FicWad

1979

Sitting at a table in the campus cafeteria, picking at her food, not really hungry, Maria wondered whether or not to go to the next class. Professor Oliver wasn't one of her favourites. She didn't really have any favourite, but Professor Oliver was a rather pathetic figure and made her feel sorry for him while irritating her at the same time. He was a young man, one of those people who wanted to be liked by everyone at every cost, but whose only result achieved was losing the respect of practically everybody. Only a few students had the integrity not to take advantage and walk all over him.
Maria sighed and stopped tormenting the steak in her plate, reclining back in her chair. She had the feeling, growing stronger and stronger, that she was just wasting her time and money. It was late March and she was in her sophomore year, she still had no idea what major to pick and it had become quite clear months ago that she was falling behind in college. She wasn't cut for it, plain and simple.
She had the persistent, dreadful impression that she wasn't learning anything, that most of the things she studied just slipped from her mind, and that the few things that remained were nothing but chunks of disconnected informations left to rotten, notions crammed in her head but never really understood.
Maria had started skipping classes more and more often and spending most of her time smoking, reading and listening to music alone in her room; some days, she forced herself to leave the dormitory and do something, mainly when the feeling of alienation became overwhelming and she needed to stay among people, even if they all passed her by without a second glance. Apathy alternated with moments of internal turmoil and anxiety. Sometimes she would go to the library or the record store and, in her most active moment, she would attend concerts of bands she liked.
Maria hadn't made a single friend from the day she had arrived to campus; not one to attract other people's attention, not one to actively reach out to make friends, she led a solitary and tranquil life.
She had always been quite a loner and used to like solitude, even actively seeking it, but the more her life lacked direction, the more she realized she had no one to turn to and ask for help. She was used to do things by herself and solve her problems alone, but in this case, she felt like all her doubts and fears stayed trapped in her own mind, grinding her sanity.
Time had started to stretch into an undefined perpetual present; her pre-college life was long gone, but there was no prospect of a future. Maria had no idea what she could do if she eventually dropped out of college. Not a single clue.

A small group of girls approached her table; “Are these seats taken?” one of them asked. Maria shook her head, so they sat down.
They ate and chatted cheerfully, cracking jokes, complaining about some professors, exchanging notes. Maria tried to zone them out and concentrate on her food; like usual, she didn't have much appetite, but tried to eat something anyway, since she had already skipped breakfast and dinner the day before.

After they had their lunch, the girls left the table, and Maria saw that they had forgotten a thin binder; she picked it up and checked the cover, but there was no name on it.
I'll just leave it here, maybe they'll come back for it. Or not, whatever.
A sheet of paper slipped out of the folder and fell on the floor; she grabbed it and saw it was a concert flyer.
“Hey, you've found my binder. I was worried I had lost it.” Said a voice. Maria looked up and saw it was one of the girls from before.
“Yes, uh, you forgot it here on the table.” She said embarrassed. “I... this flyer slid out and...”
“Oh, you want to go the concert? I've tried to convince my friends, but they refused as usual; I don't know why I bother asking anymore.”
“Well, I was thinking that maybe... I'd like to go, I don't know.”
“You should, Theoretical Girls is a great band; too bad they haven't recorded anything yet.”
“They did. I mean, it was just a single. They were supposed to appear on the compilation 'No New York', but nothing happened.”
The girl sat down next to Maria. “You've heard that album? Man, that's great! What do you think about it?”
“Well, uh... I liked it. I like that kind of music.”
“Me too. Last year they made that five days concert in Tribeca, with all these new bands; where you there too?”
Maria nodded. “Yes, it was good. I like what these people are doing.”
“It's great, isn't it, the way they experiment with new sounds?” said the girl. “I've got to go to class now. Maybe we'll meet tonight at the concert, right?”
“Yes, maybe...uhm...” Maria stuttered.
“Oh right, I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Cathy.”
“Maria.”
“So, see ya tonight, ok? Bye!” Cathy said, skipping out of the cafeteria. Maria stared dumbfounded at the flyer.

