FicWad

I'm outside the door, invite me in
So we can go back and play pretend
I'm on deck, yeah
I'm up next
Tonight I'm high as a private jet



Swiftly pushing my head back way from him, his nostrils flare in confusion.

"No--" My eyebrow rises in victory.

"Victoria listen--" He tries to reason with his hand placed softly on my knee still covered in the dark fabric of my skirt. My eyes dart down to it and he releases his grip.

"Gerard, it's not gonna--" I hissed until my lips met his palm. If Amaya hadn't been in the next room, I would have broken all of his fingers. I sat there silently frantic, cursing him and those stupid-adorable eyes of his. I couldn't stand him, or those ridiculous soft lips; on the tip of his tongue, those idiotic words that would somehow convince me to do whatever he pleased. My mouth opens slowly.

"Don't you dare bite me!" He hisses but his eyes still smile. "Now," He lets his hand down from my lips. I sigh unknowingly. "I want to help you." I couldn't quite wrap my mind around what he could have possibly helped me with. Granted, he was doing an exemplary job with Amaya but there was nothing else I needed him for.

"You want to help me, by kissing me? You gotta be fucking kidding--" My eyes roll with exhaustion.

"You're not listening--" We made a game out of cutting each other off as our anger increased.

"I don't need to," I state defiantly. I place my hand over his mouth, this time. "You, on the other hand, need to listen to me. We don't make any sense, Gerard. You're here for one reason and one reason only--you're Amaya's father. You, me, this, us--it's never gonna--OW!" The fucker bit me. My instinct was to slap him across his face but my hand is caught. A chuckle rolls quietly in his throat.

"Oh, Victoria," He shakes his head walking out of the kitchen and in the direction of my bedroom. I wasn't fond of the feeling knowing that he had a preconceived notion of me. This moved my feet toward him quickly. I see him passing the doorway of the bedroom as the light flicks on. I stay behind to catch his initial reaction. "Hmm," He makes a satisfied groan, going in and looking around. "Nice space you got here." He goes to my dresser and scans the framed pictures.

"Thanks." I stood there in the doorway as he surveyed every inch of my room. I began a little uncomfortable but I was bereft of every emotion other than confusion. He makes himself comfortable by sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Come sit," He looks up to me patting the empty space next to him. I pause in suspicion. "I won't bite this time, promise." He giggled.

"I'm fine, right where I am," I proceed all of the way into the room shutting the door behind me. Amaya at times walked to the bathroom that time of night. "You can stop the bullshit, you know. Just because you're some kind of 'household-name-lead-singer of a rock band' doesn't mean--"

"It means nothing to you, you've already established that." His voice remained calm. "Quite frankly, it means shit to me, too."

"So why are you doing this? What can you help me with--" If he wasn't going to give me a straight answer, I was sure to follow his sarcasm up with a swift kick in the nuts.

"Is that what you really think of me?" Somehow, in all of this confusion and chaos, the room took on a sorrowful disposition. He made me feel bad. "Let me make this clear to you, I don't get on stage and perform just so I can put the moves on unsuspecting females. You, of all people, should know that." He was obviously offended.

"Fine, I'm sorry," I mumbled. His bothered expression really never changed. I hadn't yet shaken the thought that he cared what I thought of him. "You still haven't answered me…" I wasn't very concerned how bothered he was, it would never match how frustrated I was.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" His disposition transformed into that famously spellbinding smirk.

"A while for wha--" I realized what question he'd posed soon after it ran into the recesses of my mind. "--excuse me," I hadn't known what came over me when the goosebumps on my arms perked and butterflies shot out of my ears. They swirled around my head like crown, proud and high. I began to giggle. "You're sadly mistaken." I went to my dresser and began nervously organizing the picture frames, perfumes and scented candles. I dared not look up at the weak smile that played on my face.

"Sure I am." We both snort a laugh.

"What did I tell you about going off of instinct, Gerard? It's not always gonna be right." I shook myself plagued by my subconscious screaming 'He's right, you know?' He stands up as I observe his reflection in the mirror. He was coming closer.

