Categories > Books > Harry Potter

Stag Night

by cephis 1 review

Harry gets a final send off. Things will happen. there will be gifts, dancing and bad behavior. A good time will be had by all. Might not stick with the pairing but I love surprises.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: R - Genres: Humor - Warnings: [!!!] [X] - Published: 2014-03-21 - 9728 words

Title: Stag Night
Category: Books » Harry Potter
Author: petros308
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T
Genre: Humor/Romance
Published: 10-01-11, Updated: 04-25-12
Chapters: 5, Words: 9,899

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I own very little and this is not my characters. I have 5 in the can so this should be a quick update. Please let me know what you think

Chapter 1

Ron and George was window shopping for gifts for Ginny and Harry's upcoming wedding. "I don't know what I am supposed to do; I have never been a best man before! And Harry is muggle raised, is there any tradition in the muggle world that is done?" George scrunches up his face in thought when an almost visible light pops over his head. George looks to his little brother "There is one as a matter of fact, I heard about it a few summers ago, Lee Jordon's cousin in America got married a few summers ago. He was told that he was too young to attend but it was called a bachelor party!" Ron looks sidelong to his brother "Sounds ominous, what happens at a bachelor party?" "Well from what I remember; a group of Harry's male friends get together to eat dinner, make gentle fun of the groom to be and give him gag gifts, to warn harry away from the institution of marriage and how he will be missed as a singe man and what he will miss out on once he gets married." Ron grimaces "Sounds sort of dodgy, it is our sister that is marrying him and she will kill is both if the wedding doesn't go off with out a hitch." George punched Ron in the arm and says "To tell you the truth, that is why in general the brides family isn't invited to this little shindig but you are the best man, come on Ronnie-kins, it will be fun, I'll take care of the entertainment. You have to find where to hold the party, I would recommend Neville's, and work on the guest list. Does that sound good to you little bro?" Ron nods reluctantly.

A few days later, Ron goes over to the Lupin house, as Remus lived in the muggle world for many years and he is still not sure whether or not George was pulling his leg about the party idea. When Ron gets Remus alone for tea he says "what have you heard about bachelor parties?" Remus makes a careful swallow of his tea to keep himself from spraying the tea all over the table. He sets the cup gently in the table and in a guarded tone asks "did either you or Harry read about the one that Sirius threw for James?" Ron look puzzled for a moment "Umm no, so it is a tradition of the best man to throw one huh? What was that one like?" Remus slips in to instructor mode "The tradition of a bachelor party or "Stag Night" was one of the few things that wizards did first before it transferred over to the non-magical people- as early as the 5th century B.C, Spartan soldiers held a dinner in their friend's honor and made toasts on his behalf. The nature of this night has changed over the years but with most ancient traditions there are rules and protocols that must be observed to preserve the spirit of this hallowed event. The first rule of Stag Night is what happens at Stag Night stays at Stag Night. The second rule of Stag Night is that it is your job to make sure that the groom can make an ass out of himself or a boob if you care to hex him to make him grow breasts on his head and make him wear a bra on his as a ceremonial thing, wish I had a picture of James. That reminds me, no photographs!

So, what goes on at a stag night? It can be any number of things in the modern day; a dinner with male friends with fun little prank gifts and hexes, that I am sure that George would be only too glad to sell to you and speeches of those who have made the leap before and of single friends saying the he will be missed. It can be a pub crawl in a foreign city with the odd strip club tossed in for flavour. Or it can be an outing with male friends that the prospective groom would enjoy. Really, it can be any thing"

Ron looks relieved "that is pretty much what George told me about what went on there. I'm going to ask Neville to use a room in his manor for the party. And George says that he will take care of the invitations, booze and entertainment, what ever that means" Remus gives Ron a non-committal nod and lets Ron know that he will get in touch with George to offer help and advice.

Ron sends an owl to Neville for a good time for him to come over to the manor to discuss some things, George asks to tag along. At the appointed time they apparate to the front gate and trek up to the front door that is answered by a well attired house elf with the deepest voice they have ever heard from a house elf "young master will see you in the parlor, walk this way." The elf walks at a brisk and efficient pace without a glance back. He opens a door that leads to a room that is painted a light green with matching regency furniture. Neville stands as they enter. "Why Ron, it has been too long since I have seen you last, refresh me." Ron scuffs his boots and looks down, "it was at your grand-mothers funeral, and sorry I couldn't stay for the whole thing". Neville stands still for a moment and then reaches out and shakes George's hand "How is business George? I heard you won the bid on that defense contract, wish I had gotten in on the ground floor like some people. Did I hear that you might be expanding your services to the continent?" George with a wink and a grin replies "I'm not sure yet but I will let you know." Neville sits back down in his seat and pours George and himself tea. Makes it to his preference and takes a biscuit from the tray. So, what can I do for you? Ron says "Mate, I would like to ask you for a favor" Neville leans further back in his chair and places the cup of tea down "of course, if it is in my power to grant. Ron grabs a chocolate biscuit and says "I was wondering if we could use one of your rooms for Harry's Stag Night." Neville leans forward and puts his hands on his knees and smiles "why didn't you just say so in the first place?" Neville stands and says "follow me to the den, this is no place to discuss such things" as he walks to an adjacent room with dark oak paneling, squashy leather chairs a fire place and a full wet bar. "What's your pleasure gents, single malt, whiskey on the rocks, care for a cigar? " Neville calls over his shoulder. "No just the thing, Longbottom vintage laid by my great-grand father!" He pours three fingers in each and hands a glass to each of them. Neville and George take an experimental sip and Ron empties his glass "do I taste a hint of tobacco?" asks George. Neville nods, "it is how the Longbottom's first made our fortune." "Wait a tick, how do you know about Stag Night and I don't?" asks Ron. Neville smiles "my father was one of Harry's father's groomsmen." I asked Gran about it and she said that there are some things that are just not discussed in polite company. She looked like she had just sucked on a whole lemon and she muttered darkly "He didn't leave his room for a whole day after wards"

