FicWad

-Gerard-

"Dang it" I moan as I die in Temple Run, yet again. There's nothing to do at Mikey's house. Specially now that his wifi is locked and I forgot his password and he's upstairs. But then I hear his foot steps coming back from checking on Mckayla.
"Is she still sleeping?" I ask Mikey, as I press the lock button on my phone and set it down.
Mikey flops down on the couch across from me. "I can only assume. She doesn't open her eyes when I open the door. She hasn't moved in like, an hour."
"Is she breathing?"
Mikey rolls his eyes. "Yes, she's breathing."
"Then she's just sleeping."
"But, Gee, it's 4pm."
"Mikey," I start. "If I was raped last night and up until two am with police questions and the red marks on her cheeks from the rope tied around my mouth reminding me constantly that my virginity was stolen by your long lost famous half brother's drum player four hours away from home on a school night -" I take a breath "I'd sleep till 4, too."
Mikey stretches out on the couch and uses his toes to slide his sneakers off of each foot. He lets out a long, deep sigh like my father after work. He rubs his for head and ignores my presence. I leave, not that he notices, and I go into the kitchen, pour him a glass of wine, and return to the living room. He hasn't moved. Just like his sister. I take his hand away from his for head and put the glass into it and place the bottle on the coffee table. "Alright bro," I pick up the abandoned deck of cards on the table and shuffle.
"Poker?" I ask. He shakes his head and takes a sip of his drink. "Alright, hm, go fish?" He cracks a smile but again shakes his head. "Wanna build a house out of the cards?"
"We tried that last week."
"Fine," I set the deck down. "I'll play solitaire."
"You do that." he sets his feet on the table.
"So Frank's drunk again." I say, setting up the deck.
"What?" This gets his attention. "It's 4pm..."
"I know. He's getting drunk alone. In the middle of the day."
"Even with Mckayla being like this?" He challenges Frank who isn't even there.
"Yeah. Nothing matters anymore..."
"Does he even remember what happened?"
"Barely."
"Gee, what are we gonna do?" He asks.
"We are going to do what you did for me." I say, strictly. "We are going to let him be, and pick him up when he falls, and only intervene when he's a danger to himself."
"But-"
He's interrupted by Mckayla's soft footsteps down the stairs. He looks up in the direction and meets her eyes. "Hey, you."
She doesn't talk but shuffles her feet over to us. She takes the seat next to me and sits on the edge.
"How're you feeling?" He asks. She shrugs.
Oh, great. She's not taking after just Mikey now - she's taking after me, too. She's gonna shut down. She's not gonna eat or talk, not gonna move, she's just gonna sleep. Mikey talked about his problems most the time. But when I got MY beating from Uncle Cody? I lost 20lbs and was awake about 5 hours a day. I place my hand on hers for comfort, but when I do, she jerks it away, flinches and scoots to the other side of the couch.
"Mckayla?" I ask softly. She isn't afraid of me, is she? She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
"I'm sorry..." I say. "I won't touch you."
She pulls on her hair.
"Are you hungry, Mckayla?" Mikey asks.
She shakes her head.
"You do know it's 4pm? You haven't eaten in about twenty hours..."
She shrugs.
Mikey and I look at each other.
"Wanna call your aunt and say good morning?" Mikey tries.
She gives us a 'What do YOU think?' look, and again, shakes her head no.
"Well... what do you want to do?" I ask her gently. I wait for the shrug, but finally, she opens her mouth and I hear her soft sweet voice again.
"I was wondering if Ray and Frank were coming over today?" She asks. "They're fun..."
"Awe, gee, thanks." I joke. "And we're not?"
She finally cracks a smile. "I'm just messing with you." I say. "But actually they are." I tell her. She seems to have a glimmer of live back in her painful tired eyes.
"Yeah," Mikey says. "We're having a meeting with our manager about what to do about the break up..."
She nods. "Can I take a shower?"
"Of course." He says. "Lemme show you where everything is. Head up there, I'll come in a second."
"N-no." She stammers. "That's okay, I-I can figure it out myself..." Mikey and I exchange a look.
"That's fine... It's self explanatory I guess.. towels in the closet, shampoo on the shelf. Water in the faucet..."
She smiles just a little again, before tip-toeing up the stairs.
"Gee," Mikey comes toward me and whispers as Mickie's out of hearing range. "I'm gonna call Holden and have him come here instead." We were supposed to meet at his house. But I know neither of us want to move Mckayla.
"Does he even KNOW about what happened last night?"
"Yeah." He says running his hand through his hair. "Not many people do because I don't want word out. But I told him."
"So we have a lot to talk about now, huh." I rub my teeth with my tongue.
He rolls his eyes. "I don't wanna think about it."
He goes into kitchen to call Holden, and I go upstairs into Mikey's room to call and wake up Frank. He complains about getting up. And even though I was there, I was in this same drunken place, I understand more than anyone how he feels, I get angry. "Frank, Mckayla, my sister, was raped by OUR drummer! So get your butt outta bed and pull yourself together! If she can do it, you can too!"
He's so quiet I'm wondering if he fell asleep or is angry. But then he speaks, and I hear the completely normal Frank in him.
"Oh my gosh..." he moans. "Mickie... I forgot... She..."
"Yeah..." Frank's back for now.
"Aw, crud. Alright. How's she holding up?"
"I don't know, Frankie..."
