FicWad

Frank trotted down the creaky, wooden stairs, Gerard following him. He opened the door to the living room, held it wide open and stood to the side.
"After you." offered Frank kindly.
"Thank you, Frank." thanked Gerard gratefully, stepping inside and walking in front of Frank's sofa, and Frank closed the door as Gerard walked.
"Frank? Umm... should I sit?" asked Gerard.
"Sure." answered Frank, walking over to the plug sockets in the corner, flicking the off-white switch next to the television plug and sitting down next to Gerard. He picked the black TV remote off of the table in front of the sofa and held it in his hands, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the button which said "P+" in case Gerard didn't like what was on the current channel.
"...Be a slight chance of rain over in the east..." informed the weatherman on Frank's large, black TV.
"Umm, Frank? What... is this?" asked Gerard curiously, raising his thick, black eyebrow and pointing to the screen.
"Oh, this is the weather. Basically, it's just some guy saying what the weather's gonna be like this week." answered Frank.
"No, not that, I mean..." began Gerard, walking slowly off of the sofa, getting on his knees and crawling over to the television, staring closely at the screen and blocking Frank's view of it with his head. "...this... tee-vee... you still haven't told me what it is yet."
"Oh, right! OK, so a TV is basically... well, it has a bunch of channels which have programmes on them. Some programmes teach us about things like history and what's going on in the world, and others are things like funny cartoons. There's a bunch of other types of programmes as well. Oh, and some channels just have films." replied Frank.
"Caar...toom? Filn...?" questioned Gerard, who had absolutely no idea what Frank was talking about.
"Oh, boy, do I have a lot to teach you..." sighed Frank, who wasn't exactly looking forward to teaching Gerard about everything humans did and all the things they used on a daily basis as if he'd just arrived in another dimension.
"Yeah, you sure do... umm, Frank? Can this guy... can this guy... see... me? He's looking right at me..." trembled Gerard, who seemed very paranoid that the weatherman was watching his every move and listening to his every word. He reluctantly tapped on the screen with his index finger, afraid that he was going to be pulled into the television by his finger and swallowed whole.
"No, Gerard, he's speaking in front of a camera, and before you ask, I'll explain to you what a camera is." replied Frank, a little annoyed.
"Cannerer." said Gerard, shuffling around on his knees to face Frank.

"Cam."

"Can."

"No, dammit, caM!" shouted Frank, putting more emphasis on the "m".
"Alright, Frank, no need to shout, I got it, cam!" shouted Gerard back, and he seemed slightly intimidated.

"Yes, Gerard, cam... OK, er."

"Er."

"That was painless... rah."

"Rah."

"Cam-er-rah."

"Oh, I got it now, cam-er-rah! Camera!" exclaimed Gerard excitedly, who sounded like a 2-year-old who had just learnt how to count to 10.
"Yes, camera! God, Gerard, was it that fucking hard!? UHHGH!" growled Frank angrily.
"I... I-I'm sorry, Frank..." apologised Gerard, looking down at the floor beneath him.
"No, I'm sorry... I overreacted... a-anyway, hahaha, ummm... yeah, a camera. Basically, it records your movements and what you say, kind of like a person. Then, they put all the stuff on the camera on the television, and that's how you can see what the man is doing and hear what he's saying. You, err... you got all that?" explained Frank.
"I... think so..." replied Gerard, standing up and sitting back next to Frank. "Eh, this is boring, anyway. Can I see another... I'm going to pronounce this right... pro...gramme?"
"Good!" congratulated Frank, smiling not only at Gerard for his "accomplishment", but also at the fact that he didn't have to explain to him how to pronounce it. "And sure, I'll see what else is on."
Frank pressed the button which said "P+", the one that his thumb had been hovering over the whole time.
"I-I'm sorry, Steve... it's not you, it's me..." said a young woman on the TV, tears welling up in her blue eyes.
"What's this, Frank?" asked Gerard.
"This is a drama." answered Frank, clearly pronouncing the word "drama". "It's about people in relationships and stuff, I find 'em pretty boring, to be honest."
"Yeah, it looks boring... what's a ree-lay-shun-ship?" asked Gerard, cocking his head to the side.
"Well, at least you pronounced that one just about right!" laughed Frank, making Gerard smirk and chuckle briefly. "Haha, but, umm... a relationship is where two people, two very close friends... care about each other more than as if they were just close friends. When you feel that way about someone, it's called falling in love... don't vampires fall in love?"
"No, no other vampire I've known, nor myself, has ever felt that way about anyone. Not that I know of, anyway." answered Gerard.
"Really? So, umm, what about your parents? They loved each other, right?" questioned Frank curiously. "Or else you wouldn't even be here..."
"What are you talking about?" asked Gerard.
"Well, umm... you know how babies are made, right?" asked Frank, feeling a little awkward.
"Now, Frank, I may be a vampire, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid. Yes, I know, my parents had sex, and so did yours." answered Gerard. "Why, do humans only ever have kids with others if they love each other?"
"Umm, yeah... do vampires just... you know, do it?" asked Frank bluntly, trying to avoid saying "sex", or anything close to that word, and he felt like an immature teenager who would either be disgusted or laugh at the sound of that word.
"Yeah, we don't have children out of love. No-one raises us, vampires are naturally independent, so we pretty much raise ourselves." answered Gerard. "Anyway, can we watch another programme, please?"
Frank pressed the "P+" button again without a word, and the next channel was showing a programme with two people sitting on a park bench - a man and a woman. They were staring into each other's eyes, and their faces were quite close together. Anyone could guess what was going to happen next.
"I love you..." whispered the man.
"I love you, too..." replied the woman.
"Oh, this is love, right, Frank?" asked Gerard, confident that he was right, even though it didn't exactly take a genius to know that he was right.
"Yeah, this is love." answered Frank, looking at Gerard as he spoke and then back at the TV screen after he had finished talking. They both watched as the couple slowly brought their faces even closer to each other's and kissed each other's lips softly.
"Umm... Frank, wha-what, um... what are they doing?" questioned Gerard, who seemed a little disturbed by what the couple were doing.
"They're kissing. It's what you do to show someone else that you love them... I suppose vampires just have sex and don't ever kiss, huh." replied Frank.
"Yeah, vampires don't do that... Frank, they're eating each other." responded Gerard, who had a very worried expression on his pale face.
"What?" laughed Frank. "No, no, no, hahahahaha, it's just a kiss!"
"Well, how should I know, I've never done anything you humans do out of love!" replied Gerard, shouting a little.
"What about sex? You said you do that to have kids, not for anything else, right?" asked Frank.
"Yeah, that's true, but I just didn't want to have any, I suppose. I'm not really sure why, it just never appealed to me..." answered Gerard.

"Oh, OK, fair enough..."

"Hey, umm, Frank?"

"Yeah, Gerard?"

"What's it like to fall in love?"

"I've never actually fallen in love before."

"Do you want to, or are you happy without being in a relay.... relation...ship, right?"

"Right. And I suppose it'd be nice, but it's not like it's anything I'd ever fuss over... mm, I'm getting tired now. You can flick through the channels, but you can only press these two buttons." said Frank tiredly, running his index finger over the two close-together buttons, one of which said "P+" and the other saying "P-". "You'll figure out how those buttons work. Oh, and there's apples in the fridge. That's the huge, white cupboard thingy in the other room." informed Frank, pointing to the kitchen door. "If you get tired in the morning and want to turn the TV off, there're two switches over there in the corner, and if you flick the one on the right, the TV'll turn off. Got all that?"

"Got it."