Categories > Celebrities > 30 Seconds to Mars > Just Playing Dead
His sunglasses provided little comfort to him from the paparazzi raging outside the car window. He kept his head lowered, the mess of his hair veiling his face. His heart was racing, wishing that they would pull the car from its park and drive away finally. But Harlow was still inside signing the release forms with Jared's lawyer. The vultures were yelling at him through the glass, demanding answers from him for something that he wasn't even sure of himself. Some asked if he had attempted suicide, others asked if the waiter had attacked him first and most asked if he was going to seek some mental help.
His head spun with an entangling fear that his stalker could be within that crowd out there. Watching him as he squirmed beneath the lens of flashing cameras. He could be hiding, reveling in his discomfort and fear. Whoever it was would be sadistic enough to want to watch him suffer at the hands of the prying press, their demands knowing no limits as they sought answers for what was happening to him. He was famous, it was to be expected and perhaps that was why he was being preyed on. Did his attacker want the attention it brought? Or was he only interested in seeing him hurt?
He lifted his hand to wipe at a single fallen tear from his cheek and he winced at the pressure it caused against the bruise there. His entire body ached with the aftermath of what he couldn't remember. There were a million questions lingering madly in his mind that he couldn't even answer. That made the aching worse, that made him feel lost, not in control at all of whatever was happening to him. Whoever had ripped away the reins from his hands was now controlling every aspect of his life. He didn't like the feeling, he loathed it. All his life he had managed to dictate every fallen piece of his life and yet here he was, lost in a shadowed maze.
A low breath of relief escaped his battered lips as he saw Harlow and his lawyer approach the SUV. His lawyer tried to shove some reporters out of the way as he escorted Harlow through the massive crowd. They started shouting her name, forgetting about Jared for a moment as they tried to get answers out of her despite the lawyers constant words that there would be no statement given at the moment.
"What a mess." The driver muttered from where he sat, his gloved hands on the wheel as he gave a shake of his head.
Jared stared at him from behind the mirrored lens, suspicion suddenly flaring in the dulled blue orbs. He wasn't sure where it had come from, the accusatory stare but anyone he couldn't bring himself to trust was suddenly at the mercy of his distrust, of his accusations. It could be anyone at all and he wouldn't even know it. He had to keep his guard up, he couldn't let anyone in just in case that 'anyone' was the wrong one.
"What's a mess?" He questioned, his voice darkly lit as he leaned forward in the leather seat. His back was slick with sweat that pooled at the thin material of his shirt.
The driver's brows pulled together as he glanced at Jared through the rear view. "The media. Damned vultures."
There was that word again that sent a wave of panic to rush through him. Vultures, pecking away at the last remnants of his soul. He leaned forward, pushing a shaky hand back through his hair as he tried to gather himself together.
What exactly was he doing? What sort of hole was he digging himself? He couldn't continue to live this way could he? Shrouded in accusations and agony? He didn't want to but he had no choice but to trudge through the unmovable path that was swallowing him whole. He wasn't allowing himself a break, he saw none in sight. His shattered pleas for release from this would be his swansong, the melody that rang through the air while the last nails were hit into the coffin. He was alive now but for how long would that last?
Finally the doors opened, the rush of loud voices breaking through the muffled barrier he had between them. He looked up first at the lawyer who slipped into the passenger seat and then to Harlow who came in to sit by him. She struggled to get the door shut but eventually she managed to before she let out an exasperated breath. Her fingers raked back through her hair as she tried to settle herself into calming down. The boisterous pressing out there had unnerved her. She had never understood why he had thrived on fame before, always knowing the price he paid with the media but now the confusion on her part was sparked even more.
Jared reached over, setting a trembling hand over hers. Her skin was warm in contrast to the iciness of his own hand. She sighed a little at the surprise, lifting her eyes to his as her gaze softened. He held her eyes a moment, his fingers tightening a little around her hand as he tried to steady the rapid racing of his heart. The fear was still there that he was being watched, even now. "Thank you." He whispered to her before he moved his hand away from hers almost too abruptly.
She stared at him awhile until the car pulled away from the hospital and her gaze got directed out the window. He finally turned to look at her once she was distracted. He wondered what kept her here, what made her feel the need to stay there beside him as if she somehow owed it to him? Was she on a path to pick him up off the floor as if she had some sort of savior complex? Or was it actual love the way he wished it would be? He needed something to keep him alive.
