Categories > Original > Drama > Misfortune and Gold
Chapter 2 POOR LITTLE SETH
1984-1992
Phoenix, Arizona
Seth Donovan Chandler was born in Phoenix, Arizona on a rainy Halloween night in 1984 to Vera Amaretti Chandler and Corey Chandler. Having come into this world on Halloween had seemed to have cursed him from the start. His labor was a difficult one taking some 47 hours. His mother bled so much that she needed a blood transfusion. Near the end she had been placed on bed rest. The entire pregnancy had been high risk. Vera had been urged by doctors to not even go through with the pregnancy. They warned that the child could be misshapen or mentally retarded. Vera wouldnt hear them. She assured them that he would be perfect. And he was. He weighed 8lbs and 4ozs. He had a layer of black fuzz covering his little olive toned head. He had all ten fingers and toes. He had beautiful little lips. He was perfect.
Vera Amaretti had been a showgirl in Vegas when she met Cory Chandler. She was new to the city. She had spent over 20 years in NYC as a ballerina. She was the real deal. She had migrated at the age of 10 with her parents from Italy. They worked hard and taught Vera that she had to also. So Vera attended ballet and was later accepted into Julliard. At 16 both her parents died in a car crash. Vera supported herself. She became a very accomplished ballerina.
Then the day came that she decided to leave the ballet to become a showgirl. She thought it would be less demanding and she wanted a simpler life. She wasnt young any more. She was 42 now, and there just was no such thing as a ballerina that age. As a showgirl she could still work a few more years. Vera was still very beautiful and looked ten years younger than she was. She was introduced to Corey through mutual friends. She was 42 and he 22. Yet they seemed to hit it off. Corey Chandler had swept Vera off her feet from day one. He was strikingly handsome and charming. He was tall with a slender muscular build. His hair was jet black and sleek. His eyes were a bright blue that could turn her into butter. His smile drove her insane. He told her everything she could want to hear. He did everything she thought a man should do.
At 42 Vera thought kids would never happen for her, it was quite unexpected, but along came Seth. Cory did the right thing and married Vera only three months after they met. He convinced her to retire once he discovered how high risk the pregnancy was. Corey seemed mature and like he was ready. He moved them to his home town of Phoenix to be close to his family. His attempts at fatherhood and marriage didnt last long. Corey disappeared only a month after Seth was born. There werent even any pictures so Seth would know what he had looked like. Maybe it was all too much for a 22 year old but Vera soon saw the bigger picture. He had cleaned out her bank account. When he split he took over $250,000.00 with him.
Vera was overwhelmed. She had nothing at all and an infant miracle on to look after. Parenting was hard on Vera starting out so late in life. She had depended on her husband being there to help, but he was gone. He had moved her hundreds of miles from anyone she knew.She didnt know how to take care of a baby. She just didnt know what to do. Sometimes Seth would cry for hours at a time, and Vera too because she didnt know how to soothe him. She began soothing herself with a slow descent into alcohol to numb the pain. It wasnt long before drugs came into play.
These things made Vera less of a mother. She had been so happy to have Seth, fearful she had let the opportunity pass her by. At 42 she really thought she had waited too long. But here was this gift from god, her last chance. But life took its toll on Vera rapidly. It became quite normal for little Seth to run around all day in a full diaper as Vera lay passed out. It was nothing for him to scream for a bottle for hours before Vera would come to enough to hear him. It was amazing, with the lack of supervision, that the little toddler didnt get hurt. He could have broken glass or stuck something in a socket. SomehowN by the graces of god he knew not to.
By kindergarten Seth was getting himself up by alarm and dressed for school. Vera kept his hair cut short so that it required no attention. She would lay his clothes out for school the night before. That is if she didnt get too wasted and forget. Breakfast came at school. Seth knew the bus came when the big hand on the clock said 2 and the little one said 6. Seth thought this was just how things were. At first he thought all kids did this. He soon realized he was different when he would see parents waiting on the bus with their kids. Then there were times that the parents would come to the school. Hearing the other kids talking about the love for their parents in passing in the hallway even told him there was something wrong with Vera. Moms werent supposed to stay locked in their room all day. They were supposed to help you with your homework. They were supposed to kiss you goodbye in the mornings. They were supposed to cook for you. They were supposed to play with you. It didnt take alot for Seth to realize he wasnt normal at all.
Seth was just about the cutest boy there ever was. His hair, like both parents was jet black and straight as a board.His skin was dark due to his half Italian heritage. While Vera had had brown eyes and Corey blueN Seth ended up with hazel. Around his iris was a thin strip of brown that would sometimes appear bronze. The rest of his eye was infused with colors and specks of dying green foliage. His eyes were deep and solomn. When he smiled it was radiant and picturesque, his eyes laughed. Though most of the time there was nothing to smile about. He really had no childhood to speak of. He was practically the man of the house.
1991
Phoenix, Arizona
The 7 year old Seth stood in the living room of their unkept house, fidgeting with the rabbit ears on the TV trying to get the picture to come in clearer watched Vera go into her room with her friend named John. This wasnt fat John, this was red headed John. Most of his mothers friends were named John. He noticed they never seemed to stay long and always stuck to Vera's room. He was only 7 and didnt really get it. He whacked the side of the TV getting angry. From the corner of his eye he could see red headed John exiting his mother's room.
"Hey John," He cordially called out to him. He glanced in Seth's direction with an awkward look on his face as he hurried out the door.
"Sethy!" He could hear Vera call out from the bedroom. She would usually call for him after one of her friends named John would leave. "Ma's got you's somethin'."
Seth left from the TV and walked over to Vera's door. He knew she was going to give him some money. Thats what it always was if she called him just after a John friend left. He twisted the knob, pushed slowly and peered inside. Vera sat indian style in the center of the bed counting money. She was wearing a tattered pink terrycloth robe. Her eyes looked droopy and red. He would have thought she had been crying if she didnt have such a big smile on her face.
"What?" He asked noticing how happy Vera seemed at the moment. Was it the money? It did look like alot. No matter, he would rather get back to the TV instead of entertaining Vera because it was convenient for her. If she was going to give him some of the money come on and do it already.
She tossed a five dollar bill onto the end of the bed. "Here, you's go and get yaself somethin' to eat...no candy."
Seth crossed over to the bed, scooped up the cash and stuffed it in his pocket. He turned to leave hearing her say the same thing she had said a million times. "I love you's Sethy." He made no response. He couldnt even remember when he had. She said it so often that he didnt even know what it meant. She said it when the lights would get cut off. It was her answer to why he couldnt move his bed out from under where the roof leaked. It was her response when he told her that he was hungry and there was no food. It was her explination of why all her friends were named John. She said it all the timeN so often it simply didnt make sense. Seth shut her bedroom door behind him and crossed across the living room and out the front door. He was hungry, he always seemed to be. He never knew if there would be food from one day to the next. He found himself thinking about it often.
McDonalds was only eight blocks away, this way he could get a toy too. Most of his toys did come from McDonalds. Vera never bought Seth anything but food. His clothes were hand me downs from god only knows where. They were all tattered and stained. Vera wasnt much on doing the laundry. That was usually Seth's job. Along with anything else Vera needed done. Vera rarely ever left the house. When she did it would be for hours at a time leaving Seth alone. He never asked where she had been. All he knew is that she always returned in a better mood. Seth had asked for a bike for his birthday, but that came and went with a handmade card that said, "I love you's Sethy."
November 1992
Phoenix, Arizona
Shortly after Seth's 8th birthday he came home from school, like normal, fished his key from his pocket, like normal, and opened the front door. He rushed through the house as he unbuttoned his jeans. Dashing into the bathroom he could see Vera passed out next to the toilet. This too was normal. Seth had been finding her like this for as long as he could remember. He didnt understand why she just didnt get in bed when she was sleepy. He used to cover her with a blanketN anymore he didnt even bother. Maybe a twinge of resentment was starting to set in. He saw her passed out like this several times a week. He didnt even bother trying to wake her. He knew that when he flushed the toilet she would come to, he always found it funny. He quickly straddled her legs and did his business. Reaching out with a smirk he flushed the toilet, expecting Vera to jump, but she didnt budge.
Seth shrugged it off and walked into the kitchen to see if Vera had bought any food that dayN though he knew better. He opened the refridgerator to see 3 unopened 40oz beer bottlesN a box of baking sodaN and assorted single serving packages of condiments from fast food places. He shut the refridgerater and crossed over to the pantry. Opening it he could see but one can of pork and beans. He knew this was probably his supper. There were some nights he went to bed with nothing. If it wasnt for free lunches at school he would have probably starved to death by now. Summertime was always hard. He would usually lose a whole pants size before school started up again.
