Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > What Goes Around
Days passed by in a blur while he was with Adam. He could vaguely remember moments from clubs or having sex with Adam or kissing by a dumpster or flashing lights from the club, but not much else. He was on so many different combinations of drugs that he didn’t know where he was most the time. One moment he was dancing with Adam in a club and as soon as he blinked, he was back in the club, stripping on his shift while Charlie glared at him from backstage.
He was so glad to have Adam back. He didn’t know what he had been doing without him. Everything must have been so grey and dull compared to the thrill he got while he was with him. The buzzing under his skin and the pounding in his skull and the fire running through his veins. He loved the feeling and he loved Adam. It was being like this that reminded him why he left home. It was like an addiction - he was spending every second of the day with Adam and still couldn’t get enough of him.
That was, until, they went out to the club for Gerard to work his shift. Adam had been back for a month and a half and he had been acting strange for a few days, as he was still plying Gerard with drugs but refusing to take any himself. They left for the club and Gerard left Adam in his seat backstage to go and strip, getting the usual looks from Charlie and the expected silence that he had been keeping up since Adam had got back. Gerard didn’t need to talk to him anyway, he had Adam now. However, when Gerard got offstage again when his shift was over, Adam was gone. He blinked a few times and tried to ignore the rising panic in his chest. Adam wouldn’t leave him again, surely, and he had to stop being so clingy. Adam told him that’s why he left in the first place. He took a deep breath as he sat down to get redressed and take his make up off, as Adam had probably just gone to the bar in the club while he waited. As he got redressed, he noticed that Adam’s rucksack that he had brought with him was gone too. The cocaine Gerard had snorted a few hours ago was wearing off and his felt tired and sick and panicked. He wanted to go back to his apartment with Adam and fuck and talk and do some more coke because he felt so disgusting without it, his skin crawled and itched.
Adam had just gone for a drink. Adam had just gone for a drink. Adam had just gone for a drink. Adam had just gone for a drink.
“You okay?” Max asked, placed a hand on Gerard’s arm. Gerard flinched, startled, and stared at him.
“Yeah. Yeah. Fine. Great.” He mumbled, running a hand through his hair. He picked up his bag and swayed a bit before recovering his step. Adam hadn’t done this before though. He had always waited. What changed this time?
“Are you going? Are you sure you’re okay” Max asked, frowning. Charlie stepped offstage and Gerard realised he had been backstage for an hour after his shift had ended.
“Yeah. ‘M fine.” Gerard garbled, pressing his palm to his right eye.
“Are you okay getting back?” Max asked carefully. Gerard noticed that they had caught Charlie’s attention now, who was watching him intently.
“Yeah, course.” Gerard muttered, though his breathing was starting to get shallower and he started to dig his nails into his wrists and arms in anxiety. Adam wasn’t coming back. Maybe he was already at the apartment. There was no point waiting here for him. Gerard knew deep down that Adam had gone. That’s why he was being so weird over the past few days. He’d been planning this, to leave Gerard while he was working. Gerard didn’t realise he was hyperventilating until he had crumpled onto the floor and Charlie and crouching down next to him with a hand flat on his chest and another carding through his hair.
“Breathe, Gee. Breathe.” Charlie instructed. Gerard shook his head frantically and choked, sending his breathing into even more disarray. Charlie tugged on his hair. “Babe, calm down!”
Gerard could feel the tears building in his eyes and felt himself becoming light with a weird tightness in his head, and that was the last thing he remembered before waking up, flat on his back, in the dressing room. He was staring up at the ceiling with Charlie leaning over him and other workers of the club looking on.
“Thank god. What the fuck did you just do, you fucking maniac.” Charlie breathed, obviously relieved. Gerard still couldn’t speak. Adam was gone. Adam was definitely gone. Again. Who did that? He didn’t even have the guts to tell him, again. He just left. Maybe it was because Gerard was being too annoying or needy. He couldn’t believe he had lost Adam again.
“Babe?” Charlie asked, helping Gerard sit up. “Do you need some water?”
“I-I-” Gerard rasped, “I’m fine, I just....just need to g-get home”
Charlie frowned. “Okay, okay. Just sit here a minute while I get changed and I’ll take you, okay Babe?”
“N-no, I-I-I’m fine.” Gerard insisted, getting up and swaying slightly. Charlie gripped onto his arm as the rest of the strippers scattered, bored with the show they’d seen hundreds of times. Someone breaking down was hardly news in the club.
“Gerard.” Charlie said firmly. “I am taking you home now, please do not try and stop me.”
They both knew Gerard had no chance of even resisting Charlie anyway, so he let Charlie wrap an arm around his waist and guide him through the dark streets of New York. He was there when he stumbled and tired, and eventually they ended up outside Gerard’s door. Gerard handed the key to Charlie as his hands were shaking too badly to fit the key into the lock. As soon as they stepped inside the apartment, Gerard felt his whole body begin to shake as he realised that Adam had taken all his things with him. It didn’t even look like he had ever come back.
“Babe, Babe. Stay with me!” Charlie clicked his fingers in front of Gerard’s face as he swayed from side to side again. He slowly manoeuvred Gerard into his bed and helped clean off the make up from his face. “Do you need me to stay with you tonight?”