"My instinct knows you never used to wear your hair up," His body had been mere centimeters from mine. His hand reached up and slowly pulled the band of my ponytail. My hair dropped half-way down my arms and his fingers began to slowly massage my scalp. He might have been right--no--he was right, but he couldn't know. I thought about stopping him for an entirety of twelve seconds, and then it happened again…

Temporarily off air.

"I can see it in your hands and how they show your lack of patience, tapping away at every surface," I glanced down at my fingers beating on the wood of the dresser. "Your voice is always tense, much like your shoulders; your entire body's a dead giveaway, really," His fingers slowly trawled down my neck, back and down to my arms. He braced my fingers from tapping on the surface and held them there. My heart felt like it was going to explode at any second, my body trembled with anxiety and resentful want. "This is in the best interest of you, Victoria. You won't have to look back at someone else in the mirror anymore." I was amiably sobered by his words. The battle was officially over when he began to slowly move the hair away from my neck. I flinch. "I promised no more biting." His laugh filled the air.

"Gerard I ca--" I was at a loss of words trying to tell him why I couldn't, I was technically single. His lips softly graced the nape of my neck. Nope. Not stopping this. "--but Logan--" Our eyes catch each other in the mirror.

"He'll benefit the most, don't worry." Why I was so trusting of him; I hadn't known, honestly. Although, I understood where he was coming from--it had been a very, very long time. It took almost nothing for him to convince me, though I took pride in myself for putting up somewhat of a fair fight. I admired how he could slowly deconstruct all of my defense mechanisms. He wasn't about brash tactics and demolition crews. He would rather dismantle the brick wall I held up for so long, so painfully slow. Agonizingly careful and tactfully placing each brick aside, one by one.

"Alright, alright--" I snap out of my daze turning to him. I can't believe I was about to do this…again. "--fine, but there has to be some ground rules set," Just like old times, I swear I sounded like a broken record. "First and foremost, this is a one-time thing," He laughs. "What's so funny?"

"Deja Vu, that's all," I wasn't impressed, nor was I pleased with his anecdotes. "Go on," He assured.

"Secondly, no kissing--"

"So cuddling is automatically ruled out?" I stare at him blankly not wanting to hear anything else from him.

"May I finish," He nods apologetically. "Thanks. Cuddling is obviously out of the question, so is any foreplay."

"Damn." He remarks defeated. I shrug.

"Lastly, my house, my rules; I say what we can and can't do." His eyebrows raise in curiosity.

"What exactly are your boundaries?" I turn away from him walking toward the bed. I couldn't help but appease the sly smirk sliding its way onto the surface of my face.

"I'm sure you can remember," His demeanor remained unresponsive. Mission accomplished; I finally caught him speechless. "Lock that door, please." His attention goes to the doorknob while I slide my top off. I shimmy out of the loosely-fit, cotton maxi skirt. I stood there in a coral bra with small frill on the tops of the cups. Stepping out of the skirt, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror; he was absolutely right, I didn't know who was staring back at me. We looked exactly the same, but I hadn't known her intentions.

I crawled onto the bed seeing what he might do next. He was still standing at the door when I noticed he'd watched me get completely undressed. I could see his form tense up and relax again. He walked toward the bed with enchantment that played deep in his pupils.

"What do you say we compromise that second rule?" He tore his shirt over his head. I had an impressive view and I know he thought the same. Before I answered his question, my fingers made their way softly up and down his midsection. His eyes danced in amazement the closer I got. My lips puckered softly against his soft skin. That smirk still wide on my lips.

"On one condition…"



"Yes." I hissed as he continued. His tongue got deeper momentarily and then he started nibbling. He worked the top as he took his index and middle finger and strategically moved them in and out on a slow pace. Hooking in and feeling around which made me go insane. Twenty minutes in I felt my body about to explode. I was grabbing the fitted sheet off of the bed by this time and jerking my head back wildly. My eyes would squint shut when his fingers rolled around inside of me.

