Categories > TV > Supernatural > Cant Stay In Heaven
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Castiel took the Friday off school in order to get his hand checked out at the local hospital. The doctors found that, thankfully, there were no breaks in any of his bones. The only obvious thing to say about it was that there was just a lot of heavy bruising meaning he should just take it easy until the bruising heals up. Thankfully the doctor’s appointment only lasted about an hour and a half, so Castiel was able to spend the rest of the day home alone for the first time since he moved there.
Well, he was alone until around 1pm when the doorbell rang loudly through the house and disturbed Castiel from his short nap on the sofa.
When he answered the door, he was actually somewhat surprised to see Dean Winchester standing there with a six pack of beer in one hand a veggie burger in the other.
“I thought that maybe you’d be wanting a late lunch?” He winked.
“Dean…” Castiel sighed.
“Listen, I know you told me not to come round here, but you’re home alone right now and I was worried to death when I didn’t see you at school today. I just had to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine.” Castiel said quietly. There was a long silence between them, but it wasn’t particularly awkward. It was the sort of silence that lets you know what the other person is thinking without even needing to speak. “And, fine, you can come inside. But you’ve got to promise to go when my family all gets home.”
“I suppose that’s a start.” Dean shrugged as he stepped inside.
* * *
Castiel felt uncomfortable about the way Dean eyed every photo hanging on the walls as they made their way to Castiel’s bedroom. He tried to distract him with pointless conversation, but it didn’t stop him from frowning with every picture he passed. It was obvious to Castiel what he had noticed, but he really wasn’t ready to explain.
In fact, it wasn’t until Dean asked the question that Castiel could even begin to think of an excuse to cover it up.
“Why aren’t there any photos of you, Cas?”
“Well, you see, I don’t like having my photo taken and, well, that’s why there are none of me.” Castiel shrugged awkwardly as he pushed his bedroom door open slightly.
“Don’t lie to me, Cas.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Yes you are. Even if you don’t like having your photo taken now, there would still be a fair few from when you were a baby.”
“I made my parents take them down.” Castiel mumbled. He could feel his face burning with every lie Dean managed to see through.
“Tell me.” Dean said firmly.
Castiel sat down on his bedroom floor and felt his stomach twist. For some reason he felt ashamed: ashamed at the fact he hadn’t told Dean this before, and ashamed because it would certainly change the way Dean thought of him. “There are no photos of me because this isn’t my family. Well, they’re not my real family.” He fixed his eyes on the floor as he spoke. “They are my foster family. My real family lives in Boston but,” Castiel sighed deeply, swallowing the swollen feeling at the back of his throat, “they don’t want me anymore. They used to hit me…and beat me. No one ever came to help me until one of my neighbours complained about the noise and the shouting and called the cops. People knew what they were doing to me, but no one cared enough to help me. No one ever cares enough to help, do they, Dean?” Castiel’s voice was cold and harsh. His eyes were even colder.
“I had no idea, Cas. I’m sorry.”
“Everyone is always ‘sorry’. That word means nothing to me now; I’ve heard it too many times and nobody ever means it. I’m tired of it.”
Dean reached out slowly towards his motionless friend and placed a hand over his knee. It startled Cas at first, but then it’s warmth somehow made him feel much safer. “I swear I’ll never let anyone hurt you ever again. I swear.”
“Oh, Dean,” Castiel laughed emotionlessly, “just because I can’t protect myself, doesn’t mean you need to do it for me.”
“Well, I want to, okay? And I want to because I care about you more than you realise. But right now, none of those bad things matter because you’ve got a veggie burger and I’ve got alcohol, okay?”
Castiel let himself smile a little up at Dean. “Okay.”
* * *
“You don’t have to drink all of it, but at least try a little bit.” Dean said, handing Castiel an unopened can of beer.
“I can’t…my family will get mad. Plus, I’ve never even had alcohol before.” Castiel frowned, pushing the bottle away.
“I’ll give you ten dollars if you try it.”
“I don’t want to!” Castiel laughed.
“Twenty?”
“No.”
“Just one sip? Your parents will never know.”
“I swear to god, you’re impossible to argue against.” Castiel giggled as he took the can. “But I’m only trying a little bit.” He said as he brought the edge of the can up to his lips. Gingerly, he sipped the liquid, held it in his mouth for a few seconds, and screwed his nose up in disgust before swallowing and announcing: “It takes like absolute shit.”
“You’ve got to get used to the taste. Try again.”
