FicWad

For the rest of Sunday, I stayed in my room and wept silently, alone. Monday came and Izzy wasn't at school. It was just Bill and I. I was drawn out and didn't even listen to half of the bullshit coming out of Bill's mouth.

"So yeah. I'm thinking we get a fucking keg. We can score some more pot. I'll even bring over some of my records! Fuck this is gonna be awesome! And then I can give you your gift Ace."

Bill and I were walking home from a long boring day at school.

"Yeah...umm, sounds great. Did you see Iz today?"

"Apparently he's sick or something. I was gonna visit when we got back. But yeah what do you
think about a keg?!"

"A keg is cool...umm, do you know what he's sick with?" My eyes were swelling again, but I was able to control it.

"No idea. So I can probably buy one myself since I look older." He gives me a corny wink.

"He didn't seem sick yesterday."

"Why are you so fucking obsessed with Izzy today? And when did you see him yesterday? We never hung. I was at church all day."

"I'm just worried is all and he just came over for a quick visit to listen to some LZ." I smile holding back what I wanted to say.

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs how good love felt. I wanted to dance in the street, because for some reason, I felt different. I felt like I could grasp every love song I had ever heard. I didn't know what love was until now, and boy...after all that is sure felt bittersweet. I wanted to tell Bill that I knew of his plans...but after the awkward conversation with Iz...I kind of wanted to feel that connection with someone again...anyone...

"Uh huh...maybe I should give you your gift sooner." He gives me a naughty smile.

"I said I didn't want gifts." I tried to play oblivious.

"Keep your window open tonight." Bill says as we round the corner to our neighborhood.

"Why?"

"Because. I got a surprise for ya. Anyways I'll talk to you later Ace." He smiles and runs off toward his house.

I slow my pace and slightly hesitate in front of Izzy's house. Should I go knock? Should I ask if he's okay? Maybe he's really sick? But he did tell me he was going to see me today. Usually there are signs before you get sick, like being tired and groggy. Yesterday Iz was none of that. I sigh and stare at his house. Maybe he just didn't want to see me, but that was a crazy thought! His mom would never let him stay home if he wasn't sick. I decide that our friendship is more important and run up the walkway. I ring the doorbell and wait patiently. When the door opens, I see a familiar face looking back at me.

"Hey?" Izzy steps out of his door really quietly and closes it behind him.

"I heard you were sick and just wanted to make sure you weren't dead." I giggle.

"I'm not dead." His voice was harsh and rough...he sounded pissed off.

"I can see that. You don't seem sick." I give him attitude back.

"I'm not in a mood to talk or hangout." He quickly snaps at me.

"Woah. No need to get pissy." I back up away from him.

He doesn't answer me, but I could already feel in the air that he wanted me gone. Why was he being such a dick? If I would have known that this would change our friendship I would have never even dared to go that far with him. Without another word I give him one last angry glance before I walk away from him. Halfway across my lawn I hear his door shut. What an asshole...

I go up to my room and peek through my window. He had his blinds shut. What was up his ass? Seriously...I leave my blinds wide open, in case Bill does in fact follow through with his birthday plans.

The sky becomes dark and the sun goes to sleep. I sit pondering life ahead of me. What on Earth was I doing staying in Lafayette? There was nothing here. My whole family was back in California and well my mom was everywhere. Why should I stay in a place like this, when I can definitely make a living out in the concrete jungle? A thought occurs...I don't have to stay here. If Cali was the place for me...then Cali it was. I could make new friends or even work for my grandfather at the Troubadour. All of a sudden a noise breaks my thoughts.

"A little help would be fucking nice Ace."

I quickly run over to my window, noticing that Izzy's blinds were open in the meantime. There Bill hung from the old wooden trellis that lay against the bottom part of my window. I couldn't help but giggle and give him a helping hand. When he finally got in, I took a look at him. He seemed a bit more attractive climbing up my window to sneak into my house. He was dressed a little differently than normal. He was wearing tight jeans with a pair of cowboy boots. His hair was slicked back with a bandana and a cowboy hat over top of that. He had on one of those leather motorcycle jackets...beats me how he could score something like that with his parents.

"Wow. What made you get all fancy wancy?" I ask while I peek over his shoulder out the window.

"I came to give you your birthday gift." He sits down on my bed and takes off his boots.

"And that is? A heart attack?" I giggle and peek out the window again.

"Nope. A date with me." His cheeks scrunch up as he gives me a smile.