"Oh!" I moaned loudly. "Gee!" I almost screamed as I tried to catch my breath. I grabbed his hair tighter as his tongue went faster, as did his two fingers. I bit my lip with my free hand grabbing the headboard. My thighs shook violently around his head as I felt him smile against my silk skin. I began to breathe quick breaths like a runner as I felt a finish coming over me. I arched my back as my eyes went wide as well as my mouth as his fingers dug deep into me and his tongue flickered the fastest. I let go of the headboard pushing the hair out of my face as he proceeded to torture me. I bit my lip as my one hand supported me as I sat up a little. An inaudible moan released and as soon as his fingers hooked in one last time, I felt an electric euphoria take over my body as I collapsed completely to the bed.

In a fit of heated giggles, I rolled around regaining post-coital sanity.

"Holy shit." There was nothing left to say. I could hear his breath ragged in his throat but couldn't see his face. I felt his fingers lace within mine with a strong grip. His body lingered over mine with a matching smile. His jet black hair was a complete mess but those green eyes, they shined. They shined like they used to.

"Best compromise you've ever made, huh?" I nod as he begins kissing my neck. With on hand, he moves my right thigh further apart from my left.

"My brain went all fuzzy." I seriously couldn't stop giggling and soon enough, he was giggling too.

"Are you high?"

"No, but it feels like it," My giggling ceases when he begins to position himself. I wrap my thighs around his waist, twisting him under me. I smiled victoriously. "Second best compromise."



I had no idea what time it was, but one thing was for sure--the sun was on its way up. I could not believe what I had just done. Six years of building the defense of all defenses; in one night-three hours-and seven orgasms later, it was mere rubble. I hadn't understood it at all. Shit, it made no sense; I was on a date with a Doctor one moment and in the next I have a lead singer giving me the shakes. I felt no shame, not even a little bit. I thought my subconscious would surely remind me, I'm someone's mom, but she was too busy getting caught in currents of moans and sighs. That bitch.

"What time do you have to be to work?" We both declared that we weren't able to sleep. This was great for me, I had to do a twelve-hour shift with over two-hundred children and parents who were on the edge of emotional instability.

"Seven." I sighed. Not until I turned around to retrieve my phone from the nightstand, did I realize I was lying on his chest. This was a big no-no.

"Sorry." It was already half-past-five and I knew I should've been getting ready.

"Don't be," I sit up swinging the covers off. "You should probably get dressed." I pulled a clean pair of undergarments out along with some clean scrubs.

"I'll let you hop in the shower first." He watched me as I nakedly pranced around the room for items.

"What a gentlemen." I enthused, wrapping my towel around my body unlocking the door and opening it.

"I do what I can." He answered softly.


Getting out of the shower, I could smell eggs being scrambled off in the distance. I could also hear the angelic laughter of Amaya explaining one of the scary movies she watched last night. I was grounded. Even when I felt like I was losing my mind, the minute I saw her eyes or heard her careless laugh, the world was just.

I brush my teeth and quickly throw my clothes on in case I lost track of time. The scent of breakfast grew and so did my hunger. I swung the bathroom door open welcoming the scent. My barefeet tapped their way into the kitchen with Amaya sitting and Gerard remained at the stove.

"Good morning, Mommy." Her arms were held out, I couldn't resist!

"Good morning, my love," I mused holding her close to me. "Did you sleep well?"

"Mm-hm. How'd you sleep?" I wasn't about to explain to her why I hadn't slept.

"I slept so good that,--" I caught him passing a couple of cautious glances my way. "--that I didn't want to wake up. That is, until I heard your laugh. That's when I knew I had to get up and see those beautiful eyes, and that gorgeous smile." I gave her a kiss on the cheek. I hated lying to her, but I had to protect her. There were just some things that couldn't be explained to her.

"Are you having breakfast with us?" I frowned in dismay. Another thing I hated was spending time away from her.

"I gotta be to work in a little bit," A small frown takes the form of her face. I didn't want to keep apologizing knowing soon enough, 'sorry' would cut it. "But I want you to have fun with Daddy."

"Okay." Her mood lifts significantly. Gerard had that way about him these days.

