Categories > Original > Drama

my life in shreads

by rebellove00 0 reviews

my life in the past year and a half

Category: Drama - Rating: G - Genres: Drama - Warnings: [Y] - Published: 2013-08-17 - 2497 words - Complete

0Unrated
Have you ever gotten the feeling like everything you have done, everything you have said, everybody around you just like disappears. Well yeah everything happened but somehow its just gone. My life was perfect I had everything. The friends, the parties, the memories, everything that I never had growing up. I was that girl that would wake up with the biggest hangover passed out at a friends house not remembering what happened the night before, light up a cig and think about everything. It got to the point where I was actually at my own house for not even an hour a week. I’d stop in, get clothes, take a shower, eat something, and just leave. It was pretty much me vs. the world. Well that’s how I felt at least. it’s not like that anymore. Everything changed. One day I came home all of my shit was packed and seen my dad, who I haven’t spoken to in years, sitting at my door. I walked in and looked at my mom. She said one thing to me “get in the car you can’t stay here, it’s for your own good.” I just stopped and stared at her. I felt like everything was in slow motion. She gave me a hug and kissed me on the forehead and put me in the car. I rolled down the window and asked her, “ why?” the last thing she said to me was “ in a few months if everything is better and you’re ok then you can come home.” and that was all she wrote. I was on my way to Oklahoma. I had my dad drive me to my friend Chloe’s house to say goodbye. I couldn’t say anything to her I gave her a note and she gave me one, I gave her a hug and we left. At that moment I felt like I was loosing the best thing that’s ever happened to me. A friend who has been though everything with me, a friend who always kept a secret and knew everything about me, I felt like I was loosing my sister. We drove for I don’t know how long it felt like forever. When we stopped I sat in the car and read her note. She had everything written on four little Beatles diary pages. Everything that I has ever happened and everything that will happen when I get back. The one thing that really stood out to me was the poem written at the end. As I read it I just cried.
It said:
“There’s a hole in the ladder,
A fence you can climb,
You’re as mad as a hatter,
Im as thin as a dime.
Go out to the meadow,
The hills are green,
Sing me a rainbow,
Steal me a dream.”