The drive was quicker than he had imagined it would be. The city rolling past his dimmed window until he car finally stopped outside of the house. Harlow made to open her door to get out but Jared shook his head. She looked at him confused for a moment, her brows knitting together as she tried to understand why he would possibly want to be on his own, how he would want to after everything that had happened. He had gone through hell on his own was she supposed to imagine that he would be alright?
"I just need to be...be on my own." he whispered, his eyes holding hers with a plea laced through his voice. He noticed that she was about to protest but he shook his head. "I'll be fine, Harlow. I promise." He tried to smile, tried to soften the look in his eyes. He hoped that it came out the way he needed it to. He needed to be convincing in persuading her to allow him to be on his own. "I'll call you if I need you." He assured her, the only promise he had left to give.
She sighed softly and then offered him a small smile. She didn't trust his assurance but she understood slightly what it was he needed. After being crowded in the way he had been in the hospital she understood that anyone would need some space. He was still so bruised up though, his wounds having turned to light scabs on his skin. She was still going to be worried but if he wanted her to let go and be at a distance how could she deny him something she was sure would eventually manage to help him?
"I love you.." He softly said, unbuckling his seat belt and leaning over to kiss her. His kiss deep, her breath being drawn into him. She smelled of solace and comfort and all he was was the scent of agony and despair. Yes he loved her and the feverent kiss he gave her offered up the hope that she would understand and believe him.
He got of the car and stood in the driveway until it drove away. Hugging his arms about himself he turned to look at his car. His breath hitched when he saw the trunk lock had been tampered with. The dogs body had been in there, who had opened it? Going over to open it he saw it was empty, no sight of the bag he had put the dog into. He swallowed down nervously as he wondered if the doctor had been told about this. That would mean that they would think there was something seriously wrong with him.
He shook his head at the thought, moving away from the car and heading towards the front door. That was when everything fell apart.
The door was open, all the locks useless as the door stood slightly opened. He tried to breathe right as he lightly pushed it further open and stepped inside. There was a smell lingering in the air, smears of red all over the carpet. Blood.
He wanted to call out but his voice was lost to him, his hands were shaking and he could barely breathe. He could hear the wetness on the carpet as his shoes pressed on the blood soaked floor. He stopped in the living room. Numbness reached him, a prickly sensation made its way through him. He could feel the blackness dawning on him as fear made itself an ever present entity inside of him.
The waiter was hanging from the beams on the ceiling, a paper stuffed into his mouth.
Jared wanted to scream but instead he lost his balance. He hit his head on the cold floor and his eyes slid shut, the familiar cold darkness biting at his mind as it swallowed him up all over again.
His head spun with an entangling fear that his stalker could be within that crowd out there. Watching him as he squirmed beneath the lens of flashing cameras. He could be hiding, reveling in his discomfort and fear. Whoever it was would be sadistic enough to want to watch him suffer at the hands of the prying press, their demands knowing no limits as they sought answers for what was happening to him. He was famous, it was to be expected and perhaps that was why he was being preyed on. Did his attacker want the attention it brought? Or was he only interested in seeing him hurt?
He lifted his hand to wipe at a single fallen tear from his cheek and he winced at the pressure it caused against the bruise there. His entire body ached with the aftermath of what he couldn't remember. There were a million questions lingering madly in his mind that he couldn't even answer. That made the aching worse, that made him feel lost, not in control at all of whatever was happening to him. Whoever had ripped away the reins from his hands was now controlling every aspect of his life. He didn't like the feeling, he loathed it. All his life he had managed to dictate every fallen piece of his life and yet here he was, lost in a shadowed maze.
A low breath of relief escaped his battered lips as he saw Harlow and his lawyer approach the SUV. His lawyer tried to shove some reporters out of the way as he escorted Harlow through the massive crowd. They started shouting her name, forgetting about Jared for a moment as they tried to get answers out of her despite the lawyers constant words that there would be no statement given at the moment.
"What a mess." The driver muttered from where he sat, his gloved hands on the wheel as he gave a shake of his head.
Jared stared at him from behind the mirrored lens, suspicion suddenly flaring in the dulled blue orbs. He wasn't sure where it had come from, the accusatory stare but anyone he couldn't bring himself to trust was suddenly at the mercy of his distrust, of his accusations. It could be anyone at all and he wouldn't even know it. He had to keep his guard up, he couldn't let anyone in just in case that 'anyone' was the wrong one.
"What's a mess?" He questioned, his voice darkly lit as he leaned forward in the leather seat. His back was slick with sweat that pooled at the thin material of his shirt.
