started my engine, and now I'm horny as all get up. This is your last and only warning. Either shag me right here and now, or I'm going to drag Harry off and find out for myself what my aunt has been bragging about."

It should be pretty obvious what Remus' decision was. Yep, you guessed it. Harry had a hot night with a sexy Metamorphmagus. Luckily for a certain wolf, insanely brilliant, amazing sex wasn't enough to change Tonks' mind about pursuing him. Though to be honest, it was more than likely Harry's comment of 'finding a way to get her mum in the sac to complete the set' that worked in Moony's favor. Otherwise, it was very possible that he'd have had three out of the last four living Black females- well, the ones that people were most familiar with anyway.


August 10

Early the next morning, as he, a severely blushing in embarrassment Tonks, and Remus ate a hearty breakfast prepared by Harry- Molly had brought some stuff for the cooler and pantry with her the evening before, before reminding Remus to go grocery shopping since Harry wasn't supposed to leave the safety of the house- the floo activated, and Molly's voice came through.

"Harry dear?" She called. "Have you eaten, yet?"

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley." Harry replied. "I actually made breakfast this morning. Thanks her for the groceries, by the way. Remus is heading out to the grocer after he finishes his breakfast."

"That's good, dear, you really are too thin." She said. "Hermione wished me to tell you that she, Ron, and Ginny will be through after they finish their own breakfasts."

Less than a half hour later, Hermione came out of the fireplace, homed in on Harry, and all but tackled him as she hugged him like she hadn't just seen him two days ago. Ginny comes through shortly after, and rolled her eyes at the Atomic Hug- as she'd come to call Hermione's hugs for Harry.

"Hey Harry, Ron will be through once he's done eating," Both grinned, knowing that with his appetite, that could be awhile. "You know, I kind of wish I wasn't dating Dean right now."

"Oh?" Harry asked.

Ginny gave him a mischievous grin. "Since mum has decided to allow us a measure of independence," Although really, she only allowed them to join him there since Remus- whose a responsible adult she can trust- and Tonks will be there to chaperone, and keep them out of trouble, "-this would be the perfect chance to snog the life out of you without having to worry about my mother interrupting. It certainly would have made for a a spectacular birthday gift."

"I guess it's too bad that you are dating, as I'd have certainly been happy to give you a steamy birthday snog." Harry teased her.

"What about your girlfriends?" She teasingly replied. "Are you sure they'd be okay with you snogging another woman?"

"Have you forgotten what Narcissa had me write in one of those letters?" Harry reminded her. "I'm fairly certain that they'd have been encouraging me to snog both you and Hermione, and would have probably tried to convince me to completely seduce you."

"Right...ahem, anyway," Ginny stutterd, deciding to change the subject before she was tempted to cheat on her boyfriend. "-mum wanted me to remind you to eat three square meals, and to even cook for, and feed you, if necessary."

"Don't tell me she's recruiting help, now." Harry groaned.

"Yep, I've been deputized since she isn't coming to stay." Ginny revealed. "She'll be here for Order meetings and for the evening of my birthday, but she's decided to allow us some independence like I said before.

"Are you sure?" Harry asked. "I don't mind if she, Arthur, Bill, and Fleur join us too."

"I think she just wants the chance to have dad mostly alone." Ginny said, before shuddering. "I think your letters to the Order this summer might have reawakened her libido, and she decided to get rid of us, so that she and dad have full use of the house for their naughty business. Even if it is at the expense of giving Bill and Fleur time to mess around."

"Okay, that was information about your parents that I really didn't need to know." Harry muttered, before turning to the witch still clutching him, and teasing. "You plan on letting go anytime soon?"

"Sorry, but it feels really nice having you hug back like this." Hermione admitted, letting go.

"It's okay, I have to admit your hugs are a bit addictive too." He then turned a grin on the two witches. "So, who wants to learn Occlumency?"

Both witches stared at him in shock before Hermione asked the pertinent question. "When did you learn? How did you learn? Who taught you? I thought that Snape's lessons opened your mind up more."

"I learned it and Leglimency from Voldemort this summer. I learned via the link from the scar, and they did. He even told me that whoever taught me should be gelded, because to get the damage my natural shields were in, I would have had to be repeatedly assaulted by a violent and brutal Leglimency attack."

"Wait, so you can read our minds now?" Hermione asked with a gasp.

"No, I'm not so great with passive Leglimency yet." Harry admitted. "I can really only do active Leglimency, but I can tell when someone is lying to me, now."

"Okay, but promise that you won't go delving into thoughts and memories all willy nilly." Hermione said, knowing there were some thoughts and memories- especially recent ones- that she didn't want him seeing.

"I won't." Harry agreed. "We'll start with something simple, like helping you clear your mind of distracting thoughts. Then we'll start on organizing your mind so that only you know your way around. Then we'll work on shields to protect from passive intrusions like Snape is so fond of. And before you ask, yes, it is illegal, and why he's always trying to glare people in the eyes."

When Ron showed up half an hour later, and found Hermione and Ginny sitting on the floor in the library- apparently sleeping while sitting up- he asked what was going on. Upon finding out that Harry was teaching them Occlumency, he'd decided that extra summer work wasn't something he wanted a part of. His mind changed when Harry mentioned that Snape liked to venture into people's minds. Ten minutes later found Ron sitting on the floor with the other two. When the lesson ended for the day, it turned out that Ron had had a much easier time of clearing his mind than the other two. Ginny of course had teased her brother saying that it was easy to clear ones mind when there was nothing up there to begin with.

The four teens spent the day together, enjoying each other's company, and even teasing or hinting at what Ginny might be getting for her birthday. While it wouldn't be a big affair, they were still planning- or at leas Molly was- on having a party at headquarters for family and friends; namely Neville and Luna in the latter category. It was a good day, with a nice cheery atmosphere despite the dreary townhouse, with an anticipation of the next day. That cheer was dwindled in the face of Pig showing up with a letter for Ginny. That letter was to inform them that her birthday get together would either have to be postponed until later that evening, or canceled outright, because Dumbledore wanted to have an Order meeting.

The glare that came across Harry's face caused the other three teens to wince.

"Who does that geriatric think he is, deciding to just cancel your birthday so he can have his meeting?" Harry asked. "With all the rooms in the house, we could easily do both. Not only that, but I highly doubt that the meeting is all that important that it can't be postponed, since it's not even an emergency meeting."