"I was at that age where I thought that most if the things not discussed in polite were the most interesting. I went to my Great Uncle Algie who had the dubious honor the year before to give me "the facts of life" talk. I got the gist from him and wanted to go to one ever since" Ron looked at Neville "what have you heard about Bachelor parties?" George, sitting next to Ron puts his finger to his lips and taps the side of his nose; Neville gives a slight nod and a quick wink and asks "what do you have in mind?" Ron furrows his brow "from what I heard, men who are not the prospective brides family; drink a bit, tell funny stories about the groom to be and give him some gag gifts." Neville carefully purses his lips and gives a slow nod "that is about what I heard as well, how many people do you think will be attending?" Ron waves his hand "dunno, twenty-five or thirty?" Neville replies "that will not be a problem, what date are you thinking?" George cuts in "we are working with some schedules, the date isn't set in stone." Neville stands up from his chair "relax Ron, enjoy the brandy, I'm going to borrow your brother to look over my calendar in my office to see when my own schedule looks like." Neville and George exit the room and go all the way to the end of the hallway to go into a room decorated similar to his den but with a desk and a large window overlooking the landscape outside. Neville bursts out laughing "I almost hurt myself holding that in, Merlin's beard! Why does Ron have the official version of what goes on during stag night? What do you really have in mind?" George grins back at him "Ron can't keep a secret to save his life, and I want to give Harry a proper send off. To tell the truth, I could use another head to help with the planning and logistics, my usual one is… gone." George looks to the ground for a moment. Neville looks sympathetic for a moment and then brightens "I know the perfect person! Brilliant, can keep a secret and was the smartest witch in her class!" George raises his eyebrows "you're not talking about Hermione, are you?" Neville grins "nope, close though, Luna Lovegood!

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Chapter 2

George takes the floo to the Burrow and walks the mile and a half to Luna's home. He approaches the Rookery when after a single knock, the door flings open and Xenophillous Lovegood is standing there all wild eyed with what looks like a half dome with fairy lights festooned all over it. "Don't say a word!" Shouts Xenophillous as he hustles George inside and into a chair, He then proceeds to slap a suction cup to his forehead. The man stands back, looks away and waves his hand in the air and states with authority "you are collecting for the Comic Relief U.K!" He glances at George "no no. Wait, you are selling wizard scout cookies!" Again he glances speculatively at George, not seeing the expected response, with a grim look and firm twist of his headgear " O.k., O.k., you are here for an advance copy of my recipe for stewed sea prunes. That is my final answer!" George pulls the suction cup from his head by the cord making a loud pop and leaving a large red mark in the middle of his forehead and says, "No sir, I was looking for your daughter." The wild haired man grabs George by the shoulder and exclaims, "Do you have any idea what the means? Do you have any idea what this means! It means that this damn thing doesn't work!" Mr. Lovegood dashes the contraption from his head and stomps on it with both feet smashing it to pieces. With a stroke of his hair, he calms immediately "I was trying to make a device that would help those of us that are not skilled in Legimancy." He looks around the room trying to locate his train of thought, he glances to the couch in the vain hope than it might of fallen between to cushions again until his gaze falls again onto George. "Luna? You're here for Luna? I you are not a gentleman in anyway, I will hurt you in ways you can't even imagine!" George smirks and replies, "On that sir, I have no doubt."

Xenophillous, looking concerned says, "Well, she is on location at the moment." "And where is that?" Asks George. The man looks up and replies "Oh, right up stairs." Shaking his head slightly George starts up the stairs and calls "Luna, there is something that I want to discuss with you in private." Luna's voice drifts down the stairs to come on up to the room with the crescent moon on the door. George climbs the stair until he comes to the door and knocks. "It's open" he hears through the door. He opens the door

