Categories > Original > Drama > Misfortune and Gold
Chapter 35: Free Time
0 reviewslife without the road....if i split this into two books i feel this wud be the best spot
1Insightful
CHAPTER 35: FREE TIME
October 26, 2009
Los Angeles, California
The North American leg of the tour wrapped up in late October just days before Seth's Birthday. In March they were scheduled to be heading out for Europe. During the six months off Havoc was pushing them for another release, so they were still keeping them busy. Recording an album was the last thing on their minds right now. They wanted to have some fun and spend some of that hard earned cash. But Havoc had their claws too deeply embedded into them to let them do much but work. They were starting to feel like slaves to them. They never let them stop being Faithless. Was a little down time too much to ask for? The best they could hope for was one week before Havoc would have them in a studio again.
After their last show they had Seth fly to New York for three days doing interviews and photo shoots. Rock Star Magazine was naming him one of the sexiest rockers of all time. They claimed he had sex appeal to every race, every age, and every gender. Seth was indifferent. He was just ready to be back in LA with D. He was anxious to pick things back up where they had left them so so long ago. He was ready for things to be official between them. Maybe he could even build up the nerve to tell her he loved her again.
However, after living the lifestyle they had for the past 18 months it was hard to re adjust to the normal world. There were no bodyguards to keep a watchful eye over them and keep them safe. There were no 5 star hotels. There was no room service. There was no hum of a bus to lull them to sleep. There were no sound checks to go to. There werent thousands of people screaming their names every night. There were no groupies. There were no parties that lasted for days. They had forgotten what normal was. What were they supposed to do now?
18 months ago they had left LA as normal kids with a talent and a dream. They had returned home as rock stars and celebrities. They couldnt even walk down the street without being swamped by the demands of fans taking pictures, wanting autographs, and asking questions. How could they just go back to a normal life when things had become like this. The Sunset Strip which had been their home was like a war zone for them now. How could they revert back to the way things had been before the road?
They had also returned home as drug addicts. They all had lived so long on coke that it was just a daily staple, like water or food. They had all become accustom to drinking so much every day and night that a normal person would get alcohol poisoning. Seth, despite the fact that he was clean of heroin, still did coke, Meth, and his prescription Dexedrine. D too was still eating Xanax like candy. Their addictions showed in their appearances. Hopefully being off the rod would slow them down and let them get in better shape.
Another foreseeable problem was that none of them had a residence except for Brian. When they left LA they put all that they had into storage units. Everything they now owned would fit into a few suitcases that had been drug through countless cities and states. They could live wherever they wanted, they had the money, but Havoc and their demands meant they would all have to stick close by. Besides, LA was home.
Danny and Martin rented a loft together downtown with a great view. Martin had tried his best to get Maggie to move in but she refused. She said they werent ready for all that yet. She wasnt even staying in LA. She had gone home to Kansas to spend time with her family. She and Martin talked on the phone and text a thousand times a day. They were both completely smitten with one another.
Upon returning to LA Danny got the rare joy of Chloe being nice to him. He knew she just wanted to ride the coattails of his new fame. She even had Brock spending time with Danny. Brock had grown alot since he had last seen him. For some reason he was like some godly super hero to his son now. Before the record deal the relationship was distant and almost non existent. Now that Danny had come home as Mr. Rock Star drummer he could do no wrong. He feared Chloe was teaching Brock how to be a gold digger like her.
Devin had decided against going to LA. He instead got an apartment in New York. Havoc had assigned him to another band that would be touring New England for the next six months. Devin hadnt been away from the guys in 6 years, even longer for Brian. Yet, he could really find nothing to complain about because of this separation. He had become fed up with all of them, their egos and their drug habbits. He had grown tired of the nonstop drama between Seth and D. He couldnt take one more conversation with Brian about he was stuck being married to a groupie. Devin actually felt relief being away from them all.
October 29, 2009
On a plane from New York to Los Angeles
Jennifer sat next to Seth in first class. Her phone went off with a text and she looked down at it. She had completely forgotten to switch it to airplane mode. She hoped she didnt crash the plane. She quickly forgot all about it as she read the words with a smile. She then turned it to Seth. "You guys are nominated for like nine awards at this years American Music Awards.
"Word?" He smiled.
"Yes," she nodded and began reading them off, "Best new artist, best male vocalist, best artist, best live performance, best guitarist, best drummer, best bassist, best song, and best video!"
Seth's face was a bit blank. Jenifer assumed he would be alot happier. She was ten times more psyched about it than he was. Why wasnt he happier?
"Is something wrong?"
He shook his head no. "Jus wish D wuz 'ere."
Jennifer studied his expression. She knew how much he cared about her, and she knew from Kasey just how much D cared about Seth. She could see what Havoc was doing to them. While it may have been great for their ratings it was tearing them apart. She felt bad for Seth. She had witnessed, first hand, how Seth tore himself inside out over D. It made him hit rock bottom and nothing could bring him back up but D.
"You really love her dont you?" She asked for the first time.