Castiel rolled his eyes and took another sip, but this time his face didn’t change all that much. “Well it still tastes gross, but for some reason I kinda like it.” he giggled.
“See, I told you!” Dean laughed as he opened his own can.
* * *
An hour and three cans of beer later on Castiel’s part, the two were lying in the middle of the bedroom floor listening to The Used from Castiel’s CD player. Dean was surprised at how cuddy his friend became under the influence of alcohol, so he wasn’t going to just pass up the opportunity to get as close to him as possible.
He waited until Castiel was lying flat on his back on the floor, and then knelt over him with their faces only inches apart. Castiel starred drunkenly at Dean from below and frowned.
“Dean, what are you doing?”
“Nothing.” Dean muttered under his breath. Seeing Castiel this close made him feel kind of nervous if he was being honest. Dean didn’t particularly like the feeling much because he’d never really felt it before. It was the sort of feeling that made his chest feel tight and his breath catch in his throat. It was as if the only thing in the world that mattered to him was the boy on the floor, and it was his job to make sure nothing bad in the world could ever get to him.
“You’re very, uh, close.”
“I know. And you’re very beautiful.”
Dean’s face flushed red, and so did Castiel’s.
And before Castiel even realised it, Dean was closer and closer until soon enough their lips were touching.
It felt weird. It was something Castiel had never experienced until that moment and he felt somewhat uncomfortable. He couldn’t move from underneath Dean as he had his hands either side of him, making it nearly impossible for him to get away. He began to panic as Dean began to kiss him harder, his hands moving from the floor to Cas’ waist and face, then to his thigh and neck. He didn’t want to kiss Dean like this. He had no idea why he’d even let Dean get that close in the first place. All he could think about was how ashamed he felt for letting Dean get the impression that he wanted this.
“Dean…” Castiel managed to breathe as he broke the kiss for a second.
Dean held his lips over Castiel’s and blew softly across his bottom lip as Castiel spoke.
“Please stop.”
“But you’re so perfect, Cas. So perfect… I don’t think you ever understand.” Dean muttered, kissing him quickly again. “You’re just too perfect.”
“Please,” Castiel pushed him back slightly, “Please stop…my parents will be home soon and they’ll-”
“Shh, Castiel, it’s fine. Just, please.” Dean begged. Castiel looked up at his face and saw how desperate he was, his eyes were dark and hungry; his bottom lip was shaking ever so slightly; his skin was pale, cold. “It’s fine.” He muttered before their lips were touching again. Castiel decided to close his eyes and let Dean kiss him, because it was clear that once Dean had started, there was no stopping him until he was satisfied.
Well, nothing could stop him except for the sudden entrance of Castiel’s foster father, Nick. As soon as the door swung open, Dean quickly sat up and climbed off of Castiel, but it was too late. Nick’s face was ghost white, his mouth open but unable to make a sound.
Castiel tried to climb to his feet, but the heavy influence of alcohol made him sway and stagger. “It’s not what it looks like.” Castiel said quickly. “I didn’t want to kiss him, but he got me drunk and-”
“Save it, Castiel.” Nick said angrily. “I want the boy to explain what’s going on.”
Dean stepped forward and looked Nick dead in the eye, “I’m so sorry, sir, but it was my fault. I kissed him, and I should’ve been more responsible about the alcohol.” Dean said quickly.
“Dean, don’t take the blame, you’ll just get yourself into more trouble and-”
“ENOUGH! Both of you!”
Both boys were silenced.
“What is your name, kid?” Nick said quickly.
“Dean. Dean Winchester, sir.”
“John Winchester’s son? Well…wouldn’t he be thrilled to find out about this little situation.”
“No. No, no, no, no! You can’t tell my dad. I’m begging you…please; I’ll do whatever you ask. Just don’t tell my dad.”
Castiel looked up at Dean and he could’ve sworn he saw him start to cry. Dean Winchester, the strong, unforgiving boy he’d seen just minutes ago was reduced to tears by the threat of his father being told about him kissing another guy. Suddenly Castiel felt fully responsible for Dean; this was his own fault, after all – he never should’ve let Dean in the house; he should’ve known something like this would happen.
“Nick…just listen, okay? It was an accident. We just got a little carried away.” Castiel said quietly, taking a small step towards Dean.
“Carried away? How the hell were two guys in the situation to get ‘carried away’ like that in the first place?!” Nick spat.
