FicWad

This chapter follows after Chapter 3

​​​​And this is the room
One afternoon, I knew I could love you
And from above you, how I sank into your soul
Into that secret place where no one dares to go



We sit in the frenzy of a twenty-four-hour Chinese Takeout restaurant. You would think it was rush hour just by the number of people hustling and bustling in. That's one thing I loved about working so late, especially in New York City of all cities; 2AM had been just as busy as 9AM. There were people going to work, some getting off of work. The streets were never silent. Of course it hadn't always been safe, but I had ample reason to thank it. I could admit that on some of my more inhibited nights, the streets were what kept me alive.

"Things got pretty intense back there, huh?" He sat across from me dressed in just a Black Flag tee and his hair brushed out of his eyes. I loved it when he tried, but he was never to know that. I was also holding back he fact that he was the sole purpose of my performance that night. I thought treating him to the best Chinese cuisine that Brooklyn had to offer would be enough of a salute.

"I don't understand what her problem is," Honestly, I wasn't trying to either. I wasn't ready to forgive Karley after what she'd done. "The fact that she put her hands on me is really what bothered me the most." Karley was never violent, even when she was high. Something must have transpired previously to me going back to the apartment. And to hear that I was over Gerard's all night and returned with a blissful smile--that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"From what you told me, she sounds a little envious," He spoke carefully. Looking down at his fingernails. I took a long drag of breath. Of course she envied me. Not for any obvious reasons either, she couldn't find happiness in anything so everyone around her had to suffer. I was done with suffering, far beyond it. I didn't want her taking her fits out on me anymore when she couldn't get what she wanted. The tantrums she would throw when a man decided to spend more time with his family instead of her.

No more.

"Still gave her no reason to call you, Gee," A quiet giggle rolls around in his throat. My ears catch it under the loud woks and the humming of lights. "What was that?" A devious smile plays on his lips.

"You're more pissed about that than you are for her pushing you," He could read the slightest hint of anger or even anxiety out of my expressions. I didn't even have to speak for him to already know what ran through my mind. "Really, Victoria, I enjoyed it. It wasn't at all as off-putting as you made it out to be." I couldn't believe I was hearing this from him. Before I could respond, the woman at the counter called our ticket number. I get up and retrieve it, making sure the ticket had been correct. With a nod I thanked her and bid her a good night. Gerard gets up, and follows suit to the door.

"But she did that for all the wrong reasons," We walked to his car parked almost a block up. Her final words drilling themselves in the back of my mind. Envy didn't explain why she reacted the way she did and I wasn't about to make that my living situation.

"Doesn't matter. You showed her that she couldn't kill your vibe and that's what really pissed her off," I shrugged wanting to let the conversation drop off into one of the open manholes we past. It wouldn't hit me maybe until the next morning that I lost one of my best friends to her own, greedy ego. I knew it wouldn't take long for missing her to rear itself, either. I was at a serious crossroads with my emotions and I didn't know where to end up. "What's most important is you staying somewhere else," I knew where this was headed, but what would stop us from making 'the big commitment'? He opens the car door for me. I get in. Going to the other side, he gets in and starts the car. "I don't want you in a situation where you have to worry about getting in a fight with your roommate everyday." It was almost as if he was telling me to move-in.

"I get that, but I can't ask that of you, Gerard," He shrugged. The car slowly halted at a red light. It was almost as if he knew exactly what I was going to say. "And don't ask why." I declared.

"I'm not going to ask why," He reasons defiantly. He was mostly shy, but he had these defining moments every once in a while. When there was something he wanted, he made damn sure that he was going to get it. "If you keep fighting me on this, I'm going to try so hard that you won't be able to say anything but 'yes'." He gives me that smirk with a raised eyebrow.

Just another game of cat and mouse.


How right, he was. I thought, as my bones cracked and muscles ached from under my submission. He was a God when it came to physical communication. He had me first on the living room floor and then carried me to the kitchen counter. He let me finish first on his bedroom wall and I had no idea how we got back into the living room on the couch. He was a true marvel.

An anomaly.