Seth silently glanced down to his phone in his hands. "Always..." he softly replied, "but it funny though...I's jus neva could sees it...den one day it alls jus hits me at once...I's leanin ova 'er doin CPR an alls I could thank bout wuz how I'sd feel iffin she died..." He took in a deep sigh and glanced out the plane window, "When you's a orphan aint nobody there ta love ya's. You's gots ta figger dat shit out on ya own...It took me a long time ta gets it Jen...almost too long."
"Have you ever told her this?"
He shrugged, "Shes wuz all throwed off on bars when I's done it an dont rememba."
"When youre someones assistant you get to see the sides of them no one else sees. You see them at their best and their utter worst. You know their likes, their dislikes, their habits. You dont miss much. Kasey and I are friends...and we both talk. D loves you too Seth."
He glanced at her. He knew she loved him. He knew she was meant to be his and he wanted to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her. "Havoc gots me by da balls. They's makes it real hard ta be in love. Da stage is da only place they's even lets me touch 'er witout raisin hell."
"Why do you let them do it?"
"Cuz they's own my ass," he said his glare fixing back out the plane window. "What job skills I's got? Alls I eva been good at wuz sports an entertainin peeps." He shrugged, "Sports is long gone...I aint gone wake up tomorra an be in da NFL. Dis music shit alls I's got now...alls they is goin for me. Iffin I blow it where I'ma be den?"
"Im sure theres alot you could do. Have you looked in a mirror? You could be a model...or an actor."
He slightly smiled, "Who gone want me readin lines? They's always be talkin bout my speech. An I's heard dat I's sexy for years...but I's aint neva seen it...or felt it."
"How could you not?" She quizzed.
He glimpsed at her silently.
"Why?" She pressed.
His eyes floated about as he shrug, "Alls da scars."
"Its never appeared to be a problem with the ladies."
"Naw," he sighed, "But they's scars caint nobody see...an I know they's there." He pushed his shades up on his nose. "D da only one I's eva talked to bouts em." He cleared his throat and quickly changed the subject. "Naw Jen...dis music alls I got now. Afta you's tasted dis life ya's caint neva go back. We's got too big too fast...our faces is evawhere. I's caint go ta a bathroom no mo witout some idiot wantin a autograph while I's tryin ta pee. Iffin I's fail at dis I'sll just be some has been. I's caint go ta dat afta alls dis. I's caint let D an da guys down."
"You arent the only member in Faithless. The whole grand scheme of things doesnt have to rest on your shoulders alone."
"Dont it?" He asked, "When Is came along da guys wuznt even no band yet. I's da one who sang cuz they coulsnt. I's da one who wrote dem songs cuz theys couldnt. I's da on who sangs wit eva shred of feelin I's got ta give. I's da one who said we's needed D. I's aint tryin ta sound like alls dat...but dis shit do ride on me."
Jennifer nodded seeing his point. She could see a light sweat on his forehead. She hadnt seen him take any Dexedrine or anything all day. She assumed he was experiencing a slight detox. She didnt want to mention it in case he started to fiend. He had seemed fine today, why ruin his train of thought? "You know what I think you should do?" She asked him.
"What?"
"Find out where D is staying. Go be with her. You cant keep doing this to each other. If you love her...love her completely."
Seth meekly smiled, "Already...she be at da Standard."
"Then go to The Standard and be free."
He nodded. It felt strange to think of having any freedom. But he was ready for it. All he wanted was to hold D in his arms and smell those apples.
October 29, 2009
Los Angeles, California
Brian rolled over in his own bed in his own house in Sun Valley. It felt foreign to him. He sighed and glanced up at his ceiling. Today he planned to go see a lawyer. Now that he had some free time he had to see about getting this Vegas marriage to Madison annulled. It had already been four months. He hadnt even seen her since Vegas. He had been so mad he just left her there. Now he had time to calm down and reflect on the matter. He just wished he could remember what happened that night. Did he ask her to marry him? Had he told her he was in love with her? He knew he did have feeling for her but he didnt see how they led him to a Vegas wedding chapel.
The press had had a field day with the story. Brian wanted publicity, well he was certainly getting it now. The headlines read everywhere 'Brian Ward Marries Groupie'. They had practically drug Madison through the mud. They gave a complete run down on all the other musicians she had bedded, including the ones from his own band. Then there was the spin Havoc put on it of how madly in love they were. Paparazzi didnt buy it since they hadnt been within a foot of one another since Vegas.
He glared at the thick layer of dust on all his furniture. It was crazy to think that he hadnt stepped foot in his own house in 8 months. His refrigerator had an ungodly smell to it from the food he had left behind. Things were growing black and green fuzz. His answering machine was full of old messages from friends and family and fans who had managed to get his number. He didnt even bother listening to any of them. It was strange to be home again. Somehow it just didnt feel like home anymore.
It was mid afternoon when Seth made it to D's hotel. It only took her a nanosecond to answer the door. She had been waiting for him all day.
"Hey," she smiled so genuinely happy to see him through her sedated eyes.