"A date huh?" I call out, a little louder than the normal tone.

I see a figure walk past Izzy's window. I figure since he was an asshole to me, that I was going to get revenge. Besides...we agreed that we didn’t have feelings for each other, right?

"With the one and only Bill Bailey. Sexiest dude in Lafayette." I laugh and he smiles.

"Let’s cut to the chase Bill. You want to make-out don't you?" Again, my voice was a little louder than the normal tone.

"Now we're talking."

Bill pats his leg for me to go sit on it. I check the window again. There was a light on in Izzy's room and there he sat in his chair reading. I doubt he was reading though. Yes it may be a little slutty of me to 'make the moves' on Bill while Izzy was in plain sight, but seriously look at my mom...Delicious Duncan...blegh!

I sit down on Bill's knee and give him a light kiss on his lips. He smiles at me and throws me to the bed. I gasp at the sudden energy he had. Bill was demonic with his kisses for a church boy. His hands were roaming all over my body and I just let him do it. I had nothing else to give to the world...and Iz...well it was weird between us...Even so I still watched the window with half closed eyes. Bill started tearing clothes off my body and to be honest, I really didn't care. He pulls away and looks at me.

"So I know you've never made love...and to tell you the truth I haven't either. You're actually my first kiss..."

"Really?" I'm a bit shocked by his sudden approach to 'doing it'.

"Hard to believe huh?" He laughs as he caresses my soft skin.

"So I thought...wouldn't it be awesome to just...you know." Bill was more forward than Iz was, for sure...but it wasn't the same.

"So let’s do this together." Bill starts to take off my jeans...but I never stopped him.

I don't say a word and allow him to take it further. I kept my watch on the window though. The light in Izzy's room was off now, but something told me he was still watching us. Bill pulls off his tight jeans getting ready for what he wanted. Anything he was doing couldn't compare to how Izzy made me feel though...I didn't even bother to look at Bill the whole time he was getting naked. For some reason I felt like I was cheating or being raped... but Iz even said so himself that we weren't in love. Bill quickly gets up and runs over to my record player.

"What are you doing?" I ask while sitting up just enough so if Iz was watching, that he could see what he had lost.

"I always wanted my first time to be to 'Sweet Emotion’. Fucking great song."

He plays the record and I feel somewhat embarrassed for him. I just wanted to tell him to hurry up and leave, but yet I kept cool. The song starts playing and he starts swaying his hips back and forth as if he were Steven Tyler. Bill was cute and all...but WHAT THE FUCK?

"Okay?" I half-heartedly smile and peek out the window.

There was a message on Izzy's window. It took me a few seconds to realize what it said. 'Close the fucking blinds' was written in black permanent marker. So he did see what was about to happen.

"Hey Bill come over here and do your thing." I lay back, dreading everything, but maybe I could feel good with Bill too.

Before I knew it he was back at the bed. Bill got in between my legs...and it all went downhill from there...It took him 15 minutes and 4 repeats of Sweet Emotion before he could even get it in. He kept cussing every time he made a mistake and to tell you the truth, I was in pain. When he finally did get it in, it didn't feel like anything. With Izzy he made it so sensual and made me believe that we were making love and making it last. A few thrusts into it, Bill had already came and well I felt disgusted...I hated the feeling of his sweat and he didn't even cuddle me after that. All he wanted to do after that was make-out...

"Bill...I really need to get some sleep for tomorrow. Let’s just call it a night..."

"I was good wasn't I?" He smiles as if he had just won the world.

"Oh yeah. Great." Oh no...bad...VERY bad.

"We'll have to do this again sometime." He blushes as he picks up his clothes and redresses himself.

"Sure..."

"Hey Ace..."

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

...He didn't...did he?! How the fuck was I supposed to answer that! 'Oh yeah...I kind of love Izzy but he hates my guts and ha ha funny story he got to me first'?!

"Thanks." That was good enough I suppose...

"I'll see you tomorrow. Oh and happy birthday! You're a woman now." He winks at me before he descends back down the trellis.

What the fuck did we even just do? I'm pretty sure whatever it was...it wasn't what Izzy did! I turn to look out the window. The message was still draped in the window. 'Why?' I write back, hoping he's still awake. I see a flicker in the window and a new message appeared.

'Because it's gross.' He writes back.

'It's not like we're anything Iz.'

'Are you 2 going out?'

'He loves me.' I write back.

I don't get another message that night...or even the next morning...