"Mom," he yelled out to her in the bathroom, "Is hungry."
e shut the pantry door and walked back into the bathroom where she still lay. "Mom!" He kicked her leg, her body jolted but she didnt seem to make any sort of a response. "Ma. Wake up!" He yelled at her, but she still lay utterly immovable. He got down on his knees next to her and shook her, "Mama!" Still nothing. Maybe if he rolled her over and smacked her face she would get up.On TV he had seen them throw water in peoples faces. Maybe he should try that. He grabbed her wrist with both hands and noticed it was cool to the touch. He pulled with all of his might and rolled her halfway onto her back and side. Her eyes were open but they had a milky haze over them. Her skin was really white and her lips were shades of blue and purple. "Mon, wake up!" He shook her more vigerously. By now he was getting the feeling that something was seriously wrong. He raced out of the house and across the street to the neighbors to call911. By the time they came it was of course far too late.
Vera had died at the age of 50 from a heart attack. She had no surviving family members to care for Seth. Social services found out that Corey Chandler had died three years prior in a boating accident. He was survived by his 68 year old father Donovan Chandler who Seth had been partly named after, but he had never met the guy. Donovan wasnt even aware that the boy existed. He and Corey hadnt spoken to one another since years before Seth was born. Donovan had disowned him. Now he finds out he has an 8 year old grandson that even bears his name. What would he do with a boy? There hadnt been a child in the house in a dozen or more years. He was a widower. How could he take on that responsibility? He knew nothing about this child. Did he have special needs? Was he a bad kid? Reluctantly, Donovan Chandler took the boy in.
A Social worker sat Seth down and explained to him that his mom was gone, dead~ and she couldnt ever come back. Tears should have followed that statement, but they wouldnt come. Was he in shock? He felt nothing but confusion. If Vera was never coming back, where was he going to live? Who would he stay with? Would there be food? The lady from social services told him he had a grandfather, and it was his only surviving family member and that he was going to live with him. She told him he wouldnt even have to change schools since Donovan only lived a few miles away. Seth wondered why he had never come to see him. Seth tried to grasp what was happening to him, but its hard when youre 8 and find your mom dead. Seth had never even had a pet die, he only knew about death from TV, but Wile E. Coyote always came back.
From the start Seth and Donovan really seemed to hit it off, like they had never missed 8 years. Donovan would take Seth hiking and fishing alot. He showed him all the finer points of filleting fish, skinning rabbits, plucking quail feathers, and how to wrestle down a hog. He taught him how to pitch tents and even start fires without matches. He taught him how to bait traps and shoot a gun. Eventually Seth could hit a moving target from a considerable distance. Seth really seemed to take to the outdoors.
At night they would watch sports together on TV. Donovan would talk with Seth for hours about his day at school. They always ate a good home cooked meal at the dinner table. Donovan showed up to every school function. It was pretty nice there. Seth had alot less responsibility now. He didnt have to worry about food anymore. Donovan's shelves were well stocked. It was a normal life for a while, unlike anything Seth had ever had. He felt himself slipping into a comfortable routine where he just had to be a kid. That was new to him. Life with Donovan was far better than life with Vera. The days were full of learning new and interesting things.
Sometimes Seth had nightmares about his mom. Just flashes of her face, the pale greenish tint to her skin, the blueness of her lips, or the milky discoloration of her eyes. He always just saw flashes as he would be calling to her trying to wake her up. The memory stayed fresh in his mind for a long time. Vera looked like she had been afraid in her final moments. Seth wondered if the picture would ever get out of his head. Some mornings when Donovan would wake him up he would get these flashes of her face and trying to wake her. Seth never told Donovan. He tended to keep things to himself.
1994
Phoenix, Arizona
The normalness however was short lived. Donovan had been diagnosed with cancer before Seth ever came to live with him. He had debated on telling social services, but the boy had no one else. If he told them he was dying they would surely come and take Seth away. He didnt even tell Seth he was sick, the boy had been through enough. First of all he was unfortunate enough to have Corey as his father. Donovan truly seemed to despise his son. Plus Seth had just lost his mother. Even though he didnt seem to miss her much he still found her dead. Something like that had to be traumatic on an 8 year old, but Seth never seemed troubled by it. So why worry him? The Doctors had assure Donovan that he would go gently and without much pain or need for hospitals. So he just left well enough alone and tried to give Seth a better life for as long as he could. The doctors gave him a year.
He tried to prepare Seth for life the best he could and as fast as he could. He knew he didnt have much time. He tried to teach Seth everything he could to make it in this world. He tried to prepare him for what the world would hold. Donovan knew what would happen to Seth when he died, he would become a ward of the state. This would mean foster care and orphanages. Donovan hated the thought of it. The system wouldnt care about this boy. No one would bond with him. They wouldnt love him as he should be loved. Donovan fought to hang on.
He hung on for over two years, until after Seth had turned 10. Donovan died on a cold winter day while Seth was at school. The 10 year old Seth knew something badwas wrong when a cop and a woman with a clipboard picked him up from school. They explained to him that Donovan had died and that he had to come with them now. Seth was numb and the only thought that seemed to cross his mind was why everyone around him kept dying. They took him to get some things from Donovans house, all he took was his clothes and a game token encased in glass. It was a reminder of a promise he had made to Donovan once.
They placed Seth in foster care that very day. They placed him with a middle aged couple with grown kids and 3 grandchildren. The woman, Regina, was quiet and seemed detached.the man, Mr. Travis was very friendly. There was just one problem, he always seemed to find some reason to be in the bathroom when Seth would be taking a bath. The first night it was to grab a sheet out of the closet. The second night it was to help him dry off. The third night it was to bring him his bed clothes which he already had. It was apparent to Seth that the guy was doing this on purpose. Did he like looking at him naked or something? It made Seth feel awkward around him. He tried his best to avoid these situations but somehow couldnt seem to.
On the 6th night there was a tap at the bathroom door. Seth sighed and looked over at it. Tonight he had locked the door in hopes of keeping Mr. Travis out. "Seth...Seth?" he could hear him whispering through the door.
Seth felt tension flush him. I...I's almost done," Seth spoke as he hastily stood up to get out.
"Are you clean?" He could hear Mr. Travis saying oddly in a soft whisper from the other side of the door.
Seth stared at the door expecting it to fly open. "Yeah!" Seth yelled out wrapping a towel around his waist.
"You couldnt have washed your back. Let me in," Mr. Travis's words came out soft and silky...harmless. But they didnt feel so innocent to Seth.
Seth stared at the doorknob. He didnt want to let this guy in. He hated the look in his eyes when he looked at him. Each time it got more intense than the last. "I's good. I got it!" Seth called out to him trying to quickly dry off.
"Seth open this door," he spoke. His voice had lost its velvety undertones, now it sounded more serious and desperate. "Why bathe at all if you arent going to do it right? Had you rather Regina come in here and do it?" His voice was erratic and hard to decipher what he was thinking.
Seth looked to the white paint peeling from the door knob. He knew the only way to get him to leave was to let him in and get it over with. Seth hated the way it made him feel so conflicted. Seth didnt show much emotion but it was exploding inside of him. He tucked the towel tightly around his waist and slowly unlocked the door. Mr. Travis wormed his way in the door and stood with his back to it. A strange but faint smile was on his face. Seth could hear him discretely relocking the door behind his back.
"Seth," he eventually sighed after far too much uncomfortable silence, "how many times do I have to tell you to call someone when youre ready to wash your back?" He walked slowly past Seth, looking him over as he bent over to get the washcloth from the side of the tub. Seth felt his guts twisting in knots. "Now step back in the tub," he motioned.
Seth unwillingly did so with the towel still tucked firmly around him.
Mr. Travis slightly chuckled, "The towel is going to get wet silly." He said as Seth felt his hand begin to tug gently at where it was folded. Seth's back was to him, but he could feel his eyes scanning him. Seth soon felt his hand going down his back and streams of water running down the backs of his thighs. He felt Mr. Travis casually place a hand on his hip. The touch of his grip on him felt all wrong. Seth's mind was going crazy. He just wanted to go someplace else, even if it was only in his head. He couldnt just stand there and let this sink in. He had to forget it. He tried justifying it to himself but was unable. He knew Mr. Travis should not have been doing this. He was 10, not 2. This was unnatural deviant behavior.
Seth momentarialy felt Mr. Travis's hand with the soapy rag between his legs. Seth glanced down as a tear fell from his eye. He focused his attention on something else...the wall. He counted the number of checked tiles around the outer edge of the tub. There were 27 black ones. He noted the mold growing in the grout. He looked at the bad caulk job around the wallboard. He did everything he could to distract himself from what was happening. He just had to lock it away, forget it, and convince himself that it never happened. Seth ran away that very night. The cops caught him the next day trying to steal food from a grocery store. He was arrested for the first time for shoplifting. He was 10 years old.
