FicWad

My heart ticks to the rhythm of the music.
The only reason why my heart still pounds.
I've realized even when the sunsets,
my back aches,
my head throbs.
The loneliness still tortures me the way it does.
A feeling that cripples me every day and night.
My mind on repeat,
my thoughts replay.
It feels as if I've drunken a bottle of liquor,
the numbness clouding my eyes and the burning sensation in my throat.
Emptiness is all I seem to feel.
Someone help me fill this void.
Before I fill my mouth with a bottle full that makes me feel permanently numb.
Cause I've only been enduring suffocation,
with high expectations.
But I'd rather stay in bed,
while the red numbers on the clock scream out at me.
The thoughts bruising my mind,
even scars that seem to stay.
I end up doing terrible things to myself alone.

I'm trying to be happy,
smile a smile that isn't forced.

Its what I do, to heal the pain.
Even if its just for a moment.

All I can comprehend is that,
I'm losing myself again.