To the sight of Luna sitting in a chair brushing her wet hair with out a stitch of clothing on. He sees in the mirror her pale breasts with coral pink nipples moving in a hypnotic manner in time with the strokes of her brush. She glances at him and says without missing a brushstroke "I said it was open as a fact, not that you could come in." George's ears begin to match the color of his hair "I assumed that the moon on the door meant that this was your bedroom." Through the mirror she looks at him like he is nuts. "I can't shower in my bedroom, it would get my clothes all wet. Also, every one knows that the crescent moon on the door means that it is the bathroom, even muggles." George attempts to keep his eyes on the ceiling while Luna grabs a bottle of moisturizer, stands up and applies it to her skin. "Can't you where a towel or something?" asks George. "For your information, I prefer to air dry, it is good for the skin and very liberating. I highly recommend it" she replies with a serine smile. "But, if it makes you uncomfortable you can wait for my room. I admit that I am a little disappointed, I can't ask Daddy what he thinks of my bikini wax" George glances down to see if she is just messing with him and sees a perfectly bald pubis, the color drains from his face presumably traveling elsewhere. With a mischievous smile she says "now, shoo!" while moving her hands in a brushing motion towards the door. George backs out of the room and closes the door. As he walks up to the next floor, the quarter drops, he had just been pranked. "Damn, I must be getting rusty in my old age." George sits on her bed for less then ten minutes when a fully dressed Luna wearing her radish earrings and bottle cork necklace comes in the door. "I just spoke to Daddy and he was under the impression the you are here for a date, are you here for a date? After all, you have been threatened by my father and seen me naked, all that is missing now is dinner." George's mind again slips a gear for a moment until he grins fully "Getting me once is impressive, twice in one day is a bit trickier." George makes a bow " Such a lovely girl, I would be honored to take you out for a night of luxury and deceit" he says with a grin. "But, no I am here to get some help with a project and Neville recommended you." For a moment, Luna's eyes flash a look of thoughtful calculation until it dropped back into her usual dreamy gaze. "Pity, I have been on only one date and that was with Harry for Slughorn's Christmas Party. I didn't even get a good night kiss. Wish I could tell him how much I would of liked one before it was too late." She sighs and looks a little wistful. George squirms in his seat in discomfort due to the feeling that she isn't trying to mess with him and more that this was a real and true statement. "Well this is about Harry, I would like some help with planning his Stag Night." George says until Luna raises her hand and interrupts "Please explain to what a stag night is. I am invited to Ginny's wedding shower, but what happens during stag night?" George narrows his eye's "is Ginny having a hen party too?" Luna only response is to look vaguely over his right shoulder. "Well, tell me Luna, what goes on at a hen party?" George locks eyes with her and smiles "say it with me, I have not idea what you are talking about." Luna responds with a smile and a nod "fair enough, what part do you want me to play?" George smiles faintly "You have Neville's complete trust. After the dinner, the real fun begins, I've never been to a proper stag night but I saw a video called Bachelor Party, that is what Americans call a stag night. In the movie, there were girls who took their clothes off for money and others would have sex for money. Loads of drinking and partying. There was this one bit where a hot ex-girlfriend tries to sleep with him. There was a bit with a jealous ex- boyfriend of the bride. It's a comedy from the muggle world, it was pretty funny."

Luna looks down at the floor her eyes moving and George gets the impression to a sneakoscope winding up to an incredible speed. George thinks, "Damn, I'm going to have to Oblivate her!" Luna quickly looks up "can I make some additions to the guest list and will you take care of the entertainment you just described?" George looks gob smacked "all of it?" Luna nods. "Then yes to both, you would have to get in touch with Neville about scheduling and what not it is at his manor." Luna waves the point away "I will need to talk to him anyhow" she pulls out a quill and a piece of parchment and starts making some notes. Without looking up she says to him, we'll be in touch. George smiles and starts to leave "you know where to find me."

Luna continues to make notes for another half hour and than goes down the stairs. Her father looks up from proof-reading the upcoming edition of the "Quibbler" and asks what happened to the young gentleman?" Luna replies, "He made mad passionate sex to me" Her father nods vaguely "be sure to wear you galoshes poppet!"

Luna tosses a pinch of floo powder into the fire and calls "Bag End!" And steps through the fire into Neville's den with a light chime ringing in the house announcing an incoming private floo. Neville arrives shortly "Oh, I assume that George spoke to you."

Luna looks around "he caught me in the shower" Neville chuckled "I love that old chest-nut, how did he take it?" Luna smiled back at him "better than you, he didn't break his nose running into walls." With a wry grimace he settles back into his chair and motions her to the one across from him "would you like a drink?" She glances at him "why do you ask questions that you already know the answer to? You know very well that I hold my alcohol poorly, quit trying to get me drunk and out of my clothes you rouge." He nods slightly "So, about the party, do you need any help with anything?"

She pauses for a moment "something that George said gave me an idea, I'm not going to tell you all the specifics because I love surprises that plausible deniability, it's a good thing!" Neville pulls a disappointed look and with a sigh "what do you need from me then?" "I need a large room with twelve to twenty dressing rooms that can be ported directly into." Neville smiles "sounds like a masquerade! I remember reading about then in the family history books; will there be a prize for who can guess the most people?" Luna gives him her best Mona Lisa smile "right string, wrong yo-yo, but almost right on the mark. Come to think of it a prize might even make this even more fun" Neville looking pleased with himself "you would have to tell me the terms of winning the prize before I set an amount." Luna grimaces "it will be girls in disguise telling Harry how they really feel and a prize if they can lead him into a bed-room" Neville bursts out laughing "that will never happen, I'll put a thousand Galleons up if anyone can do it!

Luna breezes into the flat that Harry and Ron share. Harry looks up from the book that he is reading "Luna, what brings you to the Stag Shack?" Looking around the apartment, she sees an odd mix of debris and fastidiousness. "I was just in the neighborhood and figured I would stop by." Luna walks closer to him and plucks a hair from his head. "Ow, what did you do that for Luna?" She smiles "I thought I saw a Geroff Hummer on your head but it was too fast for me. Anyhow, are you well?" Rubbing his head and glaring at her "yes, I'm fine." Luna giggles and says "good, well I got to go, see you later Harry!" After she leaves Harry shakes his head "what an odd girl."