1995-1996
Phoenix, Arizona
After a few days at the orphanage social servicas cam and talked with Seth. He told them what Mr. Travis had done, but he didnt think that they believed him. They simply shrugged it off as if her were lying because he didnt want to be there. None the less they managed to place Seth with new fosters, a Methodist preacher and his wife. This idea made Seth feel safe. They also fostered 7 other kids. Seth would make . This too seemed to bring some comfort to him.. Living with a preacher of course meant that Seth spent alot of time in church.It was all new to him, he didnt really get it. The people in the bible talked funny and it didnt really make sense. Vera had exposed him to zero religion. He didnt even know that he had been christened into the Catholic church when he was just a week old.
Seth sat restlessly on a hard pew in the back of the church trying to get caught up on some homework he had been too lazy to do. He hated school and didnt really pay much attention to the teachers. He hated homework even more. Wasnt all day enough? People always say they dont want to bring work home, this was no different. School was a full time job, he should have been able to leave work at work. He halfway payed attention as the preacher, Mr. Sims, did choir practice. It was nothing but Mr. Sims and a bunch of old ladies. Seth usually thought they sounded like a group of tone deaf people with throat cancer or something.
"Miss Melba, can you do that same line in alto?" The woman sang back the line in a higher pitch, but it still didnt sound right. "No," Mr. Sims sighed, "thats still not quite right. What about you Mrs. Haller?"
She sang otu a few notes but they were even worse than Miss Melba's.
Seth couldnt help but look up when he heard the horrible noise coming from the womans vocal cords. He covered his mouth from laughing aloud and snickered. "Please..." he mumbled under his breath.
One of the older fosters who sat next to him nudged him in the arm, "Shut up." She whispered.
"What?" Seth asked looking at her, "she sucked."
"Youre being disrespectful," huffed another foster glaring at him almost daringly. What could he do to him? They were sitting in a church.
Seth snorted and rolled his eyes.He remained quiet and slouched in the pew trying to get comfortable. Nothing could be more uncomfortable than a pew. It was almost as bad as the back seat of a cop car. He watched in amusement as other ladies tried to hit that sound that Mr. Sims was listening for. They were all failing miserably. "This sucks," he sighed under his breath as he squirmed around on the pew. One of the oldest boy fosters scowled at him giving him an evil look.
"Would anyone else like to try?" Mr. Sims firmly spoke looking to the disturbance his fosters were causing in the back.
"Seth wants to try," piped up the boy who had given him the evil look.
Seth glared at him, "Naw I dont," he snapped.
"Come on Seth," Mr. Sims smiled motioning to the front, "you couldnt do that bad."
Seth sighed and closed the book in his lap. He had never sung anything in his life. He didnt even know if he could. He might sound worse than the tone deaf cancer throats. He apprehensively walked to the front and stood before Mr. Sims and the choir. "What the words is?" Seth shrugged sticking his hands in his pockets.
"What ARE the words?" Mr. Sims corrected his grammar. "By the gracw of the lord I weep." He motioned to the lady at the piano, "In B flat." She hit the key on the piano a few times.
Seth didnt really know what any of that meant. He assumed they wanted his voice to match the piano. Seth drew his breath in and saw everyone staring at him. The fosters were all smiling. They couldnt wait for him to embarrass himself.
"Ok," Mr. Sims began, "one...two..." then he pointed to Seth.
Seth assuned this was his que to sing. "and by the grace of the lord I weep..." The words flowed out of Seth in a melodious tone. It wasnt even how thw song normally sounded. Seth was in the right key, he had the right time, but he sounded so unique. No one expected what they had just witnessed. This 10 year old boy nailed it. He sounded better than anyone in the room. He had the voice of an angel. It was beautiful how he pushed the words out of him, it sounded like he really meant itN but he had no clue what he was singing about. He liked the look of approval on their faces. Even more so he loved the disappointment on the fosters faces. He hadnt embarrassed himself.
Seth soon found himself out fron on sundays performing striking solos. He liked being in front od everyone. It made him feel special. Every set of ears were listening to him, every set of eyes noticing him, every mouth smiling. He never felt nervous or unconfident up there. It felt like home. He loved the attention and praise. He liked that feeling. It felt good to smile.
Seth stayed with the Sims until he was 11 and a half. By then Seth was starting puberty, a little sooner than most boys. His voice was cracking. His body hair was getting coarse. Stray hairs were popping up everywhere. Most kids get unruely at this time but Seth was awful. He was short tempered and had a bad attitude. He soon became too much for the sims. He was out of their control. They didnt know how to deal with such a troubled young man. So the sims discussed it with the lord and felt it would be best to send him back to social services for new placement.
April to June 1996
Phoenix, Arizona
Seth was soon placed with a single man that owned his own construction company. Seth was leery of men since Mr. Travis. Seth didnt really get any bad vibes from this guy he just didnt want to be there. He just didnt feel like he belonged anywhere. he felt unwanted no matter where he was. Mason Jules was a nice man and a hard worker. He tried his best to be the strong independent role model Seth needed but Seth fought it every step of the way. Seth was an angry boy. Angry his entire family was dead, angry he was an orphan, and angry he had to live with strangers until he was 18. Even more so he was angry that growing up took so long. He was ready to get it over with so he could just be on his own.
Seth was also quite hot headed and quick to argue. He was cocky, sarcastic, rude and disrespectful. He always had to do everything the hard way. He seemed to find zero enjoyment in life. He hadnt smiled since his last solo in church. He showed interest in nothing. He made getting along with him nearly impossible. After two and a half months it would try anyones patience. It did Mr. Jules. He tried his best with Seth, but for every effore Seth only pulled further away into a reclusive state. There was no getting through to him. There was no living with him. There was no instructing him or teaching him. You couldnt even hold a conversation with him.
It was a hot Phoenix day after school. Seth was going with Mr Jules to a worksite to pick up scrap pieced of wood scattered on the ground. Seth hoisted with all his might a piece of plywood onto a 10 ft trailer. He grabbed another doing the same. He found that he was getting much stronger lately. Sill he didnt want to be there. It was hot. He would rather be indoors soaking up aome AC. He would love to go swimming. He hadnt swam since he lived with Donovan.
"How was school today?" Mr. Jules asked trying to make friendly small talk.. There was no such thing with Seth. Everything always turned into an arguement. Mr. Jules wished he knew more about Seth so that he maybe could understand him better. But Seth never revealed anything about himself, not to anyone. He saw no point in getting to know someone when he knew he wouldnt be around them long.
Seth didnt even bother answering him. School sucked. He hated it. Everyone knew he was an orphan and gave him alot of unneccessary anguish about it. They always teased and made up reasons why he was an orphan. None of it was true, but their cruelty had left him with a permanent sting. After a while that sting fermented into bitter resentment. Maybe it was even jealousy. Seth felt like they all had it so much better than him, luckier than him, even the ones with the divorcing parents and alcoholic fathers. They took their comfy little lives for granted every day. Seth hated them for their blindness. He hated them for all the little things they didnt appreciate. Maybe he hated them because they were normal kids. He was something entirely different. He had been through far too much to relate to these kids and be on their level.Those kids couldnt grasp the things in his head. They couldnt fathom what it was like to be him.
Seth for the most part felt sold into slavery. So far he had discovered one thing about fosters, they all expected something out of you. If you couldnt provide it they'd ship you off and shuffle you around somewhere else. Between placements there was usually a brief stay at the orphanage. Those days, weeks, months, were like being in hell with air conditioning.
At the orphanage he always got into fights. There he was surrounded by kids just like him, kids he couldnt relate to. Orphans cant relate. They dont share their feelings and they cant trust. They are encumbered with anger, painN and fear. The orphanage was awful...too many pissed off orphans.
"You know," Mr. Jules began, "summer is coming on. I was thinking maybe you could work for me."
"I's workin' for you's now," Seth grunted as he threw an armfull of 2x4 pieces on the trailer. He wished this man would just quit talking to him. He wasn't in the mood.
"I mean like a real job' for cash of your own." Mr. Jules added.
"What I need money for?" Seth barked, " Aint like I's go nowhere. Aint like I gotd friends to hang out with. Dont got no video game fetish...Why I need money for?" He angrily jerked up a long plank of wood and felt a splinter pierce his palm. He moaned and dropped the board to examine his hand.
"Thats why you should wear gloves," Mr. Jules spoke trying to offer him a pair. Seth ignored his offer, still fixated on his hand. "Here let me see it," Mr. Jules motioned for his hand.
"I's got it!" Seth shouted as he tried to grip the piece of wood with his teeth. He pulled it out and spit it on the ground. A small amount of blood began oozing from the wound.
"You should probably hit the first aid kit," Mr. Jules suggested, "your hands are filthy."
"What!" Seth belted out as he looked at him strangely. "Yous want ta give me a bath too? You's one of those too?" He asked. His tone confused mr. Jules.
"One of what?" He asked in bewilderment, knowing that it was a very odd comment for a boy his age to be making. What exactly was he insinuating?
Seth looked to him snarling, taunting, "One a dem guys who get off on boys?"
