FicWad

Frank dragged the blade across his wrist watching the drops of blood spill out of the cut. He felt so alone and disgusting sitting on the carpet in his bedroom. All around him were tiny puddles of blood. His jeans were soaked in red and he was on the verge of screaming.

~

Gerard was downstairs completely unaware of the actions up the steps. He was planning on surprising Frank on a lazy afternoon. He had just bought a new zombie movie and wanted to watch it together. He thought it would be nice to spend some time with Frank alone. He had seemed a bit down for a while and wanted to see his adorable smiley face again.

~

Frank sat in the corner of the bedroom, curled up, tears running down his face. He could not handle the pain. It was too much to bear, especially will all the horrid scars he had just given himself. He felt so worthless for cutting, but felt he so deserved it. There was no other way to deal with this excruciating pain inside of him.

~

It was around eight in the evening and no one else was at Frank’s home. Gerard walked in the doorway quietly and began to panic when he heard sobs coming from up the stairs. He did not know what was happening exactly, but knowing that Frank had been upset for a while, he began to grow afraid of the situation.

~

Frank took the razor and slashed it against his wrist twice more. "Ugly," he thought "so ugly."

~

Gerard was scared, he ran up the stairs, dropping everything he was carrying, sprinting as fast as he could to Frank’s bedroom. Negative thoughts were compiling in his brain. He did not want anything to ever happen to Frank. He just could not handle it.

~

Frank heard footsteps from outside his door. He tried to hide the razor and wrist as fast and effectively as he could. This task wasn’t easy. Fresh blood was everywhere and he was still curled up in a ball on the floor. Frank tried to slow his breath and heartbeats, but it just wasn’t working. More tears dripped hot from his face.

Gerard bounded to the door, opening it breathlessly. As soon as Frank's face was revealed he knew something was very, very wrong. His beautiful face was shiny and wet with tears and the carpet beneath him was drenched in red. Gerard turned white and stared.

Frank looked up at him. His eyes full of fear and sorrow. He gulped at stared at his friend.

"Frank..." Gerard trailed off, his eyes beginning to water, "Did you...?"

"Yes." Frank gulped.

Gerard walked over and kneeled down to pull Frank into a tight hug, not caring about the blood staining his clothes. He let go, still crying, and asked, "Why?"

"I'm not good enough. I'm ugly and fat. He will never want me, and I love him so much."

Frank cried into Gerard's chest.

"Frank," Gerard hugged him close, "You are my best friend and the most beautiful person I know." The last comment Frank told him stung, because Gerard knew he loved Frank, but that he did not love him back. "I’m sure..." he swallowed hard, "He... loves you"

Frank cried harder. "I'm not beautiful, he wouldn’t want me. You don't want me Gerard."

Gerard's heart stopped for a few seconds. "What... what d-did, what did you... say?"

"You don't want me. You don't love me. I'll always just be the best friend. Go and tell me how disgusting I am. Laugh at me and tell me how ugly I am. I know you love Lindsey. I see how you laugh around her. I know you think she's beautiful. She is after all. I'll never compare." Frank sobbed and wrapped his arms around himself.

"But I'll always love you, Gerard."

"F-Frank I... I... I love you." Gerard hugged him. "I don't ever want you to hurt yourself, it tears me apart. I don't love Lindsey, if I did, then why would I have come here? You are the most breathtaking person I have ever met. I love you so much." he cried.

"W-what!? Y-you? What?"

"I love you. I love you so much. I would die without you. I love you. Forever. I promise.”

"Gerard." he sniffed. "I-I don't know what to say."

"Don't. I love you." Gerard gazed into Frank's eyes to reassure him that he was sincere. "Frankie-dear.” he whispered.

"I love you too, G-Gerard. I'm just scared. I've never known love."

"There's nothing to be scared about. I won't ever leave you. I will love you until the day we die and will still love you. When you love someone, you just have to go with what your instincts tell you and if they really love you back, they will let you know."

Frank smiled. "C-can I hug you?"

"You can hug me anytime you want," Gerard smiled. "My hugs are only for you," he tipped his finger on Frank's nose.

Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard's neck and smiled. "You are amazing."

"So are you," Gerard smiled bigger and hugged Frank close.

Frank cuddled close to Gerard.

Gerard placed his arm around Frank's shoulders and asked, "Now what would you like to do?"

"Well first I wanna know, are we boyfriends?"

"Only if you want to be..." Gerard asked, biting his lip. He hoped Frank would say yes, but somewhere something kept yelling at him that his hopes weren’t meant to be.

"I-I do. Really bad."

"Good. Because I do, too." Gerard pulled him into a tiny hug and then let go, wishing it would have lasted forever.

"Y-you can hold me longer. I really like it." Frank stuttered, blushing.

Gerard immediately pulled Frank closer to him, stroking his hair.

Frank cuddled into Gerard's chest, kissing over his heart. "My boyfriend, my Gerard." he smiled.

"My Frankie. Forever."

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Gerard." Franks looked away sadly, placing his hand over his wrist.

"Don't ever do that again, please." Gerard looked down, tears welling up in his eyes again.

"I-I'll try. I'm just used the pain."

Three tears dropped from Gerard's face. "You... th-this wasn't the fi-first time?" he stuttered.

Frank laughs bitterly. "Definitely not, I-I have done it for a while now."

"Was it," Gerard swallowed very hard, "be-because of...me?"