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

A/N: I forgot that I up-loaded this story and I up-loaded the wrong chapter to boot. I am really sorry to any of my readers

A/N2: I don't anything, it's all on credit. I don't own Harry Potter either

George sits behind the counter of his joke shop mulling over where he could get his promised contribution to the party. The whole thing seemed to be sketchy and dodgy, "Hmm, sketchy and dodgy." He straights up "I know just the man!" He gets up from his stool and goes into the back of the store to grab his cloak. "Alicia, I am running out for a bit to get some necessary supplies, mind the store while I am gone." He calls over his shoulder while he is walking out the door.

Shortly after a trip to a few shops, he heads past Jas. Tickes and sons and into Diagon Alley. Outside Burgan's and Burkes, he spies a familiar pile of rags. He jabs his toe into the middle of the pie until he hears a snort and a "wachuwan'?" Mundungus sits up and blink through gummy eyes smacking his lips and grunts "Ah Weasley, you got a fag?" George wordlessly hand him a pouch of pipe tobacco. Mundungus digs around in his coat/blanket for his pipe, packs the bowl and after pulling out his wand that looks like it is more friction tape than wood, mutters a word and proceeds to produce foul clouds of smoke. "Merlin! It tastes like someone shat in my mouth, have you a tipple for an ould friend?" George completes the ritual by handing 'Dung a handle of "Ould Hags Midnight Brew". 'Dung relieves him of the bottle, opens it and takes a pull from the jug with such speed that it reminds George to check his pockets before he leaves.

After a long and heart-felt with his truest love, 'Dung wipes a sleeve across his mouth. "Have me some Boomslang skin that fell off the back of a lorry, I can get you a sweet-heart deal on it." George tries to keep a straight face as the man's breath is a miasma of rotting teeth, sour drink and wet ash-tray. "Interesting, but some other time Dung. I am looking for where I could get some "ladies of negotiable virtue." Dung mimes as if wiping a tear from his eye "Oh it feels like just yesterday that you were just a specky little kid and now you are whoring, it does my heart good, it does!" George takes a slight step back and smiles "Thanks, but we, I mean I am looking for more academic rather than personal reasons. After all, you know what a scholar I am."

Dung gave George what he thought was a discerning look, but made him look constipated at best. "Well then me lad, you need to go to the dodgy end of Knock-turn Ally." George cuts in "you mean there is a dodgy end to Knock-turn Ally? Why did you never tell us, I mean me" Dung nods "for good reason, you have been a good customer of mine and I didn't want to see you get your sweet throat cut. Right where the Ally dead-ends there is a place called the "Ruffled Grouse." Ask for Nick, tell him that Dung sent you, he'll set you right up." Without missing a beat, George asks "and what's your kick-back?" Dung shoots the tall ginger a dirty look, "five percent." George leaves the man with a grin and a wave and starts down the alley. As he walks down the poorly cobbled path, he notices that there are less and less people walking between the shops and the store-fronts are getting dirtier and the buildings seem to block out the sun. Most of the people on the street walk around with the hoods of their cloaks up over their heads and some keep their heads down while others glance around to see who is predator and who is prey.

George walks straight ahead with a confidant of someone that can take care of himself. While he is someone who can take care of himself, he is again struck with the feeling that he wished he had brought back up or a friend or a brother. Shaking off the almost constant ache, he glances up and sees that he almost ran right into the wall that dead-ends the ally. When he left his store it was two o'clock in the afternoon and the sun was shining bright over-head. Where he was now looked like it was twilight, where the tobacconist was the only shop he could see with a light on. He looked left and right not seeing anything that looked like the place he wanted to go. He muttered to himself "I am going to strangle that man for giving me a bum steer, it's not like I could ask for directions. He resists the temptation to pull out his wand to make a light in fear that it could be seen as a sign of weakness.

After a brief look-about, he sees a sign of a bird in peeling paint with "Ruffled ouse" written below it. George opens the door and is assaulted with flashings lights and music so loud that the methodical bass almost makes him nauseous. On the center stage, is a woman that had to at least be as old as his mother gyrating delusorily around a pole.

As he approaches the bar, a woman less than ten years his senior touches his are lightly "buy me a drink, handsome?" George looks at her curiously, "why? Are you thirsty?" The women leans towards him "listen, if you don't spread the Gallons around, you can't stay long." George drifts over to the bar where the barman is cleaning a filthy glass with a filthy rag and in the process making both all the more filthy. George catches the man's eye "Beer" and glancing at the glass in the man's hand "in a bottle." The bar-keep grunts, reaches under the bar and plunks a bottle in the bar. "Six sickles." George looks at him with shock "I could buy a whole case of it for less than that!" The bar man leans forward and growls "Then you can leave and buy one, after you pay for your drink." George gives the man his money as he says "I'm looking for Nick." The Barman silently points his chin to a man in a shabby red jacket at the end of the bar.

