FicWad

I regret the meals I eat, the way I feel sick to my stomach after.
I regret the words I speak and the ones I don't.
I regret the thoughts that keep me awake.

I'm overreacting.
I'm overthinking.
I don't have it as bad as others.
I'm just one person.

One person that doesn't even matter.
It wouldn't make a difference if I wasn't here.

How I whine each day.
In my head and vent to myself.
Because who can I trust.
No one.
No one wants to hear me whine,
About the problems I have that don't even matter.
That don't compare to anyone else, their minor and it's all in my head.
But I know I'm not okay.

I'm just overreacting,
But my head is a mess.
I can't seem to organize.

Maybe if I called for help.
Maybe if I did something right.
And not just kill myself in my mind a thousand times.

Maybe just maybe one day is be okay.
And not think too much.
Maybe not be so close to giving up.

But I'm just to scared.
To afraid.
To let someone in,
I'm just afraid they'll leave again.

Just let me be okay.
"I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone..."
I'll push you away, because I'm overthinking.
I'm going to ignore you on my bad days.
I'll drift in and out of conversations.
I'm falling back into old habits and old ways.
Soon I'll be back to the way I was in 8th grade.
Remember that?
I don't want to.

Next time you'll see me, I'll look the same, with a smile that hides all my pain.

don't ask