He spoke no words. He simply propped his hands on the door frame and leaned in to kiss her. He kissed her like he hadnt seen her in a year. He let go of the door frame and wrapped his arms around her waist hoisting her off the ground and kissing her still. He extended his hand over to the door and shoved it shut. He moved his lips from her for a split second wanting her desperately. He kissed her with every ounce of passion he had to give.
"Wow," she smiled at his enthusiasm.
He only smiled and kissed her again as he inhaled that luscious apple scent he had been longing for all day.
"Cat have your tongue?" She asked between kisses noticing that he hadnt uttered a word.
"Naw...jus missed ya...been thankin bout us gettin back ta normal."
D rolled her eyes, "Is that with or without Havoc's approval?"
He shook his head, "dont even matta no mo...I's a grown ass man. Iffin I's wants ta be wit you's den dats alls da reason I need. They's caint keep controllin us likes dis...it aint fair ta you's or me."
"Change of heart?" She asked. His words werent too dissimilar from what she had been saying all along.
He glanced down and nodded, "Somethin likes dat." He should have said he loved her. He should have told her right then and there, but that sedated look was there. He couldnt risk it for nothing. "I's miss my best friend."
She smirked on her way to the mini bar to pour them a drink, "A best friend who puts out. Do you want some Xanax?"
"Wonderin iffin you's wuz eva gone ask," he smiled.
She pointed to the bottle by the bed. Seth helped himself then went to her at the bar. "I's missed ya baby," he tenderly kissed her shoulder. He was ready to go through the motions of being a couple. He knew when they went back out on the road it would have to take a back seat again. He wished they didnt have to go back. He had waited so long for this. Things finally felt as they should be.
November 20, 2009
Los Angeles, California
Brian looked up from his guitar hearing his doorbell. He stood, placed his guitar in the stand and rushed to the door. He hoped it was one of the guys. He was happy to have some company that wasnt the press. Being all alone with absolutely nothing to do was driving him crazy. He opened his front door. There stood Madison with a meek smile and two suitcases at her heels. What in the world was she doing on his front porch?
"What the hell are you doing here" He asked seeming quite displeased to see her.
"It wasnt very nice of you to leave your new wife in Vegas you know. It's taken me this long to catch back up with you."
He sighed rolling his eyes, "Youre not my wife."
She smiled, "Well I have a little piece of paper that says otherwise."
He shrugged, "Well since youre here I do need to get your signature on some annulment papers."
"No," she shook her head, her attitude differentiating, "Im not signing...No! We are married and we're staying married!" She folded her arms across her chest.
A sarcastic smirk came to Brians face. "Whatever Madison...fine...Ill get rid of you one way or another," he said as he slammed the front door shut.
Madison stood there for a moment in shock. She thought maybe he would have come around by now. He loved her, she knew he did and she loved him. She wasnt out to be rich or want the glory of being some rock stars wife. She just wanted Brian. There had been no prenuptial agreement so maybe she could scare him into staying married. Technically half of everything was hers now. She just needed to but some time until he could see they were made for each other. She knew he would eventually see it.
"Come on Brian!" She yelled through his door, "I got you a wedding present."
"GO AWAY!" She heard him shout back.
She sighed and reached down into her tattered clunky purse and pulled out a ring box. She sat it down on the welcome mat and turned to leave dragging her suitcases behind her. Brian had given her a credit card in Vegas. Apparently he had forgot. She would just rent a room and think up a new way to win him over tomorrow. She just had to find a way to get him to accept her, she loved him. True, Brian wasnt a very affecionate guy but she knew he cared too. He was just too focused on being a rock star to comprehend companionship. She knew he would come to want it eventually. When the fame got boring he would want a family to settle down with. She just hoped she could hold on to him until he did.
December 5, 2009
Los Angeles, California
Seth sat silently on D's couch watching her hang shiny red balls on her christmas tree. He had no intentions of getting one for his place. Her place was more like home since he was usually there with her. His place was to keep up pretenses mainly. His walls were bare and he had no furniture to speak of. He hadnt even bothered to buy anything when he would never be there. Plus in March they would be out on the road again.
He reveled at her beauty. There wasnt one scar or blemish on her. He envied her for making it through life unscarred. He wished he would have been half as lucky. He hated his scars. Most of them were reminders of vivid events he wished he could just forget. The scars made it impossible to forget. Yet, he was learning how to accept what life had put him through. Without all of that he would have never found D. He wouldnt trade one moment he had had with her, not even the bad ones.
Since he got back to LA he had laid off doing much coke and no meth at all. He was starting to feel the Dexedrine working again. He wanted to stop taking them. If he could quit heroin he surely could stop them. The problem was he didnt really know what to expect as far as detox went. Heroin was agony. Right now his days were happy and spent with D. He didnt want to waste one precious moment with her because he was sick.
D's eyes fell on him looking at her deeply in thought. "What?" She asked.
"Jus thankin," he sighed looking at the 'S' navel ring he gave her dangling before him.