George sidles up next to the man and says in a sotto voice "Dung sent me". The man looks over at George and flashes a mouth full of golden teeth. He beacons conspiratorially to follow him and they slip through a door at the side of the stage. "You look a little lost young man, what is it that you hear that I can help you with?" George purses his lips "I am looking for some entertainment for a friend's party and I hear that you are the sort of man who can arrange it" The man asks him guardedly "and what sort of party is for Lad?" "It's for a friends Stag Night" Nick nods sagely "I think I can help you out with that, how much do you have to spend?" George is enough of a business man to know that the amount that he has to spend will be the exact same price as the cost of the entertainment. "Well that depends on the quality and quantity of what is offered." Nick face falls slightly as he realizes that while George is dressed like a little rich boy, he is no rube to be fleeced. "Ah, I see, did you see anything that you liked on the way in? I have some photos if some birds that are not on shift at the moment." Nick reaches reaches behind him for a battered binder and hands it to George. George leafs through it and sees that most of pictures are of women older than him or thin girls with dead eyes that makes his guts squirm with a combination of pity and disgust. He places the book down "Umm, this might be a mistake; this is for an estate out in the country. Do sometime money-lender and collector of things of beauty, his name is… Max" Nick grins causing one of his gold teeth to sparkle brightly. He takes out his wand and waves it at a blank spot of the wall revealing a cabinet that he unlocks with a key from around his neck, he opens the cabinet and removes a gold book and places it on the desk. When George reaches for it, Nick puts his hand on it. "I must warn you, his prices are very dear, and how much money do you have on you?" George notes from the glint in the man's eye that if he said too, he might end up dead and knutless in the sewer. George grimaces "not much, but I can get what I need." Nick nods and removes his hand. George opens the book and is surprised by the difference between the two folders; there were wizard pictures with attached descriptions and a CV for each. They were stunning, like they had just stepped off the pages of Play-Wizard, and most of them had. George looks though until a honey-blonde girl is leaning into the camera blowing a kiss and tossing the viewer a wink. Her stats say that she is tall and he can tell two things, that she is very curvy and that the curtains match the drapes as all that she is wearing is a smile. George looks up at Nick, he glances "good choice, Ginger is one of him most popular girls." George continues until he turns the page and thinks that they have a repeat entry. He turns back a page and Nick notices "those are the twins, Inga and Olga, Swedish, don't speak much English though." George peruses further until he stops on an unsmiling nude girl that looks like she is being prompted to turn around which she does stiffly. George looks at him questioningly, "She is one of Max's newer acquisitions, you might get her as a discount, and she isn't well reviewed." George closes the book and slides it across the desk back to Nick. "Let's talk price" said George. Nick opens the folder "depends on the entertainer and the level of entertainment. The base rates are

Five Gallons per girl will get you two hours of them in tasteful evening gowns and mingle

Seven, they will serve drinks in Bikini's

Twelve Gallons, they will wear Pasties and give lap-dances for tips, fifteen if you want them to be topless

For twenty Gallons, two girls will put on a show together with the groom-to- be

For Fifty Gallons, you get full access, generous tipping required and no marking up the goods"

George blanches slightly, fifty Gallons is more than he grosses in a week, He nods slightly Nick adds "How many men are going to be at the party?" George starts counting in his head "fifteen I guess." "I would recommend one girl for every three or four men also; the twins will not do the last two options." George understands fully as he again thinks of Fred. George runs the math in his head, calculating how much he has in the bank and how much he will be getting in from the government contracts. "I'd like the twins in bikini's and Ginger and the other one for full boat." Nick licks his lips and leafs back to each profile and then back to the back a few times, making marks on his note pad. "Well, Ginger is a Premium, and the twins are a bonus as a pair so, one-hundred and forty Gallons." George looks at him like his is an idiot "You expect me to believe that there is a 50% mark-up? Eighty Gallons." "Are you calling me a thief boy?" "Perhaps you just have low company, after all, Dung sent me" Nick squints at George "well I can knock off a few on the new girl, one twenty-six!" "When is the last time you saw a hundred and twenty-six? Ninety!" Nick leans forward, smile gone "Max is not a man to trifle with lad." "And I will take you advice, but I am not dealing with Max, Ninety." Nick stares at George for a moment and then blinks "one-ten." George counters "one hundred." Nick nods "done, it's half up front and the remainder due on arrival. So, fifty Gallons" Nick holds his hand out. If you think that I was suicidal enough that I would walk around Diagon Ally with fifty Gallons on me, and that I would just hand it over to you on just your word, you are even a bigger fool than the one you took me for." George gets up from the chair and head to the door. Nick holds up his hand "wait, I need only a 10% finder fee, so ten Gallons." George turns back to him "80 including your finder's fee." Nick shakes his head "can't do it, that below cost." "Really? Let me see that sheet in the back of the book if that is cost. Because you would never skim from Max, because after all, he isn't a man to trifle with." Nick breaks out in a light sweat at George's smile "Fine, fine, thirty-five Gallons has to be wired to a numbered account with the Gnomes of Zurich, the girls will contact you with any preferences or requests you may have and the balance is due on arrival." "That only comes to seventy Gallons, what do I pay you finder's fee for?" "The account number of course." George slides him seven "You lost Max twenty percent, feel lucky to get your ten?" Nick slides a fourteen digit number to him without a word and doesn't see George to the door. George rubs his hand on his jumper and decided that he is going to need to take a long, hot shower in the apartment above the shop before he can go back to work.