"I'll be home when the big hand is at six--"

"And the small hand's at seven." She chimes.

"That's right," I pipe giving her a kiss on the forehead. "One weekend, I promise, just the two of us. Okay?" Her face contorted awkwardly.

"The three of us." She corrected me. Fair enough, I thought.

"The three of us," I sigh. She smiles. I get up and see what else Gerard's preparing. "Looks great." He had all the burners hot, alternating his attention on four burners and the oven. I should have hired him earlier. Home fries, bacon, sausage, scrambled omelets on the stove and biscuits in the oven. What couldn't this man do?

"Thank you, it's the least I could do." And then it happened…

"After last night, I should be making you breakfast." It slithered from under my tongue in a hushed tone. It took the two of us by surprise, but I meant it. "You're welcome." I walked out of the kitchen to throw on my sneakers. I entered the the living room grabbing my leather jacket. I could hear giggles rise to the ceilings light like bubbles and birthday balloons. I walked into the kitchen, the two of them, enamored. I was so proud of what I created and who I created with. I hadn't yet given myself the credit for finally letting those guards down, but standing there I knew what I deserved.

"I'm leaving, guys." Amaya rips herself from out of her chair and hops to me. Her small arms held out on either side of her, I lift her up embracing her in a tight hug.

"See ya later, Mommy!"

"I'll be back, Amaya," I kiss her on the cheek as my hands get tangled in her curly ebony hair. "I love you, be good." I put her down as she went back to eating. Gerard stood behind her, waiting for his turn.

"See ya, Victoria." To my dismay, he stood in his place and waved, not a hug or a heartfelt farewell. My feelings were Topsy-turvy. I shouldn't have been frowning, but I was. I shouldn't have been wondering what exactly changed in an hour, but I did. This made me nervous.

"See ya, Gerard." I waved off and went to the door.

"Oh, wait--" As I'm turning the knob, he goes back into the kitchen and comes out with a thermos, one that I've never seen a day in my life. "--I picked this up for you on my way here yesterday," He hands it to me with a thoughtful smile. How pleasant, I thought. "It's hot, so be careful." I take it carefully into my hands.

"Green tea?"

"Yep. No sugar, just honey and lemon." He smile held contentment.

"Thanks. Hey, can I talk to you outside for a moment?" I spoke in a hushed tone. He shrugged and motioned into the hallway.

"Sure, what's up," I gave him a puzzled look. He spoke as if this morning never happened. I stood there briefly pondering my sanity. "Everything okay?" The silence between us made him worry.

"Everything's--" There really wasn't anything wrong. I couldn't even recall why I had pulled him out here in the first place. I had a clear mind, I was ready for work on time regardless of how much sleep I didn't get. I was gold. "--everything's perfect. See ya later." I walked down the hall with an unbeatable stride in my walk. I could take on anything that day. I had him to thank for that.




"Nurse Hayward, you're needed in the ICU." My boss' relaxed voice was heard through the hospital on the intercom. I was in the Emergency unit taking care of an eight year-old girl with a broken arm. Her parents were frenzied with panic and stress as she held up her newly formed cast with a gentle smile. They were sure to be eating out the palms of her small hands for about two months.

"Just as long as she doesn't adjust the sling, she should be just fine." I assured her mother who had been blue in the face with fright, poor woman. Her father was much worse off; the poor man couldn't stomach seeing the child's small arm swollen. I assured him that once the cast was placed, she wouldn't be in much pain. He insisted on staying in the waiting area.

"Do you hear that," The girl's mother followed up with a stern look. "Don't bother the sling this time, and no more Human Cannonball!" She warned. The child wilted under her mother's stare. "Let's go," The girl comfortably made her way off of the slab. She had been my fifth broken arm due to a Circus act gone wrong, that day. "Thank you, Nurse Hayward." The mother smiled back at me with admiration.