"Thinking about what?" She asked hanging another ball on the tree.
"Havin ta go back," he answered softly.
"What choice do we have?" She shrugged.
He just stood up and wrapped her in a warm embrace and lightly kissed her shoulder. "I aint wants ta go through missin ya's again," he whispered sincerely. He knew what could happen if he was forcibly seperated from her again. He didnt want to turn back into some junkie.
D studdied his furrowed brows, "Its not forever," she spoke. "We managed to get through it before...we will again." She did her best to sound reassuring. But who was she fooling? She knew it would be bad when they went back out on the road again. She wasnt looking forward to it either. But it wasnt like they were going to be given a choice.
"I jus aint wants ta go back," he said figiting with the hem of her shirt. He was terrified of getting strung out again. He knew how easily it could happen. Was he strong enough? Unfortunately he had been born with a predisposition for drug and alcohol abuse. For him drugs were more about feeling normal instead of feeling high. To him they were equivalent to medicine.
"We dont get a choice...contracts...remember? D sighed.
"Yeah..." he nodded.
D turned her attention back to the tree.
Seth decided to lighten the mood. "Yas aint danced in weeks," he said with a hand gliding along her hip. "Yous thank ya still gots it?" He asked as he spun her around in one of the moves they used on stage. He pulled her to him with a smile and brushed his lips across hers. He just held her not knowing what to say. He had no words except the wones he was too terrified to utter.
His look gave him away. D saw him lost in thought once more. "Are you ok?"
He forged a smile on his face and kissed her deeply. He didnt want her to ask questions right now. He had no answers for her. He ran his hand up her back and under her shirt. He unclasped her bra. "Ooooops," he playfully cooed kissing her again. He gave her a nod towards the bedroom and a tug at her hand.
They disrobed their whole way to the bedroom, kissing and touching. He could never get enough of her. Sometimes he would be so distracted by her that important things would slip by him. He wasnt sure where his head was when his orgasm started, but as usual it wasnt where it needed to be. He should have probably told D, but he couldnt bear the idea of another morning after pill. He loved her too much to go through that again. That was a big factor that had turned him into a heroin addict. If D got pregnant, so be it. Thats what happens when two people love each other and take that chance. Seth was ready to take that chance with D.
December 11, 2009
Los Angeles, California
Madison picked up the phone in her hotel room and called Brian. It rang several times before he answered it. She hoped he didn't think it was her and just wasn't answering. Surely he had traced his credit card and knew where she was staying. She hadn't used it much. She was quite good at being a nomadic gypsey.
"Hello?" He sighed.
"Hello husband," she said in a cheerful voice.
"What do you want Madison?" He asked in an activated tone.
"I called to ask you out on a date," she said nervously figiting with his credit card in her fingers.
He huffed, "What makes you think I wanna go out with you?"
"Because I'm your wife... and you care about me.
"Well you're wrong... on both accounts," he smirked. "You know I was trashed. You know I would have never married you in my right mind!" He practically yelled at her.
"But you did so why don't you quit fighting it and just try to go with it? Just see where it goes. You may even find that you enjoy being married to me."
"I don't even know you! I don't know your favorite color...I've never met your family... I don't even know if you have a damn family!"
"Just meet me for lunch. We can work on getting to know one a another. You can ask me whatever you want."
"No!" He adamantly shouted, "I don't care about getting to know you! I just want to be rid of you!"
"Come on Bri...don't say that. We were so close and happy for a while. We had a real connection...can't you remember?"
"No we didn't!" He shout. "You were just some groupie!"
She tried to contain her tears. "Just meet me...please." She practically begged.
"Do you really think one lunch date is gonna change my mind?" He sighed.
"Then what do you have to lose? Just meet me."
He slightly moaned, "There's a McDonald's around the corner from my house."
"McDonald's? Fucking really Brian?"
"That's where you take a hoe...ain't it?"
A lonely teardrop rolled down her cheek. "Fine...I'll meet you there in an hour."
Brian hung up his phone with a sigh. He probably shouldn't have said that to her. It was pretty mean. Madison technically had done nothing to him for him to treat her that way. It was just really throwing him for a loop to wake up one morning married with no knowledge of how he got that way. He liked to be in control of things. This had him feel like he had lost all control. He knew he would have never done something like that sober. He could see Devin was right about the drugs... they were going to ruin everything. He wished Devin was there now. He couldn't ever recall him not being there. He missed his best friend and could really use his words of wisdom right about now.
But these days Devin was pretty much too busy or unreachable. He just sunk himself into work. He was feeling himself getting older. Sometimes he even worried about his job being too hazardous for him. Blowing shit up was for kids. He wasnt a kid anymore. He was quickly approaching 30. It was time to grow. Yet he had gone to college to do this. He couldnt just quit now.
He had always been careful but had recently sustained 2nd degree burns recently. A cannon blast went off as he was trying to see why it wouldnt detonate. It burnt him all the way up his right arm. He had to take it easy for weeks due to his injuries. He hadnt even bothered to call any of the guys and let them know. He didnt want them hovering around all drunk and high. Maybe he was outgrowing his friends too.
