FicWad

We were playing a gig at a pretty hopping bar. Ray was bobbing his ‘fro back and forth while jamming his guitar and Mikey had his signature poker face on while strumming his base along. I was playing my guitar as well, but was in a whole different world than “Thank You for the Venom.” What was the cause of my distraction? The perfect and pale dark angel singing beside me. His words were each a symphony and a melodic masterpiece with each syllable. His eyes were shining with adrenaline and his midnight hair was sticking to his snow-white neck where he had written in Sharpie, “You Can’t Save Me.”

We were nearing the end of the song and were getting high on the energy. Gerard was right beside me and I felt butterflies entangling themselves in my stomach. He looked so unreal, like some sort of rock god. His eyeliner was smudgy, yet oh so attractive. The song was running perfectly, but I didn’t notice. I was off in my dreamland.

Before I knew it, Gerard screamed, “RAH!” and the song ended. But before I could put down my arm, he turned me around rather violently, looked me dead in the eyes, and kissed me. Hard. On the mouth. We stayed like that for what seemed as an eternity. His lips were slimy and he was sweating profusely, but I could care less. He was holding my shoulders tight and I was just standing there, completely dumbfounded.

Finally, he let go and the sounds of the crowd brought me back into reality. Gerard looked at me one more time and I detected something in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before. However, before I had time to determine it, he turned back to the crowd and yelled, “WE ARE MY! CHEMICAL! ROMANCE!!!!!” I just stood there, in the same place, with my jaw open and my eyes huge. Sure we had messed around plenty of times on stage, but with all the commotion it just comes naturally, but this time it was so… different.

We got off the stage and Gerard walked outside for a smoke. Ray and Mikey went off to mingle with the fans, leaving me alone and still daydreaming. I walked over to the bar and sat down on one of the stools. In that moment, everything came rushing back to me. Every moment onstage that we had shared, and every time I wished that it wouldn’t go away when the setlist was done. I knew I had a huge, huge, huge, HUGE crush on our lead singer, but I wasn’t going to admit it. I never wanted those moments to go away or him to think I was some kind of freak. However, I also knew that I could not hold on to it forever. He deserved to know. The real problem was going to be getting myself to tell him.

I felt a need for my cigarettes and left the bar to go and smoke in the parking lot, hoping that Gerard had already left. To my disadvantage, he was still there. My cheeks got a little hot after remembering the steamy moment, but I was able to recover quickly. At first, I didn’t think he saw me, but my luck turned rapidly.

“Hey, Frankie!” Gerard called.

“Oh, hey Gee-uh, Gerard,” I pinched my arm behind my back for that slip-of-the-tongue.

“Gee, huh? I kinda like that,” he smiled, showing off his perfectly white teeth and adorable dimples.

I laughed unconvincingly at my mistake.

“So, that was some kiss, huh?” he winked.

“Oh, uh, yeah…it was…” My face got instantly red and I started shaking really badly.

“You alright, Frankie? You look like you just saw a phantom!”

“I’m…I’m fine,”

“Too hot for ya?” Gerard laughed.

“I-I uh,”

“’Cause it does appear that you have a little, er, problem,” Gerard raised an eyebrow and motioned with his head to my “problem.”

“I-I, uh, I…” If possible, I managed to turn redder. This made Gerard erupt into a volcano of laughter.

“I suppose I have a bit of an effect on you,” he smiled evilly and continued. “So I wonder what would happen… if I did this?”

Gerard moved close to me and licked the side of my face with his tongue slowly and passionately. I could feel the butterflies taking over me. He whispered into my ear once he reached it, “How about that?” My knees went weak and I stumbled a bit. Gerard stepped back, still with his grin, and looked satisfied.

“I-I-I-I-I…I…” I stuttered, trying to regain my ability to stand correctly. My heart was racing and I swore anyone inside the bar could hear it.

“Well, if that worked so well, I wonder what would happen if I just…” he trailed off, smiling with his mouth closed and lips raised on one side.

Once again, he moved in close to me, but this time turned his head to suck on my neck. I closed my eyes feeling completely overtaken. His presence was so strong and my body was violently shaking in response. I could feel nothing else but him. Thoughts of him raced through my brain, overfilling it. I moaned slightly, but felt my cheeks light up after I had. Shortly afterwards, Gerard let go and backed away again, beaming with both his mouth and eyes.

“Frankie liked that, didn’t he?” he growled. His voice made my limbs go pins-and-needles. I almost tripped over my feet. Gerard just laughed and grinned some more.

“Now that I know what makes you tick,” he winked at this, “I guess you won’t mind if I try something else.”

I started stuttering again, losing my ability to speak.

“Stand very still,” he commanded.

For the last time, he moved in close to me. This time, he didn’t turn his head or smile at all. He simply gazed into my eyes and then closed his own. Slowly, he leaned in and kissed me. Offstage. On the mouth. In the parking lot. I melted inside. He used force and power, but was also gentle and loving. I felt one thousand emotions rush through me, all of pleasure. Instead of holding my shoulders, he had his arms on my waist, pulling me in closer. However, I was in the same position I was onstage; shocked and just standing there. My eyes were slammed shut and I was in heaven.

When Gerard finally parted us, he wasn’t smiling at all. Instead, his eyes were shiny and he was looking at me as if waiting for I response. Before I knew what I was saying, I mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear, “Gerard, I love you.” Realizing my mistake, I turned my head to the ground, feeling my face flush for the billionth time that night.

“Wha-what?” Gerard asked. This time it was him stuttering. There was no going back now, so I just confessed it to him.

“I love you, Gee.”

“Frank, I’m…I’m not gay…” he said blatantly, still appearing to be shocked.

“You-You-I-I-I….you-I…” I choked over my words. This could not be happening.

I felt one thousand emotions run through me again, but this time they were of pain. I felt my tears welling up in my eyes and realized that I had just ruined everything. How could I have been so stupid? I knew he wasn’t gay-or bi. I also knew that he could never love me. I was just a dumb guitar player who has trouble with his emotions.

“Frank?” he looked at me concerned. His face looked scared and his eyes locked mine. “What’s wrong?”

I began to sob, “I-I just ruined everything! Just go on, I know you probably hate me now. I’m so sorry!”

“Frankie,” he held me close, stroking my hair, “You never let me finish.”

I looked up at him, confused. What did he mean?

“I’m not gay, but I would be for you.”

My eyes filled up with tears, “You mean that?”

“I mean this more than words could ever say.” He promised me.

“I love you, Frankie.”

“I love you, Gee.”