Rage swept through Mr. Jules. He forgot himself and could only respond to the accusation placed on him. He wasnt some pervert like Seth was suggesting. For one tiny split second Mr. Jules forgot that Seth was just a kid, and in the heated moment pushed him as hard as he could in the center of his chest. Seth felt the air leave his body all at once. His body flew backwards, his feet coming out from under him. Out of reflex Seth stuck his arms back to catch himself as he fell. He felt his weight come down on the palm of his right hand. He heard a loud popping noise, more like a crack. He soon felt his arm throbbing with an ache unlike anything he had ever felt. He pulled his arm from around his back and cradled it in his lap. He could see his skin pushed up and already turning purple from the broken bone inside.
After the bone was set and the cast had hardened, Seth's social working was coming in and explaining to him that Mr. Jules no longer wanted the responsibility of being a foster parent. Seth hadnt even told them that his arm got broke from him pushing him. He said that it had only been an accident. Seth hadnt even taken it personally. He kind of had that one coming. Mr. Jules apparently took it more personally. No matter, he didnt like Mr. Jules anyway.
July 1996
Phoenix, Arizona
His next placement was with a family that had a son with special needs. Seth soon discovered that they were also in special need of someone to attend to those special needs. Each day before and after school Seth was expected to go into the 38 year old retarded mans room and change his diaper. He was prescribed laxatives so when he had a bowel movement it was runny. Was this even legal? This was a great deal for these people and a crappy one for Seth...literally.
Seth hated it there. He hated having to touch a grown mans private parts. He shouldnt have been the one doing this. It didnt matter to Seth that the guy was oblivious to it. It wasnt his place to be changing his diaper. It wasnt his responsibility to be taking care of this guy. The way it seemed to Seth, the state was paying these people to have Seth be a nurse aid. He wasnt some nurse aid. He was just a kid. He wasnt even related to this guy. Why should he be there changing him? Damn this place and the people in it.
Seth opened the mans bedroom door and was instantly hit with the aroma of a full wet dirty diaper. He walked over to the bed and pulled the covers back. His gag reflex kicked in as he dry heaved from the horrific odor for a moment. He unfastened the tabs on the diaper and pulled the front of it back. His dry heaving kicked in once more. He walked into the adjoined bathroom and wet a cloth. He returned to the mans bed and made one swipe across the front of him filling the rag with runny feces. The essence made Seth's eyes water. He gaged several more times.
eth rushed into the bathroom with the nasty rag in his hand and turned on the water. He held it under the faucet, but the water pressure didnt wash away much. Seth wasnt about to stick his hands in it and scrub it. He threw the rag in the sink and rested his hands on both sides. He looked up at his reflection in the mirror. He hated his life. Why did her get dealt such a raw deal? Had he been an ax murdered in a former life or something He noticed the window behind him in the mirrors reflection. He had to leave that place. He spun around and rushed to the window, opened it, and began climbing out. This was a bit difficult with his right arm in a cast. When his feet hit the ground he took off running as fast as he possibly could.
He was found several hours later wandering the streets of Phoenix when Mr. Gilley called the cops and reported him missing. They brought him right back to the Gilley's house. He had zero intention of staying. He was done changing diapers. He waited until he thought everyone was asleep and quietly packed his bags. He tip toed through the house, through the living room and to the front door. As he was sneaking out Mr. Gilly came out of nowhere and busted him across his upper arm with a baseball bat. Sthe instantly felt burning and throbbing. He could also feel his arm dangling. The cast on his arm felt like it was pulling off. Seth didnt let it stop him. He ran away from the house and to a neighbors a few blocks down. He called 911 and an ambulance came and took him to the hospital.
His already casted arm had already started to heal. Now the entire arm had to be recasted because the entire thing was broken now. The whole thing had to be placed in an awkward position to heal correctly. His arm looked like a downward facing L. It was uncomfortable and made using he arm virtually impossible. It remained this way for many months. The doctor told him that it was one of the hardest bones in your body to break. He knew that the story Seth had given him of falling down some steps couldnt have done this.
August-September 1996
Phoenix, Arizona
Seth was sent to live with a 70 year old woman who was hard of hearing while his arm healed. She thought his name was Beth even though she realized that was a girls name. She nursed him like a friendly grandma while his arm healed. She was an excellent cook and spent most of her time in the kitchen. She was always making Seth homemade cookies, pies, and cakes. It was the best food he had ever been exposed to in his life..He scarfed it down like a starving animal. He did this so he could eat as much as he was while he was there. The thing about foster care is that its never permanent.. He never knew how long he would be anywhere. Tomorrow he could be somewhere else. It was a rootless existence.
After about 6 weeks Seth recuperated. His arm smelled so bad when the cast finally came off. In places the skin even peeled. His shoulder was so stiff when he was finally able to free it from its locked position. His rotator cuff ached for a week. .it was so great to have use of his arm again. He had lost so much muscle tone in it that it looked like he had a midget arm and a normal one.
Seth eyeballed the '78 Buick that the old woman kept parked in her garage. It had to have been almost as big as a limo. It was the biggest car he had ever seen. That morning he had swiped the keys from the old ladys purse. That car was just calling his name. He wanted to know how to drive. So he went outside with the keys in his hands and used them to unlock the door. He climbed into the drivers seat feeling so small behind the wheel. He didnt see how the old lady drove it, Seth was a good 2 inches taller than her and a month shy of being 12.
He stuck the keys in the ignition. He had never driven a car before, but he had seen it on TV thousands of times. How hard could it be? He looked down to the floorboard, searching for the gas pedal. He placed his foot on it and turned the key. The car revved up and cranked. He put it into gear and pressed his foot down on the pedal. The tires began to squeal as the car ejected from the garage amd out into the street. Seth jerked the wheel to the right and hit the old ladys mailbox. He fought to regain control of the car but it wasnt so easy. He made it to the end of the street, ran a stop sign, and smashed into the side of another car.
Seth was arrested for grand theft auto, but the judge felt sympathetic. He had read his state file and decided to downgrade it to joy riding. His sentence was 500 hours of community service. The nice old lady that called him bet thought that was more than fair. She was just glad he wasnt hurt. She was planning to get a car more suited to her needs anyway. However, she knew Seth was far too much for her to handle, she had to let him go. So she made him a batch of cookies and told him goodbye as social services were driving away with him.
September-October 1996
Phoenix, Arizona
After that Seth found himself living with a Korean family. It was a bit odd and took some adjusting. Their kitchen table had really short legs and they sat on the floor to eat. There also wasnt a piece of silverware in the whole house. They ate everything with sticks. Seth, for the most part, just used his hands. After a few weeks he was starting to get the hang of it by watching them. Seth picked up on things fast, he always had. Chopsticks proved to be easier than some things.
They had funny accents when they spoke Ebglish. It was tough for him to make out what they were saying. It was easier for him to understand them when they spoke in their own language. He could watch their body language, their movements, their eyes, eyebrows, lips, the way they would laugh or smile, and be able to better figure out what they were saying. He began picking up several words. The subtitled Kung Fu movies they watched helped him get the language down at a basic form. However Seth had trouble enunciating the words properly. His mouth just did not possess the ability to form those words. So when they laughed at him saying something wrong he just quit talking to them all together. He had nothing he needed to say to them anyway.
In the mornings before school Seth would work in this donut shop they owned. He didnt realize that it was taking care of his community service hours. He just thought, as usual, he was free labor for someone. He hated getting up 4 hours earlier than he had to, then go to school all day. He learned how to make donuts but he hated dropping the batter into grease. It would always splash up and burn his hands. He hated working in that place.
So like most places, Seth ran away from there as well. This time he made it a whole five days on his own. He stayed at the site of some Indian ruins just outside the city down a 3 mile hiking trail, easy to stay undetected. Donovan had taken him there once. Seth was caught shoplifting again. His fosters were disgraced, and Seth was released back to social services. He was placed, yet again, with another foster family.
October-November 1996
Phoenix, Arizona
The Dixons were a questionable couple in their late 20's. Seth noticed the way in which they gave him the bare minimum of everything to survive. Seth knew it was because they were lining their pockets with the money the state sent for his upkeep. Seth found himself wearing clothes that looked 20 years old. They smelled like mothballs like they had been packed away in someones attic. The food they fed him was cheap crap. It made school food look like fine quisine in comparison. His shoes looked like something you would put on a dead guy in his coffin. The only good thing about them was that they never seemed to be home. He probably hadnt said five words to either of them in the month he had been there.
He soon left there as well in hopes of making it on his own. However the police would manage to track him down like always. This time Seth fought them. He didnt want to go back. He felt he could take care of himself but he was only12 years old and the state couldnt allow that. It took 3 officers to put Seth into custody. He broke ones nose. He got into alot of trouble for that one. He was arrested for resisting arrest and assault on a peace officer. The judge sentenced him to 6 months in a juvenile facility for criminals.