"It's okay Harry," Ginny said, even though her disappointment was obvious. "-I understand."

"No, we're having your party, the Order can go bugger itself for all I care." Harry replied. "I told Dumbledore from the start that I would allow him to use the kitchen for Order meetings, but I made it clear that I wouldn't tolerate him trying to take over the house like he owned it the way he'd done with Sirius."

"Harry, I don't like that look." Hermione said. "You're not going to do something crazy, are you?"

The smile he gave her, she liked even less.


August 11

"Harry James Potter, put some clothes on!" Hermione exclaimed early the next morning, her face red as a cherry upon Harry exiting his room wearing absolutely nothing but a grin.

"No, I don't think I will. I'm in my own home, and it's Ginny's birthday, so I'm wearing my bloody birthday suit. Besides, I'm not about to let Dumbledore ruin Ginny's birthday party by swarming the house with Order members for a meeting." Hermione frowned at his language, but didn't bother correcting him.

Not that she wasn't inclined to do so, but she was far more distracted by Harry's state of undress. Seeing Harry in the buff was bringing back memories of a particular dream she'd been having about him ever since a certain letter had arrived. Darn him, and his mention of whip cream bikinis, and now that she had seen him naked, said dream was only likely to get even more vivid since she now had accurate visuals to work with. It certainly didn't help matters that just half an hour after she'd arrived at Grimmauld Place after her work shift, Tonks had approached her, pulled her aside, and strongly suggested that she marry Harry. Nor did it help that Harry's rather huge willy was dangling very teasingly less than a meter in front of her, and she was having to strongly resist the urge to reach out and grasp it.

"My nudity doesn't bother you, does it Hermione?" She almost glared at him hearing the blatantly teasing tone to his voice.

"Of course not," She bluffed. "Nothing I haven't seen before." Although admittedly, what she'd seen had been her little cousin who was going through his toddler nudist phase, and was no where near the size of Harry's. Apparently the need for Granger toddlers to remove all of ones clothing, and parade around in the buff was something of a tradition. She'd been horrified to learn that the length of her nudist phase had lasted longer than any other Granger save her great uncle Clifford, who eventually joined a nudist colony.

"Oh really? Do tell." Hermione blushed.

"It's none of your business." She said. "Besides, you should be more worried about what Ginny and Ron will do when they see you."

"I plan on asking Moony to charm me so that he, Tonks, you, Ron, and Ginny won't see anything." Harry said.

"I doubt Ginny will want you to." Hermione joked. "She'll probably consider it a spectacular birthday present, and ask you to stay like that the whole day."

When the two teens arrived at the kitchen, they were surprised to find that Remus was the only one awake. As a matter of fact, he didn't seem to have even been to bed. Looking up from his cup of tea with bloodshot eyes, he gave a tired smile.

"Morning Harry." Immediately upon seeing Harry, he woke and was alert. "Is there a particular reason you're walking around naked?"

"I figure this is a pretty good birthday present for Ginny- arrogant as that sounds." Harry said. Hermione just rolled her eyes, as she went and got herself a cup, before sitting, and pouring herself some tea. She noticed that she'd been doing that a lot recently, and nearly every time had been caused by Harry Potter.

"You know that Molly is going to throw a fit." Remus said.

"Which is why I plan on being dressed by the time she and Mr. Weasley get here." Harry said. "Also, I need your help with a prank on the Order."

"What kind of prank?" Remus asked, his inner Marauder curious despite having been suppressed as he'd gotten older.

"Well, I'm pretty sure the Order doesn't want to see me naked, so if they're going to impose themselves upon my home for a meeting that ruins Ginny's birthday party, then they'll just have to deal with seeing me in the buff. Given how stuffy most of them are, I doubt that they'll be able to ignore me being like this."

"That's certainly true."

"That's why I was hoping that you could charm my clothes so that only certain people would be able to see that I was wearing them."

"And everyone else would be seeing you bare." Remus said. "Who all are you planning on keying into your prank; certainly myself I hope."

"Aside from Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, there's you, the twins, Ron, and then Hermione, Tonks, and Ginny if they want to." Sitting next to Harry with her teacup hovering near her mouth, Hermione wasn't sure whether she wanted to be keyed in, or if she wanted to enjoy the next several hours of Harry's nudity. "For now though, I was wondering if you could Charm me so that only girls could see me Full Monty. Don't think Ron really wants to see the goods."

"You're probably right." Remus said, grinning at the blushing Hermione, as he cast the necessary magic. Thinking back on a night over a decade ago, just a few weeks before the attack. Lily had been changing Harry's nappie, and made rather amusing comments to her son. While he wasn't sure how much of it was the Potter family curse, and how much of it was Lily's 'awesome genetics', she'd been right that he would be packing.

"Well, I'll get started on breakfast." Harry said. "Now where's that apron; because I certainly don't want any accidents."

Half an hour later, the smells of bacon, sausages, eggs, and hashbrowns brought two bleary eyed redheads down the stairs Because his focus was solely on filling his belly, Ron completely missed a rather glaring fact as he piled his plate. Ginny, on the other hand, didn't. Her eyes immediately focused on Harry, and his state of undress, hidden only by the apron that he was still wearing as he brought the food to the table. Her mouth hung open in a state of shock, and her face rapidly turned red at what was only just hidden beneath the apron.

"Morning you two, Happy Birthday Gin." Harry said as he removed the apron, and took his sweet time moving to the table. Without any input from her brain, Ginny's eyes followed Harry across the room until he sat down at the table. "You planning on eating, or are you just going to stand there drooling."

Embarrassed by her reaction, though really it was understandable, Ginny wiped the dribble from her chin, and hurried to the seat next to Hermione. It wasn't surprising that this seat, and the one next to it gave a clear view of Harry. Ginny had never been more happy for the presence of a dressing gown, as one of her reactions to Harry's nakedness would have been plainly visible.

It wasn't until after breakfast that Harry's nakedness was mentioned again. Noticing that everyone was pretty much finished- even Ron had slowed down to casually munching on a piece of bacon- Harry stood and gave a stretch, putting all of his forward charms on display. Ginny stared wide eyed at Harry for several moments, before bolting from the table. She wouldn't be seen again for another two hours, when she came back down showered, dressed, and still slightly flushed. While she wouldn't have such a strong reaction again, she did make a point to be wherever Harry was as much as possible, and made no effort to hide the fact that she was staring when she did.

