Categories > Games > Devil May Cry

It Wasn't His Day

by divinecomedy 1 review

I make no excuses for this. It was a challenge set forth by a friend to crossover DMC3 and FFX-2, with Yuna and Dante being central to the story. Yeah. I make no claims to writing a good Yuna. ...

Category: Devil May Cry - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Crossover, Humor - Characters: Dante - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2006-08-02 - Updated: 2006-08-02 - 1639 words - Complete

Clink. Ka-chink.

The last of the casings hit the ground and rolled away, as whatever the hell it was that had tried to get the jump on Dante exploded into sparkly streaks of colored light with a final, mournful shriek. Dante had to admit: It was a step up from the sand and dust his typical prey usually dissolved into. Not that it made him any less uneasy about this creepy patch of boonies in this backwater hellhole. Macarena Woods, or something, was what that annoying little pissant he'd run into next to that huge ass river had called it. Said something about it fading away.

Well, that was the least of Dante's worries, to be honest. He was here in Spira for a job, not a last round of tree-humping. With a snort, he reholstered Ebony and Ivory against his back and moved on, trying to remember the directions he'd been given. This place was a fucking maze, and that did not please the demon hunter in the slightest. Confusing-ass glittering forests coupled with the real winners he'd come across here in Spira only served to further his belief that everyone and everything had simply gone retarded.

Reaching a three-way fork in the road, and ignoring the glittery path that stretched high above because it just annoyed the shit out of him (monster-free his ass), he paused and tried once more to remember the direction he was supposed to be going in. Calm Lands or some such bullshit. Really, he probably should have paid better attention to the midget before breezing through Guado...Guadowally-whatthefuckever. But, dude, that guy had annoyed him by simply /breathing/.

Besides, the midget had totally smelled funny.

Finally, realizing he had no clue where the fuck he was going (with a huffed little snort, as well), he just closed his eyes and pointed, deciding to take the path closest to his finger. After all, it didn't matter how he got to this Cave of the Stolen Gobbledegook, or whatever. He just had to get there, go in, and clean out. And, from the looks of things, it was a good thing they'd called (or, rather, bombarded his office bodily) him. Because, seriously, these 'people' (and he used that term loosely) didn't know their heads from their asses. It was kind of depressing that an entire.../Place/ existed as a haven for Darwin's rejects.

But, again, the alarming rate of mental retardation present in this place wasn't his concern. After all, they were paying him. At least, he thought they were. If 'gil' happened to be a form of currency. He truly hoped so, or he was going to have to bust some kneecaps. He only worked for free in special cases. And this? Was not a special case. At least, not in the way that didn't ride the short bus to school.

Plodding along, eyes on his feet, he entered a large clearing amongst the trees, accompanied by the small, subtle sounds of nearly still water, barely audible over the jingling and jangling of all the weaponry he was carrying, moving on until he came right to the lip of the spring, only then glancing up. He supposed, if you didn't mind creepy sparkly trees and the utterly oppressing silence, this place was kind of pretty. After all, there wasn't anything like this back home. He took the moment to glance around, aware this probably wasn't the Calm Lands, but it was somewhere, at least. And axed one path off the list. Now, as long as he could narrow it down to the /right one/, he'd be in business.

A noise behind him caused him to start, and he whirled around, nearly tripping over his own feet. He was really going to have to work on that non-combat oriented coordination. Really. Because, seriously, people would start thinking he was retarded. Or not, considering everyone in this place was a few nuggets short of a happy meal.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Yuna, the sound in question, clasped her hands behind her back and rocked slightly to and fro, eyeing the stranger in red with interest. He didn't look like...Well, anyone she'd ever seen. Except perhaps the hair, which definitely reminded her of the Praetor, though the Praetor was dark-skinned, and this man was far too pale. But the sheepish look he gave her, as well as his entire stance reminded her strongly of a certain other leader of Spira, whom she would not name. "I didn't think anyone was here."

Was this his lucky day or what? Retarded or not, the chick was hot. And not wearing much. And that? Was something Dante considered adequate compensation for the creepy ass forest. Or partially so, anyway. And he could totally see boobs with that shirt. And, okay, it distracted him a little, so that he was a little delayed in responding, forcing himself to blink and look up, hoping she hadn't noticed. "I...Uh...Yeah." Stumble-tongued, what?