"Well lemme pop in the shower, I'll be over in thirty minutes. Unless she doesn't want company?"
"The first thing that came out of her mouth was asking for you and Ray."
"Okay, I'll be right over."
"See ya." We hang up and I finally call Lynz. With all the drama, I just couldn't handle calling and telling the news. But I want her to find out from me, not anyone else. So I call.
"Gerard Auther Way!"
"Hello my beautiful Lynz Grace Way." I love hearing her voice again.
"Hmm, nice try. I've been calling you. What's wrong?"
I sigh. "Lynz... Something... happened..."
"What...?" She asks cautiously.
"Ollie... He, uh."
"Is he okay?"
"I hope not..." I mutter to myself.
"Gee, honey, spill. I'm dying here."
"Ollia raped Mickie."
The pause on the other line feels like hours. "I'm coming home."
"No, it's okay, we -"
"You what?" Her voice, usually calm and collected, is frazzled.
"We can handle it. Mikey and I. And Ray and Frank are coming over-"
"She was raped by a member of My Chemical Romance, isn't it a lovely idea to surround her with the other four members?"
"We're not members of a band, we're her brothers..."
"Mikey's her brother." I hear her moving thing, packing. "How did this even happen? How did you not notice him un-dressing her and sticking his-"
"She went to the guest house to grab the bag she had left in there. And he followed her and no one really noticed he was gone since he had been on the porch, smoking anyways.
"Did he.. you know, succeed or?"
"Yeah..."
"Oh, Gerard! That poor girl..."
"I know," I sigh.
Neither of us say anything for a while, and in the silence I hear something. At first I'm not sure what it is, but it gets louder and I know what it is. It's my sister crying.
"Lynz, I gotta go. I'll call you back."
"Wait-"
"Love you." I hang up and throw the phone at the same time, quick walking towards the sound. I go to knock on the bathroom but it's already cracked open.
"Mickie...?" I ask gently as I open the door. She's in the shower, and no way will I enter with her anxiety level. "You alright?" I ask again.
No answer.
"Do you want me to come in?"
After a few long seconds she replies. "Sure."
I sit on the toilet lid and wait for her to say something - Anything.
"What do you need, Mickie?" I ask when she doesn't tell me.
"Just.. Can you just sit in here for a few minutes?" She says through the curtain.
"Of course." I reply, immediately
"Thanks."
As predicted we return to uncomfortable and sad silence, and I read the comic books Mikey has in the bathroom, and I wait for further instruction.
She soon turns the water off and reaches her hand out, grabbing the towel and bringing it back it. In a few long seconds she pulls she curtain back and steps out, sitting on the edge of the tub. I'm shocked. She was so scared for me to simply follow her into the bathroom and show her how to work the shower, yet she's sitting just feet away from me, wet and in a towel. What happened in that shower?
"Hey, Gee?" She asks immediately.
"Yeah?" I set the book down, providing my full attention, making it a point to look at nothing but her eyes so she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she's right to trust me.
"You overcame being all suicidal and depressed and whatever, right?" She asks, keeping her own eyes strictly on mine, in search of any ideas.
"Yes..."
"So I will too, right?"
"Mickie..." I lean forward slowly. "Do you want to kill yourself?"
She looks down at the water dripping from her feet. "No. Not really. But you know what I meant. How.. How do I move on from this?"
"Well," I lean back on the seat. "Here's what I think. I think there's four phases after a traumatic event - each phase can take as long as it needs. First, you get to be sad. Sad and mad and scared and depressed, all these awful feelings. You can let go of your appearance and moap around the house, be a jerk to everyone, eat whatever the heck you want, you get the jist. You need to grieve. Second, you have to work through your issues. Talk about what you're feeling, how you're doing and what happened. Move through it, get your emotions laid out - don't ignore them. Then, you move on. You do things to make you happy, find people to take care of you and re-build your life. And then, the last, is to live. You use the experience to make you stronger and to help others, but you look forward and not back."
"So... did you make it to step four?"
"Of course. Everyone will eventually if they try and have the right help." I assure her.
"So... I will, too, right?" She tears up again. "I'll be okay?"
"Oh, Mckayla..." I get up and wrap my arms around her wet body, slowly, waiting to see if she hesitates. But she doesn't, she returns the hug and relaxes. "Yes,you'll be just fine. I promise." I pull away and look in her eyes. "But today, just feel what you feel. Okay?"
She nods. "I feel scared."
"That's okay. You can feel scared. But there is no reason to. Mikey, Ray, Frank and I - We're gonna keep you safe. No one will hurt you again, you hear me?"
She nods and throws her arms around me and I rock her slowly until Mikey comes in a few moments later.
"Hey," He leans down next to her. "Frank's here if you wanna come see him."
She lights up. "Okay." He ruffles her wet red hair and leaves the room. I stand up to leave and let her get dressed, but she stops me.
"Gerard?"
"Yes?"
"It is okay to be happy even while you're being sad and stuff, right?" She asks, but I can tell from her voice it comes out much more childish than she had intended, and she hangs her head with embarrassment.
"It is perfectly okay." I tell her.
"Oh, and Gerard? Can you..." She looks up again. "Can you stand outside the door until I come out...?"
"Of course..." I say, and do just that. But it breaks my heart. Frank's here, Mikey's here, and I'm here. And she's still scared. Then it occurs to me - She isn't scared of someone getting into the house and getting past us, she isn't scared of Frank, Mikey or I. She's scared of herself.