Categories > TV > WWE
Only A Kiss
0 reviewsAlex only wanted to make Chris jealous, but his plan backfired. Will he be able to rectify the damage he's caused or will he lose Chris forever? Shelbin.
0Unrated
A/N: Just to avoid confusion, this is not part of The Rise & Fall verse
“It was only a kiss, Chris.”
“Only a kiss?” Chris was always the more laid-back of the two of you, and you can’t help but think that you’ve really blown it this time. The kiss really meant nothing to you; it was a childish attempt to make Chris jealous. You acted out of anger, and now you were paying for it. Chris was not going to let this drop until he got answers from you, but what are you supposed to say? You don’t have enough guts to look at Chris and tell him that you hurt him intentionally; you’re having enough trouble admitting it to yourself.
“I don’t care if it was just a kiss, Alex,” Chris is practically snarling now, and you wish that you could turn back the hands of time, back to a time when you both loved each other, back to a time when your relationship wasn’t so complicated, back to a time when both of you actually put forth the effort to make your relationship work. But if you are being honest with yourself, the blame doesn’t lie on Chris’ shoulders. It lies on yours.
You stopped trying a long time ago, and you know it. Chris knows it too, has known it for quite a while, but he’s never said anything to you about it. That’s just the way Chris is. It’s strange: a decade ago, this was all you wanted. You were so enamored of Chris back then; you idolized him. You spent months denying to yourself that you were in love with him, and you spent even more months, which turned into years when you weren’t looking, trying to obtain Chris’ love and affection.
Looking back on it now, you can’t believe that you acted like a simpering, whining puppy dog. If Chris thought the same thing, he never said anything. You had always suspected that he knew long before you told him that you had feelings for him, but one could never tell with Chris. His refusal to outright express how he felt was both infuriating and endearing.
“Look,” you find yourself speaking, and you’re surprised at how throaty and rough your voice sounds. You clear your throat twice, hoping to get rid of the gravelly mess your voice has become, and try again. “I’ll admit that I was an asshole, and I’ve got no right to ask you to forgive me. I’m not going to do that, Chris. But I love you.” The words sound clumsy and lame to your own ears, and it’s times like these that you wish you weren’t so damn uncomfortable with expressing feelings of remorse or love. Chris is staring at you expectantly, arms folded across his chest, his mouth an impossibly thin line. You can’t read him at all right now.
How did you get here? How did you manage to screw this up to the possible point of no repair? What were you supposed to do? You’ve never felt as helpless in your entire life as you do in this moment, and you don’t like it. You don’t like the fact that you have no control over what could happen.
“You’re sorry.” His voice is sharp, cold, the impact an array of tiny, jagged little knives, and you have to gulp to try to get your breath. “Yeah, okay, you’re sorry. I get that.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But it’s not that simple, Alex. I can’t just pretend like I didn’t see you kissing somebody else. Did you even think about how that would make me feel? Did you think about anybody besides yourself?”
The truth is that you didn’t. You acted without regard to Chris or your relationship, knowing in the back of your mind what the kiss would cause, but instead of listening to that little voice, you pushed it down. You didn’t even enjoy the kiss; kissing girls does nothing for you anymore.
You want to reach for him; you want to express to him that he is the only person you could ever want, but there is an ocean between you, and you were never the best swimmer anyway. You don’t know how to get back to what you had. Chris was always your anchor, and now, you’re drowning. You can’t save yourself; you don’t know how.
“Chris. I love you.”
“Do you really?”
The statement stings, but you deserve it.
“Tell me what to do.”
“I can’t. You did this, Alex. If you want to fix things, you have to do it on your own.”
“Chris…”
“You do this all the time, you know. You sabotage your own happiness because you’re afraid.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yeah, it is. What are you so afraid of, huh? Don’t you want to be happy with me? Don’t you want this to work?”
Your head snaps up.
“Of course I do, Chris.”
His face is weary; his normally bright blue eyes are dulled. He looks like he hasn’t had decent night’s sleep in ages, and you feel horrible because you know that you’re the cause of it. You never wanted to hurt Chris, but judging by the dark circles under his eyes, you’ve been hurting him for longer than you realized.
“If you’re not happy with me…” his voice trails off. “I don’t know, Alex. Maybe it’s just time.”
“Time?”
“Yeah. Obviously this isn’t working anymore.” He runs a hand through his hair, and it’s then that you realize that he’s not only tired—he’s done.
“I can’t do this anymore, Alex. I love you, but I just…I can’t.”
You don’t want to lose him. You can’t lose him. You can’t. Chris is the one good thing in your life, and without that support system, you’ll backslide back into the old habits you once had. You are not willing to fall back into the person that you fought so hard to let go of, with Chris’ support, and truth be told, you’ve become dependent on Chris. You have become dependent on another individual. The thought is maddeningly disturbing to you, but you cannot fathom a life without Chris.
“I can change. Chris, just give me another chance, please.” You reach out and grab his wrist, ignoring the look in his eyes. You know you’re begging now, but you don’t care. You don’t care how desperate and pathetic you sound; all you care about is keeping the best thing you’ve ever had.
Chris doesn’t move away, but he doesn’t respond to your touch, either. Those beautiful, striking blue eyes that you’ve always loved are a stormy gray now; you know that a storm is brewing, but you’re powerless to stop it. You let go of his wrist and take a step back, giving Chris the space that he’s instinctively asking for. Reality is beginning to set in, and you can feel your heartbeat quickening.
“You should’ve thought about that before you cheated on me, Alex.”
