FicWad

Sometimes
The pain in my heart
Grows and grows and fucking grows
And there's nothing I can do
Nothing I can do but release the pain
Either wait for it to leave
Or make it all go away
With a haze of metal and blood
And it all happens so fast
And I want it to go away just as quickly
So I always go for the latter

Sometimes
I just can't help it
It's become something of an instinct
A fucked up instinct I've grown to accept
When in reality
I hate what it does to me
It hides
It tears
It scars
It kill
But like I said

Sometimes
It just seems like the closest thing to repair
The best thing I can do to help myself
Because no one else is going to fix me
But

Sometimes
That's wrong
People want to help
Want to care
Want me to get better
Want to see me live again

Sometimes
I just don't let them
I'm too stubborn
And awkward
And closed
And quiet
And ashamed
To let anyone touch me
To let anyone in
No matter how hard they knock

Sometimes
Though
It gets better
And I cherish every moment of bliss in my soul
I cradle it and try to keep it in my arms for as long as I can
And I know the downs are coming
But
I don't want to think of my struggles anymore
Not for now anyway
Because I don't miss the scars