Categories > Original > Drama
To all my friends and readers on this site,
When I joined this site in September 2011, nearly two a half years ago now, I was way different to what I am now. At the time I was 13 years old. I was depressed, living a lie on this website and many others in order to escape. Over time I made many accounts on here (which I will not mention, but I think you all can figure out a few) and I felt I had even more of an escape. The truth was I had many different personalities and emotions, almost like a case of Multiple Personality Disorder. Each account I made was based one of these personalities. This one, however, was me.
I didn't expect to make friends on this site. I came to write Panic! At The Disco fanfiction, and that's all. I never expected the reviews, the friends, or the ratings. They were like the cherry on the cake. I only intended to stick around as long as my P!ATD obsession lived out, but I stayed around because I made friends. I made friends, who I laughed and I cried with, the ones who understood me, the ones I connected with. Because of these friends, I slowly removed myself from the lies I was living and revealed more about the real me. I became more comfortable in my own skin, but also more depressed.
I honestly think if I hadn't made the friends I did, me and Axel would've stayed friends, and never dated. You, my friends, thought we would be cute together, don't lie, I know you shipped us before it was canon. And I don't really blame you, we did act kind of like we weren't just friends, although that may just be because we were close enough friends that we could act that way without any attachments or some shit. Of course, it didn’t work out, which I honestly believe is a good thing. I don’t know what we were thinking, believing a relationship between people like us would work out.
Unfortunately, as much as I love this website, it has in the past and is still making me depressed. It’s become a popularity contest, and that’s the one thing I absolutely despise with all my being. I’ve even tried to commit suicide quite a lot since I joined. You guys only know about March and April in 2013, but you don’t know it had happened before and is still going on. If you saw me in a dress or skirt, chances are the first thing you’d noticed is my scars. I have scars everywhere, my arms, legs, stomach, even my chest and face. Most are not from self-harm, rather things such as deep scratches, surgeries, burns, etc., but the few that are from self-harm are the ones I’ll always remember the story behind.
Another reason for me doing this is school and my recent move. For those who do not know, a few weeks ago, on my girlfriend and I’s six month anniversary of all days, I moved overseas to the US. I now reside in my aunt’s hometown in New Mexico. Since moving, despite absolutely hating being away from the people I love, I feel like I’ve gotten a new lease on life. I’m doing geography at school, a subject I’ve always been fascinated by, but they didn’t offer at my school in Australia. I’m also learning Spanish and Italian, two languages I’ve wanted to learn since I was little, but again, they didn’t offer them at my old school. Come March, I’m also legally dropping one of my middle names and my mother’s surname from my own, so instead of being Natasha Elizabeta Grace Martinez Diamond, I’ll just be Natasha Grace Diamond. Much more simpler, no? I feel much more accepted as a member of the LGBT community here. I was recently approached by a guy about my age who asked me out, and I accidentally let slip about my sexuality. I was expecting the word to get around, which it did, but I certainly wasn’t expecting people to talk about how brave I am. I wasn’t expecting people to want to be my friend after hearing that, but that isn’t the case. In fact, I guess you could say I’m kind of popular now.
And there’s no place for a popular kid on this site.
So, with all that being said and done, I say, ci vediamo, mi amici. So long, my friends.
Obsessive-Fangirl.
Email: iamdeadonarrival@hotmail.com
Tumblr: heavenforasinnerandhellforasaint
Chat Room: http://www.chatzy.com/86466352356247 - I am the alias 'Tomato Jerk'.
Keep in contact, sí?
When I joined this site in September 2011, nearly two a half years ago now, I was way different to what I am now. At the time I was 13 years old. I was depressed, living a lie on this website and many others in order to escape. Over time I made many accounts on here (which I will not mention, but I think you all can figure out a few) and I felt I had even more of an escape. The truth was I had many different personalities and emotions, almost like a case of Multiple Personality Disorder. Each account I made was based one of these personalities. This one, however, was me.
I didn't expect to make friends on this site. I came to write Panic! At The Disco fanfiction, and that's all. I never expected the reviews, the friends, or the ratings. They were like the cherry on the cake. I only intended to stick around as long as my P!ATD obsession lived out, but I stayed around because I made friends. I made friends, who I laughed and I cried with, the ones who understood me, the ones I connected with. Because of these friends, I slowly removed myself from the lies I was living and revealed more about the real me. I became more comfortable in my own skin, but also more depressed.
I honestly think if I hadn't made the friends I did, me and Axel would've stayed friends, and never dated. You, my friends, thought we would be cute together, don't lie, I know you shipped us before it was canon. And I don't really blame you, we did act kind of like we weren't just friends, although that may just be because we were close enough friends that we could act that way without any attachments or some shit. Of course, it didn’t work out, which I honestly believe is a good thing. I don’t know what we were thinking, believing a relationship between people like us would work out.
Unfortunately, as much as I love this website, it has in the past and is still making me depressed. It’s become a popularity contest, and that’s the one thing I absolutely despise with all my being. I’ve even tried to commit suicide quite a lot since I joined. You guys only know about March and April in 2013, but you don’t know it had happened before and is still going on. If you saw me in a dress or skirt, chances are the first thing you’d noticed is my scars. I have scars everywhere, my arms, legs, stomach, even my chest and face. Most are not from self-harm, rather things such as deep scratches, surgeries, burns, etc., but the few that are from self-harm are the ones I’ll always remember the story behind.
Another reason for me doing this is school and my recent move. For those who do not know, a few weeks ago, on my girlfriend and I’s six month anniversary of all days, I moved overseas to the US. I now reside in my aunt’s hometown in New Mexico. Since moving, despite absolutely hating being away from the people I love, I feel like I’ve gotten a new lease on life. I’m doing geography at school, a subject I’ve always been fascinated by, but they didn’t offer at my school in Australia. I’m also learning Spanish and Italian, two languages I’ve wanted to learn since I was little, but again, they didn’t offer them at my old school. Come March, I’m also legally dropping one of my middle names and my mother’s surname from my own, so instead of being Natasha Elizabeta Grace Martinez Diamond, I’ll just be Natasha Grace Diamond. Much more simpler, no? I feel much more accepted as a member of the LGBT community here. I was recently approached by a guy about my age who asked me out, and I accidentally let slip about my sexuality. I was expecting the word to get around, which it did, but I certainly wasn’t expecting people to talk about how brave I am. I wasn’t expecting people to want to be my friend after hearing that, but that isn’t the case. In fact, I guess you could say I’m kind of popular now.
And there’s no place for a popular kid on this site.
So, with all that being said and done, I say, ci vediamo, mi amici. So long, my friends.
Obsessive-Fangirl.
Email: iamdeadonarrival@hotmail.com
Tumblr: heavenforasinnerandhellforasaint
Chat Room: http://www.chatzy.com/86466352356247 - I am the alias 'Tomato Jerk'.
Keep in contact, sí?
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