October 26, 2009
Los Angeles, California
The North American leg of the tour wrapped up in late October just days before Seth's Birthday. In March they were scheduled to be heading out for Europe. During the six months off Havoc was pushing them for another release, so they were still keeping them busy. Recording an album was the last thing on their minds right now. They wanted to have some fun and spend some of that hard earned cash. But Havoc had their claws too deeply embedded into them to let them do much but work. They were starting to feel like slaves to them. They never let them stop being Faithless. Was a little down time too much to ask for? The best they could hope for was one week before Havoc would have them in a studio again.
After their last show they had Seth fly to New York for three days doing interviews and photo shoots. Rock Star Magazine was naming him one of the sexiest rockers of all time. They claimed he had sex appeal to every race, every age, and every gender. Seth was indifferent. He was just ready to be back in LA with D. He was anxious to pick things back up where they had left them so so long ago. He was ready for things to be official between them. Maybe he could even build up the nerve to tell her he loved her again.
However, after living the lifestyle they had for the past 18 months it was hard to re adjust to the normal world. There were no bodyguards to keep a watchful eye over them and keep them safe. There were no 5 star hotels. There was no room service. There was no hum of a bus to lull them to sleep. There were no sound checks to go to. There werent thousands of people screaming their names every night. There were no groupies. There were no parties that lasted for days. They had forgotten what normal was. What were they supposed to do now?
18 months ago they had left LA as normal kids with a talent and a dream. They had returned home as rock stars and celebrities. They couldnt even walk down the street without being swamped by the demands of fans taking pictures, wanting autographs, and asking questions. How could they just go back to a normal life when things had become like this. The Sunset Strip which had been their home was like a war zone for them now. How could they revert back to the way things had been before the road?
They had also returned home as drug addicts. They all had lived so long on coke that it was just a daily staple, like water or food. They had all become accustom to drinking so much every day and night that a normal person would get alcohol poisoning. Seth, despite the fact that he was clean of heroin, still did coke, Meth, and his prescription Dexedrine. D too was still eating Xanax like candy. Their addictions showed in their appearances. Hopefully being off the rod would slow them down and let them get in better shape.
Another foreseeable problem was that none of them had a residence except for Brian. When they left LA they put all that they had into storage units. Everything they now owned would fit into a few suitcases that had been drug through countless cities and states. They could live wherever they wanted, they had the money, but Havoc and their demands meant they would all have to stick close by. Besides, LA was home.
Danny and Martin rented a loft together downtown with a great view. Martin had tried his best to get Maggie to move in but she refused. She said they werent ready for all that yet. She wasnt even staying in LA. She had gone home to Kansas to spend time with her family. She and Martin talked on the phone and text a thousand times a day. They were both completely smitten with one another.
Upon returning to LA Danny got the rare joy of Chloe being nice to him. He knew she just wanted to ride the coattails of his new fame. She even had Brock spending time with Danny. Brock had grown alot since he had last seen him. For some reason he was like some godly super hero to his son now. Before the record deal the relationship was distant and almost non existent. Now that Danny had come home as Mr. Rock Star drummer he could do no wrong. He feared Chloe was teaching Brock how to be a gold digger like her.
Devin had decided against going to LA. He instead got an apartment in New York. Havoc had assigned him to another band that would be touring New England for the next six months. Devin hadnt been away from the guys in 6 years, even longer for Brian. Yet, he could really find nothing to complain about because of this separation. He had become fed up with all of them, their egos and their drug habbits. He had grown tired of the nonstop drama between Seth and D. He couldnt take one more conversation with Brian about he was stuck being married to a groupie. Devin actually felt relief being away from them all.
October 29, 2009
On a plane from New York to Los Angeles
Jennifer sat next to Seth in first class. Her phone went off with a text and she looked down at it. She had completely forgotten to switch it to airplane mode. She hoped she didnt crash the plane. She quickly forgot all about it as she read the words with a smile. She then turned it to Seth. "You guys are nominated for like nine awards at this years American Music Awards.
"Word?" He smiled.
"Yes," she nodded and began reading them off, "Best new artist, best male vocalist, best artist, best live performance, best guitarist, best drummer, best bassist, best song, and best video!"
Seth's face was a bit blank. Jenifer assumed he would be alot happier. She was ten times more psyched about it than he was. Why wasnt he happier?
"Is something wrong?"
He shook his head no. "Jus wish D wuz 'ere."
Jennifer studied his expression. She knew how much he cared about her, and she knew from Kasey just how much D cared about Seth. She could see what Havoc was doing to them. While it may have been great for their ratings it was tearing them apart. She felt bad for Seth. She had witnessed, first hand, how Seth tore himself inside out over D. It made him hit rock bottom and nothing could bring him back up but D.
"You really love her dont you?" She asked for the first time.
