Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Saving Me
I opened my eyes to darkness, for a moment wondering where I was. Then I remembered: I was at my own apartment for once. Feeling dazed, I started to move, and then stopped, feeling a weight on my chest. Looking down, I remembered. Erin was here. I stared at my arms loosely draped around her, her head on my chest. She must have fallen asleep last night. She was breathing softly, eyelashes fluttering across her cheek. My stomach twisted at the sight, and I wrapped my arms around her tighter. I closed my eyes. I never wanted to let go, ever. I felt her stir, but didn't loosen my grip. I was too afraid of the possibility of her slipping away forever.
She suddenly sat bolt upright, eyes wild and terrified. She looked at me with the eyes of a haunted animal, and I felt a pang in my stomach. I reached out.
"Erin, it's okay, it's me-" She leapt out of the bed and started stuffing her shoes into her bag, her back to me. I leaned back against the headboard, running my hand through my hair. Fuck.
"Erin, it's okay-" She spun around, giving me a furiously frightened look.
"No, it's not okay, it's not okay. What's Axl going to say, Oh God-" She turned back around, slinging her bag over her shoulder and looking wildly around the apartment. I climbed out of bed, striding over to the door before she could reach it. She gestured wildly, terrified.
"Slash, move, now, Oh God, I've got to get home!" I couldn't help staring at her, she was just so beautiful. Even with her makeup smeared and her clothes rumpled, she was the most goddamn beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
"Erin, what kind of home is that? It ain't no fucking home." The thought of her going back to Axl seemed to tear at my insides. How could she? She just couldn’t.
She took a deep, shuddering breath, as if steeling herself against me.
“Listen, Slash, this was all a mistake, I never meant to stay, I never meant to come here, I never meant any of it-”
My heart felt like it’d been ripped open. She’d really rather have him than me. She’d really go rather go back to an abusive husband for the rest of her life than spend one innocent night in my apartment. What else could I do?
“Erin, no, please, don’t go, don’t go-”
She sobbed, and I felt tortured all over again. Like a thousand other times before, I wanted to hold her and never, ever, ever let go.
“Slash, I can’t stay. I should have been home last night, I should have gone. I need to go now. Before-”
“Before what, Erin? Before Axl decides to come find you? Don’t you realize you don’t have to live like this!” I felt so desperate, so helpless. She couldn’t walk out the door now.
“Yes, I do. Now move, Slash, I really need to get home now!” She was crying now, but her face was unwavering, resolute. God, couldn’t she see what she was doing to me? I was in agony.
“Erin, fine! Do you want to know? I’ll say it, I’ll tell you.” The pain was filling me up like boiling water, scorching my insides, and I knew it was finally showing on my face. She started at me, arms going limp at her sides with surprise.
“I don’t want you to leave. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. I love you, Erin. I’ve loved you since that day at that goddamn hotel, I’ve wanted to take care of you and love you since I saw you with Axl that first day-” My voice cracked. “I knew what would happen. I wanted to save you, I wanted to so badly, but I was too much of a moron, too much of a coward. . . I love you, don’t leave me, please, God Erin, don’t leave me now-” I couldn’t go on; I could only stare at her. Her face was the only real thing in the world.
Her eyes were closed. She took a deep breath, tears streaming down her face. Wet face, hair everywhere, she was so damn perfect it hurt. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak for what was inside. What had happened to me?
“Slash, I can’t stay. I can’t. I’m with Axl. I’m with him, I love him. . .”
My stomach dropped down to the ground. She hoisted her bag onto her shoulder, still crying like a broken dam.
“I’m sorry.”
She walked past me, out the door, off the edge of the earth, it seemed to me. She turned around only a moment, and tired blue eyes met mine.
“Goodbye, Slash.”
I was so sure I was bleeding inside. God, I never knew I could hurt like this. I stood in the doorway, watching her walk down the steps of the apartment. I couldn’t even feel the November air; the cold didn't seem to matter. I was watching the only thing that mattered in this world walk out of my life. She reached the bottom of the stairway as if in slow motion. I swallowed.