Hermione, who was also getting herself an eyeful, licked her suddenly dry lips, before blushing, and looking away. Harry was certainly making it difficult to stick with Ron as her chosen partner, or at the very least remain on the fence. Ignoring the sight to his left, Remus instead took a fair amount of amusement from the two girls' reactions. Ron on the other hand.... With a full belly, Ron Weasley was now awake and alert; which meant he was focused enough to notice how Harry was dressed- or rather, not dressed.

"Harry, are you naked?" He asked.


"Why are you naked?" Ron asked, his eyes flashing quickly to Hermione to see how she was being affected, and he didn't like the deep red he could see on her cheeks.

"I need to get used to being naked in front of people," Harry answered smoothly. "Since the Order thinks they can come and force their presence on us, and ruin Ginny's birthday and party, I'm going to ruin their meeting by forcing my naked presence on them."

Ron's eyes narrowed for a moment, before he just shrugged. "Long as I don't have to see your bits. Though you might want to cover up before mum gets here. She's not going to be so forgiving about you being naked in front of Gin."

"Moony and I have got that covered." Harry said. And with that, Harry's naked day began. Later, Ginny would confess to Harry that she'd thoroughly enjoyed her birthday present, and that it had been the single best birthday she'd had to date.


Hours later, just a few minutes before the Order was to arrive, Harry went to his room to put his clothes on. Upon finishing dressing, he sought out his partner in crime for the prank, and they began casting the necessary spells. Harry made sure to key in Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, as well as Remus, Tonks (at her own request), as well as Ron. It was fairly obvious that Ginny didn't want to be keyed in. So long as she looked but didn't touch, then she didn't feel like Dean would mind. To Harry's surprise, Hermione decided not to be keyed in as well. Harry accepted her argument that she'd already gone through most of the whole day with him naked, and it was pointless to do so now.

Just as they'd finished, the various Weasleys arrived. Molly immediately sought Harry out, but found herself distracted by the decorations created by Dobby. The first members to arrive for the meeting were actually Bill and Fleur. Upon entering the room, the pair found Harry standing at a table laden with food and treats. Hearing the door to the kitchen open, Harry turned to address the newcomers, and found Bill and Fleur entering. The young woman- whose attention had been on her future husband- turned to their host, and immediately froze upon seeing Harry.

"Mon Dieu!" She exclaimed in a loud, yet somehow breathy voice.

Almost as if a switch had been fllipped, Fleur's breathing became increasingly heavy until she panting. As she stared at Harry, her eyes began flashing with lust, her arousal ignited and rapidly increased to dangerous levels, and she starting to lose control of her alluring aura- her Veela side was very interested in what she was seeing, her fiance be damned. Realizing the thought that had just run through her mind, Fleur regained some of her composure, but knew that in her current condition, she needed to release these pent up desires, and soon. Turning to her husband-to-be, she gave him a piercing stare.

"I do not care about what you muzzer thinks, or about propriety; I will 'ave you now."

"But Fleur, what about the meeting, Ginny's birthday?" Bill asked.

Fixing a lustfully fiery glare onto her love, the French quarter Veela growled. "William, I will 'ave you, or 'arry will replace you until my desires 'ave been satisfied. Take your peeck."

Turning to the home's owner, Bill questioned. "Harry, a room please."

Harry couldn't help the grin that alighted his face. When faced with such a choice, the answer really was obvious. "Second floor, any of the first three rooms on the right side of the landing. Make sure you put up some privacy charms, and clean up after yourselves. Regardless of their disposition, I wouldn't want to impose that kind of mess on poor Kreacher."

Nodding, Bill pulled a package from his robes, and handed it to Harry. "Ginny's gift, make sure she gets it." And less than a second later he was being dragged up the stairs by a randy witch. As it would happen, they shoved roughly past someone on their way up the stairs.

"Geez, what's their hurry?" Tonks groused.

"I might have forgotten about Bill and Fleur when we were keying people into the prank." Harry admitted.

"Let me guess, she saw you trouser basilisk, her kinky inner-Veela reacted, and now Bill's gonna get his brains shagged out?"

"Pretty much." Harry shook his head. "I mean really, you'd think she'd never seen a large penis before."

"How do you know she's had any experience at all?" Tonks admonished. "You shouldn't assume. Besides, even if she has, it's possible she's never seen one that big before. Seriously, you're huge even by pornstar standards."

However Harry may have answered, would go unknown, as Molly Weasley found her way to the kitchen. She stopped short upon seeing the veritable feast set on the table. Kreacher had really outdone himself, and Harry couldn't help thinking that maybe he'd underestimated the elf. When they got to the sitting room where Dobby had set up the decorations for Ginny's party, they'd find that he'd done the same. Shocked beyond belief, she pulled Harry into a hug, and thanked him. She'd not had the chance to prepare anything since she'd been told by Dumbledore that they'd not be able to have a party due to the Order meeting that evening.

"This is amazing Harry, but you do realize that the Order will need this space." Mrs. Weasley said.

"Mrs. Weasley, Dumbledore and I have an arrangement where he's supposed to let me know when he needs to use my facilities for his meetings." A voice suddenly sounded from the doorway.

"That is true, unless there was an emergency." Dumbledore said. "We seem to be in the midst of one of those. Ah, a very lovely spread you have here, Harry. You needn't have done so on our account."

"I didn't, this is for Ginny's party." Harry said. "Your group has half an hour to deal with your emergency, then you have to go, because I'll not be postponing the party any longer than that."

"Don't mind us, Harry." Dumbledore said.

"I hope you don't mind me sitting in on the meeting, because frankly I don't trust your people not to help themselves, and some of this can't be taken up stairs until later."

Dumbledore didn't look like he wanted to, but he did remember that he was borrowing someone else's home, and that the terms he'd agreed to were reasonable enough that he couldn't really complain. Finally, he nodded his agreement.