1984-1992
Phoenix, Arizona
Seth Donovan Chandler was born in Phoenix, Arizona on a rainy Halloween night in 1984 to Vera Amaretti Chandler and Corey Chandler. Having come into this world on Halloween had seemed to have cursed him from the start. His labor was a difficult one taking some 47 hours. His mother bled so much that she needed a blood transfusion. Near the end she had been placed on bed rest. The entire pregnancy had been high risk. Vera had been urged by doctors to not even go through with the pregnancy. They warned that the child could be misshapen or mentally retarded. Vera wouldnt hear them. She assured them that he would be perfect. And he was. He weighed 8lbs and 4ozs. He had a layer of black fuzz covering his little olive toned head. He had all ten fingers and toes. He had beautiful little lips. He was perfect.
Vera Amaretti had been a showgirl in Vegas when she met Cory Chandler. She was new to the city. She had spent over 20 years in NYC as a ballerina. She was the real deal. She had migrated at the age of 10 with her parents from Italy. They worked hard and taught Vera that she had to also. So Vera attended ballet and was later accepted into Julliard. At 16 both her parents died in a car crash. Vera supported herself. She became a very accomplished ballerina.
Then the day came that she decided to leave the ballet to become a showgirl. She thought it would be less demanding and she wanted a simpler life. She wasnt young any more. She was 42 now, and there just was no such thing as a ballerina that age. As a showgirl she could still work a few more years. Vera was still very beautiful and looked ten years younger than she was. She was introduced to Corey through mutual friends. She was 42 and he 22. Yet they seemed to hit it off. Corey Chandler had swept Vera off her feet from day one. He was strikingly handsome and charming. He was tall with a slender muscular build. His hair was jet black and sleek. His eyes were a bright blue that could turn her into butter. His smile drove her insane. He told her everything she could want to hear. He did everything she thought a man should do.
At 42 Vera thought kids would never happen for her, it was quite unexpected, but along came Seth. Cory did the right thing and married Vera only three months after they met. He convinced her to retire once he discovered how high risk the pregnancy was. Corey seemed mature and like he was ready. He moved them to his home town of Phoenix to be close to his family. His attempts at fatherhood and marriage didnt last long. Corey disappeared only a month after Seth was born. There werent even any pictures so Seth would know what he had looked like. Maybe it was all too much for a 22 year old but Vera soon saw the bigger picture. He had cleaned out her bank account. When he split he took over $250,000.00 with him.
Vera was overwhelmed. She had nothing at all and an infant miracle on to look after. Parenting was hard on Vera starting out so late in life. She had depended on her husband being there to help, but he was gone. He had moved her hundreds of miles from anyone she knew.She didnt know how to take care of a baby. She just didnt know what to do. Sometimes Seth would cry for hours at a time, and Vera too because she didnt know how to soothe him. She began soothing herself with a slow descent into alcohol to numb the pain. It wasnt long before drugs came into play.
These things made Vera less of a mother. She had been so happy to have Seth, fearful she had let the opportunity pass her by. At 42 she really thought she had waited too long. But here was this gift from god, her last chance. But life took its toll on Vera rapidly. It became quite normal for little Seth to run around all day in a full diaper as Vera lay passed out. It was nothing for him to scream for a bottle for hours before Vera would come to enough to hear him. It was amazing, with the lack of supervision, that the little toddler didnt get hurt. He could have broken glass or stuck something in a socket. SomehowN by the graces of god he knew not to.
By kindergarten Seth was getting himself up by alarm and dressed for school. Vera kept his hair cut short so that it required no attention. She would lay his clothes out for school the night before. That is if she didnt get too wasted and forget. Breakfast came at school. Seth knew the bus came when the big hand on the clock said 2 and the little one said 6. Seth thought this was just how things were. At first he thought all kids did this. He soon realized he was different when he would see parents waiting on the bus with their kids. Then there were times that the parents would come to the school. Hearing the other kids talking about the love for their parents in passing in the hallway even told him there was something wrong with Vera. Moms werent supposed to stay locked in their room all day. They were supposed to help you with your homework. They were supposed to kiss you goodbye in the mornings. They were supposed to cook for you. They were supposed to play with you. It didnt take alot for Seth to realize he wasnt normal at all.
Seth was just about the cutest boy there ever was. His hair, like both parents was jet black and straight as a board.His skin was dark due to his half Italian heritage. While Vera had had brown eyes and Corey blueN Seth ended up with hazel. Around his iris was a thin strip of brown that would sometimes appear bronze. The rest of his eye was infused with colors and specks of dying green foliage. His eyes were deep and solomn. When he smiled it was radiant and picturesque, his eyes laughed. Though most of the time there was nothing to smile about. He really had no childhood to speak of. He was practically the man of the house.
1991
Phoenix, Arizona
The 7 year old Seth stood in the living room of their unkept house, fidgeting with the rabbit ears on the TV trying to get the picture to come in clearer watched Vera go into her room with her friend named John. This wasnt fat John, this was red headed John. Most of his mothers friends were named John. He noticed they never seemed to stay long and always stuck to Vera's room. He was only 7 and didnt really get it. He whacked the side of the TV getting angry. From the corner of his eye he could see red headed John exiting his mother's room.
"Hey John," He cordially called out to him. He glanced in Seth's direction with an awkward look on his face as he hurried out the door.
"Sethy!" He could hear Vera call out from the bedroom. She would usually call for him after one of her friends named John would leave. "Ma's got you's somethin'."
Seth left from the TV and walked over to Vera's door. He knew she was going to give him some money. Thats what it always was if she called him just after a John friend left. He twisted the knob, pushed slowly and peered inside. Vera sat indian style in the center of the bed counting money. She was wearing a tattered pink terrycloth robe. Her eyes looked droopy and red. He would have thought she had been crying if she didnt have such a big smile on her face.
"What?" He asked noticing how happy Vera seemed at the moment. Was it the money? It did look like alot. No matter, he would rather get back to the TV instead of entertaining Vera because it was convenient for her. If she was going to give him some of the money come on and do it already.
She tossed a five dollar bill onto the end of the bed. "Here, you's go and get yaself somethin' to eat...no candy."
Seth crossed over to the bed, scooped up the cash and stuffed it in his pocket. He turned to leave hearing her say the same thing she had said a million times. "I love you's Sethy." He made no response. He couldnt even remember when he had. She said it so often that he didnt even know what it meant. She said it when the lights would get cut off. It was her answer to why he couldnt move his bed out from under where the roof leaked. It was her response when he told her that he was hungry and there was no food. It was her explination of why all her friends were named John. She said it all the timeN so often it simply didnt make sense. Seth shut her bedroom door behind him and crossed across the living room and out the front door. He was hungry, he always seemed to be. He never knew if there would be food from one day to the next. He found himself thinking about it often.
McDonalds was only eight blocks away, this way he could get a toy too. Most of his toys did come from McDonalds. Vera never bought Seth anything but food. His clothes were hand me downs from god only knows where. They were all tattered and stained. Vera wasnt much on doing the laundry. That was usually Seth's job. Along with anything else Vera needed done. Vera rarely ever left the house. When she did it would be for hours at a time leaving Seth alone. He never asked where she had been. All he knew is that she always returned in a better mood. Seth had asked for a bike for his birthday, but that came and went with a handmade card that said, "I love you's Sethy."
November 1992
Phoenix, Arizona
Shortly after Seth's 8th birthday he came home from school, like normal, fished his key from his pocket, like normal, and opened the front door. He rushed through the house as he unbuttoned his jeans. Dashing into the bathroom he could see Vera passed out next to the toilet. This too was normal. Seth had been finding her like this for as long as he could remember. He didnt understand why she just didnt get in bed when she was sleepy. He used to cover her with a blanketN anymore he didnt even bother. Maybe a twinge of resentment was starting to set in. He saw her passed out like this several times a week. He didnt even bother trying to wake her. He knew that when he flushed the toilet she would come to, he always found it funny. He quickly straddled her legs and did his business. Reaching out with a smirk he flushed the toilet, expecting Vera to jump, but she didnt budge.
Seth shrugged it off and walked into the kitchen to see if Vera had bought any food that dayN though he knew better. He opened the refridgerator to see 3 unopened 40oz beer bottlesN a box of baking sodaN and assorted single serving packages of condiments from fast food places. He shut the refridgerater and crossed over to the pantry. Opening it he could see but one can of pork and beans. He knew this was probably his supper. There were some nights he went to bed with nothing. If it wasnt for free lunches at school he would have probably starved to death by now. Summertime was always hard. He would usually lose a whole pants size before school started up again.
