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Disclaimer: Sorcerer Hunters is owned by Satoru Akahori and Ray Omishi. No profit is being made from this fic and is purely for entertainment purposes.

Warning: Uhm Angst, and that's about it. Well maybe some spoilers for Gateau's past as according to the manga

Carrot Glance sat on a log, head bowed, writing furiously. The flickering light from the fire casting elongated shadows over him and his sleeping companions.

Carrot wrote

Man today was bad. Well it was bad to me; to the others it was just another typical day of killing evil sorcerers. Why was it bad for me and not the others?

Well to understand that you'll need a little information about me and my friends. I'm a Sorcerer Hunter, we all are. We are a group of people with special skills and abilities trained to kill sorcerers. So we spend our time roaming the continent killing sorcerers who go to far in abusing the magic less parsoners.

It's really dark if you stop to think about it. I mean except for Gateau, we all grew up training and expecting to kill people for a living. That is just too depressing. I try not to think about it.

I guess I should start explaining exactly who "we" are in case some one ever reads this.

Well first there's my younger brother Marron Glance. Looking at us you'll never know we're related. I look like a younger version of our jackass father while Marron looks like a male version of our mother. He's also everything I'm not calm, patient and intelligent (not to say I'm stupid, but Marron's smarter than the rest of us combined.) Because of his intelligence and patience he was trained in Eastern magic. And he's damn good at it too; his spells are easily a match for anything sorcerers throw at us.

Heh, I remember when we were little. He was the local bullies favorite target, so calm and solemn, they would do anything to make him cry. That lasted until I busted their skulls a few times (not that Marron ever knew, if he had he would have always looked to me for protection and never learned to be strong himself.) Now our situations are reversed and he's the one always protecting me. I can't pinpoint exactly when he became the strong one, but I remember how proud of him I was and how scared I was that he would leave me now that he no longer needed me. Great Mama, that thought scares me so much. With Mom dead and a father who hates me Marron's the only family I have left. I couldn't stand it if he left me.

Okay enough of that depressing line of thought. Next on the team is Gateau Mocha. At first he seems to be your typical circus muscleman, but he's a lot stronger than he looks(and with his muscles he looks pretty damn strong.) Plus his skin seems to be impervious to weaker forms of magic.

In some ways I'm a little envious of him. He's had the most normal childhood of all of us. he grew up expecting nothing more than to be a muscleman showing off at the beach. He even had a cute little sister he adored and parents who loved them both. Then a long came a sorcerer who attacked and ruined their village. Killing his parents and kidnapping his little sister. Gateau was hurt pretty badly in the attack. I don't know if a fellow hunter found him or if he managed to drag himself to a church, but the end result was the same. He got recruited into our happy band of assassins.

He doesn't seem to like me all that much. He says it's because I'm an "unbeautiful dolt." I don't know if that's really the reason or not. It's hard to get close and understand some-one who insults you all of the time. Still at least he doesn't hate me as much as my father does. I wish I knew why Pop hates me so much and wants me dead. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt as much when he ignores me in favor of Marron and insults me.

Ack!! Sorry going way way WAY off topic there.

Moving right along there's the Misu sisters, Tira and Chocolate. Two gorgeous redheads who are deadly with whip, wire and thread. They came to live with me and Marron back when we were all kids after Pop saved them from a sorcerer. I had a heck of a time running around trying to protect them and Marron without them becoming too dependent on me. I think I succeeded with Marron but it looks like both sisters have fallen in love with me(well they think they're in love me anyway) Most guys would think having two beautiful girls in love with them as a blessing, I would too if it wasn't these two girls.

You see when I look into their eyes as they say they love me I always get the feeling that they don't really see me. They see some idealized version of the little boy I used to be. I can't stand being loved for something I'm not. I am NOT the same little boy who pulled Tira from trees and got Chocolate to smile. I can't be that boy, not anymore.

And there's more, you see growing up in the secret sorcerer hunters' village they didn't get to meet or even see a lot of guys their own age. How can they know that it's really me they love if the never even look at other guys? It's back to how they don't see me, they've gotten into their heads that I'm the one they love and so they don't look and will probably the meeting the guy who really is absolutely perfect for them.

Plus there's the fact that them in battle mode truly scares the crap out of me. With very good reason too. You see as deadly as they are their main role on the team isn't fighting and killing sorcerers (although they're extremely good at it), it's bring me back under control when I use the one special ability I have. Guess now I have to explain about me and my role on the team.

I'm not very strong, can't use magic, and while I'm decent with a sword my skill is nothing very special, but I have the power of zooanthropy. Whenever I get hit with magic it will activate one or more of the twelve zoonathropy genes in my body and I transform into a monster. So far we have yet to meet a sorcerer who can stand up to me in my transformed state. Problem is I lose all control while I'm transformed and Tira and Chocolate have to whip me to burn out the magic energy and herd me close enough that Marron can use a ward to transform me back. Otherwise I would rampage until all the magic burned off by itself and during that time I could cause a lot of damage.

Now there isn't a lot known about zooanthropy, there haven't been many people with it in history, and from what I understand none lived long enough to make a study of it(sorcerers tended to stick very sharp objects into them) I'll try to explain a little what it's like, but it's really hard as there's no real single way to describe it.

