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Chapter Thirty-Eight: Uneasy Heart:

Hisoka felt like throwing up.

I can't feel it.

His body broke down into trembling. The cut ties from Kohaku left a void. Hisoka huddled up into a ball in the corner. He remembered his therapy session moments earlier. Tana took down more notes.

"How are you feeling this evening?" she asked. Hisoka pulled his knees to a chest. He slowly shook his head.

"It's okay," Tana told him. "Take your time if your need to." Hisoka kept his eyes down as he nodded.

Back in his room, Carrie placed her hand on his head. Hisoka tried to edge away from her. Carrie frowned as she drew back her hand.

"Talk to me; what's wrong?" she asked. Hisoka drew his knees to his chest.

"It's gone," he mumbled. "I can't feel it anymore." He turned his head. "Kohaku's gone. I can't feel it within me anymore." Carrie noticed the tears in his eyes. He asked her the same question that he asked Tana in therapy.

"Why does it hurt so much?" Hisoka asked. Tana glanced up at him.

"I'm sorry?" she asked. Hisoka shook his head. He wanted to stop talking.

"Kohaku's gone," he muttered. Tana gave him a puzzled look.

"Kohaku?" she asked.

"It was a kitsune that was in my subconscious," he replied. Tana took down more notes.

"Your subconscious?" she asked. He felt like throwing up as he nodded. This piece of information intrigued her.

"Why would this kitsune be there?" she asked.

"It said it loved me," Hisoka explained. It chilled him to repeat such a thing.

"It was for the best," Carrie insisted. Hisoka shook his head as he trembled.

"The pain won't last long," Carrie pushed. "You'll get better. Don't give up on treatments." She tried pet him again, but Hisoka smacked away her hand again.

"Leave me alone!" he barked. Carrie looked startled by his sudden reaction.

"Hisoka?" she asked. He looked up at her with hate in his eyes.

"Don't touch me!" he snapped, "Why do care so much about me?" Carrie tried to speak, but he cut her off. "I don't get you!" the shinigami snapped. "Why do you care so much about me anyway?"

"I have to!" Carrie wailed. Hisoka glared at her.

"Liar," he hissed.

Tana didn't show reaction to his rebuffs. In fact, she gave him an ultimatum.

"You can either try to help yourself with me or you can be content staying stuck in your black hole all alone without a single friend. Because that is what you are doing: you are driving away the people that care most about you with this destructive path you are heading on." Hisoka stared at her with silent eyes. Carrie hugged him from behind in his room.

"I can't lose anyone else precious to me!" she cried. Those words made Hisoka freeze. The tone in the way said it and Tana's words finally reached him. Was this how Tsuzuki and everyone else felt about him? The shinigami lowered his head.

Tsuzuki still cares about me all this while I self-destructed. I was selfish and jealous that I didn't realize that my actions were hurting him.

"Congratulations, Hisoka-kun," a raspy voice wheezed out. The shinigami looked up to see Kohaku standing in the doorway watching him. The aged kitsune had tears in its eyes.

"You finally see the truth," Kohaku finished. The kitsune dissolved into tiny bubbles and floated away into the air back to its mother. Hisoka never had contact with it again.