Chapter 4: Chapter 4

A/N: I should have a new chapter by Tomorrow. I could use a Beta if anyone is volunteering. You know what, I'm not posting it unless someone asks, petty I know but I have not gotten one review.

"Stags Shack" and the fire flares green, pulling an envelope from his robe, sealed with the Longbottom Crest in wax. He flings it into the fire causing another burst of emerald. Moments later, the fire flares again and Harrys head floats in the flame. "What's up Nev?" Harry asks. Neville straightens his robe "I wanted to talk to you in person about something whenever in convenient for you." Harry gives him a gimlet eye "now is fine." With a pop, Neville appears next to the fire-place. "You do know that you don't need to call ahead, you can just stick your head through and call my name or hell, and you are keyed into the wards as you well know since you are standing here. You could even knock on my door if you wanted to be sure that you were not interrupting." Neville brushes at his robe and sniffs. "A gentleman does not call on a Lord unannounced" Neville replies solemnly. "Whatever, Lord Long-Trousers!" They both burst out laughing and Nev extends his hand which Harry takes.

Neville composes his features "I am hosting a dinner that I and some of our mutual friends are planning and I thought it polite to let the guest of honour know before the invitations go out" Harry rolls his eyes "when is it?" Neville smiles "July 24th." Harry puts on a disappointed face "that is like a week before my wedding, and there is a lot of planning that has to get done." Neville arches an eye-brow at his "when was the last time they asked your opinion about anything in that they actually took? All you need to do as the Groom is be sober, on time and in a tux of their choosing, you daft git! This is a men's only affair, no girl-friends, wives or children allowed. I'm talking about red meat, whiskey, good cigars and laughter! No seating charts, colour co-ordination, flowers and the rest of that fru-frau crap! Eat, Drink and Be Merry with your friends before it is too late, what do you say?"

Harry nods "I have to say, that does sound pretty good, you know what, sure, I'm in" he finishes with a smile. Neville claps him on the back "who do you want to be there?" Harry muses allowed "well Ron, you of course, the rest of the DA, Hagrid, Krum, if he could make it and oh, the rest of the Weasley men!" Neville marks down the names on a piece of fools-cap and says "some of them might want to leave at a certain point in the party since you might not want to see their future son-in-law indulge in bad behavior, I'll take care of it." Harry nods "I trust your good judgment on that. So, since this is for my wedding, how much is this going to run me?" Neville bursts out laughing "what part of guest of honour did you not get? Bring yourself and that will be more than enough." After saying his farewells to Harry, Neville returns home. After dinner, he contacts Luna. "Hey Luna, I just got back from Harry's and we are set for the original date, however, he wants to invite all of the Weasley men and I'm not sure if that's a good idea." Luna looks pensive for a moment "have a separate insert for those who are going to be at both parties. Put on the invitations that George is handling the after-party for advice and contributions, I doubt that they would be comfortable with talking to me." "Luna, you are brilliant as usual, how is your part coming along?" Luna smiles at him "I am almost ready to put my part in motion, is George doing well on what he is bringing to the party?" Neville looking a little taken aback, with a tone of concern he asks "what is he bringing to the party; it isn't going to explode is it?" Luna gives him a smile that she knows something he doesn't "I'll check up on his progress and make sure everything is going swimmingly, you take care of the invitations and the dinner, we'll take care of the rest."

Neville is working through his list adding names and removing a few when he knows that they can't make it. After he finishes his task and the right ones have the red insert that will self-destruct if touched by any-one with estrogen, another Weasley Innovation that seemed silly until the very moment when you need it. It came out as part of their "Adam West" line of products. Weird but in a few more years, they will be rich enough to be eccentric instead. He puts the thirty odd invitations in his box for the outbound post owl.

Luna sits cross legged on her bed with a lap desk approving the proof of the invitation that the Goblins of Gringott's sent over for any last minute changes or clarifications. All she needs to do is have them do a final "Spell Check"

She Floos to the "Leaky Cauldron" and heads to Diagon Alley. As she enters the imposing gates, she spots an information desk. She walks up to the desk and tells him that she has an appointment with the contracts division. The goblin checks a list "Name?" He finds her name "up those stairs, second door on the right." The goblin gives her a smile that is full of sharp teeth. Luna guesses that it was an attempt at better customer service by the bank but, all it did was remind her that she was edible.

She goes to the door indicated and is greeted by a goblin behind a desk. "How may Gringott's help you today?" Asks the goblin, thankfully with-out a smile. Luna replies while attempting to show as little teeth as possible "I received my proof for an invitation that Snap-jaw drafted last week and I wanted to send it out with no corrections." The goblin takes the sheet reading it over "what is the limit of invitations you want sent out, this looks like it could be lengthy." She promptly replies "let's say twenty-five." The goblin marks a corner of the proof "any blind carbon copies?" She looks to the corner "Neville Longbottom and George Weasley please." After a few more moments the creature nods, "it all seems to be in order all we need now is a hair from the subjects head for the quill and we can finish it." Luna reaches into her pocket, withdrawing a plastic bag with a raven coloured hair inside and hands it to the goblin. The goblin inspects the hair "the root is still intact, this should give us excellent results. I assume that you will want a spelled sample as you are the organizer?" "Please." "Then all that is required is payment" he replied while giving her a beady eye. Luna hands him a sack of Gallons that he weighs, bites and counts, twice.