Frank looks away, his tears returning. "Well, y-yes. It's been happening since we were fifteen."

Gerard wept at even the pure thought of Frank hurting himself over him. "Fr-Frank, I-I I’m sorry, I…” Gerard couldn’t talk. He was so saddened by this news. He never could ever dream of hurting Frank, and yet he had done it anyways.

“It’s not your fault, Gerard. I never deserved you, and I still don’t. I’m just a worthless piece of-”

Gerard cut him off, “You are an amazing, wonderful, beautiful, PERFECT person and I love you. If anyone is undeserving here, it is me of you.” Gerard, still streaming tears, reached out and took Frank’s hands in his. “Don’t ever say that about yourself. Do you hear me? I can’t loose you. I could never be able to stay here on this Earth without you.”

“Gerard, you would be perfectly fine without me. In fact, you would be better off without me. I’m such a depressed, emotional mess, you couldn’t ever keep me. You’ll be best to just leave me here.”

“Frank. I don’t think you understand how true I am to you. I would swim the oceans for you and give you all the stars in the sky. I would give myself for you. Don’t ever leave me. What can I do to prove to you how much I love you?” Gerard asked. He was desperate now. Frank needed to know how serious he was. Gerard knew there was only one thing he could do to show him.

Gerard let go of Frank’s hands, making him feel rejected. However, his feeling of rejection soon faded when Gerard cupped Frank’s face gently, turning it to face him. For what seemed as forever, they gazed into each other’s hazel eyes with looks of distress and pain, but with pure love. Gerard bit his lip, gathering his courage before he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Steadily, Gerard moved his face closer to Frank’s. He could feel the heat rising from each of their faces. Pure adrenaline kicked in and Gerard leaned in all the way, crushing his lips against Frank’s.

Frank was still so shocked by the turn of events that he just sat there on the ground, eyes wide open, and surprised. He soon realized what was happening and closed his eyes tight, leaning into Gerard. He never wanted this moment to end.

The couple remained like that for a few seconds, but the heat of the moment made each of them feel dangerous. Soon, their lips were working against each other’s perfectly; smashing, crashing, and asking for more. Frank let go of his fears and pain, and used his tongue against Gerard’s soft lips, begging for entry. As soon as he was granted permission, Frank guided his tongue inside Gerard’s mouth, while he returned the favor.

The kiss was deepening, but the two soon found it hard to breathe, and were forced away from each other. Frank and Gerard broke apart from each other’s hold, panting and staring at the other. They were trying to comprehend the meaning of what had just happened.

Once he steadied his breath, Frank asked shyly, “Why did you do that?”

“Because I love you, Frankie.” Gerard answered sincerely.

“Okay,” Frank gave up, “I finally believe you.”

Overjoyed, Gerard tackled Frank. He hugged him, and tickled him, and kissed random places all over his face. This caused Frank to smile. He wasn’t used to smiling any more, but Gerard made everything better. He felt like he was going to be okay now.

“Gee?” Frank asked between tickles.

“Yes?” Gerard got off of the younger man and sat down criss-cross applesauce beside him. “What is it?”

“You know what?”

“What, Frankie?”

Frank blushed heavily and looked down at the floor. “You were my first kiss,”

Gerard beamed at this. “You wanna know what?”

“What?”

“You were mine, too.”

“Really?” Frank gushed. He was blushing even worse, but had a jolly smile to match it this time.

“Really, really.”

Frank leant over and kissed Gerard’s cheek. “What do you wanna do now?”

“Well, I brought a zombie movie for us to watch,”

“Yay! Zombies! Can we watch it now, Gee? Pleeeease?”

Gerard laughed. “There’s my old Frankie-pie,” he rustled Frank’s hair, “Sure we can. But let’s get you all cleaned up first.”

Frank made a pouty face and answered, “Fine, but I get to have first dibs on popcorn.”

“Deal,” Gerard said, standing up and reaching down to pull Frank up as well. Before he began walking to lead them to the bathroom, Gerard kissed the top of Frank’s head. “Beautiful,” he whispered.

~

The couple was curled up on the living room sofa watching the move that Gerard had brought. They were splitting a bag of microwave popcorn with extra butter and were cuddled up under a big, soft blanket. Whenever a scary scene would come up, Frank would bury his head into Gerard’s chest and Gerard would hold him tight and stroke his hair gently.

When the ending credits came on, Frank asked Gerard, “Can we watch Star Wars?”

Gerard laughed and replied, “Sure.”

The second movie was about halfway through when Frank got a thought. He shifted his position a bit and looked up at Gerard.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“Well, it’s just that I’m like Princess Leia, and you’re my Han Solo. You rescued me and saved me from the bad guys and took me away to a better place. And I love you just like Leia did.” Frank realized what he had said and looked down at his lap and blushed.

Gerard used his index finger to lift Frank’s chin up. “Frankie, you are my love.” He kissed Frank’s hair. “Frank?”

“Yes Gee?” Frank looked up into Gerard’s eyes.

“Why are you Princess Leia and I’m Solo?”

“Well, because you are so much bigger and stronger than me and you saved me.”
“Frank?”

“Yes?”

“You saved me too, and guess what?”

“What?”

“I love you, Leia.”

“I love you, Solo.”

The two leaned in for another kiss, wishing the moment would never end. They had each found their savior, and things were finally going to be okay. No matter how hard things get, there is always someone who loves you, and you have to keep fighting for them. You have to keep running.