Most of the time the transformation is gentle and almost comforting. I feel like I'm taking a good stretch after waking up and then falling through a cloud of shear warmth. I watch as if I'm dreaming through another's eyes, all of the terror, and the carnage being wrecked by a body that's mine and yet not mine. I hear the screams as I crush the now helpless sorcerer, and I hear Tira's laughter she transforms into battle mode. I see and hear it all, but I don't feel it, not when sorcerers foolishly throw more magic at me, or when Tira and Chocolate use their whips to tame me. It just doesn't seem real. It's not until after I revert back to normal that the welts start hurt. Though the important thing is I remember everything. I don't think I'm supposed to remember it, but I do. They're not exactly unpleasant memories, but they're not pleasant either, they're just uncomfortable. In a way it's reminds me of a nightmare. Especially when I think about Tira and Chocolate. You see they have completely different personality when they're in battle mode. Tira, she becomes this total dominatrix queen, and I swear she gets off on causing me pain in either form. Chocolate just goes psycho, it's almost as if all her emotions get turned off and all she thinks is how to kill. That frightens me, for just as they don't see the real me, I'm never sure if I'm seeing the real them. So for right now they are quite literally the women of my nightmares, who could possibly love that?

Now for the real reason why I'm sitting here writing this, remember how I said, "Most of the time the transformation is gentle?" The key word is most as in not all. There are times (thankfully very rare) where the transformation is bad. The magic hits, I feel the transformation start and my world explodes into pain. My skin peels away from my flesh. Fire runs through my veins, burning me down to my bones. My muscles tear and tendons snap. I feel my bones breaking and shifting into new forms, and then breaking again.

Then the transformation is complete. Once again I am trapped in a body that's mine but not in my control, but this time instead of being distant from the destruction, I am drowning in it. Everything, sight, sound and tough is intensified beyond human limitations. I feel the monster's joy at the carnage and it sickens me. I feel the sorcerer die between my massive hands; see the blood coating the fur that now covers them. I scream out my horror and disgust, but it is the monster's satisfied roar that escapes my throat. Then the sisters make their move. I feel the monster's fear and hatred of them for it knows they seek to stop its rampage. I hear Tira's laughter as her whip finds its mark again and again and again, sending waves of pain through me. I see Chocolate's cold expression as her wire wraps around me cutting even through this monster hide, making me bleed. It is a blessing when I feel the cool slap of Marron's ofuda ward slap against my skin and drain away the magic, sending me to oblivion. That is how it was today.

Even now I can't get the images out of my head, or escape the terror it left me with. I can't talk about it with the others. If I did I know they wouldn't understand. I mean I transform all the time, why would this be different. I would just end up being dismissed as being whiney and cowardly. All it would it do is give Gateau's more stuff the tease me about. I know if I sleep I'll just have nightmares, so now I'm sitting up as late as I can so when I finally fall asleep I'll be too tired to dream. Although I'm running out of time. If I stay up all night, the others will know something's wrong and I'll have to explain. I've let Tira and Chocolate sleep through their turns at watch, and they'll probably just take that as I'm showing I care, unfortunately I can't get away with that for Gateau and Marron. Well maybe with Marron I could get away with it, but not Gateau, and since his watch is before Marron's, I just can't go that route. There's no help for it, I'll have to wake Gateau for his watch, and he'll call me a fool and tell me not to complain if I'm tired today. Then I'll go pretend to sleep, trying not to think of today. But he won't tell Marron, so Marron won't worry, and I know the girls won't talk about it; they'll just smile and blush. The whole thing will repeat for the next couple nights while I try to deal with it, and the terror starts to fade.

Carrot closed the book he was writing in and hid it away in his pack. With a sigh he stood up and walked over to Gateau. Grasping his shoulder's Carrot shook him awake.

"Hey, wake up Gateau." Carrot said grumpily, annoyed at how peacefully the blond man had been sleeping. "It's your turn at watch."

Gateau sat up blinking sleep away from his eyes, finally realizing that Carrot woke him up and not Chocolate who had watch before him.

"Hey, wasn't it Chocolate's turn at watch?" Gateau asked, stretching out his arms.

Carrot shrugged, "I decided to let the girls sleep, but now I'm tired so it's your turn to watch."

"Idiot. Don't expect me to let you sleep in, and I'll kick your ass if I hear any whining about being tired today."

"Yeah, yeah whatever." Carrot said as he crawled under his blankets. "it's been quiet tonight so there shouldn't be any problems. 'Night"

Turning away from Gateau and the fire Carrot stared into the darkness surrounding them, praying for exhaustion to take him to dreamless sleep.

Author's notes: Hello, just a few thoughts I had while writing this. I know SH is a comedy but at the same time, just underneath the surface I see a great deal of potential for angst it's just no-one ever seems to really dwell on it. Well being the little angst baby that I am, I decided to dwell on it and write about it. If you notice there's also a few fic fodder ideas lurking in this piece that refuse to convalesce in my head. In case you missed them the ones I'm thinking of are;

1.What if another hunter finds Carrot's journal and reads it? What's their reaction?(personally I want Gateau to be the one to find and read it, but I'm having trouble figure out his reaction)

2. How did Gateau join the Sorcerer Hunters? From the manga we know he was recruited later after an attack but what are the details.