"You're welcome, Mrs. Ferrel. Enjoy your day," The child waved back to me with a matching smile. "See you in eight weeks to get that cast off, Lily." I called after her. I checked the time, realizing I'd forgotten that I had to be in the ICU. I sigh reluctantly, leaving the Emergency ward in hopes that it hadn't been anything serious. The Intensive Care Unit usually held some burn victims or trauma accident patients. Probably my least favorite place in the hospital.

Luckily, it was directly around the winding corner of the Emergency ward. The lead Pediatrician's office was also stationed there. Her name was Monica. She was a nice woman. Mid-to-late forties, mid-length blond hair. She had a real passion for her job, though she was compensated very generously, the money wasn't her main objective.

I invite myself into her doorway, politely landing soft knocks on her door.

"Victoria," Her eyes light up at the sight of me. She was in a good mood today. "Just the person I wanted to see. Come in," She greeted me with a smile ear-to-ear and her warm blue eyes. "Have a seat." She sat at her desk with her smooth hands crossed in front of her.

"Thank you." She had an assortment of comfortable seats, including a recliner. She was an IKEA zealot and she was damn proud. Her entire office had that cool Art Deco feel to it. It was apparent that she was very careful in decorating it, though, she made sure it reflected her personality. I took a seat in her stained, Swedish imported, expensive-sounding-wood chair. I probably couldn't pronounce the actually name that the catalog displayed, but I was high priority, and high priority were allowed those seats.

"In a good mood?" I was puzzled that she even posed the question. Even with the long hours I worked, my temperament steadied at content. Given more sleep, I would have skipped into her office.

"I guess…" She smiled at me longingly, probably wanting to know why I was gaping at her in a strange way.

"You've got an air about you, is all," The smile remained. "Anyways," She decided not to push any further. "I wanted to know how you would feel about taking someone under your wing." She got straight to business grabbing my full attention.

"Do you mean, an apprentice?" If that's what she was proposing, I was definitely intrigued. I was the Lone Ranger since I began my internship there. Working independently got me where I was, helped me strive through almost every obstacle in my career. Although my hubris was built around the lack of dependency I had through the years, I trained the thought of having help.

"You could say that. You're definitely experienced enough to lead an apprenticeship," I wasn't going to interrupt her until she gave me the full deposition. "You see, Victoria--" She got up from her seat to sit across from me in the seat that matched the one I was sat in. "--the Beckett Suite is understaffed, that being the most demanding part of this facility, we need to transfer some of the Oncology residents," The Beckett Suite was where the terminally ill children were. It was not only the most demanding, but often the most depressing. It was the part of the facility where my shadow dared to darken. I began my first three weeks in that Suite, and each day I sobbed home. Even though the situations were stressful at best, the children were so strong. They were crowded around people that felt sorry for their conditions, they were the only people they had who didn't feel sorry for themselves. I admired that. "What I'm proposing to you is something that could possibly take you from lead Pediatric Nurse, to this office."

Her last words hugged me until I couldn't breathe. There was nothing I wanted to do more than go back to school to become a Pediatrician. I always dreamed of opening my own clinic, with bright walls and lights that illuminated your soul. A place that felt more like home than a Doctor's office.

My mind caught up with me when I realized she hadn't told me who she chose as my apprentice.

"I would love to. I mean, I have the experience, as you said, but I also have the determination." She was pleased so far.

"You have the patient demeanor and the will to learn, execute and achieve." My heart lit up in a million-three colorful, LED bulb Christmas lights. I was elated she thought so highly of me.

"Thank you," I briefly wondered if she offered the position to anyone else. "Have you chosen someone for me or--" She cuts me off with excitement that spilled out of ears and couldn't bare to let me finish my sentence.

"Yes, in fact, he's due in at--" The knock on the door nearly made it hard for her to contain her excitement. I hadn't seen who knocked until they walked in.

"You wanted to see me…" Her lips looked like they were going to split from her face, she smiled so wide. As I recognized the voice, I tried not to turn every shade of violet. I refused to turn to the door, as I knew exactly who stood there. But something was way off today; usually when I heard that voice I would get one or two stray butterflies that danced around in my stomach for a second or two. That didn't happen. This time, they were the size of antelopes and they were all stampeding happily to a watering hole.