To Harry's surprise, the meeting actually had been an emergency; enough of one that they didn't even bother trying to hide it from him. Feeling sort of guilty, Harry decided to have Tonks remove the spellwork on his clothes before the others showed up. Apparently, Emmeline Vance had gone missing from her home almost two weeks ago, and no one had known about it since she'd been taking some vacation time, so hadn't been expected at work. While there were the obvious signs of a struggle, Death Eaters weren't responsible for it. For one, Snape had confirmed that the only mission assigned at the meeting the night before the attack had been the hit on Dolores Umbridge; and for two, there wasn't a Dark Mark above her home.

Emmeline had showed up the morning before at Saint Mungo's with a broken arm, what looked to have been a mild, but recently healed concussion, and some deep tissue bruising. She'd been the victim of a robbery, but the surprising thing had been what they were after. To her, as well as everyone else's shock, they'd only been after her recliner. Sixteen minutes after it started, the meeting broke up, with Dumbledore instructing everyone to keep their ears open for information.

The meeting taken care of, those that had been invited began heading up to the sitting room where the party was to commence. Those that hadn't been found themselves slightly disappointed that they'd be missing out on the great eats that were sitting tantalizingly on the table in front of them.

The party itself was a bit subdued, but only because given the present company, there really wasn't much risk of hijinx aside from the twins. That's not to say it was dull. The party was still a lively affair for a family get together, and everyone enjoyed themselves. Ginny even smiled a little smile knowing that because of Remus' spells, she was now the only one who could see all of Harry as part of her birthday gift. And speaking of gifts, after cutting the cake, and a rousing rendition of singing Happy Birthday, it was time to open presents.

Ginny found herself with a rather nice haul that year. Her parents, Bill, and Charlie had all chipped in to buy her a top of the line Chaser broom. Given that she planned to try out for one of the recently opened Chaser slots on the Quidditch team that year, it was definitely a great gift. She'd also gotten a charming necklace from Bill and Fleur that held a small scarab pendant. Little did she know the amount of work her future sister-in-law had but into that pendant. It was charmed out the wazoo to protect against theft, and even minor jinxes up to, and including, the Stunning Spell.

Fred and George had gifted her a small bundle of fur that had their mother nearly spitting vitriol. Apparently, illegal breeding of creatures was a capital offense. Luckily, they'd been smart enough to procure a license before creating what they'd called Pigmy Puffs. Ginny named the little purple furball Arnold. From Harry, aside from getting to see him naked all day, she got a coupon for Quality Quidditch Supplies. With that, she'd be able to afford all new pads and other assorted equipment an aspiring Chaser might need if she made the team. Hermione gave her a book on hexes to complement her devastating Bat Bogey. Even Ron had saved up some pocket change, and gotten his sister a small block of her favorite fudge from Honeydukes. Thankfully, she happened to prefer the inexpensive kind.

She'd also received gifts from three highly unexpected sources; sources that put much of the group on edge. Ginny was entirely surprised that she got a gift from Narcissa and Bellatrix, and another from Voldemort of all people. They'd been even more alarmed, when Dobby informed them of the elf who'd popped in to deliver the two gifts while everyone was in the midst of celebrating. Once Bill had confirmed that none of it was hexed or charmed in anyway, she was allowed to open the two gifts. Once Ginny opened her gifts, Molly Weasley was spitting vitriol at another gift her daughter received, but for an entirely different reason.

From Harry's two girlfriends, and as an apology for the diary Lucius had slipped her four years prior, Ginny received a Wedding Night Kit. Her face went redder than a fire engine when she saw what was inside the box, and realized that it was indeed a full kit; complete with stamina and contraceptive potions under stasis, as well as some sexy lingerie, and a gauzy, negligee. It was obvious who'd actually picked out the garments, because they all seemed to perfectly accentuate her petite, pale features, and didn't clash at all with her hair color.

To everyone's shock, she'd also received a gift from Voldemort himself. His gift had been an apology for what his diary had done to her, and him admitting that he understood how much of a twat he'd been at 16 was shocking in itself. He'd somehow procured a league standard Quaffle signed by all the Holyhead players, though no one wanted to wager a guess as to how he'd pulled that off. Surprisingly enough, aside from the broom, and seeing Harry naked, Voldemort's gift was one of her favorites.

Once she'd calmed down from seeing the two gifts, Molly couldn't help remembering a comment that Harry had made to the headmaster. "Corrupting influence, indeed."


August 12

The Twelth of August found Harry taking away from his friends to meet with Albus Dumbledore and Mundungus Fletcher. In all honesty, Harry didn't want the foul smelling man in his house, and the real reason he'd required Dung to return everything he'd stolen before being allowed back in was in the hopes that he wouldn't be able to pull it off. Unfortunately, and Kreacher had even confirmed it, Dung had indeed been able to find and reacquire everything that he'd stolen. About the only consolation he'd gotten was that it had cost the drunken thief a pretty penny to do so, far more than what he'd made off the stuff in the first place.

Now he was in a meeting with the Dumbledore and his thief discussing the terms by with Dung would be allowed in the house for meetings- Harry sporting a Bubblehead Charm courtesy of Dumbledore. Deciding that Dung had at least fulfilled his end of the bargain, Harry figured he'd allow the man access, but it would be very restricted access, regardless of what Dumbledore wanted. As a matter of fact, mybe he'd extend this restriction to the entire Order.

"Alright sir, I'll grant Dung access for meetings, but there are going to be a few conditions." Harry informed them. Seeing the frown on Dung's face, he knew he was doing the smart thing. "First, you are to go straight from the front door, to the meeting area in the kitchen. You are not to stray anywhere else; absolutely no side trips for any reason. If you have to use the bathroom, then either hold it, or go before you get here. Second, you will not take anything from the house that you did not enter it with. Just so you know, the house will be warded to alert me if he- or anyone from the Order- does happen to do so; so no borrowing things without my permission."

"Now Harry, is that really necessary?" Dumbledore asked. "Do you trust us so little?"

"Yes it is, as he's already proven, and sadly no I do not trust you as much as I'd like to." Harry admitted. "You've dropped the ball as it pertains to me more times than I'm comfortable with. Not only that, but you implicitly trust two people that I absolutely do not, which makes me call into question you decision making. Now, I won't have you followed, because you're adults, and you should know better." Harry said. "I'm going to trust both you and Dumbledore to abide by my rules; if you can't, then the Order will be evicted permanently."