"It will be ready in a moment. Please, wait here. Luna sits in a chair kicking her feet humming a little ditty of her own composition. Shortly afterwards, the goblin returns with a letter sealed with the Gringott's seal. Luna cracks open the seal, noting the slight spark that activates the charms and reads the invitation.


You have been selected by magic quill as one of Harry Potter's "might have been's"

So you are cordially invited to participate in his Stag Night located at the Longbottom Estate on the 24th of July of this year at 9 p.m.

If you are interested, please check accept on the parchment and this invitation will transfigure into a timed port key that will transport you to a private dressing room at 8 pm. Another charm will activate preventing you from letting others know in any way the existence and/or your role in the party. This also includes the groom to be until the night of the party. You are however able to discuss the preparations with those who have also been invited and Luna Lovegood who is setting this party up.

For your comfort and to protect your identity there will be the options of illusion charms, voice changing masks and poly-juice potions of attractive muggles with pictures and release forms. Further, there will be charms on the guests of the party so that neither you can recognize the guests nor they you. The groom to be is exempt from this charm. You could even go as yourself; your anonymity is guaranteed by Gringott's.

We encourage you to be creative with your outfits, dance for Harry if you wish. Whisper sweet words in his ear. This is your last chance to try to seduce the most eligible bachelor in England after the princes Will and Harry, There is a one thousand (1,000) Gallon prize if you can convince Harry to follow you to the bed room behind the green door, no sex is required.

However, if you either check decline or do not reply promptly, this invitation will disappear along with the knowledge that it was ever sent and the content of it as well.

Good Luck

P.S: Again, you can reach Luna at the Rookery with any questions, comments, concerns or request for money. Reference the number on your coin.

Luna looks it over and pulls her wand from behind her ear and marks "accept". With a pop the parchment changes into a coin about the size of a Gallon with the number one on it. "Thank you for writing these up for me" She looks surprised "how can I tell you about the party?" The looks amused "I had to be exempt to apply the charms, and your gold is thanks enough. I suggest that you try to tell someone else on your way out. Taking that as a very clear dismissal, she leaves the office, goes down the stairs and approaches a random stranger to tell him. She stands there for a moment and then smiles, "nice hat" and then she floats happily out the door.

She heads across the Alley to let George know what is going on and as an added bonus, maybe mess with him some more, life was good!

Chapter 5: RSVP

A/N: I figured that it wasn't enough of a story for a good start and I wanted to have more than 10k words, so I decided to post another chapter. This is going to be around 20 chapters and I hope to start comming out every few weeks. I also may get enough of my juices flowing that I also try to finish up "Winky Helps" as I have gotten a little ticked off of late of those who leave a story to die. And I want to more of my smut thing to boot. I am thinking of upping the rating but I will leave it to my readers to decide.


Two girls are sitting out sunning by one of their families beach house in the south of France. They are both top-less since they are well away from the disapproving eyes of one of their mothers. Two laden European Sparrows (land speed…unknown) swept down and dropped an envelope in each of their laps. They both opened their letters and read them then they wordlessly passed their letter to the other to see if they received the same letter.

"Well, what do you think?" asked the shorter one.

"Well, I know why you were sent one" glancing below her friend's face she continues.

"Speaking of do you want more sun-screen? There are great big… tracks of land to cover.

No, I don't think so and besides, I'm busy that day." The taller one checks decline.

The paper disappears with a pop and she is left with a bemused expression.

Her best friend accepts and she is left with a coin embossed the number two. Her friend notices, and looks at it "what is that?"

With a small smile she puts the coin in her sun bag while pulling out the sun-screen. "Oh, nothing important, put someone my back please?


On owl flies through a window of a castle dropping his delivery into the in-box of an auburn haired witch. She glances up from her paper work, noting that it was a Gringott's owl.

Breaking the seal, she peruses the invitation with a faint smile. "This looks like a Weasley product or I'm a kneazle."

She considers for a moment accepting out of her sheer sense of devilment.

The idea of a Poly-juice disguise appeals to her mischievous nature.

With a sigh, she marks the paper, rubs her hands down her robes and gets back to work


A girl is lying in her room of her parents' house reading the latest bodice ripper when she gets hers.

"Oh, this is my big chance! I always knew it would come!" She sqees after checking yes and pockets her coin.


Three girls are sitting around Florian Fortescue's Ice-cream parlour debating the finer points of a Qudditch game between the Puddlemere United and the Arrows they were just at.

"I'm telling you, if the flanker can learn to tighten up in the formation better, they could be a real contender of for the National Team."

"Are you daft? Their shot to goal ratio was .245 with only 5 assists for the season."

With a flutter, they get their individual shots at the goal.

After a short silence as they read it over they quickly mark of within moments of each other.

Two of the blink quickly and the third pockets her coin.


She is leaving blokes flat with her shoes in her hand before he wakes up although it is well past noon. She smiles to herself, there is more to magic than wand waving and although there was a certain wand waved, she made sure it flaged.

From the corner of her eye, she sees the flutter of an owl in the window at the far end of the wall.

Opening the window and retrieving the envelope with her name on it, her eyes are drawn to the one thousand Galleon prize.

Smiling to herself "I know just what to wear, that boy doesn't stand a chance!"

The sheet becomes a seven coin. Smiling at the coin "Oh, my lucky number.