"Logan," I tried to suppress the playful giggle that tickled my throat. He walked in with that southern boy charm and the most adorable sheepish smile that made him hard not to want. There he stood with a normal blacked-out pair of Nikes and navy scrubs. Even in the simplest of fashions he was dreamy. "You're right on time! Have a seat," She gets up and offers him her seat. He sits right across from me and I'm sure I've changed colors twice already. We both pass an understanding glance at each other. We didn't want our personal emotions get in the way of our business mentalities. "How rude am I," She scoffs. "Victoria, this is Logan. Logan, this is Victoria," I was holding back this 'been there, done that, got the t-shirt' smile that I saw emerge on his face as well. "Learn to love each others faces, because you're going to see them for quite some time." With her last words, I couldn't hold the laughter in anymore. Something deflated like a hot air balloon inside of me, and I began to laugh. She thought nothing of it, but Logan, he loved my laugh and that's all that mattered.



Monica unloaded the information about the apprenticeship on the two of us. Other than being totally enchanted by one another, we were excited to do what we did best--help those severely in need. She explained that I would rarely be in Emergency or Maternity during my shifts and that she was going to let me join rounds every once in a while to brush up on my medical jargon. She also wanted us to take time and research illnesses and symptoms together. We were going to be at the forefront of everything, and there wasn't anyone else I'd rather be in this position with.

I was clocking out for my hour break when he caught me at my desk.

"Before you say anything--" He stood beside me with his arms relaxed across the top of the marble counter. I began to snicker even before he continued. "--I didn't plan any of this." While no one was looking, he pulled me into a hug with his right arm around my shoulder. His scent was divine.

"It was a pleasant coincidence." I looked up to his honey brown eyes. I cherished the way they glowed for me.

"Are you going on your lunch now?" He picks up my clipboard and begins to sift through my paperwork.

"Yep." I playfully snatch it from him.

"Well, I have an hour before I clock in and you have in hour of lunch…" I walked away from the desk and headed in the opposite direction of the locker rooms.

"What are you proposing?" I turned to him with his eyebrow high in the air and a cantankerous that played on his lips.



That smile lead us to our spot in the supply closet where I would usually did my twenty minute snooze. He had me up against on the large shelf of linen, his lips in between mine and my lips between his. I felt like the sixteen year-old I never was; making out with the quarterback in a convertible at a drive-in movie. Our lips worked against each others. That was, until he did his signature move of pulling my bottom lip down and sliding his tongue right on through. His hands played in my hair gently. At times tugging at a couple strands, sending chills through my scalp. His arm wrapped around my waist, sure that I wasn't going anywhere. He tasted of the warm caramel chai he had earlier that day. It was perfect to warm that crisp autumn air.

This was definitely a PG-13 continuation of the night before, but something was different. Different in the way that I no longer held back with him. It was something that allowed me to hold him close and allow him to do the same. It wasn't the fox chasing the hound anymore. We were equals and I was far from stopping myself…unless the door wasn't locked, then we'd have to stop.

Leaving small kisses away from his lips, I came up for air. He held me closer as my head rested on his chest. We had a little under a half-hour to kill in there and I had long forgotten about eating.

"You know--"

"I know,what?"

"You should wear your hair down more often." He kissed my hair, wrapping me closer to him.

"Thank you." I looked up to him giving him another kiss. His lips were something I could never begin to ignore.

"You seem less tense since last night, too." Abruptly, that thought surfaced my mind. The single solitary thought that I buried that morning, but my subconscious wasn't about to quit digging for it. I didn't want him to be right; that I never wore my hair down, that my body was always tense and my voice rigid. There was no way I was holding him accountable for proclaiming the emancipation of my sexual frustration. No, it wasn't happening. Credit is given where credit is due, and I was far from beginning to hold him accountable for that. I meant it when I said that we didn't make any sense as a couple, and that we coexisted for our daughter. There was nothing that I wanted left of him, but closure. In an obstructed way, I got that closure I'd been wanting for years now. I was all out of defenses and walls to hide behind. It was time to open up and let him in.