Categories > Celebrities > 30 Seconds to Mars > Just Playing Dead
Jared woke with a start, his eyes widened and uncertain as he glanced around. This wasn’t the hospital room. He felt rested, for the first time in so long he felt entirely rested. This wasn’t the same day. Couldn’t have been the same day. How could it be when he suddenly felt relieved, relaxed, at ease.He was alive again and when he finally lifted his hand up to his eyes he could see actual color, in the tone of his skin.
For a second there he thought that he had died. For a moment he thought that he had been taken elsewhere where he would die alone, in a straitjacket. He thought that Shannon had abandoned him, that Harlow had abandoned him. For a moment he thought that the darkness had swallowed him whole and he was left with nothing but a gaping wound scalding his soul.
But here he was, awake and alive. As secure in himself as he had been in anything. He wasn’t crazy. He was still laying here, his heart still beating. A smile crept onto his lips and he took a slow and calming breath. His sorrow was still, his loss was lost. He was a new man, no he was who he had been before. That same person who he thought was gone from him from him.
With a bit of exertion he slowly sat up, trying to test out his limbs that were pretty much working properly. There was an IV in his arm that he carefully took out, hissing a little at the pain from the pull. He bit down on his lip and let his gaze sweep the room. This was his room, that familiar place that was personally his. Machines had invaded but that was only because they were treating him from home.
The thought alone made him smile. That meant people believed him. Shannon believed him. Finally he felt like he could somewhat rise from the ashes of the past few weeks and claim himself all over again. He hadn’t lost his mind. There had been something threatening out there and it had nearly consumed them all. Had he fought it, whoever it was, and won? Had he claimed victory over whatever entity had ripped him open and made him its pawn. It was over now and he could finally breathe.
Swinging his legs over the side of the bed he got used to the feel of his feet flat on the ground. Shakily he lifted himself up and rolled his shoulders, pushing back the loose strands of his hair as they came a mess on him. Nothing was moved. This was his apartment. His calm and relaxing apartment. He’d first made love to Harlow in this bed and he was healing now in this bed, in this very room. A solace. This place had gotten to be his solace.
Before he could take a step further the door opened and Shannon stood there, his eyes shocked and widened as he stared at his awaken brother who remained just as frozen. After what felt like a million years, after what felt like iron bars of distance here they were, surprised by the other and both very much alive. Shannon crossed the room, his arms going around Jared tightly. This was calm, this was peace.
Shannon got him settled back into bed and he took the seat beside him. He smoothed down some wispy strands of hair the same way he’d done when they were kids before he let out a stressed sigh. There was something laying hidden in those dark eyes that Jared could automatically sense. He was keeping something from him and that was scary. When they started keeping secrets from each other everything else was desolate.
"Hey? What is it?" Jared softly asked, looking into Shannon’s eyes and giving him a light touch of his hand.
That urging alone was enough. Out came a well of words that Jared sat listening to. In disbelief, in contempt, in sorrow. All the words pierced him. He wanted his brother to stop but his strength had faltered and he couldn’t speak. This was the worst part of all of it.
Harlow had known all along about Jared being stalked and she, and her boyfriend, had made a plan to increase it, make it worse. Her plan was to push him enough until he was about ready to commit suicide and only then would she get the money he had written in for her in his will. She had tricked him. Every touch, every kiss, every word of comfort was lost to him now. The man that had taken both him and Harlow had been real and Jared had stabbed him. It seemed he had gone to die in Jared’s apartments since they had found him laying in Jared’s bed. This bed.
Jared lowered his eyes, a tear falling- and then another and another- until he slowly lifted his gaze to Shannon’s and let out a low breath. “But my finger…”
"What about it?"
Jared sighed, touching to it. Sorrow increasing where sanity decreased. “He did. He cut it off. He cut it off.” He whispered, falling back against the pillows and cradling his hand to his chest.
He had always feared the end. He hadn’t anticipated it to be this bad.
For a second there he thought that he had died. For a moment he thought that he had been taken elsewhere where he would die alone, in a straitjacket. He thought that Shannon had abandoned him, that Harlow had abandoned him. For a moment he thought that the darkness had swallowed him whole and he was left with nothing but a gaping wound scalding his soul.
But here he was, awake and alive. As secure in himself as he had been in anything. He wasn’t crazy. He was still laying here, his heart still beating. A smile crept onto his lips and he took a slow and calming breath. His sorrow was still, his loss was lost. He was a new man, no he was who he had been before. That same person who he thought was gone from him from him.
With a bit of exertion he slowly sat up, trying to test out his limbs that were pretty much working properly. There was an IV in his arm that he carefully took out, hissing a little at the pain from the pull. He bit down on his lip and let his gaze sweep the room. This was his room, that familiar place that was personally his. Machines had invaded but that was only because they were treating him from home.
The thought alone made him smile. That meant people believed him. Shannon believed him. Finally he felt like he could somewhat rise from the ashes of the past few weeks and claim himself all over again. He hadn’t lost his mind. There had been something threatening out there and it had nearly consumed them all. Had he fought it, whoever it was, and won? Had he claimed victory over whatever entity had ripped him open and made him its pawn. It was over now and he could finally breathe.
Swinging his legs over the side of the bed he got used to the feel of his feet flat on the ground. Shakily he lifted himself up and rolled his shoulders, pushing back the loose strands of his hair as they came a mess on him. Nothing was moved. This was his apartment. His calm and relaxing apartment. He’d first made love to Harlow in this bed and he was healing now in this bed, in this very room. A solace. This place had gotten to be his solace.
Before he could take a step further the door opened and Shannon stood there, his eyes shocked and widened as he stared at his awaken brother who remained just as frozen. After what felt like a million years, after what felt like iron bars of distance here they were, surprised by the other and both very much alive. Shannon crossed the room, his arms going around Jared tightly. This was calm, this was peace.
Shannon got him settled back into bed and he took the seat beside him. He smoothed down some wispy strands of hair the same way he’d done when they were kids before he let out a stressed sigh. There was something laying hidden in those dark eyes that Jared could automatically sense. He was keeping something from him and that was scary. When they started keeping secrets from each other everything else was desolate.
"Hey? What is it?" Jared softly asked, looking into Shannon’s eyes and giving him a light touch of his hand.
That urging alone was enough. Out came a well of words that Jared sat listening to. In disbelief, in contempt, in sorrow. All the words pierced him. He wanted his brother to stop but his strength had faltered and he couldn’t speak. This was the worst part of all of it.
Harlow had known all along about Jared being stalked and she, and her boyfriend, had made a plan to increase it, make it worse. Her plan was to push him enough until he was about ready to commit suicide and only then would she get the money he had written in for her in his will. She had tricked him. Every touch, every kiss, every word of comfort was lost to him now. The man that had taken both him and Harlow had been real and Jared had stabbed him. It seemed he had gone to die in Jared’s apartments since they had found him laying in Jared’s bed. This bed.
Jared lowered his eyes, a tear falling- and then another and another- until he slowly lifted his gaze to Shannon’s and let out a low breath. “But my finger…”
"What about it?"
Jared sighed, touching to it. Sorrow increasing where sanity decreased. “He did. He cut it off. He cut it off.” He whispered, falling back against the pillows and cradling his hand to his chest.
He had always feared the end. He hadn’t anticipated it to be this bad.
Sign up to rate and review this story