The driver's brows pulled together as he glanced at Jared through the rear view. "The media. Damned vultures."
There was that word again that sent a wave of panic to rush through him. Vultures, pecking away at the last remnants of his soul. He leaned forward, pushing a shaky hand back through his hair as he tried to gather himself together.
What exactly was he doing? What sort of hole was he digging himself? He couldn't continue to live this way could he? Shrouded in accusations and agony? He didn't want to but he had no choice but to trudge through the unmovable path that was swallowing him whole. He wasn't allowing himself a break, he saw none in sight. His shattered pleas for release from this would be his swansong, the melody that rang through the air while the last nails were hit into the coffin. He was alive now but for how long would that last?
Finally the doors opened, the rush of loud voices breaking through the muffled barrier he had between them. He looked up first at the lawyer who slipped into the passenger seat and then to Harlow who came in to sit by him. She struggled to get the door shut but eventually she managed to before she let out an exasperated breath. Her fingers raked back through her hair as she tried to settle herself into calming down. The boisterous pressing out there had unnerved her. She had never understood why he had thrived on fame before, always knowing the price he paid with the media but now the confusion on her part was sparked even more.
Jared reached over, setting a trembling hand over hers. Her skin was warm in contrast to the iciness of his own hand. She sighed a little at the surprise, lifting her eyes to his as her gaze softened. He held her eyes a moment, his fingers tightening a little around her hand as he tried to steady the rapid racing of his heart. The fear was still there that he was being watched, even now. "Thank you." He whispered to her before he moved his hand away from hers almost too abruptly.
She stared at him awhile until the car pulled away from the hospital and her gaze got directed out the window. He finally turned to look at her once she was distracted. He wondered what kept her here, what made her feel the need to stay there beside him as if she somehow owed it to him? Was she on a path to pick him up off the floor as if she had some sort of savior complex? Or was it actual love the way he wished it would be? He needed something to keep him alive.
The drive was quicker than he had imagined it would be. The city rolling past his dimmed window until he car finally stopped outside of the house. Harlow made to open her door to get out but Jared shook his head. She looked at him confused for a moment, her brows knitting together as she tried to understand why he would possibly want to be on his own, how he would want to after everything that had happened. He had gone through hell on his own was she supposed to imagine that he would be alright?
"I just need to be...be on my own." he whispered, his eyes holding hers with a plea laced through his voice. He noticed that she was about to protest but he shook his head. "I'll be fine, Harlow. I promise." He tried to smile, tried to soften the look in his eyes. He hoped that it came out the way he needed it to. He needed to be convincing in persuading her to allow him to be on his own. "I'll call you if I need you." He assured her, the only promise he had left to give.
She sighed softly and then offered him a small smile. She didn't trust his assurance but she understood slightly what it was he needed. After being crowded in the way he had been in the hospital she understood that anyone would need some space. He was still so bruised up though, his wounds having turned to light scabs on his skin. She was still going to be worried but if he wanted her to let go and be at a distance how could she deny him something she was sure would eventually manage to help him?
"I love you.." He softly said, unbuckling his seat belt and leaning over to kiss her. His kiss deep, her breath being drawn into him. She smelled of solace and comfort and all he was was the scent of agony and despair. Yes he loved her and the feverent kiss he gave her offered up the hope that she would understand and believe him.
He got of the car and stood in the driveway until it drove away. Hugging his arms about himself he turned to look at his car. His breath hitched when he saw the trunk lock had been tampered with. The dogs body had been in there, who had opened it? Going over to open it he saw it was empty, no sight of the bag he had put the dog into. He swallowed down nervously as he wondered if the doctor had been told about this. That would mean that they would think there was something seriously wrong with him.
He shook his head at the thought, moving away from the car and heading towards the front door. That was when everything fell apart.
The door was open, all the locks useless as the door stood slightly opened. He tried to breathe right as he lightly pushed it further open and stepped inside. There was a smell lingering in the air, smears of red all over the carpet. Blood.
He wanted to call out but his voice was lost to him, his hands were shaking and he could barely breathe. He could hear the wetness on the carpet as his shoes pressed on the blood soaked floor. He stopped in the living room. Numbness reached him, a prickly sensation made its way through him. He could feel the blackness dawning on him as fear made itself an ever present entity inside of him.
The waiter was hanging from the beams on the ceiling, a paper stuffed into his mouth.
Jared wanted to scream but instead he lost his balance. He hit his head on the cold floor and his eyes slid shut, the familiar cold darkness biting at his mind as it swallowed him up all over again.
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