“Erin?”
She turned around warily, anxiously.
“Call me Saul.”
I shut the door, turned around, sank down to the floor, and for the first time in years, cried.
She suddenly sat bolt upright, eyes wild and terrified. She looked at me with the eyes of a haunted animal, and I felt a pang in my stomach. I reached out.
"Erin, it's okay, it's me-" She leapt out of the bed and started stuffing her shoes into her bag, her back to me. I leaned back against the headboard, running my hand through my hair. Fuck.
"Erin, it's okay-" She spun around, giving me a furiously frightened look.
"No, it's not okay, it's not okay. What's Axl going to say, Oh God-" She turned back around, slinging her bag over her shoulder and looking wildly around the apartment. I climbed out of bed, striding over to the door before she could reach it. She gestured wildly, terrified.
"Slash, move, now, Oh God, I've got to get home!" I couldn't help staring at her, she was just so beautiful. Even with her makeup smeared and her clothes rumpled, she was the most goddamn beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
"Erin, what kind of home is that? It ain't no fucking home." The thought of her going back to Axl seemed to tear at my insides. How could she? She just couldn’t.
She took a deep, shuddering breath, as if steeling herself against me.
“Listen, Slash, this was all a mistake, I never meant to stay, I never meant to come here, I never meant any of it-”
My heart felt like it’d been ripped open. She’d really rather have him than me. She’d really go rather go back to an abusive husband for the rest of her life than spend one innocent night in my apartment. What else could I do?
“Erin, no, please, don’t go, don’t go-”
She sobbed, and I felt tortured all over again. Like a thousand other times before, I wanted to hold her and never, ever, ever let go.
“Slash, I can’t stay. I should have been home last night, I should have gone. I need to go now. Before-”
“Before what, Erin? Before Axl decides to come find you? Don’t you realize you don’t have to live like this!” I felt so desperate, so helpless. She couldn’t walk out the door now.
“Yes, I do. Now move, Slash, I really need to get home now!” She was crying now, but her face was unwavering, resolute. God, couldn’t she see what she was doing to me? I was in agony.
“Erin, fine! Do you want to know? I’ll say it, I’ll tell you.” The pain was filling me up like boiling water, scorching my insides, and I knew it was finally showing on my face. She started at me, arms going limp at her sides with surprise.
“I don’t want you to leave. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. I love you, Erin. I’ve loved you since that day at that goddamn hotel, I’ve wanted to take care of you and love you since I saw you with Axl that first day-” My voice cracked. “I knew what would happen. I wanted to save you, I wanted to so badly, but I was too much of a moron, too much of a coward. . . I love you, don’t leave me, please, God Erin, don’t leave me now-” I couldn’t go on; I could only stare at her. Her face was the only real thing in the world.
Her eyes were closed. She took a deep breath, tears streaming down her face. Wet face, hair everywhere, she was so damn perfect it hurt. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak for what was inside. What had happened to me?
“Slash, I can’t stay. I can’t. I’m with Axl. I’m with him, I love him. . .”
My stomach dropped down to the ground. She hoisted her bag onto her shoulder, still crying like a broken dam.
“I’m sorry.”
She walked past me, out the door, off the edge of the earth, it seemed to me. She turned around only a moment, and tired blue eyes met mine.
“Goodbye, Slash.”
I was so sure I was bleeding inside. God, I never knew I could hurt like this. I stood in the doorway, watching her walk down the steps of the apartment. I couldn’t even feel the November air; the cold didn't seem to matter. I was watching the only thing that mattered in this world walk out of my life. She reached the bottom of the stairway as if in slow motion. I swallowed.
“Erin?”
She turned around warily, anxiously.
“Call me Saul.”
I shut the door, turned around, sank down to the floor, and for the first time in years, cried.
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