Brotherly love, slight Mood swings, killjoy falling down & black dogs.
“Party? What’s wrong?” I’ve only just woken up to have Party wrap his arms around me. He’s scared, I’m his brother and I can tell that he’s frighten, just the way he is holding onto like he’s trying to protect me. Him been scared is making me scared, it’s always been that way. Something is not right. I can feel it like a cold chill in my bones. I move my arms to tightly hold on to my older sibling. I’m kinda freaking out as I bury my face in to the fabric of his jacket. Party remains quiet. My heart races as I panic a little more on the inside.
“Party, please…what’s wrong?” my voice is muffled but I know he heard me because he runs his fingers through my hair, like he always does to calm me down, and I physically relax. He sooths my fears by kissing my hair and whispering “everything is ok”. I know nothing is ok but it helps to hear Party tell me the lie we both want to believe in so badly.
I’m not sure how long Party and I stay with our arms wrapped around each other but when we finally pull apart it feels like hours even knowing realistically it was only a few minutes. I take the time to actually look at my older brother and this only increases the gut feeling that something is really wrong. Party’s eyes are blood shot and surrounded by heavy dark circles like he hasn’t slept in months. His pupils are larger than usual. He’s lost a lot of weight, we all have but he seems to be really experiencing the full effect of our limited food supply. His bright red hair is choppy and covered in grease. But I guess we all really need showers and a good wash.
Party half smiles at me with sadder than puppy dog eyes that look like they have burnt out and lost all life, the usual golden hazel colour has now faded into a dull shade of boring brown. Party rubs my cheek with his hand affectionately as a way to tell me to stop worrying. He leans in and kisses my forehead then moves over to the ash pile that I recall been a fire the night before.
I take a moment to look around our temporary camp site and the first thing I notice is that it’s clean….and packed up. Did the others do this while I was sleeping? It’s then I realize that both Jet and Ghoul are missing. Oh dear God! Where are they? I’m especially worried about Ghoul, he wasn’t in the fittest state last time I seen him.
“Party! Where’s Jet and Ghoul?” I ask hastily as I stand up and make my way over to my brother. He only shrugs his shoulder dismissively as he makes himself busy with plating up some kind of freshly cooked meat. I can feel the sudden change in the atmosphere, it’s tense and uneasy, what did I say?
I sit down in front of him and watch as he pulls the meat apart and hands me a plate. I accept the food and thank him as I look around the camp again for the other two killjoys…where are they? I look sadly at Party and ask with my eyes for him to tell me where the others are.
“Jet went for a walk to check out which direction we should move in and Ghoul followed.” Party rolls his eyes as he answers me with a mouthful and chewed slowly at his food, jaw tense so much it must have been painful. The way he mentioned Ghoul seemed odd, like he was angry at him for some reason. The red head avoided my eye contact and just concentrated on the dead dry meat on the plate he was eating from.
I look at my brother with confusion then bow my head in defeat, knowing if he doesn’t what to talk he won’t. I pick at my serve of breakfast and wonder to myself. Party’s mood has done a massive swing from just a couple seconds ago. I wanna ask questions about Ghoul to find out if he’s okay but I don’t want to set off Party. Since when did having a simple conversation with my own fucking brother become a land mine field? Party eats away, avoiding any communication, as I worry myself sick over my older brother. His behaviour has been all over the shop lately. I gather up some courage to speak as we sit in silence for a moment eating.
“How was Ghoul this morning, Party?” I hold my breath as I wait for a response. He’s quiet and for a moment I thought he was going to just ignore me completely.
“He’s alright.” Is the only answer Party gives me and I accept it. I’ll just ask Jet more question when they get back.
Fun Ghoul’s pov;
That fucking douche bag Party. How can he just play with my feelings like this? I run over small sand dunes as tears fill me eyes. Fuck I’m so weak. I can’t believe I’m crying over this shit. I trip over my own God dam feet and tumble down the side of a hill.
“FUCK!” I scream face down into the dirt in frustration with my clumsiness as I come to a stop at the bottom, covered in dust and dirt. I stay there on my hands and knees just thinking and panting, trying to decide if I wanna cry or scream. Party is only interested in me when he’s drunk, that hurts, I’m not good enough for sober him. I fucking hate myself. How could I think he would be interested in me? Shit. I thought I did good this morning, I killed and prepped a fucking bird for breakfast and even cleaned the fucking camp site.
I breathe heavily as the black dog grins a sickening snarl of a smile at me from afar, it knows I’m failing. I can just see its dirty urine colored eyes staring me down. Its drool dripping down its strong jaw as it sizes me up. it’s almost laughing at me as it approaches. I look down hard at my hands as they clench the sand between my fingers. The stench of its hot breath makes my stomach churn and lets me know it’s right in front of me. I wanna give up and just let it sink its sharp needle like teeth in my flesh and drag me away but I still have a fire inside that is keeping me going on in the cruel life.
“Back of you basted of a mutt” I venomously growl deeply. I look up from my hands and death stare the shadow like dog right in the eyes, it’s nose an inch from mine. We engage in a death staring match. It blinks first and I snap as the fight inside of me begins to grow and burn.
“PISS OFF!!!” I bellow and the black dog disappears in an eerie thick smoke like the sound waves from my voice disintegrated it. I sit back on my knees and breathe the dry, dusty desert air deep into my lungs. God I’m just so fucking tired. I squeeze my eyes shut to block out the stinging rays of the searing sun above me.
“Ghoul?” I open my eyes and look around for the source of my name. Over in the distance I spot Jet walking towards me. I softly smile at my friend and feel a little better as he nears me, concern expression fixed on his face. I stand up as he reaches me.
“Ghoul, you alright? What happen?” He asks as he helps me brush off some of the dust that coats my clothing.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just brushing up on my skill of falling.” I chuck on a fake smile and dust off my knees as I crack a joke at my own expense. Jet just shakes his head and smiles back at me fondly.
“Come on midget, let’s head back to camp.” He pats my shoulder and starts walking away. I follow foot close behind and quickly look over my shoulder to make sure the black dong is absent. It’s gone for now but I know better. It’ll be back, it always comes back. It will always be watching and waiting, but never commiserating.
Pz R&R it really helps me write X) thanks guys hope you enjoy.