Seth silently glanced down to his phone in his hands. "Always..." he softly replied, "but it funny though...I's jus neva could sees it...den one day it alls jus hits me at once...I's leanin ova 'er doin CPR an alls I could thank bout wuz how I'sd feel iffin she died..." He took in a deep sigh and glanced out the plane window, "When you's a orphan aint nobody there ta love ya's. You's gots ta figger dat shit out on ya own...It took me a long time ta gets it Jen...almost too long."
"Have you ever told her this?"
He shrugged, "Shes wuz all throwed off on bars when I's done it an dont rememba."
"When youre someones assistant you get to see the sides of them no one else sees. You see them at their best and their utter worst. You know their likes, their dislikes, their habits. You dont miss much. Kasey and I are friends...and we both talk. D loves you too Seth."
He glanced at her. He knew she loved him. He knew she was meant to be his and he wanted to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her. "Havoc gots me by da balls. They's makes it real hard ta be in love. Da stage is da only place they's even lets me touch 'er witout raisin hell."
"Why do you let them do it?"
"Cuz they's own my ass," he said his glare fixing back out the plane window. "What job skills I's got? Alls I eva been good at wuz sports an entertainin peeps." He shrugged, "Sports is long gone...I aint gone wake up tomorra an be in da NFL. Dis music shit alls I's got now...alls they is goin for me. Iffin I blow it where I'ma be den?"
"Im sure theres alot you could do. Have you looked in a mirror? You could be a model...or an actor."
He slightly smiled, "Who gone want me readin lines? They's always be talkin bout my speech. An I's heard dat I's sexy for years...but I's aint neva seen it...or felt it."
"How could you not?" She quizzed.
He glimpsed at her silently.
"Why?" She pressed.
His eyes floated about as he shrug, "Alls da scars."
"Its never appeared to be a problem with the ladies."
"Naw," he sighed, "But they's scars caint nobody see...an I know they's there." He pushed his shades up on his nose. "D da only one I's eva talked to bouts em." He cleared his throat and quickly changed the subject. "Naw Jen...dis music alls I got now. Afta you's tasted dis life ya's caint neva go back. We's got too big too fast...our faces is evawhere. I's caint go ta a bathroom no mo witout some idiot wantin a autograph while I's tryin ta pee. Iffin I's fail at dis I'sll just be some has been. I's caint go ta dat afta alls dis. I's caint let D an da guys down."
"You arent the only member in Faithless. The whole grand scheme of things doesnt have to rest on your shoulders alone."
"Dont it?" He asked, "When Is came along da guys wuznt even no band yet. I's da one who sang cuz they coulsnt. I's da one who wrote dem songs cuz theys couldnt. I's da on who sangs wit eva shred of feelin I's got ta give. I's da one who said we's needed D. I's aint tryin ta sound like alls dat...but dis shit do ride on me."
Jennifer nodded seeing his point. She could see a light sweat on his forehead. She hadnt seen him take any Dexedrine or anything all day. She assumed he was experiencing a slight detox. She didnt want to mention it in case he started to fiend. He had seemed fine today, why ruin his train of thought? "You know what I think you should do?" She asked him.
"What?"
"Find out where D is staying. Go be with her. You cant keep doing this to each other. If you love her...love her completely."
Seth meekly smiled, "Already...she be at da Standard."
"Then go to The Standard and be free."
He nodded. It felt strange to think of having any freedom. But he was ready for it. All he wanted was to hold D in his arms and smell those apples.
October 29, 2009
Los Angeles, California
Brian rolled over in his own bed in his own house in Sun Valley. It felt foreign to him. He sighed and glanced up at his ceiling. Today he planned to go see a lawyer. Now that he had some free time he had to see about getting this Vegas marriage to Madison annulled. It had already been four months. He hadnt even seen her since Vegas. He had been so mad he just left her there. Now he had time to calm down and reflect on the matter. He just wished he could remember what happened that night. Did he ask her to marry him? Had he told her he was in love with her? He knew he did have feeling for her but he didnt see how they led him to a Vegas wedding chapel.
The press had had a field day with the story. Brian wanted publicity, well he was certainly getting it now. The headlines read everywhere 'Brian Ward Marries Groupie'. They had practically drug Madison through the mud. They gave a complete run down on all the other musicians she had bedded, including the ones from his own band. Then there was the spin Havoc put on it of how madly in love they were. Paparazzi didnt buy it since they hadnt been within a foot of one another since Vegas.
He glared at the thick layer of dust on all his furniture. It was crazy to think that he hadnt stepped foot in his own house in 8 months. His refrigerator had an ungodly smell to it from the food he had left behind. Things were growing black and green fuzz. His answering machine was full of old messages from friends and family and fans who had managed to get his number. He didnt even bother listening to any of them. It was strange to be home again. Somehow it just didnt feel like home anymore.
It was mid afternoon when Seth made it to D's hotel. It only took her a nanosecond to answer the door. She had been waiting for him all day.
"Hey," she smiled so genuinely happy to see him through her sedated eyes.
