Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > When I Made You Cry - a Patrick Stump story
Thinking About Her
1 reviewPatrick's POV "This letter shows that the remaining feelings from our night together at least wasn't one sided. I guess we can be confused together. I want to see her!"
1Original
Patrick's POV (from the start)
I can't fucking stop thinking about her! I turn the TV off and throw the remote down in the sofa beside me. It's no use trying to concentrate on anything on TV.
I'm just disappointed I guess, I used to see her in my @ replies on Twitter at least every other day. Now, nothing, since that night…
I'm trying to keep busy with my music, and interviews, and stuff. Still, I'm pissed off at myself for being so stupid that I didn't exchange phone numbers with her when I had the chance. I know I can send her a Direct Message on Twitter, but since I haven't heard from her, I'm assuming she doesn't want to talk to me. And that makes me more sad than it should.
Why doesn't she want to talk to me? Did I hurt her? Is she perfectly happy with her guy? Oh shit, that thought is actually really unpleasant.
Rad job on your priorities Patrick! You recently dumped your girlfriend of several years, and you're occupied thinking of some girl you cheated with. No, dammit, not 'some' girl! She's special! Special enough that I catch myself thinking about her practically all the time.
When I got home from the tour, the night with her helped me realize that my feelings for my girlfriend wasn't the same as before. If I was really in love with my girlfriend I wouldn't have cheated in the first place, would I?
Our relationship had been at a stand still for quite some time. I knew she wanted to get married, but I had for some reason not been able to propose. I just always thought one should be madly in love when one gets married, and the madly part was definitely lacking.
Shit! I have to occupy my thoughts. I can't deal with this right now. I've already had a guilty conscience for the last couple of weeks since my ex moved out. Or rather, since that night.
I go to the kitchen to make some coffee, and I almost trip over a little ball of red fluff. Penny's shuffling between my feet. As I bend down to scratch her behind her ear, I glance at the clock on the micro wave; it's time for her walk. I start a fresh pot of coffee before I hook Penny up to her leash and take her for a quick walk around the block.
When we get back inside, Penny patters happily back to the sofa, jumps up and makes herself comfortable. I make a cup of coffee, and I sit down at the dinning room table, where my lap top is already flipped open.
I first check my e-mail, I've got a mail from Beckett. Awesome, haven't heard from Will in ages. I quickly look through the other mails: spam, spam, from Crush, spam, from some radio station, from Hurley, spam and spam. I decide to answer the mail from Beckett straight away. I'll leave the reply to Andy for later.
After I'm finished with the mail to William I log into Twitter. Don't really have anything interesting or witty to Tweet right now, so I go to my @ replies instead.
As usual I've got a fair amount of "I miss Fall Out Boy!", "Please bring FOB back!", "Come off hiatus now!" and also one "u fucking suck ur a looser!" Ah, lovely grammar and spelling…
Today those Tweets make me especially sad. Fuck! They just don't get it! I actually feel my throat close up a little… Just ignore the asshole comments, Rick, and move on to your supportive fans. I start answering questions and comments in DM's to people. Some are silly, some are serious, but I make no difference between them as long as they are not rude or offensive.
I keep refreshing the page once in a while, and after I've been at it for about half an hour, my heart skips a beat. Right there at the top of my replies, there she is...
"@PatrickStump Patrick, I desperately need to talk to you. Would you please send me a DM? Thank you."
At first I just light up in a huge smile. Finally! But then I think about what she's actually written and I get worried. I run my right hand through my hair, and make a fast decision. If she really needs to talk to me I'm going to let her. Without further hesitation I DM her my cell phone number and my e-mail address.
Considering myself done with Twitter for now, I return to my e-mails. I write a long answer to Andy. The radio station one was a request for an interview, which I agree to do, after I flipped through my date book. The management mail was just some boring legal stuff and a meeting in a couple of weeks.
It's been a little more than an hour when I see that my inbox shows a new mail. I don't recognize the sender, I open it and go to the bottom of the mail. It's from her… It starts:
"Patrick,
first off: I'm sorry I haven't Tweeted you for so long. …"
As I've read the whole thing, she's ended it with "Yours truly" and her name and a cell phone number.