"Mom," he yelled out to her in the bathroom, "Is hungry."
e shut the pantry door and walked back into the bathroom where she still lay. "Mom!" He kicked her leg, her body jolted but she didnt seem to make any sort of a response. "Ma. Wake up!" He yelled at her, but she still lay utterly immovable. He got down on his knees next to her and shook her, "Mama!" Still nothing. Maybe if he rolled her over and smacked her face she would get up.On TV he had seen them throw water in peoples faces. Maybe he should try that. He grabbed her wrist with both hands and noticed it was cool to the touch. He pulled with all of his might and rolled her halfway onto her back and side. Her eyes were open but they had a milky haze over them. Her skin was really white and her lips were shades of blue and purple. "Mon, wake up!" He shook her more vigerously. By now he was getting the feeling that something was seriously wrong. He raced out of the house and across the street to the neighbors to call911. By the time they came it was of course far too late.
Vera had died at the age of 50 from a heart attack. She had no surviving family members to care for Seth. Social services found out that Corey Chandler had died three years prior in a boating accident. He was survived by his 68 year old father Donovan Chandler who Seth had been partly named after, but he had never met the guy. Donovan wasnt even aware that the boy existed. He and Corey hadnt spoken to one another since years before Seth was born. Donovan had disowned him. Now he finds out he has an 8 year old grandson that even bears his name. What would he do with a boy? There hadnt been a child in the house in a dozen or more years. He was a widower. How could he take on that responsibility? He knew nothing about this child. Did he have special needs? Was he a bad kid? Reluctantly, Donovan Chandler took the boy in.
A Social worker sat Seth down and explained to him that his mom was gone, dead~ and she couldnt ever come back. Tears should have followed that statement, but they wouldnt come. Was he in shock? He felt nothing but confusion. If Vera was never coming back, where was he going to live? Who would he stay with? Would there be food? The lady from social services told him he had a grandfather, and it was his only surviving family member and that he was going to live with him. She told him he wouldnt even have to change schools since Donovan only lived a few miles away. Seth wondered why he had never come to see him. Seth tried to grasp what was happening to him, but its hard when youre 8 and find your mom dead. Seth had never even had a pet die, he only knew about death from TV, but Wile E. Coyote always came back.
From the start Seth and Donovan really seemed to hit it off, like they had never missed 8 years. Donovan would take Seth hiking and fishing alot. He showed him all the finer points of filleting fish, skinning rabbits, plucking quail feathers, and how to wrestle down a hog. He taught him how to pitch tents and even start fires without matches. He taught him how to bait traps and shoot a gun. Eventually Seth could hit a moving target from a considerable distance. Seth really seemed to take to the outdoors.
At night they would watch sports together on TV. Donovan would talk with Seth for hours about his day at school. They always ate a good home cooked meal at the dinner table. Donovan showed up to every school function. It was pretty nice there. Seth had alot less responsibility now. He didnt have to worry about food anymore. Donovan's shelves were well stocked. It was a normal life for a while, unlike anything Seth had ever had. He felt himself slipping into a comfortable routine where he just had to be a kid. That was new to him. Life with Donovan was far better than life with Vera. The days were full of learning new and interesting things.
Sometimes Seth had nightmares about his mom. Just flashes of her face, the pale greenish tint to her skin, the blueness of her lips, or the milky discoloration of her eyes. He always just saw flashes as he would be calling to her trying to wake her up. The memory stayed fresh in his mind for a long time. Vera looked like she had been afraid in her final moments. Seth wondered if the picture would ever get out of his head. Some mornings when Donovan would wake him up he would get these flashes of her face and trying to wake her. Seth never told Donovan. He tended to keep things to himself.
1994
Phoenix, Arizona
The normalness however was short lived. Donovan had been diagnosed with cancer before Seth ever came to live with him. He had debated on telling social services, but the boy had no one else. If he told them he was dying they would surely come and take Seth away. He didnt even tell Seth he was sick, the boy had been through enough. First of all he was unfortunate enough to have Corey as his father. Donovan truly seemed to despise his son. Plus Seth had just lost his mother. Even though he didnt seem to miss her much he still found her dead. Something like that had to be traumatic on an 8 year old, but Seth never seemed troubled by it. So why worry him? The Doctors had assure Donovan that he would go gently and without much pain or need for hospitals. So he just left well enough alone and tried to give Seth a better life for as long as he could. The doctors gave him a year.
He tried to prepare Seth for life the best he could and as fast as he could. He knew he didnt have much time. He tried to teach Seth everything he could to make it in this world. He tried to prepare him for what the world would hold. Donovan knew what would happen to Seth when he died, he would become a ward of the state. This would mean foster care and orphanages. Donovan hated the thought of it. The system wouldnt care about this boy. No one would bond with him. They wouldnt love him as he should be loved. Donovan fought to hang on.
He hung on for over two years, until after Seth had turned 10. Donovan died on a cold winter day while Seth was at school. The 10 year old Seth knew something badwas wrong when a cop and a woman with a clipboard picked him up from school. They explained to him that Donovan had died and that he had to come with them now. Seth was numb and the only thought that seemed to cross his mind was why everyone around him kept dying. They took him to get some things from Donovans house, all he took was his clothes and a game token encased in glass. It was a reminder of a promise he had made to Donovan once.
They placed Seth in foster care that very day. They placed him with a middle aged couple with grown kids and 3 grandchildren. The woman, Regina, was quiet and seemed detached.the man, Mr. Travis was very friendly. There was just one problem, he always seemed to find some reason to be in the bathroom when Seth would be taking a bath. The first night it was to grab a sheet out of the closet. The second night it was to help him dry off. The third night it was to bring him his bed clothes which he already had. It was apparent to Seth that the guy was doing this on purpose. Did he like looking at him naked or something? It made Seth feel awkward around him. He tried his best to avoid these situations but somehow couldnt seem to.
On the 6th night there was a tap at the bathroom door. Seth sighed and looked over at it. Tonight he had locked the door in hopes of keeping Mr. Travis out. "Seth...Seth?" he could hear him whispering through the door.
Seth felt tension flush him. I...I's almost done," Seth spoke as he hastily stood up to get out.
"Are you clean?" He could hear Mr. Travis saying oddly in a soft whisper from the other side of the door.
Seth stared at the door expecting it to fly open. "Yeah!" Seth yelled out wrapping a towel around his waist.
"You couldnt have washed your back. Let me in," Mr. Travis's words came out soft and silky...harmless. But they didnt feel so innocent to Seth.
Seth stared at the doorknob. He didnt want to let this guy in. He hated the look in his eyes when he looked at him. Each time it got more intense than the last. "I's good. I got it!" Seth called out to him trying to quickly dry off.
"Seth open this door," he spoke. His voice had lost its velvety undertones, now it sounded more serious and desperate. "Why bathe at all if you arent going to do it right? Had you rather Regina come in here and do it?" His voice was erratic and hard to decipher what he was thinking.
Seth looked to the white paint peeling from the door knob. He knew the only way to get him to leave was to let him in and get it over with. Seth hated the way it made him feel so conflicted. Seth didnt show much emotion but it was exploding inside of him. He tucked the towel tightly around his waist and slowly unlocked the door. Mr. Travis wormed his way in the door and stood with his back to it. A strange but faint smile was on his face. Seth could hear him discretely relocking the door behind his back.
"Seth," he eventually sighed after far too much uncomfortable silence, "how many times do I have to tell you to call someone when youre ready to wash your back?" He walked slowly past Seth, looking him over as he bent over to get the washcloth from the side of the tub. Seth felt his guts twisting in knots. "Now step back in the tub," he motioned.
Seth unwillingly did so with the towel still tucked firmly around him.
Mr. Travis slightly chuckled, "The towel is going to get wet silly." He said as Seth felt his hand begin to tug gently at where it was folded. Seth's back was to him, but he could feel his eyes scanning him. Seth soon felt his hand going down his back and streams of water running down the backs of his thighs. He felt Mr. Travis casually place a hand on his hip. The touch of his grip on him felt all wrong. Seth's mind was going crazy. He just wanted to go someplace else, even if it was only in his head. He couldnt just stand there and let this sink in. He had to forget it. He tried justifying it to himself but was unable. He knew Mr. Travis should not have been doing this. He was 10, not 2. This was unnatural deviant behavior.
Seth momentarialy felt Mr. Travis's hand with the soapy rag between his legs. Seth glanced down as a tear fell from his eye. He focused his attention on something else...the wall. He counted the number of checked tiles around the outer edge of the tub. There were 27 black ones. He noted the mold growing in the grout. He looked at the bad caulk job around the wallboard. He did everything he could to distract himself from what was happening. He just had to lock it away, forget it, and convince himself that it never happened. Seth ran away that very night. The cops caught him the next day trying to steal food from a grocery store. He was arrested for the first time for shoplifting. He was 10 years old.
