FicWad

I laid in my bed with my sheets over my head when my father came into my room Wednesday morning.

"Aw, still not feeling well, honey?" He asked as he rubbed my back.

I nodded. "Sorry."

"Don't worry, I'll call your school again and let them know," he kissed my forehead and stood back up. "I've got soup for you on the stove in case you're hungry."

"Thanks."

"Alright, I'm leaving for work. Feel better!" He called as he lefy my room.

I sighed, lying flat on my back with my hands on my stomach and stared at my ceiling. My dad was just a little too gullible for his own good, I had learned.

After what had happened on Monday, I couldn't bear the thought of going back to school. If someone had the nerve to actually go back, I'd believe them to be insane. So, when Tuesday morning arrived I faked that I had a stomach ache. My father let me stay home and the only thing I did was stay in bed. I did it again this morning because I still didn't want to go to school. It was Thanksgiving weekend as well which meant no school on Thursday or Friday.

"I know you're faking," I looked up and Scott stood there with his arms crossed.

"Okay," I shrug, not really wanting to fight. "Not your business, but okay."

"I think that maybe you're avoiding something," he said.

"Either I am or I'm not, Scott" I stated and turned over on my side. "Just leave me alone."

He glared at me. "Fine then. I'll leave you to your lies."

He left for his college courses and I heard the front door slam. My throat tightened but no tears fell. What he said had hurt, it really did. But what hurt me most was that he was right. I was just another ball of lies, I was digging my own grave with every lie I told. But that was because I didn't want anyone to see how week I was. I didn't want them to see that I was vulnerable.

I lied there in my bed before falling asleep. I was extremely tired from the night of insomnia. I was afraid to fall asleep and face nightmares that made my head spin. I had woken up a few hours later feeling all foggy from the sleep still in my body. My alarm clock flashed 11:34 am and I guessed that lunch would probably be starting at school right about now. I felt sick just thinking about what I would have to again endure if I was there.

School sucks, I thought.

My stomach grumbled which made me groan. I hated hearing the sound of want emitting from my stomach. I couldn't remember the last time I actually had a real meal. There was the time though when Gerard's mother made me ravioli, but I only had one or two bites. And I just remembered that Thanksgiving was tomorrow. Thanksgiving meant lots of food. Someone out there just didn't want me to lose weight.

I got up from my bed and the first thing I did was go to my bathroom. I pulled the scale out and stepped onto it. I held my breath and had my eyes closed while praying for the number to be worth looking at. I peeked through one eye and saw that the needle was pointing steadily at 109 pounds. I sighed. It was a little better. But I knew that maybe I could do better. I could do so much better than 109.

I went down to the kitchen and just sat at the table. I thought about the soup on the stove, but I didn't dare eat it. My stomach still protested. I sighed and wished I could just give into temptation. Maybe tea, I thought. Tea isn't fattening and green tea had many weight loss properties. We had some green tea somewhere in the cupboards.

I looked through the cupboard where we kept our coffee and teas and pulled out a green tea box. I looked at the back with the nutrition facts. "No carbs, sodium, or calories!" It would have to do. I made my tea and wandered into the living room. I plopped down onto the sofa and tucked my legs under me. I wrapped myself in a blanket and sipped my tea while I watched TV. Nothing was really on except for reruns of Gilligan's Island.

Time seemed to drag slowly. I had gone through four cups and had to pee a lot. I forgot that green tea makes you like that. My muscles were tired and achy from lack of movement.

Maybe if I made an effort to exercise I wouldn't be so damn fat, I thought to myself.

I got bored of Gilligan's Island and just turned off the TV. Nothing interesting was on these days anyway. I laid back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. I was bored, tired, and didn't even attempt to do anything that could more or less benefit society. I finally got up and stretched my back muscles. My feet led me to the many books and vinyl collections my father had set up on the bookshelves. I ran my fingers over them and got a thin layer of dust coating my fingertips.

There was a think leather bound book that had been worn throughout the years, one that we've all looked through multiple times. I pulled it out of the cluster of books and returned to my spot on the couch with the large book in my lap. I ran my hand over the metal plaque on the cover: Adams Family Loving Memories. The album was still heavy just like when I was younger, only now it was very old.

I flipped through the lamented pages, stopping every now and then to briefly scan the pictures. Some were baby pictures or vacations. I stopped to look at a picture of me as a baby in my mother's arms. It was from a day after I was born. I smiled a little, thinking about how pretty she was. She had to be around twenty-six years old. It made it harder to smile when I had a glimpse at more photos of her.

I found a picture of my parents' wedding day. Dad wore a clean cut tux with a purple bow tie. His eyes twinkled and he had bulky looking glasses on. Mom was beautiful. Nothing could even compare to her ebony curls and blue eyes. She had ball gown wedding dress and a sequined veil. She held a bouquet of lilies--her favorite flower.

I rubbed my eyes hastily and sighed. I dreamed of having my mother being there on my wedding day. I imagined her helping me find my own dress. I could never have that now. All those things that were going to be happening to me in the future, she wouldn't be able to see them.

I closed the book and held it to my chest. The past was all in one book, and I wished I could feel like I did back then.

I don't like the feeling of being alone.