Wow… I'm feeling dizzy… It's over with her guy… She thinks I'm still in a happy relationship… Yeah, how would she know, but this letter shows that the remaining feelings from our night together at least wasn't one sided. I guess we can be confused together. I want to see her! But how do I go about that?
I get up and start pacing, as I repeatedly run my hands through my hair. I go to the kitchen counter to pick up a pack of gum. As I pop one in my mouth, I grab my cell phone and quickly add her number to my contacts.
I walk to the hallway as I put the phone in my jeans pocket, snatch my jacket up and open the front door. Penny comes running down the hallway. I reassure her I'll be right back. I need to think, I need air! A walk seems like a good idea.
I walk around my favorite areas in my favorite city for hours. I eat dinner at the Himalayan, and when I walk out from the restaurant I have finally come to the conclusion to call her. I take a peek at my watch, it's about 9:10 her time, that's not too late.
I take my phone out, press contacts, find her name and push call. After three signals, she answers with her name. It sounds a bit rough.
"Hi, it's Patrick."
"Uh, hi…" she sounds surprised and newly awaken. Dammit! I didn't mean to wake her…
"Oh, I'm sorry," I apologize, "were you asleep?" I ask, even though I get that she were.
"Umm, sort of, I guess…" she answers. I smirk a little. I love the way she's always honest, even in situations when it's more polite to lie.
"I'm sorry, I can call you back tomorrow… or whenever…" I offer, secretly wishing I could keep talking to her, it feels so good to hear her voice again.
"No!" she exclaims, "I mean, it's alright. After all it's only 9:13, how could you possibly foresee I'd be in bed already? It's okay, Patrick," she assures me.
"Oh, okay," I love hearing her say my name. My stomach fills with butterflies. I'm silent for a couple of seconds. I didn't expect to feel this strongly just hearing her voice. "Thanks for your e-mail."
"Sure…" she says sweetly.
I think it's time I tell her why I called:
"I miss you too…" I say softy.
"You do?" she says in disbelief.
"Yes," I smile hugely, "very much."
"Oh…" she seems to get it.
I have to say something about what she wrote in the letter:
"I'm sorry to hear your relationship is over…" I state.
"Yeah, well maybe it's for the best…" she sounds defeated.
"Yeah, that's what I thought too." I think it's only fair to tell her about my break-up too. "That's why I broke up with my girlfriend."
"What?" she almost gasps. She probably didn't expect that.
I elaborate:
"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago… I knew I had hurt her so much, and I didn't wanna keep hurting her so I ended it. Besides, I didn't love her anymore, well at least not in the same way I used to, you know… Or as much."
She's quiet for a second, then:
"Well, in that case; I'm sorry too," she sounds really sincere.
"It's okay, I'm feeling alright about it. It was the right thing to do, you know. Just sad that I hurt her…" I tell her truthfully.
"Yes, I feel the same way. I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt…" she's apparently a bit upset about that.
"But it's wrong to be with one person…" I try to convey to her that I had no choice in the matter, I had to end it with my ex. "If you have feelings for someone else. Like I do…"
I say her name. It's the first time I've said it out loud since that night. Damn, okay, here we go:
"I need to see you. I'm confused too, and I don't think we can clear this up being in different places, do you? Can you come visit me in Chicago?" I'm practically begging her. Shit! She might not have the money to travel. "I'll pay for your plane ticket, so that's not a problem."
"Of course I'll come, if you want me too…" she still doesn't quite believe me.
"I really do," I insist.
I can hear that she's smiling as she answers:
"Okay, I'll call my employer first thing in the morning to see if I can take some time off, and then I'll check the flights to Chicago."
"Awesome!" I grin from ear to ear, "I can't wait to see you…"
"I'm really looking forward to see you too," she seems happy, "you have no idea how much…"
I actually laugh a little. Does she still think she's the only one with feelings and confusion and longing?
"As a matter of fact, I think I do…" I smile at her uncertainty. "Call me tomorrow?" I ask.
"Sure! Bye Patrick!" she ends.
"Bye! Hope you sleep well…" I say her name softly, with all the emotion I feel right now. Then I hang up the phone.