"Now Harry-"

"I've already discussed this with you sir," Harry told him. "I'm not going to be run roughshod over in my own house. You should consider yourselves lucky that I'm going about it this way. There are anti-theft wards on this house that are pursuant to the Code of Hammurabi, if you'd prefer I activate them instead."

"No, that won't be necessary Keep your people- Snape and Dung especially- on a short leash, and make sure to remember that you are guests in someone else's home."


August 13

It was ironic in an 'I told you so' way that Harry was forced to evict the Order from Grimmauld Place the very next day. He didn't know whether Dung didn't believe him, or if it was because Dung believed that Dumbledore would deal with any consequences for him, but the kleptomaniac just couldn't follow the rules. Less than a minute after the meeting ended, Dung strayed off the allowed path, and tried to sneak into a room that held several pieces of valuable knick knacks.

Of course, that was simply the straw that broke the camel's back, as Snape's behavior that evening had already pushed Harry to evicting at the very least the Order's 'spy'. He didn't know whether Snape simply thought he was just that important, and could do no wrong. Maybe he figured that the rules didn't apply to him; that he didn't have to abide by the rules of someone else's home. Or maybe he'd just gotten so used to Dumbledore stepping in and fixing the problems his social incompetence brought about that he truly felt he was above such concerns. Whatever the reason was, Snape seemed convinced that he could get away with disrespecting other people- in their own home at that- without any consequences.

Bugger that!

Still, Harry wasn't going to sink to Snape's level. He was going to take the adult approach to situations like this. Harry held his anger in check, allowing the arrogant bully to think he'd won. However, as soon as the last Order member left for the evening, he ordered Kreacher to clamp down on the wards, and to bar everyone from the house except the two of them, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Harry, and Remus as their chaperone.

Hermione almost had a conniption at first, until Harry pointed out the deal he'd made with Dumbledore, and how the Order had violated the terms of its tenancy. Ginny and Remus appealing to the growing rebellious side of her that had finally started kicking in the last year certainly didn't help. Much as she didn't want to, she had to admit that she was having fun. This much more mellowed Harry seemed to enjoy life more, and that was certainly having an effect on her, Professor Lupin, Ron, and Ginny too.


August 14

A day later, Harry had sent out four letters. The first was to Tonks, letting her know that she still had access to the house just because he liked her. Two other letters had been sent as invites to Luna and Neville to join them at the townhouse. Hedwig must have been making some very good time, because Tonks, Neville, and Luna arrived at the same time. From the upstairs window, he was able to convince Tonks to escort the two teens in. While Luna could only stay for a couple days, and Neville for a week, they still had plans to make the best of their time together.

The final letter that he'd sent out didn't get as fast a response. He'd sent word to Narcissa to join him at Grimmauld Place, with the possible option of Potions tutoring for himself, Neville, and maybe Ron if they could convince him to join. While that had been his stated reason, the unspoken reason was fairly obvious to everyone who learned of the missive.

Hermione almost had another conniption when she first learned Harry had invited Narcissa to Grimmauld Place. It was also pointed out to her by Ron, that Harry was a lot more easy going, and more like himself than he'd been since his had come out of the Goblet fourth year. Not to mention Harry appealing to her inner geek by mentioning Narcissa's proficiency with Runes and Potions, and how far along she'd gotten him in just over a week of tutoring.

He'd also done a fair bit of distraction by mentioning that with the initial exercises down, they were ready to start actual Occlumency, and that if they got that down, some rudimentary wandless magic. It helped that Remus, Neville, and Luna already had some training- Remus for the wolf within, Neville as an heir, and Luna to help deal with her mother's death- so everyone was about at the same level. Luna did mention that the methods Harry was using was different than the one she'd learned, and seemed more effective than just blocking things out.

"Okay, first things first, Occlumency is not about clearing the mind, erasing ones emotions, or even protecting the mind with barriers and shields. While it's good to have the latter to ward off a passive probe- such as Snape and the Headmaster are fond of- true Occlumency is arranging your mind in such a way that only you could navigate it. It's also good to have some kind of test or riddle as part of the design. One that only you would would be able to figure out."

And with that, the true lesson began, and everyone was actually surprised at how easy this method was. The only thing really hampering them was their level of creativity. It should have come as no surprise that Luna's maze- modeled after the third task- was the most effective of the bunch. Remus would later remark that locking the inner wolf up in a cage deep inside his maze made the transformations easier on him.


It was about seven that evening when several pops were heard outside of Grimmauld Place. Kreacher, who'd been keeping an eye out, interrupted the rather rousing game of Stinger Havoc, to inform Harry that the Order had arrived. As he headed to the front room to watch out the window- instructing them to keep practicing while he saw to whoever was at the door- Harry grinned at the progress that was being made by his friends. Having learned from a very competent teacher, Harry had mastered the basics of wandless magic that every witch and wizard, with enough effort and training, could learn.

Hermione's declaration that Harry was a good teacher- as if the Defense OWLs and NEWTs for the previous year hadn't proved it- was proven yet again. Not only was Harry a good teacher, but when teaching students who proved to be fast and enthusiastic learners, they'd picked up the basics fairly quickly. It also didn't hurt that Harry had turned their practices of the new skills into a game of sorts that everyone greatly enjoyed. By the end of the summer, the group would have five spells down wandlessly: the Stinging Charm, Lumos, Nox, the Levitation Charm, and the Summoning Charm. Harry would have those, as well as the Banishing and Drying Charms.

Harry was brought from his thoughts when Dumbledore walked up the steps, only to find himself forcefully ejected from the property. Of course, given that his intent wasn't to hurt the Order members, the old mage stopped midair, and was deposited gently on the ground. Several more Order members tried to enter as well, meeting similar fates. The twins- quite enjoying the ride- ran up the steps at least three times apiece, hurling themselves at the building, before being stopped by their mother. Much as Harry wanted to taunt the group, he felt it would be childish, so decided to head back to his friends.

About a half hour later, the teens were relaxing after a fun day. Since Moony had volunteered to cook, Harry didn't have to move until they were called down to the kitchen. Suddenly, the room was filled with Phoenix Song, before there was a flash of fire, heralding the arrival of Dumbledore's familiar. The bird glided gracefully around the room, before landing on the couch arm nearest Harry.

"Goodness gracious, great balls of fire~!" Luna sing-songed, causing Hermione and Harry to snicker in amusement.

