FicWad

Hi everyone.

So, today I just received probably what is the worst news I've ever heard in my life. As I told you, a few months ago, my family friend who's in her mid-30's was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. What it does is it doesn't just grow in one place, it's basically like a vine, wrapping itself around anything it can. It was in her cervix and stomach, and obviously, as it progressed, she got so much worse. On Friday, it was revealed that she only had a few weeks left to live. Those weeks turned into hours, and sadly, yesterday morning she passed away.

She had such a huge impact on my life. I can't even begin to explain it. We first met because she was working at my older sisters nursery. We've just remained close friends to her and her entire family. The same sister who went to that nursery began working in another nursery this year, and she's about to go to uni to become a primary school teacher. Now, my friend who died had 4 young kids. Not only today will they be told that she died, but also that what killed her was cancer.

I may not know what the name of the cancer is, but to be honest, I'm not sure that it's all too important. I feel like all cancers should cease to exist. It's taken away too many lives, and only now am I starting to realise the full gravity of the shit it flings everywhere. I went back to school on Wednesday. I told one of my keyworkers about how she has cancer, and how she said that she doesn't want to die, but she's not afraid of dying either. Now, I'm going to have to go back tomorrow or the next day, and tell her that the very same person passed away over the weekend.

I fucking hate it. I was hoping that I would at least get to say goodbye to her. She didn't even live to see 40. She didn't even live to see her eldest daughter's birthday this week. My mum's going to start a trust fund for the children. I can only really imagine how they're feeling, but I'm pretty devastated too. Her eldest daughter wasn't even 13 yet. I don't really know why I'm saying all this here. I just need to vent to be honest. So, to finish off, here's a poem that I've always found really beautiful, and I feel that it's fitting for the moment.

RIP Karen. I will never forget you!

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.