You’ve lost everything, and it feels like a shot to the heart. You can do nothing but watch as Chris walks away, expertly averting your gaze as he does so.
“It was only a kiss, Chris.”
“Only a kiss?” Chris was always the more laid-back of the two of you, and you can’t help but think that you’ve really blown it this time. The kiss really meant nothing to you; it was a childish attempt to make Chris jealous. You acted out of anger, and now you were paying for it. Chris was not going to let this drop until he got answers from you, but what are you supposed to say? You don’t have enough guts to look at Chris and tell him that you hurt him intentionally; you’re having enough trouble admitting it to yourself.
“I don’t care if it was just a kiss, Alex,” Chris is practically snarling now, and you wish that you could turn back the hands of time, back to a time when you both loved each other, back to a time when your relationship wasn’t so complicated, back to a time when both of you actually put forth the effort to make your relationship work. But if you are being honest with yourself, the blame doesn’t lie on Chris’ shoulders. It lies on yours.
You stopped trying a long time ago, and you know it. Chris knows it too, has known it for quite a while, but he’s never said anything to you about it. That’s just the way Chris is. It’s strange: a decade ago, this was all you wanted. You were so enamored of Chris back then; you idolized him. You spent months denying to yourself that you were in love with him, and you spent even more months, which turned into years when you weren’t looking, trying to obtain Chris’ love and affection.
Looking back on it now, you can’t believe that you acted like a simpering, whining puppy dog. If Chris thought the same thing, he never said anything. You had always suspected that he knew long before you told him that you had feelings for him, but one could never tell with Chris. His refusal to outright express how he felt was both infuriating and endearing.
“Look,” you find yourself speaking, and you’re surprised at how throaty and rough your voice sounds. You clear your throat twice, hoping to get rid of the gravelly mess your voice has become, and try again. “I’ll admit that I was an asshole, and I’ve got no right to ask you to forgive me. I’m not going to do that, Chris. But I love you.” The words sound clumsy and lame to your own ears, and it’s times like these that you wish you weren’t so damn uncomfortable with expressing feelings of remorse or love. Chris is staring at you expectantly, arms folded across his chest, his mouth an impossibly thin line. You can’t read him at all right now.
How did you get here? How did you manage to screw this up to the possible point of no repair? What were you supposed to do? You’ve never felt as helpless in your entire life as you do in this moment, and you don’t like it. You don’t like the fact that you have no control over what could happen.
“You’re sorry.” His voice is sharp, cold, the impact an array of tiny, jagged little knives, and you have to gulp to try to get your breath. “Yeah, okay, you’re sorry. I get that.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But it’s not that simple, Alex. I can’t just pretend like I didn’t see you kissing somebody else. Did you even think about how that would make me feel? Did you think about anybody besides yourself?”
The truth is that you didn’t. You acted without regard to Chris or your relationship, knowing in the back of your mind what the kiss would cause, but instead of listening to that little voice, you pushed it down. You didn’t even enjoy the kiss; kissing girls does nothing for you anymore.
You want to reach for him; you want to express to him that he is the only person you could ever want, but there is an ocean between you, and you were never the best swimmer anyway. You don’t know how to get back to what you had. Chris was always your anchor, and now, you’re drowning. You can’t save yourself; you don’t know how.
“Chris. I love you.”
“Do you really?”
The statement stings, but you deserve it.
“Tell me what to do.”
“I can’t. You did this, Alex. If you want to fix things, you have to do it on your own.”
“Chris…”
“You do this all the time, you know. You sabotage your own happiness because you’re afraid.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yeah, it is. What are you so afraid of, huh? Don’t you want to be happy with me? Don’t you want this to work?”
Your head snaps up.
“Of course I do, Chris.”
His face is weary; his normally bright blue eyes are dulled. He looks like he hasn’t had decent night’s sleep in ages, and you feel horrible because you know that you’re the cause of it. You never wanted to hurt Chris, but judging by the dark circles under his eyes, you’ve been hurting him for longer than you realized.
“If you’re not happy with me…” his voice trails off. “I don’t know, Alex. Maybe it’s just time.”
“Time?”
“Yeah. Obviously this isn’t working anymore.” He runs a hand through his hair, and it’s then that you realize that he’s not only tired—he’s done.
“I can’t do this anymore, Alex. I love you, but I just…I can’t.”
You don’t want to lose him. You can’t lose him. You can’t. Chris is the one good thing in your life, and without that support system, you’ll backslide back into the old habits you once had. You are not willing to fall back into the person that you fought so hard to let go of, with Chris’ support, and truth be told, you’ve become dependent on Chris. You have become dependent on another individual. The thought is maddeningly disturbing to you, but you cannot fathom a life without Chris.
“I can change. Chris, just give me another chance, please.” You reach out and grab his wrist, ignoring the look in his eyes. You know you’re begging now, but you don’t care. You don’t care how desperate and pathetic you sound; all you care about is keeping the best thing you’ve ever had.
Chris doesn’t move away, but he doesn’t respond to your touch, either. Those beautiful, striking blue eyes that you’ve always loved are a stormy gray now; you know that a storm is brewing, but you’re powerless to stop it. You let go of his wrist and take a step back, giving Chris the space that he’s instinctively asking for. Reality is beginning to set in, and you can feel your heartbeat quickening.
“You should’ve thought about that before you cheated on me, Alex.”
You’ve lost everything, and it feels like a shot to the heart. You can do nothing but watch as Chris walks away, expertly averting your gaze as he does so.
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