FicWad

So I was officially a teenager. A teenager without a dad and a drug infested mother who is a whore...literally! School went by fine. Everyone got out early since we weren't doing any work. Izzy kept his distance from me and I kept my distance from Bill. Everything was falling between our fingers like sand. Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did we ALL have to be so stupid? I walked home alone that day. I was at my front steps when I heard my name being called out. I turn to see Ms. Isbell smiling and waving me over. I ignore how I know I will regret this, and walk over to her.

"Hi dear. You never ate your lunch the other day. You're worrying me." She had gained a few wrinkles around her eyes and looked very tired and worn out. Not to mention had a bruise on her right arm.

"Oh I'm fine Ms. Isbell. I'm sorry I ran out so quickly the other day."

"It's fine sweetie. You just worry me is all. Happy birthday by the way! Do you feel much older dear?" She chuckled and took my hands between hers.

"Not at all."

"Is your mother home for your big day?"

"Nope...Not that I know of." I looked to the ground with shame...

"Great! Because I have a homemade vanilla cake waiting inside for a special birthday girl! I invited some of the neighborhood kids over. We're going to get 'jiggy with it' as you kids say." She chuckled, which brightened up my sour look.

"You really didn't need to Ms. Isbell."

"It's fine dear! You only become a teenager once. Now go on inside and make yourself comfy. The boys are in the living room." She shooed me into the house.

I walked in, but this time, unlike every other time, I felt unwanted. I peeked around the light yellow walls into the living room. There sat Bill and Iz. Izzy was wearing tight dark jeans and a very loose Bob Dylan t-shirt. His hair still looked like he had just gotten out of bed. My heart jumped out of my chest when I looked him up and down. Bill was wearing equally tight pants, but with a white tuxedo jacket and a Led Zeppelin t-shirt underneath. Bill was the first to notice me, of course.

"Hey Ace. Why ya peeking around the corner like that? Come sit down!" He had a huge grin on his face while Iz looked disgusted and disappointed.

I quietly walked into the room some more. I was embarrassed; I wanted to go die somewhere. I sat down in the chair across the room from the boys. Izzy kept staring at his grey socks, lost in his thoughts.

"Why are you all the way over there? Come sit over here! There's room." Bill tapped the gap between him and Iz.

"I'm fine, thanks."

"Come on birthday girl." He smirked and tapped the spot again.

Giving in, I got up and walked over. I sat down between the 2 boys. Izzy moved slightly down, and not because it was a tight fit. My heart was racing as I thought of what Iz and I did. I could smell his shampoo again and my god was it ever tantalizing. My body was in need of his touch, or even some affection. I bit my lip to stop the images of what happened a few nights ago; what happened between us. I kept trying to tell myself that we're just friends...

"I just got done telling Iz that I had the most amazing fucking date." It felt like my heart stopped beating.

"Oh?" I asked while biting my lip harder.

"Yeah...some pretty wild details." Iz's voice seemed dried out or even a little bored.

I stopped listening to Bill and turn to face Izzy. I kept wondering if I should try to speak to him again. I kept wondering if this situation will ever be fixed and back to what we once were.

"Izzy...can we talk for a second...alone?" My voice squeaked and I closed my eyes tight.

"Ughh...sure?" Again his voice sounded dried out.

"Can I come?" Bill asked with excitement.

"I just needa talk to Iz alone for a sec Bill. I won't be long." I got up and walked over to the stairs, out of sight.

Izzy followed, but passed me up the stairs. I followed him until he got to his room. He sighed and walked in, while I stood in the doorway; he waved me in non-enthusiastically.

"Lock the door." I followed his command and locked the little knob.

"What..." His voice was sharp as nails.

"I can't stop...thinking of you Iz...I really can't..." I sat in his chair and let my head hang defeated.

"Well you're gonna have to stop."

"You're asking me to stop thinking about you?"

"Yeah."

"Why have you been such a dickhead to me lately?!" My voice rose as I felt a wetness fall from my eyes.

"Have not."

"You have been! The only reason I did what I did with Bill was because of you!" Salty tears kept washing down my cheeks. Izzy came to my side once he seen my tears.

"Because of me?"

"I'm so fucking stupid...I liked you Iz...I really did..."

"I thought I was only 'cool'." I felt his eyes glaring at me.

"I didn't know what to say...It was my first time...what else am I supposed to say? I love you Izzy? I love you a lot?!" I sobbed with anger.

Izzy mumbled something under his breath and I tried to catch it. To me, it sounded a lot like 'I love you too', but was my mind playing tricks on me? Was I telling myself that he said it back, to make myself believe he did love me? I could have been hearing things...there was only one way to find out though.

"Pardon me?" I sniffle.

"I didn't say anything." He snaps back.

"You know what Izzy...If things are going to be broken between us the way they are...then I don't think we can be friends anymore..." My voice chokes up.

Izzy stares at me as if he didn't believe a word I said. He cocks his head to the side as if he was thinking things through. His bottom lip trembles a tad and he moves a piece of hair from his face. I knew this is what I had to do...I knew for myself that this was the best decision.

"If that's what...what you think is best.” Not a hunch of regret…

“You weren’t even that fucking good!” I try to deflate his ego.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” His chestnut eyes deepen into my skin.

I jump up and slam his chair against his desk with rage.

“FUCK YOU!”

I had to scream. I had to get this bubble out of me. No man should ever treat someone like this. He was a monster. He was an asshole, but yet I couldn’t keep my feelings toward him down.

“You know you shouldn’t yell…my mom will hear you.” He leans back on his bed. I shake my head at him with disgust.

“I’m going home…back to California…” I run out as fast as I could.