“Me and Dean…well…” Castiel looked up at Dean and sighed. “I’m his boyfriend, okay? I’m his boyfriend and he’s mine.” He lied.
“This household is no place for homosexuals, Castiel. You should know that by now.”
“It’s not his fault, okay?” Dean said suddenly. “It’s hardly as if he chose to be this way. You don’t choose who you fall in love with.”
“He’s not in love with you, Winchester. He’s seventeen – he’s still a naïve little child and you’ve corrupted him.”
“Well you know what? Fuck you, Mr what-ever-your-name-is. He’s more than a little kid, okay? To me, he’s perfect. He’s beautiful and smart and sensitive and broken, and it’s my job to fix him. Either you accept it and get on with your life, or you don’t and live with it anyway. Don’t you think he’s been through enough in his life already? He came here to get away from all the hate, so don’t you dare put him through any of that again. I swear to god, if you do, you won’t just have me to answer to.”
It was that moment when Castiel looked up at Dean and saw how openly honest he was being, that Castiel really felt that maybe, just maybe, he was actually starting to fall in love with this him too.
“I love him, okay?” Dean said firmly. “I’m in love with him. I know that he doesn’t love me back as much as I love him, but that doesn’t change anything for me. Nobody has ever made me feel the way this kid makes me feel; no man, no woman, nobody. It hurts me to see him in pain, so if he tells me that you and your oh-so-perfect family have been giving him crap, I’ll be down here in and instant. I swear to god, I’ll stop at nothing to make him happy. I’ll stop at nothing. Do you hear me?”
“I hear you, son.” Nick spat. His voice was cold and cruel. “Now get out of my house.”
Dean turned to Castiel and patted his shoulder just once; but Castiel couldn’t bring himself to look back up at Dean. He didn’t know why, he just couldn’t. “I’ll see you around, kiddo.”
Castiel could hear the slight smile in his voice, but he knew it wasn’t a smile of happiness.
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess.” Was all Castiel could force out.
When he looked up, he found that he was suddenly alone. From outside his window he could hear the voice of his foster father as he shouted insults at the boy reduced to tears as he fumbled with his keys to unlock his car.
The engine started.
The insults stopped.
And suddenly the only audible sound on the whole street was the sound of Dean’s Chevy Impala as he drove off. Drove off, away from Castiel when he needed him.
Castiel took the Friday off school in order to get his hand checked out at the local hospital. The doctors found that, thankfully, there were no breaks in any of his bones. The only obvious thing to say about it was that there was just a lot of heavy bruising meaning he should just take it easy until the bruising heals up. Thankfully the doctor’s appointment only lasted about an hour and a half, so Castiel was able to spend the rest of the day home alone for the first time since he moved there.
Well, he was alone until around 1pm when the doorbell rang loudly through the house and disturbed Castiel from his short nap on the sofa.
When he answered the door, he was actually somewhat surprised to see Dean Winchester standing there with a six pack of beer in one hand a veggie burger in the other.
“I thought that maybe you’d be wanting a late lunch?” He winked.
“Dean…” Castiel sighed.
“Listen, I know you told me not to come round here, but you’re home alone right now and I was worried to death when I didn’t see you at school today. I just had to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine.” Castiel said quietly. There was a long silence between them, but it wasn’t particularly awkward. It was the sort of silence that lets you know what the other person is thinking without even needing to speak. “And, fine, you can come inside. But you’ve got to promise to go when my family all gets home.”
“I suppose that’s a start.” Dean shrugged as he stepped inside.
* * *
Castiel felt uncomfortable about the way Dean eyed every photo hanging on the walls as they made their way to Castiel’s bedroom. He tried to distract him with pointless conversation, but it didn’t stop him from frowning with every picture he passed. It was obvious to Castiel what he had noticed, but he really wasn’t ready to explain.
In fact, it wasn’t until Dean asked the question that Castiel could even begin to think of an excuse to cover it up.
“Why aren’t there any photos of you, Cas?”
“Well, you see, I don’t like having my photo taken and, well, that’s why there are none of me.” Castiel shrugged awkwardly as he pushed his bedroom door open slightly.
“Don’t lie to me, Cas.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Yes you are. Even if you don’t like having your photo taken now, there would still be a fair few from when you were a baby.”
“I made my parents take them down.” Castiel mumbled. He could feel his face burning with every lie Dean managed to see through.
“Tell me.” Dean said firmly.