1995-1996
Phoenix, Arizona
After a few days at the orphanage social servicas cam and talked with Seth. He told them what Mr. Travis had done, but he didnt think that they believed him. They simply shrugged it off as if her were lying because he didnt want to be there. None the less they managed to place Seth with new fosters, a Methodist preacher and his wife. This idea made Seth feel safe. They also fostered 7 other kids. Seth would make . This too seemed to bring some comfort to him.. Living with a preacher of course meant that Seth spent alot of time in church.It was all new to him, he didnt really get it. The people in the bible talked funny and it didnt really make sense. Vera had exposed him to zero religion. He didnt even know that he had been christened into the Catholic church when he was just a week old.
Seth sat restlessly on a hard pew in the back of the church trying to get caught up on some homework he had been too lazy to do. He hated school and didnt really pay much attention to the teachers. He hated homework even more. Wasnt all day enough? People always say they dont want to bring work home, this was no different. School was a full time job, he should have been able to leave work at work. He halfway payed attention as the preacher, Mr. Sims, did choir practice. It was nothing but Mr. Sims and a bunch of old ladies. Seth usually thought they sounded like a group of tone deaf people with throat cancer or something.
"Miss Melba, can you do that same line in alto?" The woman sang back the line in a higher pitch, but it still didnt sound right. "No," Mr. Sims sighed, "thats still not quite right. What about you Mrs. Haller?"
She sang otu a few notes but they were even worse than Miss Melba's.
Seth couldnt help but look up when he heard the horrible noise coming from the womans vocal cords. He covered his mouth from laughing aloud and snickered. "Please..." he mumbled under his breath.
One of the older fosters who sat next to him nudged him in the arm, "Shut up." She whispered.
"What?" Seth asked looking at her, "she sucked."
"Youre being disrespectful," huffed another foster glaring at him almost daringly. What could he do to him? They were sitting in a church.
Seth snorted and rolled his eyes.He remained quiet and slouched in the pew trying to get comfortable. Nothing could be more uncomfortable than a pew. It was almost as bad as the back seat of a cop car. He watched in amusement as other ladies tried to hit that sound that Mr. Sims was listening for. They were all failing miserably. "This sucks," he sighed under his breath as he squirmed around on the pew. One of the oldest boy fosters scowled at him giving him an evil look.
"Would anyone else like to try?" Mr. Sims firmly spoke looking to the disturbance his fosters were causing in the back.
"Seth wants to try," piped up the boy who had given him the evil look.
Seth glared at him, "Naw I dont," he snapped.
"Come on Seth," Mr. Sims smiled motioning to the front, "you couldnt do that bad."
Seth sighed and closed the book in his lap. He had never sung anything in his life. He didnt even know if he could. He might sound worse than the tone deaf cancer throats. He apprehensively walked to the front and stood before Mr. Sims and the choir. "What the words is?" Seth shrugged sticking his hands in his pockets.
"What ARE the words?" Mr. Sims corrected his grammar. "By the gracw of the lord I weep." He motioned to the lady at the piano, "In B flat." She hit the key on the piano a few times.
Seth didnt really know what any of that meant. He assumed they wanted his voice to match the piano. Seth drew his breath in and saw everyone staring at him. The fosters were all smiling. They couldnt wait for him to embarrass himself.
"Ok," Mr. Sims began, "one...two..." then he pointed to Seth.
Seth assuned this was his que to sing. "and by the grace of the lord I weep..." The words flowed out of Seth in a melodious tone. It wasnt even how thw song normally sounded. Seth was in the right key, he had the right time, but he sounded so unique. No one expected what they had just witnessed. This 10 year old boy nailed it. He sounded better than anyone in the room. He had the voice of an angel. It was beautiful how he pushed the words out of him, it sounded like he really meant itN but he had no clue what he was singing about. He liked the look of approval on their faces. Even more so he loved the disappointment on the fosters faces. He hadnt embarrassed himself.
Seth soon found himself out fron on sundays performing striking solos. He liked being in front od everyone. It made him feel special. Every set of ears were listening to him, every set of eyes noticing him, every mouth smiling. He never felt nervous or unconfident up there. It felt like home. He loved the attention and praise. He liked that feeling. It felt good to smile.
Seth stayed with the Sims until he was 11 and a half. By then Seth was starting puberty, a little sooner than most boys. His voice was cracking. His body hair was getting coarse. Stray hairs were popping up everywhere. Most kids get unruely at this time but Seth was awful. He was short tempered and had a bad attitude. He soon became too much for the sims. He was out of their control. They didnt know how to deal with such a troubled young man. So the sims discussed it with the lord and felt it would be best to send him back to social services for new placement.
April to June 1996
Phoenix, Arizona
Seth was soon placed with a single man that owned his own construction company. Seth was leery of men since Mr. Travis. Seth didnt really get any bad vibes from this guy he just didnt want to be there. He just didnt feel like he belonged anywhere. he felt unwanted no matter where he was. Mason Jules was a nice man and a hard worker. He tried his best to be the strong independent role model Seth needed but Seth fought it every step of the way. Seth was an angry boy. Angry his entire family was dead, angry he was an orphan, and angry he had to live with strangers until he was 18. Even more so he was angry that growing up took so long. He was ready to get it over with so he could just be on his own.
Seth was also quite hot headed and quick to argue. He was cocky, sarcastic, rude and disrespectful. He always had to do everything the hard way. He seemed to find zero enjoyment in life. He hadnt smiled since his last solo in church. He showed interest in nothing. He made getting along with him nearly impossible. After two and a half months it would try anyones patience. It did Mr. Jules. He tried his best with Seth, but for every effore Seth only pulled further away into a reclusive state. There was no getting through to him. There was no living with him. There was no instructing him or teaching him. You couldnt even hold a conversation with him.
It was a hot Phoenix day after school. Seth was going with Mr Jules to a worksite to pick up scrap pieced of wood scattered on the ground. Seth hoisted with all his might a piece of plywood onto a 10 ft trailer. He grabbed another doing the same. He found that he was getting much stronger lately. Sill he didnt want to be there. It was hot. He would rather be indoors soaking up aome AC. He would love to go swimming. He hadnt swam since he lived with Donovan.
"How was school today?" Mr. Jules asked trying to make friendly small talk.. There was no such thing with Seth. Everything always turned into an arguement. Mr. Jules wished he knew more about Seth so that he maybe could understand him better. But Seth never revealed anything about himself, not to anyone. He saw no point in getting to know someone when he knew he wouldnt be around them long.
Seth didnt even bother answering him. School sucked. He hated it. Everyone knew he was an orphan and gave him alot of unneccessary anguish about it. They always teased and made up reasons why he was an orphan. None of it was true, but their cruelty had left him with a permanent sting. After a while that sting fermented into bitter resentment. Maybe it was even jealousy. Seth felt like they all had it so much better than him, luckier than him, even the ones with the divorcing parents and alcoholic fathers. They took their comfy little lives for granted every day. Seth hated them for their blindness. He hated them for all the little things they didnt appreciate. Maybe he hated them because they were normal kids. He was something entirely different. He had been through far too much to relate to these kids and be on their level.Those kids couldnt grasp the things in his head. They couldnt fathom what it was like to be him.
Seth for the most part felt sold into slavery. So far he had discovered one thing about fosters, they all expected something out of you. If you couldnt provide it they'd ship you off and shuffle you around somewhere else. Between placements there was usually a brief stay at the orphanage. Those days, weeks, months, were like being in hell with air conditioning.
At the orphanage he always got into fights. There he was surrounded by kids just like him, kids he couldnt relate to. Orphans cant relate. They dont share their feelings and they cant trust. They are encumbered with anger, painN and fear. The orphanage was awful...too many pissed off orphans.
"You know," Mr. Jules began, "summer is coming on. I was thinking maybe you could work for me."
"I's workin' for you's now," Seth grunted as he threw an armfull of 2x4 pieces on the trailer. He wished this man would just quit talking to him. He wasn't in the mood.
"I mean like a real job' for cash of your own." Mr. Jules added.
"What I need money for?" Seth barked, " Aint like I's go nowhere. Aint like I gotd friends to hang out with. Dont got no video game fetish...Why I need money for?" He angrily jerked up a long plank of wood and felt a splinter pierce his palm. He moaned and dropped the board to examine his hand.
"Thats why you should wear gloves," Mr. Jules spoke trying to offer him a pair. Seth ignored his offer, still fixated on his hand. "Here let me see it," Mr. Jules motioned for his hand.
"I's got it!" Seth shouted as he tried to grip the piece of wood with his teeth. He pulled it out and spit it on the ground. A small amount of blood began oozing from the wound.
"You should probably hit the first aid kit," Mr. Jules suggested, "your hands are filthy."
"What!" Seth belted out as he looked at him strangely. "Yous want ta give me a bath too? You's one of those too?" He asked. His tone confused mr. Jules.
"One of what?" He asked in bewilderment, knowing that it was a very odd comment for a boy his age to be making. What exactly was he insinuating?
Seth looked to him snarling, taunting, "One a dem guys who get off on boys?"