Yuna was a good girl. She really was. Because she simply took the once over as nothing but as much an interest in her appearance (in a totally innocent fashion), as she had his. Even if she could hear Rikku squealing in the back of her mind at how 'cute' the stranger was, along with Paine's vaguely amused, "You're blushing, Yuna." Clearing her throat, she put on her best neutral expression and met his gaze directly, pressing her palms together before her. "You...Uh...Yeah?" It was almost giggle-worthy.

Didn't it figure? The only non-retarded person in this entire place also had to be the hottest chick he'd seen yet, too. Maybe this wasn't his lucky day, after all. "I got a little lost," he replied, a slight sarcastic drawl entering his voice. "Nature's nice an' all, but not really my thing."

Yuna raised an eyebrow at that. More and more he was reminding her of that certain Al Bhed faction leader, though she wasn't going to say a word. Even good girls could have playfully mean thoughts, too. Let Leblanc take that. She was not a goody-goody. "I see." But she couldn't help but smile, whether it was simply from old habit, or simply because, really, he did remind her of Gippal, and was probably just as arrogant. "And if you're lost, Sir I...Uh...Yeah, where were you trying to go?"

Oh, he twitched at that. He really did. 'Sir'. Hmph. He shifted his weight to one hip, sniffing a little haughtily. "The name's Dante." Really, maybe he was right the first time, and she was retarded (and hot). "Some...Cave of the stolen...Whatever." On the last word, he waved a hand, not really caring what the name of the place was. Just as long as he got there.

She stared at him intensely for a moment, eyes narrowed in thought, before they widened. "Cavern of the Stolen Fayth?" And then she leaked a slightly indignant tone, putting her hands on her hips. "You're the one taking the job from the Friendly Neighborhood Gullwings."

"Fuck a what?" Dante stared back a moment, dumbfounded. What the fuck were the 'Friendly Neighborhood Gullwings'?

He never got the answer to his first question, nor got to ask the second one, as Yuna's communicator squelched to life, and Brother's voice practically blared out loud enough to almost make Dante want to cover his ears. "Yuna??? You have found the job theif? Stay right there! I am coming down!" And then the sounds of a scuffle, and lots of yelling in another language, during which Dante could only gape.

Another voice came over, this one calm and smooth. "No worries, Yuna. We've got him restrained."

Yuna only laughed. "Thanks, Buddy." And then she turned her attention back to Dante. "Mmm, such nice language. But, yes! You took our job."

Dante gave a 'pfft' and started back for the spring's entrance path, shaking his head. "Don't know what you're talkin' about, babe. Some dude named Nooj asked me to clean the cave out, I took the job. Don't know nothing about any Gullwings." And, really, that was the truth.

"I was only teasing, you know." she snickered, putting a hand over her mouth. "I suppose the important thing is making sure everyone's safe." She nodded once at that, swaying a bit and patting her hands together. "So you're the one not from Spira." She paused, as though she'd have liked to ask a question, but waved it away. "You were asked by Maevyn Nooj?" That, obviously, wasn't the question.

"Uh...Yeah." That...Was kind of creepy, being a creature who worked primarily in secret, and now some complete stranger knew who he was and why he was here. He stopped and turned around, shrugging. "So, can you tell me how to get to this cave thing, or what?"

Oh, she'd pegged him right from the beginning. Of course she had. Too bad Rikku and Paine weren't here to see this. "Of course! It's the last path. It should take you straight to the Calm Lands, and, from there, it's nearly a straight shot." So, he really had been lost. Poor thing.

"Uh...Huh." And then he flashed her his best grin, giving a slight bob of the head. Hey, she was cute. "Thanks. And, uh, next time you don't want a job stolen? Make sure this Nooj whoever doesn't know the password." And then he was moving again, jingling and jangling, passing a cute (jail bait) blonde, and one of the butchest chicks he'd ever seen. Really, he couldn't get out of Spira fast enough, as he heard the pitter-patter of booted feet behind him, and a less-than-concealed, squealed, "Yunie, he was cute, huh?"

...Yeah. Time to get this job over and done and go back to where the women were normal.
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