Gerard shook his head wordlessly as tears began to spurt down his face. He closed his eyes and curled up in a foetal position on his bed. Charlie watched him for a minute, stroking his hair, before lying down behind him and wrapping an arm around him.
He was so glad to have Adam back. He didn’t know what he had been doing without him. Everything must have been so grey and dull compared to the thrill he got while he was with him. The buzzing under his skin and the pounding in his skull and the fire running through his veins. He loved the feeling and he loved Adam. It was being like this that reminded him why he left home. It was like an addiction - he was spending every second of the day with Adam and still couldn’t get enough of him.
That was, until, they went out to the club for Gerard to work his shift. Adam had been back for a month and a half and he had been acting strange for a few days, as he was still plying Gerard with drugs but refusing to take any himself. They left for the club and Gerard left Adam in his seat backstage to go and strip, getting the usual looks from Charlie and the expected silence that he had been keeping up since Adam had got back. Gerard didn’t need to talk to him anyway, he had Adam now. However, when Gerard got offstage again when his shift was over, Adam was gone. He blinked a few times and tried to ignore the rising panic in his chest. Adam wouldn’t leave him again, surely, and he had to stop being so clingy. Adam told him that’s why he left in the first place. He took a deep breath as he sat down to get redressed and take his make up off, as Adam had probably just gone to the bar in the club while he waited. As he got redressed, he noticed that Adam’s rucksack that he had brought with him was gone too. The cocaine Gerard had snorted a few hours ago was wearing off and his felt tired and sick and panicked. He wanted to go back to his apartment with Adam and fuck and talk and do some more coke because he felt so disgusting without it, his skin crawled and itched.
Adam had just gone for a drink. Adam had just gone for a drink. Adam had just gone for a drink. Adam had just gone for a drink.
“You okay?” Max asked, placed a hand on Gerard’s arm. Gerard flinched, startled, and stared at him.
“Yeah. Yeah. Fine. Great.” He mumbled, running a hand through his hair. He picked up his bag and swayed a bit before recovering his step. Adam hadn’t done this before though. He had always waited. What changed this time?
“Are you going? Are you sure you’re okay” Max asked, frowning. Charlie stepped offstage and Gerard realised he had been backstage for an hour after his shift had ended.
“Yeah. ‘M fine.” Gerard garbled, pressing his palm to his right eye.
“Are you okay getting back?” Max asked carefully. Gerard noticed that they had caught Charlie’s attention now, who was watching him intently.
“Yeah, course.” Gerard muttered, though his breathing was starting to get shallower and he started to dig his nails into his wrists and arms in anxiety. Adam wasn’t coming back. Maybe he was already at the apartment. There was no point waiting here for him. Gerard knew deep down that Adam had gone. That’s why he was being so weird over the past few days. He’d been planning this, to leave Gerard while he was working. Gerard didn’t realise he was hyperventilating until he had crumpled onto the floor and Charlie and crouching down next to him with a hand flat on his chest and another carding through his hair.
“Breathe, Gee. Breathe.” Charlie instructed. Gerard shook his head frantically and choked, sending his breathing into even more disarray. Charlie tugged on his hair. “Babe, calm down!”
Gerard could feel the tears building in his eyes and felt himself becoming light with a weird tightness in his head, and that was the last thing he remembered before waking up, flat on his back, in the dressing room. He was staring up at the ceiling with Charlie leaning over him and other workers of the club looking on.
“Thank god. What the fuck did you just do, you fucking maniac.” Charlie breathed, obviously relieved. Gerard still couldn’t speak. Adam was gone. Adam was definitely gone. Again. Who did that? He didn’t even have the guts to tell him, again. He just left. Maybe it was because Gerard was being too annoying or needy. He couldn’t believe he had lost Adam again.
“Babe?” Charlie asked, helping Gerard sit up. “Do you need some water?”
“I-I-” Gerard rasped, “I’m fine, I just....just need to g-get home”
Charlie frowned. “Okay, okay. Just sit here a minute while I get changed and I’ll take you, okay Babe?”
“N-no, I-I-I’m fine.” Gerard insisted, getting up and swaying slightly. Charlie gripped onto his arm as the rest of the strippers scattered, bored with the show they’d seen hundreds of times. Someone breaking down was hardly news in the club.
“Gerard.” Charlie said firmly. “I am taking you home now, please do not try and stop me.”
They both knew Gerard had no chance of even resisting Charlie anyway, so he let Charlie wrap an arm around his waist and guide him through the dark streets of New York. He was there when he stumbled and tired, and eventually they ended up outside Gerard’s door. Gerard handed the key to Charlie as his hands were shaking too badly to fit the key into the lock. As soon as they stepped inside the apartment, Gerard felt his whole body begin to shake as he realised that Adam had taken all his things with him. It didn’t even look like he had ever come back.
“Babe, Babe. Stay with me!” Charlie clicked his fingers in front of Gerard’s face as he swayed from side to side again. He slowly manoeuvred Gerard into his bed and helped clean off the make up from his face. “Do you need me to stay with you tonight?”
Gerard shook his head wordlessly as tears began to spurt down his face. He closed his eyes and curled up in a foetal position on his bed. Charlie watched him for a minute, stroking his hair, before lying down behind him and wrapping an arm around him.
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