We both lie there, face-to-face, naked obviously just bouncing words off each other. I briefly thought back to the other morning, elated that I had tucked that note deep into my past. I was really weighing out the possibilities of a relationship. I then realized I hadn't sounded much like myself.

"How about kids, you want them?" We'd been asking each other weird questions all night. It just proved how comfortable I was with him.

"I don't know. I do know that I don't want to strip forever," That was for certain. It was unspoken that I didn't have the best upbringing and I was mostly afraid to turn out like my mother. I was already half-way there. "I think it would be nice to love something other than myself and to be loved back," He nodded with a cohesive expression. "Could you see me on diaper duty? Driving a minivan? Making breakfast?" I couldn't even get it out without bringing myself to tears in laughter. Codependency was a subject that rarely crossed my mind. At least, that's what I referred to as entering motherhood. I thought more about making my own Fight Club than I took the time to think about about settling down, honestly.

"I could see you being a great mother," I slapped him playfully, my cackles bounce off of the walls. Little did I know, he was being sincere. My expression softened. "Seriously, you're a natural provider." He reasoned. I found a bit of comedy in what he last said.

"No Honey, I'm a stripper." He hadn't found anything remotely hilarious about that. Something in his eyes dimmed as if I disappointed him.

"You're more than that, Victoria. Those men," The sincerity in his voice shook me. "They look to you to make their weeks and make it easy to go back to their wives. You naturally enjoy helping people." Naturally, I shook it off but something inside of me shined and softly wept while doing so. I tried to throw up a wall but it was fruitless.

"So what do you see me as; a nurse or something?" His smirk grew again. Here we go. I awaited his perverse comment.

"You'd look great in scrubs." My eyes rolled.

"You'd think I'd look good in a potato sack!" The room, once tense, erupted with giggles.

"Speaking of potatoes, how about that food?" I had completely forgotten but as soon as I was reminded, my stomach had rejoiced. I sat up swinging my legs over the edge of the couch slowly realizing I hadn't eaten since the day before.

"Let me borrow a shirt." He did the same, hopping off of the couch and scurrying into the bathroom. I always thought it adorable how he always had to pee after sex.

"Sure," He called from the bathroom. "Top drawer, left side." I walked into his bedroom pooling his drawer open. I shook my head seeing his shirts neatly folded and color coordinated. I was surprised they weren't alphabetized by band name. I found his Rocky Horror tee and made it my own. It fit the mood perfectly. I heard the taps running and assumed he'd taken a shower. Automatically, I laid out a pair of clean briefs, flannel pants and a shirt to match.

I knew him all too well.

He also kept a few pairs of panties around for me, and he wasn't even my boyfriend…yet.

I sauntered back into the kitchen, taking down dishes and tumblers for the two of us. Unwrapping the food from the brown paper bag. It was still warm, thankfully. Forking out the Lomein on both plates, I didn't hear the taps running anymore. I left the plates on the counter and dawned the couch cover, folded it and placed it on the floor. I heard the bedroom door open.

"What are you doing out here?" He giggled, fully dressed in the pajamas I'd picked out for him.

"Come and sit," He did so without protest. His eyes shined with something that night. I couldn't quite place it…actually, I could; I just wasn't ready to admit it. I grabbed both plates carrying them over to the blanket where he sat. "Here you are." I handed it to him and almost immediately, stuck his fork in and began to twirl it around. Sticking a few noodles in his mouth at a time.

"Thanks," He said through a full mouth. I couldn't help but giggle, myself. Crossing my legs, I sat down and dug in myself. "So if you don't want to do, you know," He gathered a few more noodles. "Do this forever, what did you want to do?" He was full of insightful questions tonight.

"I seriously don't know," For not having eaten in such a long time, the noodles tasted as if God, himself made them. I was in love…with the food, that is. I gave his question some serious thought. I thought to our small conversation earlier about me liking to help people naturally. "Being a nurse doesn't sound so bad, but I love children so I'd primarily be in Pediatrics." That wasn't something I often conveyed. My usual hard-ass self was often quick to hide that side of myself. He gave me that smile again, happy that I could be transparent for him.