He spoke no words. He simply propped his hands on the door frame and leaned in to kiss her. He kissed her like he hadnt seen her in a year. He let go of the door frame and wrapped his arms around her waist hoisting her off the ground and kissing her still. He extended his hand over to the door and shoved it shut. He moved his lips from her for a split second wanting her desperately. He kissed her with every ounce of passion he had to give.
"Wow," she smiled at his enthusiasm.
He only smiled and kissed her again as he inhaled that luscious apple scent he had been longing for all day.
"Cat have your tongue?" She asked between kisses noticing that he hadnt uttered a word.
"Naw...jus missed ya...been thankin bout us gettin back ta normal."
D rolled her eyes, "Is that with or without Havoc's approval?"
He shook his head, "dont even matta no mo...I's a grown ass man. Iffin I's wants ta be wit you's den dats alls da reason I need. They's caint keep controllin us likes dis...it aint fair ta you's or me."
"Change of heart?" She asked. His words werent too dissimilar from what she had been saying all along.
He glanced down and nodded, "Somethin likes dat." He should have said he loved her. He should have told her right then and there, but that sedated look was there. He couldnt risk it for nothing. "I's miss my best friend."
She smirked on her way to the mini bar to pour them a drink, "A best friend who puts out. Do you want some Xanax?"
"Wonderin iffin you's wuz eva gone ask," he smiled.
She pointed to the bottle by the bed. Seth helped himself then went to her at the bar. "I's missed ya baby," he tenderly kissed her shoulder. He was ready to go through the motions of being a couple. He knew when they went back out on the road it would have to take a back seat again. He wished they didnt have to go back. He had waited so long for this. Things finally felt as they should be.
November 20, 2009
Los Angeles, California
Brian looked up from his guitar hearing his doorbell. He stood, placed his guitar in the stand and rushed to the door. He hoped it was one of the guys. He was happy to have some company that wasnt the press. Being all alone with absolutely nothing to do was driving him crazy. He opened his front door. There stood Madison with a meek smile and two suitcases at her heels. What in the world was she doing on his front porch?
"What the hell are you doing here" He asked seeming quite displeased to see her.
"It wasnt very nice of you to leave your new wife in Vegas you know. It's taken me this long to catch back up with you."
He sighed rolling his eyes, "Youre not my wife."
She smiled, "Well I have a little piece of paper that says otherwise."
He shrugged, "Well since youre here I do need to get your signature on some annulment papers."
"No," she shook her head, her attitude differentiating, "Im not signing...No! We are married and we're staying married!" She folded her arms across her chest.
A sarcastic smirk came to Brians face. "Whatever Madison...fine...Ill get rid of you one way or another," he said as he slammed the front door shut.
Madison stood there for a moment in shock. She thought maybe he would have come around by now. He loved her, she knew he did and she loved him. She wasnt out to be rich or want the glory of being some rock stars wife. She just wanted Brian. There had been no prenuptial agreement so maybe she could scare him into staying married. Technically half of everything was hers now. She just needed to but some time until he could see they were made for each other. She knew he would eventually see it.
"Come on Brian!" She yelled through his door, "I got you a wedding present."
"GO AWAY!" She heard him shout back.
She sighed and reached down into her tattered clunky purse and pulled out a ring box. She sat it down on the welcome mat and turned to leave dragging her suitcases behind her. Brian had given her a credit card in Vegas. Apparently he had forgot. She would just rent a room and think up a new way to win him over tomorrow. She just had to find a way to get him to accept her, she loved him. True, Brian wasnt a very affecionate guy but she knew he cared too. He was just too focused on being a rock star to comprehend companionship. She knew he would come to want it eventually. When the fame got boring he would want a family to settle down with. She just hoped she could hold on to him until he did.
December 5, 2009
Los Angeles, California
Seth sat silently on D's couch watching her hang shiny red balls on her christmas tree. He had no intentions of getting one for his place. Her place was more like home since he was usually there with her. His place was to keep up pretenses mainly. His walls were bare and he had no furniture to speak of. He hadnt even bothered to buy anything when he would never be there. Plus in March they would be out on the road again.
He reveled at her beauty. There wasnt one scar or blemish on her. He envied her for making it through life unscarred. He wished he would have been half as lucky. He hated his scars. Most of them were reminders of vivid events he wished he could just forget. The scars made it impossible to forget. Yet, he was learning how to accept what life had put him through. Without all of that he would have never found D. He wouldnt trade one moment he had had with her, not even the bad ones.
Since he got back to LA he had laid off doing much coke and no meth at all. He was starting to feel the Dexedrine working again. He wanted to stop taking them. If he could quit heroin he surely could stop them. The problem was he didnt really know what to expect as far as detox went. Heroin was agony. Right now his days were happy and spent with D. He didnt want to waste one precious moment with her because he was sick.
D's eyes fell on him looking at her deeply in thought. "What?" She asked.
"Jus thankin," he sighed looking at the 'S' navel ring he gave her dangling before him.
"Thinking about what?" She asked hanging another ball on the tree.
"Havin ta go back," he answered softly.