"Hullo Fawkes, how are you?" The phoenix trilled a few notes that gave them all warm tingly feelings in their bellies, before holding dropping the folded up piece of parchment held in his beak. Harry going to ask whether a reply was expected, but the look given to him seemed to convey the message, 'I'll wait.'. Unfolding the parchment, Harry read the delivered note.

It seems as if we have been barred from accessing Grimmauld Place again. If it's not too much trouble, would you mind letting us in?
Albus Dumbledore

Exhausted from the days activities, and feeling just a bit lethargic, Harry called for Kreacher to bring him some writing supplies, completely ignoring the frown on Hermione's face. He'd deal with that later, but right now, he just didn't feel like moving. Taking a moments to thinking about what he wanted to say, and how he wanted to say it, Harry quickly wrote a reply to Dumbledore's letter. After blowing the ink dry- and making a note to try and get the Drying Charm as his next wandless trick- Harry folded the note, and passed it to Fawkes. The phoenix accepted the note, and flashed away....


....seconds later reappearing in the room off the Great Hall where the champions gathered after being chosen by the Goblet of Fire years before. It was here that the Order of the Phoenix had relocated after being rejected entrance by their headquarters. Snape, of course, was already passing blame onto Harry, and was for once correct in his accusations, but as usual completely off the mark as to the reason. Retrieving the note from Fawkes, Dumbledore opened the note, and quickly skimmed it, before giving a defeated sigh.

"What is it, Albus?" Molly asked, worried. While he'd quickly schooled his features into a neutral expression, anyone who knew him could tell he was angry. It wouldn't be long before they knew who and what had caused this very rare occurrence as he read the note aloud.

Dear Order of the Capricious Canaries,
By now you'll have noticed that you've once again been evicted from Headquarters. If you're wondering why, you can thank Snape, Dung, and your flamboyantly dressed leader; though the latter is indirectly, so don't be too hard on him.
Snape, for someone who likes to accuse people of being an arrogant bully, your attitude is suspiciously similar. To actually believe that you could enter into someone else's home, treat them the way you seem to enjoy treating everyone else, and expect them to just sit there and take it because Dumbledore trusts you is incredibly presumptuous. I doubt it would surprise you to learn that no one in the Order likes or trusts you, they merely tolerate your presence because Dumbledore tells them to. And since you like to insult people, and attack their self-worth to make yourself feel better, maybe I should let you in on a secret. You're a really poor spy, and Voldemort already knows that you're really only still doing this because you enjoy the sadism his camp promoted. Funny how he's told me more about his plans than he has you.
Dung, you have got to be the dumbest thief in the world. After I told you specifically that not only did I have wards to alert me of thefts, but that I would evict the Order if you tried to steal from me, you still tried to. Words don't even begin to describe how incompetent, or just slow you are. Maybe all that drinking and smoking has finally rotted what few brain cells you had left.
Headmaster, our deal was that you would keep your members under control. Since you failed to do so, you have no one to blame- aside from Snape and Dung- but yourself. I'm sorry it's had to be this way, but I was left with no choice. I'll see you on the first of September.

It shouldn't come as any surprise that several glares turned towards the two men; and for the first time, even Dumbledore's were joining them, his filled with great disappointment.


August 15

"Unless you're an incredibly hot witch who plans on doing something exceptionally raunchy to me as motivation to get up, then I suggest you go away." Harry grumbled to whoever it was shaking his shoulder early the next morning.

"Well, I am an incredibly hot witch," An amused voice responded. "-but I have a boyfriend, and unfortunately, it's not you."

"Then please leave." Harry spat into his pillow.

"I do, however, have someone with me whose insisting on a nice helping of creamy protein." She said. Lifting the covers from his head, Harry found himself staring into the amused face of Ginny Weasley. A futher glance would show Narcissa standing a few feet behind her, staring at him with hungry eyes.

"Morning lover, mama wants her breakfast." Narcissa purred, climbing onto Harry's bed in a sultry manner. Her face heating up, Ginny decided to escape before they got started, and forgot that she was standing there.

Just over an hour later, the two naked lovers were cuddling in Harry's bed, when Narcissa remembered she had something for him. Reaching for the wand on the night stand, she waved it at the clothing she'd left on the floor. To Harry's surprise, an letter lifted out of her outer robe, and calmly floated over to her.

Narcissa reached out and took it as she informed him, "Your new friend asked me to deliver this to you." -before passing him the note.

Harry slipped his glasses on, and opened the note, finding it was from Tom.