Rage swept through Mr. Jules. He forgot himself and could only respond to the accusation placed on him. He wasnt some pervert like Seth was suggesting. For one tiny split second Mr. Jules forgot that Seth was just a kid, and in the heated moment pushed him as hard as he could in the center of his chest. Seth felt the air leave his body all at once. His body flew backwards, his feet coming out from under him. Out of reflex Seth stuck his arms back to catch himself as he fell. He felt his weight come down on the palm of his right hand. He heard a loud popping noise, more like a crack. He soon felt his arm throbbing with an ache unlike anything he had ever felt. He pulled his arm from around his back and cradled it in his lap. He could see his skin pushed up and already turning purple from the broken bone inside.
After the bone was set and the cast had hardened, Seth's social working was coming in and explaining to him that Mr. Jules no longer wanted the responsibility of being a foster parent. Seth hadnt even told them that his arm got broke from him pushing him. He said that it had only been an accident. Seth hadnt even taken it personally. He kind of had that one coming. Mr. Jules apparently took it more personally. No matter, he didnt like Mr. Jules anyway.
July 1996
Phoenix, Arizona
His next placement was with a family that had a son with special needs. Seth soon discovered that they were also in special need of someone to attend to those special needs. Each day before and after school Seth was expected to go into the 38 year old retarded mans room and change his diaper. He was prescribed laxatives so when he had a bowel movement it was runny. Was this even legal? This was a great deal for these people and a crappy one for Seth...literally.
Seth hated it there. He hated having to touch a grown mans private parts. He shouldnt have been the one doing this. It didnt matter to Seth that the guy was oblivious to it. It wasnt his place to be changing his diaper. It wasnt his responsibility to be taking care of this guy. The way it seemed to Seth, the state was paying these people to have Seth be a nurse aid. He wasnt some nurse aid. He was just a kid. He wasnt even related to this guy. Why should he be there changing him? Damn this place and the people in it.
Seth opened the mans bedroom door and was instantly hit with the aroma of a full wet dirty diaper. He walked over to the bed and pulled the covers back. His gag reflex kicked in as he dry heaved from the horrific odor for a moment. He unfastened the tabs on the diaper and pulled the front of it back. His dry heaving kicked in once more. He walked into the adjoined bathroom and wet a cloth. He returned to the mans bed and made one swipe across the front of him filling the rag with runny feces. The essence made Seth's eyes water. He gaged several more times.
eth rushed into the bathroom with the nasty rag in his hand and turned on the water. He held it under the faucet, but the water pressure didnt wash away much. Seth wasnt about to stick his hands in it and scrub it. He threw the rag in the sink and rested his hands on both sides. He looked up at his reflection in the mirror. He hated his life. Why did her get dealt such a raw deal? Had he been an ax murdered in a former life or something He noticed the window behind him in the mirrors reflection. He had to leave that place. He spun around and rushed to the window, opened it, and began climbing out. This was a bit difficult with his right arm in a cast. When his feet hit the ground he took off running as fast as he possibly could.
He was found several hours later wandering the streets of Phoenix when Mr. Gilley called the cops and reported him missing. They brought him right back to the Gilley's house. He had zero intention of staying. He was done changing diapers. He waited until he thought everyone was asleep and quietly packed his bags. He tip toed through the house, through the living room and to the front door. As he was sneaking out Mr. Gilly came out of nowhere and busted him across his upper arm with a baseball bat. Sthe instantly felt burning and throbbing. He could also feel his arm dangling. The cast on his arm felt like it was pulling off. Seth didnt let it stop him. He ran away from the house and to a neighbors a few blocks down. He called 911 and an ambulance came and took him to the hospital.
His already casted arm had already started to heal. Now the entire arm had to be recasted because the entire thing was broken now. The whole thing had to be placed in an awkward position to heal correctly. His arm looked like a downward facing L. It was uncomfortable and made using he arm virtually impossible. It remained this way for many months. The doctor told him that it was one of the hardest bones in your body to break. He knew that the story Seth had given him of falling down some steps couldnt have done this.
August-September 1996
Phoenix, Arizona
Seth was sent to live with a 70 year old woman who was hard of hearing while his arm healed. She thought his name was Beth even though she realized that was a girls name. She nursed him like a friendly grandma while his arm healed. She was an excellent cook and spent most of her time in the kitchen. She was always making Seth homemade cookies, pies, and cakes. It was the best food he had ever been exposed to in his life..He scarfed it down like a starving animal. He did this so he could eat as much as he was while he was there. The thing about foster care is that its never permanent.. He never knew how long he would be anywhere. Tomorrow he could be somewhere else. It was a rootless existence.
After about 6 weeks Seth recuperated. His arm smelled so bad when the cast finally came off. In places the skin even peeled. His shoulder was so stiff when he was finally able to free it from its locked position. His rotator cuff ached for a week. .it was so great to have use of his arm again. He had lost so much muscle tone in it that it looked like he had a midget arm and a normal one.
Seth eyeballed the '78 Buick that the old woman kept parked in her garage. It had to have been almost as big as a limo. It was the biggest car he had ever seen. That morning he had swiped the keys from the old ladys purse. That car was just calling his name. He wanted to know how to drive. So he went outside with the keys in his hands and used them to unlock the door. He climbed into the drivers seat feeling so small behind the wheel. He didnt see how the old lady drove it, Seth was a good 2 inches taller than her and a month shy of being 12.
He stuck the keys in the ignition. He had never driven a car before, but he had seen it on TV thousands of times. How hard could it be? He looked down to the floorboard, searching for the gas pedal. He placed his foot on it and turned the key. The car revved up and cranked. He put it into gear and pressed his foot down on the pedal. The tires began to squeal as the car ejected from the garage amd out into the street. Seth jerked the wheel to the right and hit the old ladys mailbox. He fought to regain control of the car but it wasnt so easy. He made it to the end of the street, ran a stop sign, and smashed into the side of another car.
Seth was arrested for grand theft auto, but the judge felt sympathetic. He had read his state file and decided to downgrade it to joy riding. His sentence was 500 hours of community service. The nice old lady that called him bet thought that was more than fair. She was just glad he wasnt hurt. She was planning to get a car more suited to her needs anyway. However, she knew Seth was far too much for her to handle, she had to let him go. So she made him a batch of cookies and told him goodbye as social services were driving away with him.
September-October 1996
Phoenix, Arizona
After that Seth found himself living with a Korean family. It was a bit odd and took some adjusting. Their kitchen table had really short legs and they sat on the floor to eat. There also wasnt a piece of silverware in the whole house. They ate everything with sticks. Seth, for the most part, just used his hands. After a few weeks he was starting to get the hang of it by watching them. Seth picked up on things fast, he always had. Chopsticks proved to be easier than some things.
They had funny accents when they spoke Ebglish. It was tough for him to make out what they were saying. It was easier for him to understand them when they spoke in their own language. He could watch their body language, their movements, their eyes, eyebrows, lips, the way they would laugh or smile, and be able to better figure out what they were saying. He began picking up several words. The subtitled Kung Fu movies they watched helped him get the language down at a basic form. However Seth had trouble enunciating the words properly. His mouth just did not possess the ability to form those words. So when they laughed at him saying something wrong he just quit talking to them all together. He had nothing he needed to say to them anyway.
In the mornings before school Seth would work in this donut shop they owned. He didnt realize that it was taking care of his community service hours. He just thought, as usual, he was free labor for someone. He hated getting up 4 hours earlier than he had to, then go to school all day. He learned how to make donuts but he hated dropping the batter into grease. It would always splash up and burn his hands. He hated working in that place.
So like most places, Seth ran away from there as well. This time he made it a whole five days on his own. He stayed at the site of some Indian ruins just outside the city down a 3 mile hiking trail, easy to stay undetected. Donovan had taken him there once. Seth was caught shoplifting again. His fosters were disgraced, and Seth was released back to social services. He was placed, yet again, with another foster family.
October-November 1996
Phoenix, Arizona
The Dixons were a questionable couple in their late 20's. Seth noticed the way in which they gave him the bare minimum of everything to survive. Seth knew it was because they were lining their pockets with the money the state sent for his upkeep. Seth found himself wearing clothes that looked 20 years old. They smelled like mothballs like they had been packed away in someones attic. The food they fed him was cheap crap. It made school food look like fine quisine in comparison. His shoes looked like something you would put on a dead guy in his coffin. The only good thing about them was that they never seemed to be home. He probably hadnt said five words to either of them in the month he had been there.
He soon left there as well in hopes of making it on his own. However the police would manage to track him down like always. This time Seth fought them. He didnt want to go back. He felt he could take care of himself but he was only12 years old and the state couldnt allow that. It took 3 officers to put Seth into custody. He broke ones nose. He got into alot of trouble for that one. He was arrested for resisting arrest and assault on a peace officer. The judge sentenced him to 6 months in a juvenile facility for criminals.
Sign up to rate and review this story