"What choice do we have?" She shrugged.
He just stood up and wrapped her in a warm embrace and lightly kissed her shoulder. "I aint wants ta go through missin ya's again," he whispered sincerely. He knew what could happen if he was forcibly seperated from her again. He didnt want to turn back into some junkie.
D studdied his furrowed brows, "Its not forever," she spoke. "We managed to get through it before...we will again." She did her best to sound reassuring. But who was she fooling? She knew it would be bad when they went back out on the road again. She wasnt looking forward to it either. But it wasnt like they were going to be given a choice.
"I jus aint wants ta go back," he said figiting with the hem of her shirt. He was terrified of getting strung out again. He knew how easily it could happen. Was he strong enough? Unfortunately he had been born with a predisposition for drug and alcohol abuse. For him drugs were more about feeling normal instead of feeling high. To him they were equivalent to medicine.
"We dont get a choice...contracts...remember? D sighed.
"Yeah..." he nodded.
D turned her attention back to the tree.
Seth decided to lighten the mood. "Yas aint danced in weeks," he said with a hand gliding along her hip. "Yous thank ya still gots it?" He asked as he spun her around in one of the moves they used on stage. He pulled her to him with a smile and brushed his lips across hers. He just held her not knowing what to say. He had no words except the wones he was too terrified to utter.
His look gave him away. D saw him lost in thought once more. "Are you ok?"
He forged a smile on his face and kissed her deeply. He didnt want her to ask questions right now. He had no answers for her. He ran his hand up her back and under her shirt. He unclasped her bra. "Ooooops," he playfully cooed kissing her again. He gave her a nod towards the bedroom and a tug at her hand.
They disrobed their whole way to the bedroom, kissing and touching. He could never get enough of her. Sometimes he would be so distracted by her that important things would slip by him. He wasnt sure where his head was when his orgasm started, but as usual it wasnt where it needed to be. He should have probably told D, but he couldnt bear the idea of another morning after pill. He loved her too much to go through that again. That was a big factor that had turned him into a heroin addict. If D got pregnant, so be it. Thats what happens when two people love each other and take that chance. Seth was ready to take that chance with D.
December 11, 2009
Los Angeles, California
Madison picked up the phone in her hotel room and called Brian. It rang several times before he answered it. She hoped he didn't think it was her and just wasn't answering. Surely he had traced his credit card and knew where she was staying. She hadn't used it much. She was quite good at being a nomadic gypsey.
"Hello?" He sighed.
"Hello husband," she said in a cheerful voice.
"What do you want Madison?" He asked in an activated tone.
"I called to ask you out on a date," she said nervously figiting with his credit card in her fingers.
He huffed, "What makes you think I wanna go out with you?"
"Because I'm your wife... and you care about me.
"Well you're wrong... on both accounts," he smirked. "You know I was trashed. You know I would have never married you in my right mind!" He practically yelled at her.
"But you did so why don't you quit fighting it and just try to go with it? Just see where it goes. You may even find that you enjoy being married to me."
"I don't even know you! I don't know your favorite color...I've never met your family... I don't even know if you have a damn family!"
"Just meet me for lunch. We can work on getting to know one a another. You can ask me whatever you want."
"No!" He adamantly shouted, "I don't care about getting to know you! I just want to be rid of you!"
"Come on Bri...don't say that. We were so close and happy for a while. We had a real connection...can't you remember?"
"No we didn't!" He shout. "You were just some groupie!"
She tried to contain her tears. "Just meet me...please." She practically begged.
"Do you really think one lunch date is gonna change my mind?" He sighed.
"Then what do you have to lose? Just meet me."
He slightly moaned, "There's a McDonald's around the corner from my house."
"McDonald's? Fucking really Brian?"
"That's where you take a hoe...ain't it?"
A lonely teardrop rolled down her cheek. "Fine...I'll meet you there in an hour."
Brian hung up his phone with a sigh. He probably shouldn't have said that to her. It was pretty mean. Madison technically had done nothing to him for him to treat her that way. It was just really throwing him for a loop to wake up one morning married with no knowledge of how he got that way. He liked to be in control of things. This had him feel like he had lost all control. He knew he would have never done something like that sober. He could see Devin was right about the drugs... they were going to ruin everything. He wished Devin was there now. He couldn't ever recall him not being there. He missed his best friend and could really use his words of wisdom right about now.
But these days Devin was pretty much too busy or unreachable. He just sunk himself into work. He was feeling himself getting older. Sometimes he even worried about his job being too hazardous for him. Blowing shit up was for kids. He wasnt a kid anymore. He was quickly approaching 30. It was time to grow. Yet he had gone to college to do this. He couldnt just quit now.
He had always been careful but had recently sustained 2nd degree burns recently. A cannon blast went off as he was trying to see why it wouldnt detonate. It burnt him all the way up his right arm. He had to take it easy for weeks due to his injuries. He hadnt even bothered to call any of the guys and let them know. He didnt want them hovering around all drunk and high. Maybe he was outgrowing his friends too.
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