Castiel sat down on his bedroom floor and felt his stomach twist. For some reason he felt ashamed: ashamed at the fact he hadn’t told Dean this before, and ashamed because it would certainly change the way Dean thought of him. “There are no photos of me because this isn’t my family. Well, they’re not my real family.” He fixed his eyes on the floor as he spoke. “They are my foster family. My real family lives in Boston but,” Castiel sighed deeply, swallowing the swollen feeling at the back of his throat, “they don’t want me anymore. They used to hit me…and beat me. No one ever came to help me until one of my neighbours complained about the noise and the shouting and called the cops. People knew what they were doing to me, but no one cared enough to help me. No one ever cares enough to help, do they, Dean?” Castiel’s voice was cold and harsh. His eyes were even colder.
“I had no idea, Cas. I’m sorry.”
“Everyone is always ‘sorry’. That word means nothing to me now; I’ve heard it too many times and nobody ever means it. I’m tired of it.”
Dean reached out slowly towards his motionless friend and placed a hand over his knee. It startled Cas at first, but then it’s warmth somehow made him feel much safer. “I swear I’ll never let anyone hurt you ever again. I swear.”
“Oh, Dean,” Castiel laughed emotionlessly, “just because I can’t protect myself, doesn’t mean you need to do it for me.”
“Well, I want to, okay? And I want to because I care about you more than you realise. But right now, none of those bad things matter because you’ve got a veggie burger and I’ve got alcohol, okay?”
Castiel let himself smile a little up at Dean. “Okay.”
* * *
“You don’t have to drink all of it, but at least try a little bit.” Dean said, handing Castiel an unopened can of beer.
“I can’t…my family will get mad. Plus, I’ve never even had alcohol before.” Castiel frowned, pushing the bottle away.
“I’ll give you ten dollars if you try it.”
“I don’t want to!” Castiel laughed.
“Twenty?”
“No.”
“Just one sip? Your parents will never know.”
“I swear to god, you’re impossible to argue against.” Castiel giggled as he took the can. “But I’m only trying a little bit.” He said as he brought the edge of the can up to his lips. Gingerly, he sipped the liquid, held it in his mouth for a few seconds, and screwed his nose up in disgust before swallowing and announcing: “It takes like absolute shit.”
“You’ve got to get used to the taste. Try again.”
Castiel rolled his eyes and took another sip, but this time his face didn’t change all that much. “Well it still tastes gross, but for some reason I kinda like it.” he giggled.
“See, I told you!” Dean laughed as he opened his own can.
* * *
An hour and three cans of beer later on Castiel’s part, the two were lying in the middle of the bedroom floor listening to The Used from Castiel’s CD player. Dean was surprised at how cuddy his friend became under the influence of alcohol, so he wasn’t going to just pass up the opportunity to get as close to him as possible.
He waited until Castiel was lying flat on his back on the floor, and then knelt over him with their faces only inches apart. Castiel starred drunkenly at Dean from below and frowned.
“Dean, what are you doing?”
“Nothing.” Dean muttered under his breath. Seeing Castiel this close made him feel kind of nervous if he was being honest. Dean didn’t particularly like the feeling much because he’d never really felt it before. It was the sort of feeling that made his chest feel tight and his breath catch in his throat. It was as if the only thing in the world that mattered to him was the boy on the floor, and it was his job to make sure nothing bad in the world could ever get to him.
“You’re very, uh, close.”
“I know. And you’re very beautiful.”
Dean’s face flushed red, and so did Castiel’s.
And before Castiel even realised it, Dean was closer and closer until soon enough their lips were touching.
It felt weird. It was something Castiel had never experienced until that moment and he felt somewhat uncomfortable. He couldn’t move from underneath Dean as he had his hands either side of him, making it nearly impossible for him to get away. He began to panic as Dean began to kiss him harder, his hands moving from the floor to Cas’ waist and face, then to his thigh and neck. He didn’t want to kiss Dean like this. He had no idea why he’d even let Dean get that close in the first place. All he could think about was how ashamed he felt for letting Dean get the impression that he wanted this.
“Dean…” Castiel managed to breathe as he broke the kiss for a second.
Dean held his lips over Castiel’s and blew softly across his bottom lip as Castiel spoke.
“Please stop.”
“But you’re so perfect, Cas. So perfect… I don’t think you ever understand.” Dean muttered, kissing him quickly again. “You’re just too perfect.”