Dear Harry
Oh man, you missed what had to be the most amusing mother/son reunion/discussions of all time. It all started about a week ago, when Narcissa turned back up at Malfoy Manor after being missing for several days. The fact that she showed up with a recently and thoroughly shagged glow only added to the stares she was getting. Well, she goes up to Draco, and tells him that she'd learned the OWL results had come in, and questions hoow he did. Oh, you should have seen it. The little brat had the nerve to ask her where she'd been in that tone of voice he tended to use on people he considered beneath him. Narcissa was not amused.
Never before have I been so amused by the petulant look of a teenager after she cuffed him about the head. Then in a condescending voice that had even Lucius wincing, she told his that she did not appreciate his attitude, especially after she'd gone to the trouble of requested time from her 'mission' to come and see how he did. With a look of utmost embarrassment, he went to fetch his scores. Oh, it only got better from there. When she saw them, she gave one of the most beautiful Slytherin performances I've ever seen. She gave him a smile, and I'm surprised that the boy couldn't decipher how mocking a smile it was, and congratulated him on scoring more OWLs than you. Just when he was puffing up like a peacock, she slammed him down by tell him that she was disappointed, however, that your overall scores were much higher than his, especially in Defense. She then want on to taunt him saying that maybe he should have joined your Defense study group last year, rather than trying to help Umbridge get you expelled.
Oh, the look on his face made me glad I'd mastered Occlumency, so that I can recall it whenever I like. I guess it finally clicked to him just how suspicious her knowing your OWL scores were, because his petulant scowl turned into a look of fury. I must admit, it was almost impressive. Anyway, he plasters on his best Lucius imitation, and in a voice dripping with disdain, and again questions where she'd been. Seriously, between us blokes, the evil smirk she gave the boy was likely one of the sexiest things I've ever seen, and I saw Bellatrix naked before she got tossed into Azkaban.
When she responded, it couldn't have been anymore perfect. In the casual manner one might discuss the weather, she just shrugged, and responded that she'd spent the last week or so getting her brains shagged out by Harry Potter. She further rubbed the insult in by telling him that you'd been learning Runes during the few breaks she got from being plowed into the matress, and she was quite sure you'd score better on the OWLs than he did. I have to admit that even I'm impressed. Learning two or more years of Runes well enough in a week to score decently on the OWLs is certainly something to be proud of. Anyway, back to the story.
Draco's reaction to this was very typical. First he screamed and raged about Narcissa cheating on his father. Then he bitched about how she could possibly cavorting with his school rival, let alone the Dark Lord's mortal enemy. I was tempted to torture him a bit for calling you my mortal enemy like you were on Dumbledore's level or something, but his bitch fit was too amusing to ruin so I let it go for the time being. Of course, afterwards, his first assignment was to clean up the stained bedding from my evening with Alecto. Granted she's not as hot as Bellatrix, but she's just as kinky, and the only other girl available in my camp who isn't a complete trainwreck, or just shy of being born with extra toes.
Anyway, after all of that, he finally turned to his father- who still hasn't fully recovered from that accident I arranged for Rodolphus, that he got caught in too- and started bitching about what Lucius was going to do about it. Lucius' reply couldn't have been better scripted by the writers of Casablanca. With a completely straight look on his face, he casually informed his son that I had ordered her to take Bellatrix's place in your bed, since his aunt was still needed for various jobs. He went on to admit he hadn't expected her to enjoy sleeping with you so much, but she'd always been insatiable, and he wasn't surprised that she was so enamored with someone who could actually keep up with her.
Sadly for the entertainment value, Draco's reaction to that was not nearly as epic as it could have been. He did look plenty angry, but I guess he realized that orders from me weren't something to be questioned. The fact that his father didn't seem overly bothered by her new station probably helped keep his temper from flaring as well. Since the only problem with the situation that Lucius seemed to have was the level of enjoyment she was taking from her 'mission', Draco decided to leap on that nugget. With a look of contempt, you know the one Malfoy's give to their 'inferiors', he decided to insult her for enjoying keeping company with a Halfblood. I'd have been offended and tortured him until his nose bled, but I remembered that most of them didn't know I was a Halfblood myself.
Dear lord the glare of disdain she leveled against him was worthy of being immortalized in a precious metal. Still, it was nothing compared to the incredibly insulting reply that she levied back at him. It was one of those shots that while highly insulting to a normal person, was infinitely moreso to a pureblood to whom blood and their lines were everything. Looking him dead in the eye, she called him a waste of DNA.

"You didn't!" Harry said, his eyes wide in disbelief.

"I did, but it gets even better, keep reading." Grinning, Harry did so.

But that's not even the best part. No, that was what she said next. After calling him a waste, she told him that she couldn't believe of all the potential children that had come from that conception attempt, he was the one that took. That he'd gotten the job done when the rest of what was obviously a bad batch of sperm had spilled out of her, and dribbled down her thigh. Of course, your personal cumdump just refused to be left out of the fun. Apparently the Occlumency lessons she was giving to her nephew were more bothersome than anyone had guessed.
Already seeing the huge tantrum the boy was about have, she couldn't help adding gasoline to the fire by accusing him of being jealous. First, she accused him of being jealous of you for being hung like a horse, and being able to shag two older, experienced women to pieces like you'd invented sex. Oh, he certainly didn't like anything that was implied by that statement, but he liked her next one even less. Seeing his potential reaction, she backtracked, and then accused him of being jealous of herself and Narcissa because they were the ones you were using your horse dick and sexual prowess to shag stupid, not him.

Harry just had to stop reading again to stare at his younger girlfriend. "She didn't."

"She did," Narcissa smiled at him teasingly. "-keep reading, luv."

Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a straight face, and the image of dark, menacing leader while watching a spectacle like that? As you can probably guess, I completely failed in that task, and laughed harder than I ever have before. It only made it worse for me when the boy actually went for his wand. Now I don't know for certain, but I think Bellatrix has been looking for an excuse to hex the brat for over a week, since she wasted no time in disarming him, and then slapping him with about eighty different minor hexes over the next few minutes. Then she started taking requests, and to my surprise and great amusement, both Narcissa and Lucius offered nearly another dozen between the two of them.
You know what the best part is? Having Narcissa back, and seeing Draco's reactions to their less than subtle discussions of your prowess, their favorite things to have you do to them when they had your complete attention, and the things they planned on doing to you next chance they get. I swear, if I had known I could find this much enjoyment and amusement from writing to you, I might have done so sooner.
Badness Personified,
Ps. Still waiting on that proof you offered that purebloods are not superior. Though if I'm honest, all I have to do is think about what happened that evening.

"Did the Dark Lord just send you a gossip letter?" Narcissa asked cloaked against his right side as she read along with him.

"Yes, he did, but I don't think he can really be called the Dark Lord anymore." Harry said. "I'd call him more of a Steel Gray Lord."

Narcissa gave him an amused smirk, before kissing him, and sitting up. "Well, I guess it's time to properly introduce me to your friends and family."

"Aren't you already acquainted with them all?" Harry asked, having missed Narcissa's presence, and not wanted to leave the warmth of her embrace just yet.

"Yes, but that was under much less friendly circumstances." She answered. "I'd like you to properly introduce me to the people you've become close to from a perspective not tainted by my son and Lucius."

"Yeah, I guess so." Harry said. "Plus I need to talk to Hermione about what the proper books to address Uncle Tom's post script would be. Fair warning, Ron's eyes may wander if you're wearing anything that shows enough skin in the right places- that is to say, any at all."

"Well I should hope so." She teased back, earning a raised eyebrow. "Dear Harry, women may get annoyed when men stare at them blatantly and undress them with their eyes, but we like being able to turn heads."

Shaking his head in exasperation, Harry climbed out of bed, and headed to the bathroom that was connected to his room, and the one on the other side of the bathroom. With a predatory gleam in her eyes, Narcissa followed him into the bathroom. It would be another hour before they finished, and they recovered enough to get dressed.