Cathy was gesticulating and talking animatedly about the concert, while she and Maria were getting out of the venue; Maria's eyes were lower on the ground, as she was listening to Cathy.
“The whole point is doing something completely different from the traditional rock 'n' roll clichés. I hope it's not just temporary but really impacts on the world of rock music. But I don't know, it seems to be mainly a New York thing.”
“Well, this is not the first time someone tries to explore the boundaries of rock music.”
“I know, I know, but we're talking mainly about underground scenes; I want it to reach the mainstream and blow away everybody's mind. Most people find this music unpleasant.” Said Cathy, “But me, I've liked it from the very beginning. My father is a professional pianist; when I was a kid, I used to listen to a lot of music like free jazz and avant-garde with him. That's probably what shaped my tastes.”
Maria nodded. “I've always been drawn to dissonant sounds and contrasts, unusual structures. I didn't care about rock music, or music in general before I discovered its more experimental side. My music journey started when I was in high school; I discovered Captain Beefheart, Red Krayola, Nico and the Velvet Underground, and also German bands like Can, Neu! and Faust. ”
“Well, I better go back to campus now, I have class early this morning.” Cathy said, looking at her watch. “Did you park your car somewhere near?”
“No, I came her by subway.”
“And you want to take the subway at night?! No way, you're coming with me.”

The following week, the girls went together to see Pere Ubu, and quickly established the routine of going to concerts together, and meet in their rooms to listen to music and discuss about it. It was a strange sensation for Maria, having a friend after what it seemed to be forever, someone with whom she could talk about music; even in high school, no one of the people she hung out with shared her taste in music.

“Let's start a band.” Cathy said abruptly one day, as the two girls where in her room smoking and listening to Chrome.
“What?!”
“I'm graduating this year, and have no idea what to do after; you want to drop out and have no plan neither, but we have one big passion in common, which is music. Seriously, this is the most obvious thing to do.”
“I wouldn't say that. You know how to play piano, but I never learned any instrument, I wouldn't know where to start...”
“Come on, look at all these bands we like, most of those people just picked up an instrument for the first time and tried to create something new. Don't you want to be part of it? Don't you want to join the ranks and make something of your own?” Cathy insisted. “What do you love the most? What makes you feel really happy? For me, it's music.”
“I don't know, I don't think I have the talent to be a real artist.”
“You will never know until you try. Listen, I've been thinking about it, and there's nothing else I'd like to do more. I obviously won't force you to join me, if you don't want to, but think about it. What do you have to lose?”
Maria didn't answer.

After Cathy's graduation, the girls moved to small apartment in East Village, Manhattan, and started working; Cathy gave private lessons to kids and Maria found a job as waitress in a pub.
They talked a lot about their future band, the music they would play, the places they would go to, the people they would meet; Cathy wanted to play the keyboards and synthesizer and Maria decided to become the guitarist. They went to lots of concerts and hung around with people from other bands, asking them a variety of questions to learn how to book shows, deal with club owners, record albums and generally get things going; luckily, everybody from the scene was incredibly supporting with one another.

One day in November, the two girls attended a Laurie Anderson performance and waited to talk to the woman after her show. Laurie was a placid and friendly person, very nice and easy to talk to; Cathy especially doted on her.
Cathy was the one doing most of the talking as usual; she was the more extroverted one, who always made the first move, and Maria was perfectly fine with letting her friend go ahead.
“You girls seem to be very passionate and driven.” Laurie said. “That's good, you need to love what you do; you also need perseverance, because a musician's life is not easy, and it can be frustrating.”
“We realize that, but it's something we just feel we have to do, you know?”
Laurie nodded, “What's your band's name, anyway?”
“Hybris.” Cathy said, “We are called Hybris.”