I do a little skip right there on the sidewalk… She's coming! I don't know what's going to happen, I just know I need to see her again. Maybe the feelings will grow between us or maybe we'll realize it's all been the after buzz of us having an amazing night. Either way, we can't figure that out if we were to never meet again. So we meet and then we'll see…
I can't fucking stop thinking about her! I turn the TV off and throw the remote down in the sofa beside me. It's no use trying to concentrate on anything on TV.
I'm just disappointed I guess, I used to see her in my @ replies on Twitter at least every other day. Now, nothing, since that night…
I'm trying to keep busy with my music, and interviews, and stuff. Still, I'm pissed off at myself for being so stupid that I didn't exchange phone numbers with her when I had the chance. I know I can send her a Direct Message on Twitter, but since I haven't heard from her, I'm assuming she doesn't want to talk to me. And that makes me more sad than it should.
Why doesn't she want to talk to me? Did I hurt her? Is she perfectly happy with her guy? Oh shit, that thought is actually really unpleasant.
Rad job on your priorities Patrick! You recently dumped your girlfriend of several years, and you're occupied thinking of some girl you cheated with. No, dammit, not 'some' girl! She's special! Special enough that I catch myself thinking about her practically all the time.
When I got home from the tour, the night with her helped me realize that my feelings for my girlfriend wasn't the same as before. If I was really in love with my girlfriend I wouldn't have cheated in the first place, would I?
Our relationship had been at a stand still for quite some time. I knew she wanted to get married, but I had for some reason not been able to propose. I just always thought one should be madly in love when one gets married, and the madly part was definitely lacking.
Shit! I have to occupy my thoughts. I can't deal with this right now. I've already had a guilty conscience for the last couple of weeks since my ex moved out. Or rather, since that night.
I go to the kitchen to make some coffee, and I almost trip over a little ball of red fluff. Penny's shuffling between my feet. As I bend down to scratch her behind her ear, I glance at the clock on the micro wave; it's time for her walk. I start a fresh pot of coffee before I hook Penny up to her leash and take her for a quick walk around the block.
When we get back inside, Penny patters happily back to the sofa, jumps up and makes herself comfortable. I make a cup of coffee, and I sit down at the dinning room table, where my lap top is already flipped open.
I first check my e-mail, I've got a mail from Beckett. Awesome, haven't heard from Will in ages. I quickly look through the other mails: spam, spam, from Crush, spam, from some radio station, from Hurley, spam and spam. I decide to answer the mail from Beckett straight away. I'll leave the reply to Andy for later.
After I'm finished with the mail to William I log into Twitter. Don't really have anything interesting or witty to Tweet right now, so I go to my @ replies instead.
As usual I've got a fair amount of "I miss Fall Out Boy!", "Please bring FOB back!", "Come off hiatus now!" and also one "u fucking suck ur a looser!" Ah, lovely grammar and spelling…
Today those Tweets make me especially sad. Fuck! They just don't get it! I actually feel my throat close up a little… Just ignore the asshole comments, Rick, and move on to your supportive fans. I start answering questions and comments in DM's to people. Some are silly, some are serious, but I make no difference between them as long as they are not rude or offensive.
I keep refreshing the page once in a while, and after I've been at it for about half an hour, my heart skips a beat. Right there at the top of my replies, there she is...
"@PatrickStump Patrick, I desperately need to talk to you. Would you please send me a DM? Thank you."
At first I just light up in a huge smile. Finally! But then I think about what she's actually written and I get worried. I run my right hand through my hair, and make a fast decision. If she really needs to talk to me I'm going to let her. Without further hesitation I DM her my cell phone number and my e-mail address.
Considering myself done with Twitter for now, I return to my e-mails. I write a long answer to Andy. The radio station one was a request for an interview, which I agree to do, after I flipped through my date book. The management mail was just some boring legal stuff and a meeting in a couple of weeks.
It's been a little more than an hour when I see that my inbox shows a new mail. I don't recognize the sender, I open it and go to the bottom of the mail. It's from her… It starts:
"Patrick,
first off: I'm sorry I haven't Tweeted you for so long. …"
As I've read the whole thing, she's ended it with "Yours truly" and her name and a cell phone number.
Wow… I'm feeling dizzy… It's over with her guy… She thinks I'm still in a happy relationship… Yeah, how would she know, but this letter shows that the remaining feelings from our night together at least wasn't one sided. I guess we can be confused together. I want to see her! But how do I go about that?