“Please,” Castiel pushed him back slightly, “Please stop…my parents will be home soon and they’ll-”
“Shh, Castiel, it’s fine. Just, please.” Dean begged. Castiel looked up at his face and saw how desperate he was, his eyes were dark and hungry; his bottom lip was shaking ever so slightly; his skin was pale, cold. “It’s fine.” He muttered before their lips were touching again. Castiel decided to close his eyes and let Dean kiss him, because it was clear that once Dean had started, there was no stopping him until he was satisfied.
Well, nothing could stop him except for the sudden entrance of Castiel’s foster father, Nick. As soon as the door swung open, Dean quickly sat up and climbed off of Castiel, but it was too late. Nick’s face was ghost white, his mouth open but unable to make a sound.
Castiel tried to climb to his feet, but the heavy influence of alcohol made him sway and stagger. “It’s not what it looks like.” Castiel said quickly. “I didn’t want to kiss him, but he got me drunk and-”
“Save it, Castiel.” Nick said angrily. “I want the boy to explain what’s going on.”
Dean stepped forward and looked Nick dead in the eye, “I’m so sorry, sir, but it was my fault. I kissed him, and I should’ve been more responsible about the alcohol.” Dean said quickly.
“Dean, don’t take the blame, you’ll just get yourself into more trouble and-”
“ENOUGH! Both of you!”
Both boys were silenced.
“What is your name, kid?” Nick said quickly.
“Dean. Dean Winchester, sir.”
“John Winchester’s son? Well…wouldn’t he be thrilled to find out about this little situation.”
“No. No, no, no, no! You can’t tell my dad. I’m begging you…please; I’ll do whatever you ask. Just don’t tell my dad.”
Castiel looked up at Dean and he could’ve sworn he saw him start to cry. Dean Winchester, the strong, unforgiving boy he’d seen just minutes ago was reduced to tears by the threat of his father being told about him kissing another guy. Suddenly Castiel felt fully responsible for Dean; this was his own fault, after all – he never should’ve let Dean in the house; he should’ve known something like this would happen.
“Nick…just listen, okay? It was an accident. We just got a little carried away.” Castiel said quietly, taking a small step towards Dean.
“Carried away? How the hell were two guys in the situation to get ‘carried away’ like that in the first place?!” Nick spat.
“Me and Dean…well…” Castiel looked up at Dean and sighed. “I’m his boyfriend, okay? I’m his boyfriend and he’s mine.” He lied.
“This household is no place for homosexuals, Castiel. You should know that by now.”
“It’s not his fault, okay?” Dean said suddenly. “It’s hardly as if he chose to be this way. You don’t choose who you fall in love with.”
“He’s not in love with you, Winchester. He’s seventeen – he’s still a naïve little child and you’ve corrupted him.”
“Well you know what? Fuck you, Mr what-ever-your-name-is. He’s more than a little kid, okay? To me, he’s perfect. He’s beautiful and smart and sensitive and broken, and it’s my job to fix him. Either you accept it and get on with your life, or you don’t and live with it anyway. Don’t you think he’s been through enough in his life already? He came here to get away from all the hate, so don’t you dare put him through any of that again. I swear to god, if you do, you won’t just have me to answer to.”
It was that moment when Castiel looked up at Dean and saw how openly honest he was being, that Castiel really felt that maybe, just maybe, he was actually starting to fall in love with this him too.
“I love him, okay?” Dean said firmly. “I’m in love with him. I know that he doesn’t love me back as much as I love him, but that doesn’t change anything for me. Nobody has ever made me feel the way this kid makes me feel; no man, no woman, nobody. It hurts me to see him in pain, so if he tells me that you and your oh-so-perfect family have been giving him crap, I’ll be down here in and instant. I swear to god, I’ll stop at nothing to make him happy. I’ll stop at nothing. Do you hear me?”
“I hear you, son.” Nick spat. His voice was cold and cruel. “Now get out of my house.”
Dean turned to Castiel and patted his shoulder just once; but Castiel couldn’t bring himself to look back up at Dean. He didn’t know why, he just couldn’t. “I’ll see you around, kiddo.”
Castiel could hear the slight smile in his voice, but he knew it wasn’t a smile of happiness.
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess.” Was all Castiel could force out.
When he looked up, he found that he was suddenly alone. From outside his window he could hear the voice of his foster father as he shouted insults at the boy reduced to tears as he fumbled with his keys to unlock his car.
The engine started.
The insults stopped.
And suddenly the only audible sound on the whole street was the sound of Dean’s Chevy Impala as he drove off. Drove off, away from Castiel when he needed him.
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