"Can I tell you a secret?" He posed this question sincerely. He never kept much from me so I wondered what this secret was. I rested the plate on my crossed ankles.

"Of course," He sat his plate in front of him. Honestly, I felt all kinds of special that he was confiding in me. Me, his Wednesday night lay, a stripper from New Jersey who's practically homeless. It seemed a little silly, but those were just titles after all. "Well, go on! Tell me!" I urged.

"Okay," He readied himself. I hadn't known what this was going to be, but it seemed positive. "I want to start a band," I nod with an ironic smile spread wide across my face. Gerard loved music and the boy could sing! When it came to bands though, he was bad luck. "So what do you think?"

"That wasn't much of a secret. I mean, you've been in three so far. But what about illustrating?" I really wanted him to think this through before he jumped the gun. I didn't want him to seem put-off by the question, I just wanted the best for him as he wanted for me.

"That's my first love, of course," He graduated a year ago as a Fine Arts Major. I knew he wasn't ready to do away with that Degree. "But in some weird way, I want to do both." I understood. Gerard had that way about him where his feet were always in different mediums of arts and even theater. I believed he could do both and be successful, but I wanted him to believe in himself more.

"You would want the art to speak through the music, and vise versa," I grabbed the tumbler, taking a long sip of orange soda. "I think it's an amazing idea, I just don't want you to get mixed in with anyone who doesn't have your passion." That had always been the catalyst to the failures of the other bands. I didn't want to see him unhappy again.

"Yeah, you're right," He nodded in place, seemingly deep in thought. "I don't know, I think it may work out this time." The confidence didn't waver in his voice like all those other times. I was proud of him.

Then, something came over me, a wave of transparent realization. It's inquisitive voice had asked me where I would be if Gerard and said band would make it; would I still be stripping? Were we just going to be friends? Something about that didn't sit right with me.

"I say, go for it," I got up against my will, sitting next to him. I enveloped him in a long, warm hug. I felt that realization again when he hugged me back. Maybe it wasn't a 'realization'. Maybe it was what I'd been running from all this time. Maybe it was what Karley feared the most, other than loneliness, that is. Maybe it was love. That same notion told me to cut the bullshit and finally throw caution to the wind. It told me in a motherly voice that this boy was willing to do anything for me, and no matter what my head said, my heart knew what was best for me; he was best for me.
"You know you'll always have my support." I pecked him on the cheek, pulling him in closer.

"Thank you," He turned into me, kissing me deeply. As his soft lips caressed mine, I already knew what would conspire of this. Slowly, I took his hand. He tugged me forward so that I was lying on top of him. I separated the kiss. Lying on his chest. His hand still in mine.

"I need you to promise me something," I looked up to those beautiful green eyes of his. I could look into them all day but that would just be creepy.

"What's that?" I listened to his steady heart beat as it pumped against my ear.

"I need you to promise me that if I throw caution to the wind, you won't take advantage of it." He lie a small kiss on my forehead.

"You know I won't." And that I did.

"So what do you say?" I laced my fingers within his, holding the both of our hands up. I looked to him with a bewildered demeanor.

"Are you asking me to be your boyfriend, Victoria?" He mocked a shocked tone.

"Yes, Gerard. I'm asking you to be my B-F, my knight in shining armor, my starving artist in flannel pajamas!" I mused.

"Sure, why not," He shrugged stifling a giggle. "But on one circumstance," His tone gained a serious rhythm. "You have to promise me that we'll still have nights like this." That warmed my chilly heart and took no time for a small smile to draw itself on the surface of my lips.

"I promise," I took his pinky in mine. "Oh and one more thing: Seeing as I don't have a place to live, would you mind it if I crashed with you for a little? Just until I get back on my feet?" I heard his laugh roll in the pit of his chest.

"You've already got panties here, so I just assumed you lived here already," His tone remained light. "But of course, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you stay with your maniac roommate?" I loved the sound of his voice with the combination of that word. Boyfriend.

"Not a good one," I quickly replied with a laugh. "Say 'boyfriend' again." It was truly music to my ears.