I get up and start pacing, as I repeatedly run my hands through my hair. I go to the kitchen counter to pick up a pack of gum. As I pop one in my mouth, I grab my cell phone and quickly add her number to my contacts.
I walk to the hallway as I put the phone in my jeans pocket, snatch my jacket up and open the front door. Penny comes running down the hallway. I reassure her I'll be right back. I need to think, I need air! A walk seems like a good idea.
I walk around my favorite areas in my favorite city for hours. I eat dinner at the Himalayan, and when I walk out from the restaurant I have finally come to the conclusion to call her. I take a peek at my watch, it's about 9:10 her time, that's not too late.
I take my phone out, press contacts, find her name and push call. After three signals, she answers with her name. It sounds a bit rough.
"Hi, it's Patrick."
"Uh, hi…" she sounds surprised and newly awaken. Dammit! I didn't mean to wake her…
"Oh, I'm sorry," I apologize, "were you asleep?" I ask, even though I get that she were.
"Umm, sort of, I guess…" she answers. I smirk a little. I love the way she's always honest, even in situations when it's more polite to lie.
"I'm sorry, I can call you back tomorrow… or whenever…" I offer, secretly wishing I could keep talking to her, it feels so good to hear her voice again.
"No!" she exclaims, "I mean, it's alright. After all it's only 9:13, how could you possibly foresee I'd be in bed already? It's okay, Patrick," she assures me.
"Oh, okay," I love hearing her say my name. My stomach fills with butterflies. I'm silent for a couple of seconds. I didn't expect to feel this strongly just hearing her voice. "Thanks for your e-mail."
"Sure…" she says sweetly.
I think it's time I tell her why I called:
"I miss you too…" I say softy.
"You do?" she says in disbelief.
"Yes," I smile hugely, "very much."
"Oh…" she seems to get it.
I have to say something about what she wrote in the letter:
"I'm sorry to hear your relationship is over…" I state.
"Yeah, well maybe it's for the best…" she sounds defeated.
"Yeah, that's what I thought too." I think it's only fair to tell her about my break-up too. "That's why I broke up with my girlfriend."
"What?" she almost gasps. She probably didn't expect that.
I elaborate:
"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago… I knew I had hurt her so much, and I didn't wanna keep hurting her so I ended it. Besides, I didn't love her anymore, well at least not in the same way I used to, you know… Or as much."
She's quiet for a second, then:
"Well, in that case; I'm sorry too," she sounds really sincere.
"It's okay, I'm feeling alright about it. It was the right thing to do, you know. Just sad that I hurt her…" I tell her truthfully.
"Yes, I feel the same way. I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt…" she's apparently a bit upset about that.
"But it's wrong to be with one person…" I try to convey to her that I had no choice in the matter, I had to end it with my ex. "If you have feelings for someone else. Like I do…"
I say her name. It's the first time I've said it out loud since that night. Damn, okay, here we go:
"I need to see you. I'm confused too, and I don't think we can clear this up being in different places, do you? Can you come visit me in Chicago?" I'm practically begging her. Shit! She might not have the money to travel. "I'll pay for your plane ticket, so that's not a problem."
"Of course I'll come, if you want me too…" she still doesn't quite believe me.
"I really do," I insist.
I can hear that she's smiling as she answers:
"Okay, I'll call my employer first thing in the morning to see if I can take some time off, and then I'll check the flights to Chicago."
"Awesome!" I grin from ear to ear, "I can't wait to see you…"
"I'm really looking forward to see you too," she seems happy, "you have no idea how much…"
I actually laugh a little. Does she still think she's the only one with feelings and confusion and longing?
"As a matter of fact, I think I do…" I smile at her uncertainty. "Call me tomorrow?" I ask.
"Sure! Bye Patrick!" she ends.
"Bye! Hope you sleep well…" I say her name softly, with all the emotion I feel right now. Then I hang up the phone.
I do a little skip right there on the sidewalk… She's coming! I don't know what's going to happen, I just know I need to see her again. Maybe the feelings will grow between us or maybe we'll realize it's all been the after buzz of us having an amazing night. Either way, we can't figure that out if we were to never meet again. So we meet and then we'll see…
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