An owl flies into a girl's apartment; she was getting in some down time since she didn't have any appointments until later that day.

She could be considered attractive even beautiful except the expression twists her features in to a look of bitterness.

She growls and throws it into the fire.

"Of all the sick and degenerate things! Now they tell me that I was a might have been. It all makes sick sense now."

The fire consumes the last of the parchment and any memory of it.


A girl is entertaining her friend when there is a discreet tap on her window from an unfamiliar owl.

She says "will you excuse me for a moment, I should probably take this."

Retrieving the letter from the owl, she glances over it noting the spells, time and wording.

Reading over it a second time she muses "who else is invited and who would reply?"

while she brushes the tines of her quill across her lips.

She marks yes and in a flash, she is holding an embossed coin.

When she returns to her friend, her friend asks "anything important?"

While sitting down she half smiles "just some unfinished business is all."


A girl is at the kitchen table of flat she shares with her sister going of some charts that she has to go through as a healer.

A tap at her window alerts her that she has mail and she accepts the interruption gratefully as she is getting cramps from sitting too long.

Hoping that it is some distraction from her dreary paper-work, she unseals the letter and reads it thoughtfully.

She walks into her sister's room and finds her on the bed with an identical parchment.

She asks from the door "so, what do you think?"

Her sister marks the parchment that disappears leaving her with a confused look on her face.

Noting her sister's expression she thinks "her loss, my gain" and marks yes.

Her invitation disappears as well and a coin drops in the middle of the room.

Both of them reach for it at the same time.

The sister by the door gets it first and sees a number 8 on it.

She looks at her sister, still on the bed and says "let me guess, you said yes too?"

With a disgruntled nod from her sister, they both sit on the bed thinking of the unfairness of it all.


A pretty dark haired girl is sitting out in the park casually reading one of her favorite book while enjoying her lunch when she gets her invitation.

After reading it through with a look of alarm, she places it in her book and hurries back to the shop where she works.

She heads straight in to the back room.

"Oh I have to tell Ginny, this could be really bad! Honestly, what is Luna thinking?"

She reach for the floo powder to let her friend know all about what is going on when she is distracted by a poofing sound from her bag.

She looks inside her bag and see that there is fine ash all inside her bag and where she left off reading her book.

Brushing her bag out, she wonders to herself what could of happened to make that happen


A woman is working away at a sink full of dishes when her owl comes to her.

Wiping her hands before breaking the seal to the envelope, she looks it over.

"I wonder of my husband was invited to this as well, that could be awkward."

She figures that she can trust the charms and it does sound like it would be fun.

She affirms her attendance and gets the number three medallion.

"I'm up early in the show; I better make a good impression. Who am I going to get to baby-sit?"


In a manor up on a hill, three girls are sitting down for after-noon tea when they are each presented with an envelope by a liveried house-elf.

They open them hoping that the missives might make for interesting conversation to go with their tea and biscuits.

The youngest of them starts off the discussion while taking a Jami dodger from plate with a pair of silver tongs.

"The invitation is interesting but, as you know, I am otherwise engaged and I cannot have even the barest hint of impropriety!"

The eldest of the three makes a polite sound of disagreement.

"Rather I suspect that it is a ploy to take advantage and compromise us.

Also as a lady of refinement I would never dream of doing something so base.

That it is being held at the Longbottom Estate is a further sign that the peerage is going to hell as late."

The last girl makes a little moue

"You assume that everything is a trap or a ploy. I am more curious about these charms though.

Let's all decline and then send Loony our letters of regret, proving that we got around them!"

The other two girls agree and then they sign the invitation, one of them slips a golden coin into her pocket.

"Now then what were we just talking about?"

Her two companions look at her oddly "Oh, did you hear the rumour going around about Mrs. Fudge and the pool-boy? Most scandalous!" chimes in the eldest.

The middle one tries to steer the conversation back to the invitation and finds that she can't.

"Yes I did, it will be the scandal of the summer I'm sure"

she wipes her mouth with a napkin to cover her smile. It wasn't what was supposed to happen, but she is a good dancer and it does sound like delicious naughtiness.


The next message finds a women playing with her child.

With a little smirk she thinks to herself that even with being a mother and a wife that she still has it. However, Harry is almost family and it would be more than a little odd it say the least.

A few years ago she would have been strongly tempted to say yes, but now, not enough.

She checks no and goes back to the little game that her child likes so much


A girl is in the parlour work on her school work when she receives hers.

She opens the letter, waves her wand and says an oft used incantation.

She RSVP's yes and cups her coin to her chest thinking about her hero and what she wouldn't do for him.


While reading in a hammock out in their yard the owl swoops down and drops the letter right on their chest. Scowling at the retreating avian they mutter "how rude".

They admit it themselves that they always had a secret little crush and that the time for lies is over.

Reading the number ten in the coin, they chuckle "I hope it refers to my looks."


A woman sits around bored out of her skull when the post comes around.

"They are off their tits!"

She wonders who would send her such a cruel joke.

She figures that the laundry will not do itself anymore with the loss of their house-elf.

She balls the paper up and bins it.

As she is separating her coloured from her whites she continues to fume "pull the other one, it has bells on it."

She looks up "did I leave the kettle on?"

She checks the kettle and finds it off. The rest of the day, she is left with then nagging feeling that she forgot something.
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