"Boyfriend," He mocked in a fake Spanish accent rolling his R's. I couldn't help but be elated. Finally, I had someone for myself, who accepted all of my downfalls, my weaknesses and put up with all of my baggage. That's what the both of us wanted all along and it was finally working out in our favor.



Gerard dropped me off in front of the apartment complex where I previously stayed. He'd given me one of his luggage cases so I could gathering everything and leave quickly. He had gone to his internship at DC afterward, he was making his brother, Mikey pick me up. I didn't know if Mikey knew exactly who Gerard referred to, but I was going to leave all of that up to fate to unveil. I just wanted to get in--get my things--and get out.

I hadn't seen Karley's car parked anywhere, this was a good sign. It would make things so much quicker. I was going to slip the keys back under the door for her to have. That way, she could maybe find another roommate. Maybe someone as crazy as she was. But in all honestly, I really didn't care what Karley did with the rest of her life. She'd burned enough bridges in her day (all in one day).

I walked up to the door, hearing nothing on the other side.

She wasn't home, thank God.

Turning the keys in carefully, opening the door to complete silence. With the duffel Gerard had lent me, I dashed into the bedroom. Opening the drawers that held my belongings, shoving handfuls into this bag. I heard a faint knock on the door before I could finish. Insulting the air, I rolled my eyes and retired to the door.

"Who is it?" I asked begrudgingly. Cursing myself for even answering the door.

"It's Eric, Karley there?" I scoffed.

"No, she's out." I called on the other side of the door.

"She wanted me to come pick up CD's and drop them off at the bar for her," I asked myself why she would send him over to retrieve something so trivial. Then again, Karley had a lot of things up her sleeve those days. "I just want to grab them and leave, promise." He wasn't much of a persistent man. He was far too simple to ever go along with one of Karley's schemes.

With a delayed sigh, I open the door. He slowly walks in.

"Thanks, Vicki," I snarled under my breath.

"Karley's CD's are in the corner," I pointed to the tall shelf. "And it's Victoria." I said blankly going back to packing my belongings. I heard faint shuffling in the next room but never minded it. I made my way to the bathroom, opening the cabinet and clearing out all of my items. I was almost done when I heard footsteps behind me. Eric stood there with his brown spiked hair, tight jeans and Armani Express v-neck.

"You're looking good these days, Vicki." His voice was weird. He didn't sound like he did behind the door. I became frustrated.

"I told you, it's Victoria," His eyes never peeled away, undressing me. "And can I help you?" I was annoyed at this point, pushing past him when he didn't reply. He blocked my way. "Move." I tried forcing him away with my arm. He grabbed a tight hold of it. My heart skipped beats and my face burned with fury. This wasn't happening--not to me.

"Kars told me what happened last night," He yanked me out of the bathroom. I struggled against him but his grip didn't budge. "You like threatening people, huh?" He kept yanking at my arm, pulling me closer to him. He lead me through the hallway and into my bedroom doorway.

"Let me go!" I strained against his shoulder, not even noticing his raised hand. I tasted the back of his knuckles as they knocked my lips into my teeth. I tasted the iron, I knew I was bleeding. I feel at his feet, missing my bed completely. He shut the door behind him as I softly whimpered, regaining my strength. I got up to swing, he took a hold of my arm again relentlessly making fierce contact with his hand to my face. Multiple blows to my right eye disoriented me. My fall was cushioned by my bed. I rolled over on my stomach. Stupid me, trying to run. I couldn't move. I couldn't even cry, I was in so much pain.

"Shut up!" He screamed. His fist knocked me down again. I was silenced. I lie there like a slug, face bloodied, hands numb and mouth dry from wanting to scream. Nothing came out. I heard the clink of his belt. I closed my left eye hoping that I would just black out already. Small whimpers made there way out as the leather of the belt caressed my bare back. His hands ripped my shorts down as my thighs naturally clung on to them To no avail, they were gone. I trembled under him like a leaf. Since there was nothing that could I could do at that point, I just wanted it to be over.

He parted my thighs slowly. I clenched the blood soaked sheets preparing myself for the absolute worse. ​​