And it stuck with me. Its from a song by Tom Waits called diamond & gold. But she tweaked it a little bit. I thought about it and I was like woah. She’s as thin as a flag pole and I cant climb fences, one of our favorite movies is Alice in Wonderland and we always use to sing in my room like nobody could hear us, so it kind of hit home when I read that. It was perfect. Every time I get sad or upset I still to this day sit down and read that. And it makes everything better. But as I was saying when we stopped I read her note and then I called her and just cried. I didn’t know what to really say. When we got to Oklahoma I knew it was going to be hell. My family down there never really liked me and I never really liked them ether, but I sucked it up and said its only a few months. I now think of that as “rehab” or a detox thing but not as a punishment. I understand why my mom did what she did. I needed it and I think it really helped. My adventure in Oklahoma was horrible at first. Starting a new school, not knowing anybody, I was scared. A week went by and I started making friends and I realized it wasn’t that bad. I still wanted to come home but it helped that at least I have somebody there that I can talk to. After my grandmother kicked me and my dad out I was homeless for a little while but my uncle let us use his apartment in the workshop in the pasture with all of the cows. every morning I would wake up to 100 cows at my front door with them all mooin’ and shit. It was annoying but I got use to it. We didn’t have a tv so all there was to do was talk to my dad. It had to happen sometime. We talked about every detail of my life since he and my mom got divorced and the reason I was there. After that I think my dad knew more about me than I knew about myself. We got really close and I actually liked talking to him. I told him about every party, every time I got fucked up and shit-faced . He didn’t even care really he just said he was happy I was away from all of that. On my trip I brought 4 cigarettes with me and I tried to spare them. When we moved into the apartment I had two left.
Since we were in THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE there wasn’t much to do but talk, play bored games, and illegally drive 20 miles to the nearest Wal-Mart and 5 to the nearest gas station. Hey, at least he let me drive so that was a bonus. Well anyway I talked to chloe every night and tald her about my day and she would tall me about the crazy shit what was going on cause it was still winter break back home. Boy were there some stories to tell. I just couldn’t believe I missed it al but at the same time I was happy I did. My birthday came around and nobody really gave a rats ass about it nobody even knew. That my family for ya. Well anyways on thanksgiving somebody remembered after me telling them 8000 times it was my birthday three days ago, they finally made me a cake but really it was just for thanksgiving. I don’t care what they really think of me. Since the day I got back I haven’t spoken to any of them. After that night I went back to the apartment and cigarette number 3 was magically gone and in my system. One more left. About a month went by it was now Christmas eve. They don’t celebrate Christmas there and I was really upset because ever since I was born it has been a tradition of setting up a tree and decorating it with my mom. And it wasn’t there that time. But later that night I get the most wonderful phone call I have ever gotten in my life. It was my mom. She said there was 500 dollars in my bank account and that I was coming home. I couldn’t believe it so right then and there i packed up all of my stuff and told my dad. I went to school the next day and said goodbye to all my friends. It was finals week at school so we wernt doing anything I had finished my last test and I was free. So me and some friends we all walked down the street to the art building and set up an xbox and we sat there the rest of the day playing black ops and mw3. We all stocked the pop machines and got free pop and snacks from the mini bar and had a little party. By the end of the day paint was everywhere including in my hair. I had marker on almost every inch of my body and iron on patches on my favorite pair of jeans (don’t worry I was wearing shorts underneath my pants). It was a fun day then we all snuck onto the kiddie playground after lunch, well after we got done cleaning it cause we had a food fight and it was messy…. Nachos not the best thing to clean up. But when I left I gave my friend hollie a pair of my favorite suspenders, hollie had given me a friendship bracelet that I keep locked away in a jewelry box. Rosie my best friend down there gave my a guitar pick necklace that I still where everyday. But the next morning I got up and was on my way home. The second we rolled into town I didn’t go home. I drove straight to Chloe’s and picked her up. The car was full of my stuff so she sat on my lap the whole way back to my house. When we got home there was about 2 feet of snow and it was freezing outside. My mom wasn’t there yet so I had my dad drop us off at the ice rink where I knew everybody would be. The second I stepped out of the car I was probably tackled to the ground about 20 times in a span of ten minutes. I was so happy to see everybody! We skated for a little bit then of course somebody had to break out the shit that had sent me to Oklahoma in the first place. Well of course from instinct I took a few hits. Partied my ass off for a few ours and about 11 o’clock my dad came and picked us up. We took everything into my house and went to spend the night at a hotel. There weren’t enough beds for all of us so my dad go the bed and me and chloe made our own little club house in the bathroom. It was awesome we had black lights and everything in there. Well we both woke up in the middle of the night want went and slept in a little corner of the hotel room. I fell asleep with my head pressed up against the wall upside down with chloes ass in my face and my foot laying in the back of her head. It felt normal for the first time in 4 months. And I was just happy to be home. We got up early went and ate breakfast at the house and it was on from there. Well after a few weeks of the usual getting drunk and stoned every night I finally realized that wasn’t who I wanted to be. Yes I still smoked and drank but not as much as I did. When I finished my freshman year here back in Indiana I knew this is where I belonged and I never wanted to leave. Having gone through all of that, my best friend kyle who I love more than anything imaginable going to jail, me and chloe fighting, loosing my virginity to a guy who I thought really cared about me but had three more girlfriends I didn’t know about, and loosing our party house, it all changed. the party house was where it all started it was like my home. it’s the place where I found myself, where I made all of my friends, learned everything I know now, and it disappeared. After having my friend moving into an apartment, painting it four times and spray painting it (wasn’t the best idea but it had to be done) to get the marker and glow stick goop off the walls, and dealing with loosing everybody I couldn’t take it. A few weeks after I left Oklahoma, my dad had a stroke and has been in and out of the hospital for the last few months its been even more tougher getting through that. The beginning of summer this year me and a few of my friends went for a drive though the bottoms by the river behind the casino, maybe I should be careful who I get into a car with cause we flipped that bitch about four times. Wasn’t the best day of my life but it was pretty funny afterwards. We just kind of sat there in shock and all I hear is my friend josh whose always trying to lighten the mood say “ I give it an 8, that was a pretty good wreck.” we all just kind of just laughed while waiting for the ambulance, cops, and our parents to show up.



Now after all of that I have completely changed my life around it wasn’t the wreck or my dad or anything that made me change I think the biggest thing was my best friend going to jail. It hit me that if we keep screwing up like this that’s where ill end up jail. Three weeks into my sophomore year and this is where I stand two months of no drugs, 6 months of no alcohol, and 20 pounds down I am on the right path to being myself again. I realized I don’t need any of that to be happy. I now have kyle back but he’s on intensive probation and doesn’t live across the street anymore, well not for the next few months but soon he will be back, me and chloe are on good terms we still have our ups and downs, e and my moms relationship I think is stronger than ever even though we still yell at each other all the time we are still good, my step dad, well he’s him and I cant change that but I still love him, and everything else is okay so far. Im just taking it all day by day and keeping to the promises I’ve made. Well its about two o’clock in the morning and I have to get some sleep big party at the fairgrounds with the family tomorrow and I don’t want to miss it. I think this whole thing was not only to teach a lesson to you about being careful about the choices you make because it could send you somewhere you don’t want to be but also for me all of this has been bottled up and its just been racking at my brain so I really needed this. The last thing I am going to leave you with is don’t take advantage of the people who love you and the choices they make for you because in the end it will help. And don’t do the stupid shit like I did so yeah you all have a nice day and leave comments and ask questions if you want love yall byee!!!
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