That evening, after a very enjoyable day in which Narcissa endeared herself to Harry and his houseguests- mostly Neville who was finally understanding Potions, and Hermione who was amazed at her instructing abilities- Harry relaxed on his bed next to his sleeping girlfriend. Much as he was tempted to tease her awake, and put her back to sleep the fun way, they were going clothes shopping the next morning to replace his wardrobe, and then school shopping that afternoon. He needed to be up early and well rested to be able to handle the long day. Deciding just call it a night, Harry jotted a quick note to Voldemort, before laying down.

Dear Tom,
Sorry that I haven't written in a few days. Things have been rather busy around here lately, though sadly not anywhere near amusing. Aside from a couple minor pranks on the Order that involved evicting them from the premises, and not telling them until they showed up for their next meeting, things have been quiet really. I've been teaching everyone Occlumency and some simple wandless magic, and they've done well with that. Given the success of my past students, I'm really starting to look at teaching as something I'd like to pursue.
Ginny loved your birthday present, but I'm sure you already knew that. I'll be sending you a package with my proof in a couple days.
Ps. I've always wondered, was it you or Quirrel teaching us first year?


August 17

Two days later, after receiving Harry's latest note, Voldemort received a fairly weighted package in the mail. Given the shape of the package, he wagered that he'd received a book, and a fairly thick book at that. Sighing, he removed the packaging, and saw that the book he'd received was a fairly recent copy of a book/journal that had been published before he'd even been born. Folded inside the book were also several pages of what looked to be diagrams of several magical diseases, most notably squibdom. He also noticed that there were several bookmarked pages that he assumed were meant for his focus.

Curious as to what this book might contain that would disprove the blood pride he championed, Voldemort sat back in his amazingly comfortable Lay Z Boy to read the book he'd been sent entitled Mimicry in Butterflies.

Being that it was a relatively short book- only 244 pages- it only took Voldemort a few hours to read the entire book. Unfortunately, even as informative, interesting, and enlightening as the text was, it still hadn't truly helped him to understand the concepts of the four boxes, the pairs of letter along two sides of the boxes, or how it was connected to squibdom, and other magical diseases. Remembering that Random Death Eater 32 had been the one to actually find his Muggle made chair, he assumed that he must have some knowledge of the Muggle world, and decided that he'd get the man to teach him what he needed to know.

It was a lucky thing that the aforementioned Death Eater was a Halfblood, and had- due to his mother- spent enough time in the Muggle world and the Muggle educational system, that he knew what a Punnett Square was. It was also fortunate that he knew how to use one, and was knowledgeable enough teach his master how to do it as well. Without even looking at the book, the servant flipped through the pages of diagrams of magical diseases. Using one of the common allergies that were known to run in families, Random Death Eater 32 showed the Dark Lord how to determine the probability of a particular genetic ailment in offspring, and even over several generations in a family line.

After sufficiently learning the process- and again finding himself oddly impressed with Muggle ingenuity- Voldemort dismissed his follower, and reached for the notes detailing Squibdom. Much as he didn't want to, he had to see this for himself, he had to know if the inbreeding of purebloods was causing it. Using his recently acquired knowledge, he filled in the squares, replacing the given example of color blindness with Squibdom. And with that, he began his calculations, covering several generations using the preferred marriage ideals that he was promoting to determine the true cause in the recent rise in the number of Squibs.

After more than an hour of equations, and rechecking his answers, he came to a conclusion that he really did not like. To his horror, he found that the blood purists were in fact the cause of the rapid rise of Squibs, not the Muggleborn. Without new genetic traits being added to the gene pool, their bloodlines were weakening as the same materials were being recycled over and over again. Before long, recessive traits- which hadn't been a problem before- began showing up more and more, until the only thing that was being passed on were the undesired defects. Not only that, but he found that the purebloods would effectively kill their lines off within a dozen generations if they kept at it. With a deep frown on his face, he decided it was time to call a full, mandatory Death Eater meeting, and enlighten a few people. But first, he needed to find out what else they'd missed by dismissing the Muggles and their advancements.


"Lucius, do you consider yourself to be an intelligent man?" Voldemort asked half an hour later once all of his minions had been assembled.

"While not nearly as gifted as you, my lord, I would say yes." The blond answered. His tone was smooth and cultured, showing off his gift with placation, and flowery words. The image was ruined however when he began twitching uncontrollably in one of his fits.

No one had been able to figure out how he'd survived the arranged accident, but the results hadn't been pretty. While he wasn't always suffering from the effects, his chronic twitch and proneness to sudden seizures had compromised his effectiveness- even if it had been hilarious seeing his Entrails Expelling Curse turn into a Bowel Loosening Hex because of his twitch. As a result, Lucius' function had been downgraded dramatically to piggybank, and refreshment duty. Ironic how the twitch had made him an excellent baker. It was just fortunate that he was too far gone to truly realize that his wife was cheating on him with a young man half his age, even when the facts were literally explained right in front of him, and he was actively discussing them. The other Death Eaters all felt so sorry for him now, that no one wanted to see him suffer through that revelation once it finally set in.

"Then explain to me how you could have missed something this obvious?" He growled, snapping off a Cruciatus that finally succeeded in killing him. In hindsight, calling the meeting with the mood he was in was probably a bad idea, as he'd be prone to letting his anger get the better of him, as we just shown. Oh well, he was sure Narcissa would appreciate the gesture, possibly Draco as well eventually. Still greatly frustrated at the circumstance, he turned back to the others in the room. He then enlarged the pages of notes he'd made so that the assembled followers could see clearly. "So why has no one in the magical world ever seen this?"

"This is Muggle trash." Someone spoke up from the back, earning himself a bout of the pain curse.

"Yes, and it would seem that the filth has surpassed us in this area." Voldemort said, shocking his minions. "When I took Muggle Studies, purely for the extra OWL and NEWT, I thought that the Muggle world and its so called advances were primitive. It would seem however, that they have picked up the pace in the last half a century, while the Professors are still teaching the students lessons that haven't applied to them for over sixty years."

For the next hour, Voldemort virtually scarred his minions with the simple discoveries he'd made just from performing Leglimency on a Muggle teenager. Amongst these traumatizing topics were weapons of immense power, moon landings, and worst of all, the genetic research- still on display- that actually proved their claims of superior blood were full of shit.

To Be Concluded....
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